It was a gamble.

I didn’t know what would happen when I finally saw Matthew. Hell, he could just throw me out the front door. But there was something in me that wouldn’t let this thing with Matthew rest. How we ended things wasn’t right. But our last phone call held the tiniest shred of hope.

“It’s not a bother.”

And thinking about everything that happened between Matthew and me, I realized I had never told Matthew how I felt. And maybe if Matthew heard those words, he wouldn’t shut the door in my face.

Riding to Boise in the airport shuttle took a good long hour, and I was glad I didn’t rent a car and drive to the town on my own. The ground lay flat here, except for the Rocky Mountains that rose as a blue-purple wall against the sky. But the exits weren’t well marked, and I could have easily gotten lost. The shuttle dropped me at the car rental place in town as I had asked, and I hauled my bag behind me into the office.

“How long will you need the car?”

Now that was a question that I hadn’t considered.

“What’s the best rate?” I asked.

“We have the weekend special.”

“And I can turn in early if I need to?”

“Sure.”

“Then let’s do that.” Three days was enough time to locate Matthew and drop in on him. No way would I give Matthew a chance to tell me to go back home. I handed the clerk my driver’s license at the man’s request.

“Arkansas, eh? Sea level?”

“No, I live in the mountains.”

The young man laughed. “Those aren’t mountains. They are bumps in the road. But here,” he said as he handed me a big bottle of water. “We give our customers a two-liter bottle. It’s dry here and important to keep hydrated, especially for people not used to the altitude.”

The car rental agent handed me a big bottle, and I mumbled my thanks. The people here were different, more direct, and I wasn’t used to it. While people in my home state acted outwardly friendly, they guarded their true emotions closely. I could see now where Matthew got part of his open personality.

“Thanks. That’s kind of you.”

“Nope. That’s our promotion. Here on business?”

“No. Visiting a friend.”

“Oh. Well, if you get a chance come to the brew pub downtown. Great food. Sports on big screens. And the beer. It’s a microbrewery and has great house lagers. I hang out there most nights.”

“Thanks, but I don’t think I’ll be here long.”

“Well, that’s a shame. Keep it in mind though.”

“Sure, I will.”

“Let’s get your car.”

I drove the car to a nearby hotel and checked in. As I sat in my room, I became anxious. Now I have to find Matthew, and the only lead I had was the trainer’s name, Max. But, I reasoned on the four-hour plane ride, that a dog trainer that specialized in service dogs couldn’t be hard to find.

I was right. It didn’t take long digging around on the hotel’s business traveler computer to locate Max’s kennel. I wrote the phone number on a piece of notepaper and ran the address through an internet map app and printed the directions.

At least I could find a country western station on the rental car radio easily enough. And once I got out of the small city, it was comforting to see the large stretches of farms even if they barely had a thin strand of scraggly trees bordering their property. Farms and farmland were something I understood.

I found Helping Paws Service Dog Center, and my heart stuttered. What if Matthew didn’t want to see me? I had wanted this for so long, but I wasn’t sure if Matthew would reject me once more. Oh well, I’m here, might as well give it a shot.

Grimly, I pulled into the driveway and pulled into a parking lot. There was a house set off to the right, and the kennel on the left. I sat in the car, gathering my courage and deciding which building to try first. I reasoned the kennel was the first place to try because most likely Matthew would be working.

“Hello?” I called out when I walked in the door. There was an office to the right, but when I peeked in, Matthew wasn’t there. The kennel was large, larger than mine, with a central hall that stretched into shadows. Lined up on each side were dog runs side by side behind chain link fencing. It was a less sophisticated setup than what I had, but very serviceable.

And I noticed it was Matthew-tidy and Matthew-clean. There was no mistaking the faint whiff of disinfectant through the kennel or the Marine thoroughness that showed in nearly gleaming concrete.

A friendly yap accompanying a familiar figure came bounding toward me. Parker jumped on me and gave me a host of excited doggie kisses, his tail wagging excitedly.

“Good to see you too, boy,” I said with a big smile.

“Parker, what the hell are you doing?”

Matthew shuffled from deep inside the kennel and stopped short when he spotted me.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Unable to process the unhappy tone of his voice, I just stared at Matthew standing before me. Matthew looked like hell. His face was tired and lined and his arm bandaged from his wrist to his elbow. But what was worse was that he moved with a shuffling gait as if he was in pain.

“What’s wrong with you?” I demanded.

“You should leave,” Matthew said.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Suit yourself. But I have work to do. Parker, come.” He gestured to Parker to follow him, but the German Shepherd flopped to the cement looking from one to the other.

“Traitor,” Matthew grumbled. He turned away from both of us and shambled back to into the kennel area.

I watched Matthew walk away, getting angrier as he walked further away. I had come all this way to talk to the man, and this is what I got? And what was up with those injuries? When I spoke to him on the phone, he’d said he was fine. But clearly, he had lied. He wasn’t fine at all.

I chased after him, and Parker followed. I saw then that Matthew pulled a cart filled with food and water bowls.

Matthew looked over his shoulder and glared at Parker.

“You follow her, and not me,” he said bitterly.

“Matthew, stop this,” I demanded. “I didn’t come all this way to get treated like this.”

“You shouldn’t have come at all, and you should turn right around and go home,” Matthew said. But his shoulders hunched as he said this.

“What happened to you?”

Matthew didn’t answer. He hobbled to the first run and opened the gate to give the dog her food and water. He fumbled though and spilled most the water on the floor.

“Damn you,” I said, as I picked up the water bowl and refilled it from a spigot in the wall. “What the hell is your problem? Why the fuck did you lie? You’re in terrible shape, can barely walk, and you told me you’re fine? You’re obviously not fine.”

Ignoring me, Matthew limped to the next door and opened it. I handed him first the water than the food bowl.

“Why the hell don’t you answer me? Are you a coward? Big bad Marine can’t face the woman he fucked, so he runs away scared.”

Matthew’s jaw clenched, but he kept his eyes on the next dog run.

“That’s it, isn’t it? You’re afraid. Scared you could care about someone. Afraid to make a life with someone who loves you.”

Matthew's eyes narrowed as he moved to the next run.

“You’re a shit too. That was a shitty thing to leave Arkansas without saying goodbye.”

Matthew closed his eyes then and stood stock still.

I let out a huff. The man was impossible. “Well,” I said, “what do you have to say?”

“You should go home.”

“To what home? Grandma fell again.” I waited for the emotionally charged words to hit Matthew. The ex-Marine jerked his head up, and finally, he looked at me.

“Is she—”

“All right? She fell because she was trying to do too much. Got tired and fell in the bathroom. It’s a damn good thing I got to her in time. But, yeah, she’s okay. She lives in an extended care facility now. She’s very happy, but she’s closing the kennel. Sold most of her land too. So where does that leave me, eh? Rattling around an old house alone while the man I love is over a thousand miles away and won’t talk to me.”

“You love me?”

“Hell, yeah. You don’t think I’d climb on a plane and travel across country to grovel to just any man, do you?”

“Meleyna,” Matthew said in appeal, “you can’t want a broken man like me. I’m impossible to live with, cranky as hell, and ready to fly off the handle at the first provocation. Only Parker keeps me sane.”

“I don’t care. No one has touched me the way you have. I can’t stop thinking about you, can’t stop wanting to be with you. At night when I’m alone, I dream about you. It’s hell, Matthew, especially since you shut me out.”

“It’s for your own good.”

“Stop trying to protect me, you stubborn ass!” I yelled. “I’m a grown woman who can make my own decisions.”

“Parker, take Meleyna to the door.” The command was stern, and Parker regarded Matthew solemnly.

“Parker, sit right there,” I ordered.

Parker yawned and settled his head on his paws as though he was watching both of us as a form of entertainment.

“Traitor,” Matthew growled.

“Fuck that. The dog is just smarter than you. He knows what’s good for you, and won’t help you screw it up.”