I sob the entire way home, my tears blurring my vision so profusely that I can barely see the road in front of me.

How could I be so stupid?

The cab driver keeps sneaking glances at me in the rear view mirror, but he doesn’t say anything. I guess this probably isn’t the first time he’s driven home a crying girl, early in the morning, wearing a slinky dress that’s clearly from the night before.

But I’m willing to bet this is the first time he’s driven one who just lost five million dollars and not just one but two loves.

By the time we arrive at my house, the fare is astronomical. I swallow a wave of bile as a I hand over my credit card. Losing the money is the least of my worries right now, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a worry.

I slink into the house as quietly as possible, praying Dad will still be in bed, but of course he pokes his head out from the kitchen as soon as he hears the front door click softly closed.

His smile disappears when he sees me.

“Sweetie, what happened? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I say, wiping roughly at my eyes with the back of my hand.

“You don’t look fine,” he says. He’s holding a spatula, and I can smell the scent of bacon wafting through the house. “Do I have to kick someone’s ass?”

I know he’s trying to sound like the tough Dad, but his words touch me and make the tears come harder. Especially when he follows up his question with a round of hacking coughs. Guilt twists my gut as I watch him double over.

When he finally catches his breath, he’s still focused on me.

“I’ll take him down, honey, I swear it. Just say the word.” He grins but I can see the way his shoulders still shake.

“It’s okay, Daddy,” I assure him. At least his coughing fit has distracted me from my tears. “This one’s actually my fault. I deserve what I get.”

“Oh, don’t say that. I’m sure you didn’t do anything that bad.”

I snort. “I wouldn’t be so sure of that.”

“You?” Dad shakes his head incredulously. “You wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“I might surprise you,” I say. I can’t keep the note of bitterness out of my voice. I had done more than hurt Sam and Bennett — I had completely betrayed their trust. And for what? For my own selfish dream?

I wanted to be a journalist, yes. I’d wanted it since I was a little girl. But wanting something didn’t give you an excuse to steamroll the people in your life to get it.

I feel sick just thinking about what I was willing to lose, who I was willing to hurt, just to see my name on the byline of some stupid article.

I give Dad a weak smile.

“I’m going to have a shower. And then maybe a nap.”

His brow is still furrowed, but he smiles. “Sure, sweetie. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks Dad.” I don’t deserve your kindness, I want to add, even though I appreciate it anyway.

Once I’m in the shower I let the hot water wash away the tears. It also washes away the last traces of my doubt. I have to fix this … even if it costs me the seeds of my career and everything else.

My soul will be crushed if I lose Bennett and Sam. I need them in my life. Even after such a short time, I know it as instinctively as I know that I need to breathe, and being without them feels as painful and unnatural as holding my breath for too long.

As soon as I step out of the shower, I make up my mind. I have to get out of this article — I should have done it ages ago, but I can only pray it isn’t too late.

I pull on a pair of soft sweat pants and my baggiest t-shirt, and then I grab my phone to find Caroline’s contact info. I know I’ll have to call Brian myself to tell him, but I owe Caroline the courtesy of a call too.

It only rings a couple of times before she breathlessly picks up.

“Lila!” she practically screeches. “You’re a hard lady to get ahold of. I’ve been calling you for days.”

And I’ve been ignoring your calls. I force myself to smile, hoping my fake confidence will come through over the phone.

“Sorry, Caroline. I’ve just been so busy.”

“I bet you have,” she says with a knowing laugh. “Is your auction patron keeping you busy?”

“Yeah, you could say that,” I say. I take a deep breath. “Actually, that’s sort of why I’m calling.”

On the other end of the line, Caroline goes quiet. Fuck. I screw up my courage and just blurt it out.

“I’m not going to be able to finish the article.”

The words come out in a whoosh, and I’m surprised Caroline can even make sense of them. But she does.

She does and she’s pissed.

“We had a deal, Lila.”

“I know, but … circumstances have changed.”

“I took a chance on you.”

“I know. And I’m so sorry to let you down.”

“Do you need an extension? Because I could talk to Brian, he could probably give you more time …”

“It’s not a matter of time. It’s me, Caroline. I just can’t do it. I thought I was cut out for this, but I’m not.”

“No one gets a chance at Full Boom right out the gate, Lila. I went to bat for you. If you blow this story …”

“I know,” I whisper.

“I’m not sure you do,” she hisses. “Brian knows everyone in this industry. If you piss him off, well, good luck ever getting another assignment from anyone any time soon.”

Tears are pricking my eyes now. I know Caroline has every right to be mad at me. She trusted me and I blew it. But how do I explain to her that none of those consequences matter to me? Not anymore. Not with Sam and Bennett on the line.

“I get it, Caroline. I really do. But I have to do this. I’m going to call Brian and let him know.”

“Fine, Lila,” she finally sighs. “Just don’t come crying to me when it’s ten years from now and you’re still working at that shit box of a diner.”

Before I can say anything else, she disconnects the line.

I collapse backwards onto the bed and let the tears stream from my eyes for a minute. I feel like a complete and utter asshole for disappointing Caroline — but I know it’s nothing compared to what I’d feel if I went through with writing it.

When I finally feel ready, I go to the Full Boom website and find Brian’s contact info. I punch his number into my phone. I’ve never actually called him before, and I’m mostly expecting to get his voicemail, so I’m shocked when he actually picks up.

“Go for Brian Fuller,” he says brusquely.

I try to speak but my voice catches. I clear my throat.

“You’re going to have to speak up, darlin’,” he says. I can hear him pounding away on a keyboard on the other end of the line.

“Hi Brian, this is Lila? Lila Emery? I’m the one working on the Orchid Room story? Caroline Yoo’s friend?”

Oh God, why is everything coming out like a question? I sound like a total ditz.

“Lila, right. How’s it going? Everyone here is really excited about your piece. We’ve never had such a good in at Orchid before.”

“Yeah, that’s actually what I’m calling about.” I take a deep breath. This is even scarier than telling Caroline. “I’m not going to be able to complete the piece.”

There’s silence on the other phone, then Brian chuckles. Okay — not quite the reaction I was expecting.

“I’m sorry, Lila, for a second it sounded like you said you were going to violate our agreement and not complete the story.”

Fuck.

“Yes. That is what I said, actually. Something’s come up and I can’t complete the story as discussed.”

Brian’s chuckle turns into a full roar. Okay … this is getting weird.

“Oh, Lila,” he says. “You’re aware that you signed a contract, aren’t you? You’re obligated to turn in a story, and not only because otherwise you would be immediately responsible for the very hefty application cost we submitted on your behalf.”

Shit. I forgot all about that.

“I’ll pay it,” I assure him. “It’s fine.”

I have no idea how I’m going to pay it — especially now that I can kiss the auction money goodbye — but anything is better than this.

“Oh, Lila, Lila, Lila,” Brian is saying. “As I just said, the money is the least of our concerns. Of greater concern is the fact that you signed a binding agreement with us. We’ve already been teasing the article on our social media channels because Caroline assured us you were to going to come through with something amazing.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. I don’t know what else to say.

“Sorry isn’t quite good enough, darlin’,” he says. “I expect that article on my desk in a week, as discussed. Or you can try to defend yourself in court.”

Court? Jesus fucking Christ.

I clutch the phone to my ear but my hands are sweating so bad I nearly drop it. I can’t go to court. What if I lose? Would I owe them damages or something? I can’t put Dad through that stress, not after everything else he’s been through.

But then I think about Bennett and Sam. How angry they’d been when they found my notes. How hurt. I’d betrayed them, and I couldn’t live with myself.

I take a deep steadying breath. “I’m really sorry, Brian. I know I’ve fucked up utterly, but I still can’t do the article. You can threaten me all you want, but I won’t be writing a word about Orchid.”

I hang up the phone before Brian can say anything else, but my heart is thumping straight out of my chest. I don’t know what I was expecting from Brian, but it wasn’t that. Court? I can barely breathe at the thought. And I have no doubt that he’d drag my name through the mud in the process, just as Caroline promised me he would.

I scrub my hands over my face, letting the tears spill freely from my eyes. I can’t believe everything got so fucked up.

I toss my phone back and forth between my hands. I need to talk to someone, get some outside feedback, but the two people I really want to talk to are furious with me right now.

I scan the contacts in my phone, until the name catches my eye. Should I?

Before I can overthink it, I hit the button to dial.