Chapter 12
I did a lot of thinking that night.
It was all I did.
And for once, I didn’t spend the night thinking about what had happened or what could’ve happened while the Prince held me captive. I wasn’t even thinking about getting stabbed. Instead, I lay there, my thoughts consumed by what Ren had said as I stared at the bland white ceiling.
Ren had left and hadn’t come back to our room, and I didn’t sleep, nor did I put all my clothes back in the dresser. Instead, I’d created myself a little bug-out bag, stashing about two days’ worth of clothing in the bag and placing it back in the closet just in case we ran out of time.
Then I’d waited.
Part of me had expected Ren to return, but the other half knew that what I had planned cut him deep and a few hours wasn’t going to stitch the hole I dug open in him back together. I hadn’t meant for everything to turn out the way it did. I just wasn’t . . .
God, I just wasn’t thinking straight.
Now that I was here, all alone, with nothing but my own stupid head to keep myself company, I realized that the whole take off running with no idea where to go was incredibly stupid and cruel. So damn cruel, not just to Ren but also to Tink.
Ren had been right about what my leaving would’ve done to them. It would’ve been terrible, and even though I’d had the best of intentions, in all honestly, they were panicked intentions.
I gave way to panic, and the idea of running was at least doing something other than sitting around and twiddling my thumbs.
Or getting stabbed.
You’ve been running without me this entire time.
It took several hours for me to work through the denial of that statement. Had I been running from him this entire time? I didn’t want to believe it, because it was so terrible.
God, it sucked ass to admit it to myself, but it was true. Even from the beginning I’d made everything exceptionally difficult for Ren. It wasn’t because I wanted to be a challenge. When I met Ren, he was the first guy I was interested in after the death of Shaun. I’d been so closed off, so awkward at being interested in a guy. Things had been easier between us when I finally opened up to him—when I finally allowed myself to fall in love with Ren.
But then I found out I was the Halfling.
That was when I started lying to him—when I started running. Maybe not physically but definitely mentally. I hadn’t told him about seeing the Prince outside Cafe Du Monde. I’d hid the truth of what I was until I virtually blurted it out to him on the damn street. Ren had been trained since birth and he was a member of the Elite. He knew how to take care of himself, but I’d blindsided him, bringing his biggest fear to life. Not only that, but I’d constantly cut him out of decisions. It wasn’t like I had to include him in everything. Lord knows Ren never expected that from me or anyone, but when you are with someone, when you love them, you include them.
You’re a team.
You don’t hide things from them. You sure as hell don’t lie, and you don’t compare them to a monster.
I’d screwed up, more than once, and long before the Prince had dug his claws in me.
Now the gulf between us truly seemed unsurpassable.
No wonder Ren felt the way he did. We never really got the chance to have normalcy in our relationship. To go out on dates and spend lazy weekends at home, exploring each other and inevitably getting on each other’s nerves. We hadn’t gotten the chance to have normal fights, about what to eat or if we wanted more in the future. We didn’t get the chance to build any amount of trust, which was why I was amazed by how accepting and patient he’d been up until a few hours ago. We were still . . . new at us, and we never got a chance to fully take off and become anything.
Everything had been rocky in the beginning, ragged in the middle, and now . . . at possibly the end . . . it was a catastrophe waiting to happen.
We were broken.
It wasn’t all on me. Ren taking part in that compulsion and allowing me to feed on him wasn’t a small misdeed. I got why he did it. I even understood it, but it still happened and it was still between us. But other than that? I was woman enough to know it was on me.
And I had no idea if it was fixable or if Ren wanted to repair the damage, but I did know that it wouldn’t matter if Ren ended up killed or if the Prince was somehow successful when it came to getting himself a bouncing baby. Our relationship was the least of our worries. Not that it didn’t feel like my chest was being cracked open and my heart spooned out of me. It did. It hurt just as bad as getting stabbed in the back.
I needed to focus, though. I needed to get my shit straight before I could even think about getting my house in order.
The Prince was going to find me. Eventually. Because at the moment, I was an easier target for him than to find another halfling somewhere in the world, especially since the Elite made it their duty to straight-up murder any they came across.
For the whole baby Armageddon to work, the baby-making between the Prince and I had to be consensual. He had to know that was never, ever going to happen, so what could the Prince hope to accomplish? The only reason he’d gotten me to agree to stay with him, to be with him, was to free Ren.
He had collateral.
And Drake still did.
It was in the wee hours of the morning when it struck me that I’d been wrong about the Prince killing Ren on sight, and that realization was what had me pacing the room until the sun began to rise.
The Prince wouldn’t kill Ren. Oh no, he would use him against me, just like he’d done before. The Prince would do the same with Tink if he discovered his presence. He still had the means to control me. All he needed was to get his hands on one of them.
Stopping at the window, I lifted my gaze to the fading stars.
I was back to square one.
Even if I left here, the Prince would still go after Ren, because he knew it would draw me back from the ends of the Earth. He’d do what he did before, use Ren, and even though I knew what was at stake, I loved Ren. I couldn’t be the reason he was hurt. Not again. Never again after Shaun. That was my weakness.
Not Ren, but my past.
Shivering, I saw that there were only three options before me, and as the last of the stars twinkled out, I knew running wasn’t one of them.
Find the Crystal and complete the ritual.
Figure out how to weaken the Prince and kill him.
Or go down the path that had stopped Tink from telling me from day one that I was the Halfling. The same path Ren and Tink had yanked me from a few days ago, which was to permanently remove myself from the equation.
I looked like crap as I stared in the mirror, having had only a few hours of sleep and still no sign of Ren. The healthy glow from sucking the essence out of him was lost in the dark shadows under my eyes and the, well, slightly shimmery skin that wasn’t actually a shimmer. Tink had been wrong about that. So had I.
It was a very faint silvery sheen that only looked shimmery. I knew this because I was standing in front of the long mirror attached to the back of the bathroom door, buck ass naked for a while now.
Before my skin started to look like I had covered myself in Urban Decay eye shadow, staring at myself completely naked wasn’t something I did often. I mean, I really didn’t need to check out the many different scars and stretch marks, but here I was.
Why? Because I had a new life motto. It was simple.
Get my shit together.
Since offing myself wasn’t exactly my top choice of options and I couldn’t help find the Crystal, the only next thing for me to do was find a way to weaken the Prince.
I was forcing myself to come to the realization that my body had changed. It was definitely a new skin tone, my features were sharper, more defined, and my ears were pointy, and yeah, my eyes were . . . well, they were kind of cool. I mean, the contrast between the irises and pupils was kind of striking. People would probably think they were fake. I could deal with this. My body had changed but it was still mine.
My gaze dropped below my navel.
I really needed to find a razor. Or a waxer.
But I could deal with this, because I had to deal with this. My appearance may have changed a little. I may have gotten my ass handed to me a few days ago. I may have lost a little of myself when Drake was holding me captive. I may have lost myself along the way, but I was still Ivy.
I twisted to the side and sighed.
And my ass was still not the most attractive thing in the world naked. You’d think the extra fae-ness would’ve given me a nice heart-shaped bottom or something. That I wouldn’t have complained about.
Whatever.
Turning to the other side, I ran my hands over my sides and back, my fingers skating over the rough ridge of a new scar.
I swallowed hard, facing the mirror once more. I kept my eyes open as I smoothed my hands over my waist and then up, over my breasts. My hands stayed there, cupping them.
All of this was . . . it was mine.
My body didn’t belong to the Prince. Or Ren. My body sure as hell didn’t belong to some whacked out prophecy. It was mine—silvery skin, pointy ears, and all the scars were mine.
Realizing that I was basically fondling my own breasts, I rolled my eyes and dropped my hands. I quickly changed, leaving my hair pulled up because I didn’t care about my ears. Nope. Not at all.
Now I was off to find Tink, which wasn’t hard. I just had to look for the largest and loudest table in the cafeteria.
He was practically holding court. All I could see was his shockingly white hair in the center of a dozen or so fairer heads.
Ignoring the way my stomach acids decided to get all bubbly at the scent of cooked meat, I strode into the cafeteria. I was also going to need to invest in some Tums because the not being able to eat thing was stupid. It was one of the reasons I’d gotten my ass kicked.
Heads looked up and followed my progress. Conversations stopped. Whispers started.
My shoulders started to curve inward under the weight of their stares, but I caught myself. Old Ivy would not bow her chin. She would not care.
So new Ivy didn’t care.
Fixing the kind of smirk on my face that always annoyed the piss out of Daniel, I lifted my chin and approached Tink’s table. It wasn’t until I was right there that I realized two things.
Tink was Dixon-less.
Aaand Ren was at the table.
How in the world I hadn’t seen him until then showed that I also really needed to work on my observation skills, but there he was, his russet head bent over a plate of egg whites and what was probably turkey bacon and whole wheat toast.
Because Ren was healthy like that.
Seeing him threw me completely for a loop. He hadn’t gone back to the room when I’d been there, but he was freshly showered. His hair was still damp and he’d changed. He was wearing a black thermal, pushed up to his elbows. I had no idea where he’d showered since he hadn’t returned to the room.
A thousand words rose to the tip of my tongue. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to tell him that he’d been right. I wanted to ask him to help me fix things.
But I said none of those things, because those were things neither of us needed an audience for. Certainly not me, because I would probably break down in ugly, horrible tears.
I had a feeling he knew I was there without looking up. Maybe it was the way the chatter at the table eased off, or it was his weird sixth sense kicking in, but his shoulders tensed and he stopped chewing.
Tink, on the other hand, had no idea I was there . . . or alive, because it looked like he was eye-screwing the male fae across from him. An impressive level of eyeball fuckery that I could’ve taken lessons from. But when I saw Tink’s lips part and he looked like he was a second away from licking his bottom lip, I intervened.
I cleared my throat. “Tink.”
“Ivy!” Tink beamed up at me. Three empty plates were in front of him, the fae across from him forgotten. “You here to eat with us?”
“Uh, no. I already ate.” I managed to scarf down a banana on my way downstairs, so that wasn’t a lie. Turning over a new leaf and all. “I need to talk to you.”
He sighed heavily. “Look, the fire last night was small. I put it out before it spread, and I already apologized for it. The room needs remodeling anyway.”
I forced my gaze from Ren. He still hadn’t acknowledged I was here. “No, it’s not—wait, there was a fire last night?”
“Oh.” Tink sat back, crossing his arms. “Forget about that. What do you want to talk about?”
I opened my mouth and then decided not to question the whole fire thing, because I probably didn’t want to know. “I want to talk to you.” I peeked at Ren. He’d stopped eating, fork down, hands flat on the table. “In private, Tink.”
“Oh, secret squirrel stuff.” Tink started to rise. “I’m here for this.”
Ren looked up just then, his gaze snagging mine. “Hey.”
That one word was flat, emotionless. Empty. “Hi,” I managed to croak out.
He stared at me for a moment, and I worked up the courage to ask him to join us. But then his jaw tightened. Picking up his plate, he rose and stepped away from the table. “See you guys later.”
“Wait . . .” I trailed off, because it was no use. Ren was already halfway across the cafeteria. Watching him leave made it feel like my chest split right open.
“What the hell?” Tink asked.
I turned to him, blinking back the sudden rush of hot, stupid tears. I cursed myself. I hadn’t planned to exclude Ren from this conversation. I just hadn’t expected to see him so I’d wasted precious moments standing there like an idiot.
Operation Get Your Shit Together was off to a wonderful start.
I took a deep breath. “Can we step out into the hall?”
“Yeah.” A frown marred Tink’s features. “Sure.”
I took the few seconds to put myself back together. I needed to focus and not be on the verge of crying.
“What’s up with you and Ren?” he asked the moment we were out in the hallway. “Are you the reason he nearly knocked my head off this morning when I told him he looked like shit? Because the boy did look like he was rode hard and put away wet.”
I stopped, crossing my arms. “I don’t even want to know what that means.”
“Well, it means getting fu—”
“Tink,” I snapped. “I didn’t ask you to come out here to talk about Ren.”
“But I want to talk about him. You guys barely spoke to each other in there. That’s weird.”
I took a deep breath. “I know. We had a fight last night, but it’ll be okay. It’ll be fine.”
“What?” Concern flashed across his face. “Like a big fight? Or a small one? Oh my God, are you two breaking up? Who will I live with?”
“Who will you live with?” I gaped up at him. “You’re not twelve and you’re not our kid.”
“But I need to be taken care of. Loved. I need access to Amazon Prime.”
“Then get a job, Tink. You look human enough to do it.”
“A job?” Absolute horror filled his face. “The loss of blood must’ve done something to your brain because you’re out of your mind.”
“Okay. This conversation has veered off into very pointless territory. Everything is fine. Moving on.” I struggled to remain patient. “Look, I have a couple of questions I want to ask you about the Prince.”
A fae walking near us stopped and gasped. Her silvery skin turned a paler shade of gray.
Grabbing Tink’s arm, I pulled him into a nearby room. It was small, with just a round table and two chairs. “Take a seat.”
Tink sauntered over to the one furthest from the door and dropped down, stretching out his long legs. “Being in here with you feels naughty.”
I shook my head as I closed the door behind me. “There’s something wrong with you.”
He grinned. “I could say the same thing about you.”
“Touche,” I muttered, sitting down across from him. “But let’s analyze each other later. You once told me that killing the Prince was impossible, but nothing is impossible.”
Tink tossed an arm over the back of his chair. “Well, yeah technically it’s not impossible.”
“Right.” I rested my arms on the table. “We know a thorn stake will weaken an Ancient—”
“So you can chop their head off,” he finished for me. “You can do the same with the Prince, but as you know firsthand, even cutting him with a stake isn’t easy.”
“No, it’s not.” The Prince had whipped my ass each time we’d fought, and the last time I’d had a thorn stake. “So the only way to kill the Prince is to weaken him enough to fight him.”
Tink nodded slowly.
“Okay, so there has to be something out there that weakens him, right? That will make it easier to kill him.”
“Yeah. A thorn stake.” He squinted. “But you already know that.”
I tapped my fingers on the table. “There has to be something else that doesn’t require going toe to toe with him. I need you to think about this, Tink.”
His head tilted. “I have thought about this.”
“Think hard,” I insisted. “I need you to really think about it. Maybe it’s something small. Maybe not. You were in the Otherworld while the Prince was there. Maybe you saw something—heard something.”
His nose wrinkled. “The only thing I saw was him feeding and screwing. A lot. I heard a lot of moans and screams. Not pain-filled screams. You know, the Prince was always a dick, but not as big of a dick as he is now. Oh! Maybe sex is a weakness for him.”
My brows lifted.
He raised a shoulder. “Probably not. I mean, as much as he was doing it, I doubted it weakened him. Probably gave him strength. Like every time he came, he powered up like Mario—”
“All right, let’s move on from the whole sex thing.” I was going to need a Brillo Pad for my brain later.
He kicked a huge foot up on the table. “Why are you even asking about this? I thought some fae were coming that could help locate the Crystal?”
“They are, but I’m trying to plan ahead in case they don’t find the Crystal,” I explained. “Plus, we’re going to have to get his blood. None of that is going to be easy when fighting him in combat is nearly impossible.”
Before Tink could respond, the door swung open without warning, revealing Faye. “Our visitors are here.”