Chapter 7
My lashes fluttered and soft light crept through the darkness. I was still in the room Ren had carried me into, but the overhead lights had been turned down. Everything was softer.
“Hey there, you’re back.” Ren touched my chin, tilting my head just the slightest to the left. I saw him then and my chest split wide open. His eyes were damp, thick lashes wet as he smoothed his thumb under my lip. Was he crying? I don’t think I’d ever seen him cry.
His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I was getting a little worried. I thought—” His voice cracked. “I thought I’d lost you.”
I thought he had, too. I didn’t remember fading out again. The last thing I recalled was Tink saying something about there being another way and then there was just nothing but inky, consuming darkness. No dreams. No thoughts. But I had the feeling only minutes had passed.
In that short time, the room had all but emptied out. Only Tink and Faye remained with Ren. The two stood at the foot of the bed, and Tink was gripping Faye’s shoulder. She looked like she was seconds from bolting from the room.
My gaze slowly moved back to Ren.
Ren’s faint smile weakened as his thumb trembled against my lip. “I need you to hang in there just a little longer, okay? I need you to do that for me. Can you?”
My mouth moved around the word yes, but I wasn’t sure if the word took flight or not.
He shifted in closer, his bright green gaze capturing mine. “I love you, Ivy. You know that? There’s only been you. There will only be you. I love you so fucking much and that’s why I have to do this.” His voice broke again, thick and hoarse. “I’m sorry, Sweetness. Forgive me.”
What was he sorry for? Confusion swept through my foggy thoughts. Forgive him?
Tink all but shoved Faye forward. The fae, normally graceful and nimble, stumbled. Stopping by my head, she shot a glare over her shoulder. “I don’t agree with this. If you knew what he’d done to her and how it—”
“I know,” barked Ren, lifting his gaze from mine. “I know, but I’d rather her pissed off and hating me than dead. Do it now.”
Confusion gave way to unease. What was happening? I tried to get my tongue to work. I wanted to know what was happening, but then Ren shifted down, kissing my forehead. He lingered, his lips hovering just above mine.
Something . . . something dark and silky stirred in the pit of my stomach.
“Tink,” Faye began. “You don’t want to do this. We don’t know what it will do to—”
“If you don’t do this, I can promise you it will be a very unwise life choice.” Tink had moved closer, speaking in a hard voice I’d never heard him use before. “I mean it, Faye. I like you, but I like Ivy more. You let her die, you’re doing so with the last moments of your life. So, don’t get it twisted.”
“You two may regret this.” Faye then placed a hand on my head. “You’re going to need to restrain her when she’s done,” she said to Tink, and when she spoke again, there was something thick and seductive about her tone. “Look at me, Ivy.”
I couldn’t help but obey.
My head shifted and my nose brushed against Ren’s. Faye’s stare snagged mine. Her lips moved and then I was falling, slipping, and I wasn’t resurfacing. The one word she spoke echoed over and over.
Feed.
In the small part of my brain that was still functioning normally, I knew what had happened. Faye had used a compulsion. It didn’t matter that I knew this. It was like resisting the lure of a shot of morphine. No chance to fight it. There was a burst of panic that came from the fear of losing control but it fizzled out before it fully formed.
“Ivy,” Ren whispered in the space between our mouths, and then he lightly kissed my torn, bleeding lip, and I . . . I didn’t kiss him back even though my lips touched his.
No, I didn’t kiss Ren at all.
A brutal hunger erupted from deep inside me, a gnawing atrocity that blazed a fire through my blood.
I inhaled.
The first taste of his essence was like stepping out into the winter wind after a long, endless summer. A refreshing coolness slipped over my tongue and splashed down my throat.
Yes.
I inhaled again. Deeply. Relentlessly.
Ren jerked and a hand punched down into the thin mattress beside my head. The fingers around my jaw spasmed, but I was latched on and he wasn’t pulling away. Ren tasted . . .
He was like a jolt of caffeine that woke up every part of my being. He was like diving head first into an icy lake. He tasted of life.
There was a flash of pain and then wonderful, languid coolness waking up my senses. I lifted my ruined hand from the table, gripping the back of Ren’s neck, holding him to me.
He groaned into my mouth, the sound a mixture of pain and something warmer, hotter. Something that tasted like summer and sun. Pleasure.
I kept taking from him, pulling his essence into me until I had no idea where I ended and he began. I was surrounded by his fresh scent that always reminded me of the outdoors. I was surrounded by him. Electricity poured into my veins. The air crackled . . . or maybe it was my skin. Yes, it was my skin sparking to life. Strength filled my weak muscles. Tissues knitted back together. My once stuttering heart now beat strongly in my chest.
Ren’s hand dropped to my shoulder. His fingers dug in, tearing at my shirt and pressing into my skin. It didn’t hurt. Oh God no, it felt wonderful. Everything did. The ever-present thirst was slaked, but I . . .
I wanted more.
Power flowed through me, the purest kind. My body was in full control. I was in control and nothing and no one could change that. Like a cobra striking, I flip Ren under me. His hand still clenched my shoulder as I straddled his hips. The sweetest fire consumed my body. My mouth was fused to his, as were our hips. A moan rumbled through Ren, shaking me, and I answered it with my own. A different kind of need roared to life. At once, my entire body felt tight and swollen.
I wanted all of him in me.
Reaching between us, I found the button on his jeans. It took nothing to open them. My hand flew to my own.
Ren’s entire body jerked under me, but he held on, his fingers clenching and unclenching on my shoulder.
“Get her,” someone ordered harshly. “Get her before she kills him.”
Kill him? I didn’t want to kill him. I just wanted him, all of him, in every way, because he was mine. I wanted to fuck and to feed, and I wanted nothing between us—
Ren’s hand lifted from my shoulder and curled around the back of my neck. I could feel his arm trembling as his mouth moved against mine, weak at first but still distracting me. Ren kissed me—kissed me as I inhaled. His hand tightened, tugging at my hair. The tip of his tongue against mine changed everything.
I stopped inhaling as a blast of desire scorched my skin. Kissing. Kissing was just as good as feeding, so I touched my tongue to his as his chest swelled. Sharp desire pounded through me. I ached for him. Throbbed. My skin tingled with lust as my hips rolled against him, trembling when I felt him, hard and thick—
“Ren.”
An animalistic sound erupted from deep within me, reverberating throughout the room. Someone was close, too close to us. I broke contact, lifting my head.
“Leave,” Ren gasped out, holding my head to his with flagging strength. “She won’t kill me.”
“Are you out of your mind?”
I growled a low purr of warning as I turned my head to the side. I didn’t care who was getting close, but I would rip them to shreds if they tried to get between us.
“I got her.” Ren’s lips dragged across mine, snagging my attention. I gripped the front of his pants, tearing the zipper. “Goddammit, leave now.”
There was a curse and then a voice I vaguely recognized. “It’s your death wish.”
“Go,” Ren groaned as I found what I was searching for, wrapping my hands around the heated length.
Someone responded, but it was lost in the need pounding through my veins. I heard a door slam shut and then Ren was pulling at my bottoms with shaking hands.
“Take from me.” His voice was hoarse and rough, a whip against my sensitive skin. “Take whatever you need from me.”
Things became a blur of trembling hands and slippery skin. Ren wasn’t holding me as tight. His hand had fallen to the bare skin of my hip but he was burning through me, his hips rising as I ground down to meet him. The air smelled of blood and sex. A great and terrible tension was building inside of me as I devoured Ren, nipping at his lips, sucking and licking. Bursts of energy entered me as I lifted myself up and slammed myself down on him.
“Kiss me, Sweetness,” Ren groaned, sounding ragged. “Kiss me, Ivy.”
I wasn’t kissing him? No. I’d been feeding again, lost in the dueling sensations as I chased after another high, another release.
Ren’s hand spasmed on my hip. “Ivy. Please.” He shuddered under me. “I love you.”
I love you.
Those three words cycled over and over, poking holes in the red haze clouding my thoughts. I love you. My heart squeezed. I love you. Wrenching my mouth from his, I sat up and kicked my head back. The tension in me became unbearable. I cried out as a wildness took over. Under me, Ren shook and groaned as he punched his hips up one last time, wringing a gasp out of me. His release sent me careening over the edge. The most intense sensation washed over me, like every nerve was firing at once all along every part of my body. Nothing had ever felt like that. I collapsed against Ren’s chest, my body trembling.
The last thing I remember before slipping into the waiting nothingness was Ren’s hand running up the center of my back and him whispering those three words over and over.
“I love you.”
When I opened my eyes again, I was quick to realize I was in that room and I was lying on top of a warm, hard body.
Shifting slightly, I lifted my head and looked down. Ren’s face was turned toward mine. His eyes were closed and there were dark shadows under them. They looked like bruises, and there was a gauntness to his cheekbones that had never been there before.
Mouth dry, I lifted my hand and touched his cheek. Dry blood caked my fingers. “Ren.”
There was movement behind his eyelids, but those lashes didn’t lift. My gaze dropped to his chest. It rose with shallow, uneven breaths. I rolled onto the little space on the table.
I . . . I didn’t feel right.
Swinging my legs off the table, I stood on weak legs. My hands were clammy as I reached down and pulled my pants up. The band was torn, but they stayed up. Ren still hadn’t moved.
What had I done?
In the back of my mind, I knew, but my head felt like it was full of smoke, my muscles made out of something weaker, and my bones felt brittle.
And my skin . . . my skin felt numb.
“I don’t feel right,” I whispered to the quiet room.
My gaze darted around and my breath got stuck in my throat when the windowless walls seemed to shrink in, constricting. Pressure clamped down on my lungs. I stumbled toward the door.
It swung open before I reached it. Tink stood in the doorway, his white-blond hair looking like he’d spent hours running his hands through it.
“Ivy.” He looked at Ren. “He’s still alive.”
A tremor started at the base of my spine. Of course, Ren was still alive. I didn’t want to kill him. I wanted—
“And I’m still traumatized by the fact you were about to become a live-action porno right in front of me.” Tink stepped into the room. “I forgot how that happens after—”
“I don’t feel good,” I whispered as my stomach cramped. I placed my hand against it, drawing in a shallow breath.
“To be honest, you don’t look good.”
I tried to step to the side, but my legs gave out. Tink moved quick as lightning, catching me. Somehow we ended up on the floor, Tink holding on to my chin. His eyes were wide with worry.
“Ivy, what’s wrong?” he asked.
Everything was wrong.
The numbness in my skin spread, seeping into my bones and organs. “I can’t . . . I can’t feel myself.”
His brows knitted. “That doesn’t make sense.”
“I can’t—” The numbness suddenly turned on me. It started as a humming feeling, but then it began to burn. “My skin—it hurts.”
Tink stared, and I thought I saw understanding creeping into his face, but the burn intensified. I lifted my hand, half expecting to see it on fire as a scream burst out of me.
“Shit,” Tink muttered. “Shit. Shit.”
My entire body jerked against his as the fire spread all over my skin, starting from the base of my spine and rolling down my legs, then up my torso and over my arms. Screaming, my muscles turned rigid as my back bowed.
“Ivy.” A weak, rough voice broke through the haze of pain.
Wide eyed, my gaze swung to the right. Ren was sliding off the table. He took one step but fell to his knees, crawling the rest of the distance. His shadowed eyes widened with surprise. “Ivy—”
Pain I’d never experienced or knew was possible consumed every part of my body. I jerked away from Tink, but he caught me around the waist as Ren grabbed the sides of my face. His lips were moving, but I couldn’t hear a single thing he was saying. Nothing made sense beyond the way my body was tearing itself apart from the inside.
A screeching noise erupted from me, the kind that would’ve normally raised the hairs all over my body, because it sounded so fae-like. The stiffness went out of me and I curled my legs up, panting as some of the burn eased off.
Then, just as I thought it was over, the most intense craving exploded in my gut. It was almost as bad as the fire. My gaze moved from Tink to Ren.
Need filled me.
Baring my teeth, I jerked toward him, but Tink caught me as Ren fell back on his ass.
“What is happening to her?” Panic filled his voice. “I thought we’d healed her?”
“We did,” Tink groaned, twisting as I railed against him—against Ren. “Now she’s paying the consequences.”
Hours blurred together, a twisted kaleidoscope of razor sharp need and all-consuming desire—lust for Ren and for what was inside him. Then the pain would return, burning through the cravings, turning me inside out.
The world around me faded in and out. There was Tink holding me to him as I felt Ren holding sweat-soaked hair back from my face. He was whispering to me, but there was nothing other than the cool, pleasant abyss where I floated.
Then it happened.
Without warning, intense cold washed over me. So brutally cold, my skin felt like it was set afire. A prickling sensation hit each inch of my body, as if every part of my skin was being pierced to the marrow. Pain enveloped me once more, becoming my world, but this time it was an icy fire.
“What’s . . . what’s happening?” I gasped, unable to see through the pain. The room—the world was white.
“You took too much.” Tink’s voice was strained. “You went too far. I’m sorry, Ivy. I’m sorry.”
His words made no sense. Words in general were of no use to me as the icy fire heightened. Screams tore from my throat, a far different sound from the screeching.
I became aware of being moved, and I only knew that Tink was no longer holding me. I recognized Ren’s scent. He held me throughout, wrapping trembling arms around my waist, his shaking legs hooked over mine. My back bowed and I stretched his embrace until it almost broke.
Then . . . then it was like a raging fire being doused with water. The pain barely eased in the beginning, but slowly, after time, it disappeared like smoke in the wind. After the burn, I fell into a familiar deep sleep. I wasn’t sure how long I was out, but waking up was difficult. My eyelids felt like they’d been sewed together, and it was a struggle to pry them open.
The first thing I saw was the low ceiling. Infirmary. I was in the infirmary. Why? I searched my memories but they were cloudy and I was too tired to wade through the dark and shadowy pieces to figure out what the hell was going on.
But I knew I wasn’t alone.
It took effort, but I managed to turn my head to the left.
Tink sat beside my bed in one of those metal chairs. He had an ankle resting on a knee. Curled in his lap was Dixon. The little kitten was doing what it always did. Napping. That kitten had the best life ever.
The last time I’d seen Tink, he hadn’t had Dixon with him. And he hadn’t been alone. Ren had been with him—Ren had been holding me.
“Ren,” I croaked out.
Tink’s gaze lifted to mine. He didn’t say anything as he stared at me, and the first kernels of unease stirred.
I tried to speak again, but my mouth rivaled the Sahara Desert. I cleared my throat. “What . . . what’s going on?”
Tink looked back at me, stare solemn. “‘The night is dark and full of terror.’”
I frowned. “What?”
He lifted a shoulder. “I’ve always wanted to say that to someone. All I’m missing is my Lady Melisandre red gown and hood.”
I stared at him.
“You know,” he said, leaning back in his chair, “there’s another thing I’ve wanted to say. Like when people have bad news? My car just broke down, and I’ll be like, bam! ‘The Lannisters send their regards,’ or I just got fired from my job and bam! ‘The North remembers.’ That probably makes me a shitty brownie, but I don’t care.”
Having no idea why he was so stuck on Game of Thrones references at the moment, I tried to sit and realized right then that I couldn’t move. Confused, I peered down at my body. There was a thin white blanket tucked in at my waist, but that wasn’t what was keeping me in place.
White bands, some kind of cloth, circled my wrists and ankles. My stomach dropped. I was tied down. “T-Tink, why . . . am I—”
“Tied up like you’re engaged in some freaking BDSM shit?” He leaned forward, mindful of Dixon. “‘The Lannisters send their regards.’”
“Tink!” Panic sparked.
His gaze flickered away and then settled on me. “You don’t remember?”
I had the sinking suspicion I didn’t want to remember.
“You were attacked,” he supplied.
Yes. I remember that. Walking in the courtyard, minding my own business. Two fae had attacked me. “They stabbed me,” I whispered, filled with anger and horror. “They actually stabbed me.”
“Yeah, they did. Put some decent sized holes in you, too. You also had a hole in your hand, and let me tell you, that was gnarly. I could look right through it and see the other side of the room.”
I tried to see my hand.
“You’re all healed up now.” Reaching over, he tapped my left hand. “No gaping hole. No fatal stab wounds. You’re good as new.” He paused. “Better.”
“How . . . ?” I trailed off. More memories surfaced. I’d been dying. Like legit bleeding out with internal wounds dying, but I hadn’t.
I suddenly remembered Ren leaning over me. He’d been telling me that he loved me and that there had only been me, only would be me, and he . . .
I’m sorry, Sweetness. Forgive me.
Forgive him?
My heart started thundering in my chest. Pieces of the night started to fall together.
“You’ve actually been asleep for like forever,” Tink continued. “Well, not forever, but like four days.”
Four days? Holy shit.
“I was kind of worried that you were dead and you’d start stinking soon.”
Images flashed of me on top of Ren, moving against him in a bloody, wild joining of our bodies. Had we . . . ?
“Where is Ren?” I demanded, trying to sit up. “And why am I tied up?”
“Well, you see, that’s kind of a long story full of plot twists and probably a plot hole or two.”
“Tink!”
His gaze met mine, and I remembered him yelling at Ren, because—oh, God, I’d been feeding on Ren. I’d fed on him.
The unease unexploded into full-blown dread. “Where is Ren?” I shouted. “Where is he, Tink?”
Little Dixon stirred in Tink’s lap. He folded his hand over the kitten’s head. “Calm down. Dixon needs his fifth nap of the day.”
My eyes narrowed. “I swear to God, Tink, if you do not answer me, I will straight-up murder you.”
“See, that’s the problem, and why you’re tried up. It’s just precautionary. Now that you’re awake, Tanner will be up here—”
“Why is it precautionary?”
He didn’t answer for a moment. “You’ve changed, Ivy. We didn’t think that would happen. We had no way of knowing.”
My pulse skyrocketed. “What in the hell does that mean, Tink?”
The brownie cringed. “Well, let’s just say your skin kind of shimmers now.”
My mouth dropped open.
“Like a fae,” he added.