Declan had wanted to throw me a going away party at the club where I’d met Conor, but there was no way in hell I was ever going back there. Instead, he and I were sitting in a booth at a quiet pub our mutual friend owned, throwing back beers and reminiscing about our best and worst matches over the years.

“I still can’t believe you’re leaving,” he said, twisting his pint glass in his hands.

“You? What about me? I thought I’d end my career here.” I took a long swallow of my IPA and set the empty glass down in front of me before signaling the waitress to bring me another.

“Then why leave? It can’t be just about the money.”

I paused a beat before answering, debating how much I should reveal about the other reasons for my departure. Sure, I’d been blindsided by the low ball offer from the team’s management, but if I hadn’t been dealing with the fallout from my one night stand with Conor, I probably would have taken it. I hadn’t wanted to leave Dublin, but with everything else going on, the contract from Edinburgh had been doubly enticing and I would have been a stupid fucker to walk away from it.

But before I left, there were some things I needed to get off my chest. Declan was one of my best friends and lying to him any longer would have felt like a betrayal of our friendship. I’d never been comfortable hiding who I was from him, especially when we’d lived together. Not that I’d known just how far my desires extended back then, but I’d always felt by not saying something back then, I was somehow lying to him.

Taking a deep breath, I blew it out and met his eyes. “No, it wasn’t just about the money. Some shit went down a few months back, and while I’m not exactly running away from it, I do need to get away, put some distance between me and Dublin.”

Declan studied me intently, his blue eyes piercing. “I wasn’t going to say anything—figured you tell me in your own sweet ass time—but you’re talking about that night at Heat, aren’t you?”

It was a good thing the waitress hadn’t brought my refill yet because I would have spit my beer all over him. “What are you talking about?” I asked, keeping my voice steady so as not to give away my shock.

He spun his glass again and stared at me, his gaze unwavering. “You and that guy.”

I blinked, long and slow, trying to buy some time to formulate a response. I’d had every intention of coming out to Declan, but I hadn’t anticipated giving him all the juicy, gory details while I did. Knowing I’d dappled on the other side of the fence would be enough; I didn’t think he needed—or wanted—to know with who or when.

“What guy?”

“Oh come off it, Liam. I saw you eye fucking that Poldark wannabe.”

I raised my eyebrow and snickered, putting the observation back on him. “Poldark, is it? So different from the fair and lovely Sophie.”

Declan waved away my evasion. “Fuck you. Sophie’s obsessed with him. Personally, I don’t get it but who am I to say what people should and shouldn’t like?” He lifted his shoulder. “I guess I always knew you liked ‘em dark,” he added, throwing back the last of his beer.

I chuckled and rolled my eyes, but couldn’t deny the statement.

There was a reason Declan was one of the best fly-halves in the world: he could read people and situations as deftly as anyone I’d ever met. And he wasn’t wrong. While most of the other lads went for the blonde bimbo look when they hooked up with the women who flocked to our team like flies to honey, I’d always zeroed in on one of the black haired beauties of the bunch. Apparently, it didn’t matter if it was Aidan Turner or Catherine Zeta-Jones; whether it was chiseled abs or soft, ripe tits; a rock hard cock or a tight, wet pussy … I liked it all as long as they were dark and mysterious.

That’s what had caught my attention about Conor in the first place. Not that he looked exactly like the actor, but the similarities were striking. Lean build, dark features, longish wild hair that I had wrapped tight around my fist as I’d pumped my cock in and out of his warm, wet, hungry mouth.

He’d been my deepest, darkest fantasy made flesh and bone.

I appreciated Declan telling me—without actually saying the words—he couldn’t have cared less who or what I fancied. He had some rumored proclivities of his own some considered outside the bounds of normalcy. But I happened to know exactly what they were since I’d once shared a wall with him and had heard the screams and moans. Not that being a closet bisexual was the same as being a closet dominant with sadomasochistic tendencies, but I appreciated the sentiment all the same.

When the waitress dropped off my beer, I took a drink. Setting it down, I confirmed his suspicions. “I might not be quite as obsessed as Sophie, but I certainly don’t watch that show for the plot.”

He chuckled and bit into his burger. When he swallowed, he said, “I’d wondered, you know, but was never completely sure.”

The fact that Declan had seen what I thought I’d done such a deft job at hiding was surprising enough, but to hear he’d always known there was something different about me was more than a bit startling.

I leaned back in the booth and rested my hands on the table top. “What gave me away?”

“Then or now?”

“Either. Both.”

Declan sat back, mimicking my posture. “I don’t have to tell you our walls were paper thin back in the day.”

I shook my head and dropped my voice. “I never brought a guy home.”

He smirked. “No, but you watch a lot of gay porn, man. But because you also brought plenty of girls home, I couldn't be sure. Since I never actually saw you with a dude, after awhile I just assumed that was your kink.”

I felt my face heating up, the color rising in my cheeks.

“Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. Like I said, we all like what we like and shouldn’t have to apologize for it. You should see some of the porn I watch.” He shrugged again before biting into his burger.

I had a pretty good idea of the type of porn Declan watched, and I was equally sure I wouldn’t like it. Not that there was anything wrong with the shit he was into, but that just wasn’t my thing. Then again, I’d enjoyed pushing Conor down onto his knees and fucking his mouth with wild abandon. I’d never felt the need to be dominant with any of my past partners, but there was something about him sucking me deep that brought out my aggressive side. Maybe it had been the booze, or maybe I’d just been trying—and failing—to fuck those dark desires out of my system, but just the thought of my cock so far down his throat that he gagged on my cum when I shot my load was making me hard again.

Which meant it was time to stop picturing my cum dribbling down his chin and move this conversation along.

“You aren’t exactly shouting from the rooftops what you like,” I pointed out, shifting the discussion away from my particular kinks.

He swallowed, and his eyes turned glacial, hard. “No, but not everyone understands or accepts it either. Some would say I’m a monster, that I beat women.”

“Not everyone gets the whole gay thing,” I reminded him unnecessarily. That was the understatement of the century, and we both knew it. “Besides, it’s not like you actually beat them.”

Declan liked his sex hard and rough and his partners submissive, but I knew my friend, and there was no way he’d ever truly hurt a woman.

He quirked a questioning eyebrow, daring me to elaborate. It seems we had a lot of unspoken secrets between us we both felt like getting off our chests tonight.

“Thin walls, remember? I heard the counting, so I’m pretty confident in saying you never laid a hand on someone who wasn’t begging for it first.”

He nodded, satisfied with my answer. “No, I didn’t.” He looked away then for a few brief seconds, his jaw ticking. When he turned back to me, he’d schooled his features. And then, as I’d done before him, Declan shifted our discussion back to my issues. “You’re not gay gay though, right? Just bi?”

This time I looked away. This was it; this was where I said the words out loud. Once they crossed my lips, I couldn’t take them back. Once I said, “Yes, I’m bi,” that became my truth, and I would no longer be able to hide from the reality of who I was.

I took a drink of my beer, felt the cold liquid sliding down my throat, cooling the burn from within. With my eyes trained on my friend, I nodded. “Yeah, I’m bi.”

Our gazes locked, held. “How did that feel?”

“What do you mean?”

“Saying those words out loud for the first time? How did it feel?”

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking.”

Declan’s eyes fell to the table, and he scratched at a dent in the wood. “When I told Sophie who I really was … what I liked … it was freeing.” He raised his eyes. “It was like this huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. But more than that, when she accepted it, I felt like I could breathe for the first time in a really long while.”

“This isn’t the same thing.”

“No, it’s not, and I wouldn’t dare suggest it is. But I do know a bit about getting a huge secret off your chest. About being terrified how the person sitting in front of you will react when you first say those words out loud.”

I nodded slowly, accepting his explanation, all the while needing to unburden my feelings on the topic even further. “The thing is, you knew what you were and what you liked. I don’t.”

His eyebrows pursed in confusion. “You don’t?”

I shook my head. “That night at Heat … that was the first and only time.”

“What?”

I chuckled at the look on his face. “Yup. I’ve done a whole lot of looking, but until then never let myself touch.” I scratched my chin. “Which reminds me, how did you know … about what happened?”

Declan’s cheeks turned pink, but he didn’t drop my gaze. “I umm … I sort of followed you. Well, not really followed you, but I was there.”

“What do you mean?”

Declan glanced away and then back. “I had to take a leak and was on my way to the VIP room when I passed you guys.”

I barked out a laugh. “You watched my first gay hook-up, you fucking pervert!”

“Shut it,” he smirked before polishing off his burger and then wiping the grease from his hands. “You seemed too distracted … to notice you were in the middle of a busy club, so I made sure no one followed you guys. Since everyone knows you like pussy, I was pretty sure you didn’t want anyone else to see.”

I ran a hand through my hair. “Fuck man, I completely lost it that night.”

“How so?”

“You’re right; I was distracted. It’s never been like that before. I completely forgot where we were.”

“Anyhow,” Declan said, tossing down his napkin. “I stood guard until you guys snuck out the back door.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled. I’d done so many things wrong that night. Thank Christ Declan had been looking out for me when I’d failed to do that myself.

“So, the guy …”

I snorted. “Hot as fuck but a definite one and done.”

“So not the love of your life then?”

I shook my head. “I’d gladly murder him if I could.” I leaned forward and whispered, “The asshole is blackmailing me.”

“No shit?” Declan’s eyes went wide with shock.

I gritted my teeth. “I fell asleep in his bed and the fucker took pictures of me! When I woke up, he told me he knew who I was and unless I paid him off, he’d go to the press with my dirty little secret.”

“You eejit,” Declan muttered with a disgusted shake of his head. “You know better than that. Unless you want to marry ‘em, you check their phones and you get your ass out of there. Shit, you shouldn’t even go home with them in the first place.”

“I told you, I wasn't thinking. I was drunk and overwhelmed.”

“So that’s why you’re leaving?”

“Sean had him sign an NDA and I gave him 30 grand, but it’s only a matter of time until he comes crawling back for more. If I’m gone, there’s less chance for temptation.” I paused. “Besides, you know as well as I do I’m coming to the end of my career. I want to play as long as I can, and that’s not going to happen in Dublin.”

“Fuck man, this sucks. I like McConnell all right, but you’re magic on the pitch.”

I sucked in a deep breath. “Yeah, it’s gonna be hard stepping into a new team with its own dynamic, but the coach assures me they’re looking for my leadership as much as my skills. If I can stay healthy, I can go out on my own terms instead of only coming on as an impact sub. I’m too young to be a has-been, Dec.”

“No arguments from me. You’re the best there is.” He paused, and his eyes raked over my face, consideringly. “This other thing … you keeping it on the DL?”

“Yeah. I’m not even sure what it is yet, you know? I’ve kissed one dude my entire life.”

When Declan’s eyebrows came together and a confused look crossed his face, I realized why.

“He blew me, but I didn’t fuck him,” I clarified.

“Whoa!” Declan sputtered. “I didn’t ask for the details.”

I scrubbed a hand over my face, feeling conflicted about his reaction. He’d been so open and accepting of everything I’d told him so far that this reaction stung.

I clenched my jaw, biting back the words I wanted to say. Instead, I went with, “You would though … be asking for details … if we were talking about some girl down on her knees sucking my cock. You would have wanted to know if she’d swallowed or if I came on her face.”

He winced and gripped the back of his neck. “Shit man, you’re right.”

“Does it disgust you?”

I loved Declan like a brother and I knew he’d support me, but if the idea of me being with another man turned his stomach, I wasn’t sure I wanted to say anything more.

He took his time responding but then he shook his head. “Nah, it doesn’t disgust me. It’s just … different, I suppose. Does anyone else know?”

“Nope,” I answered, my lips popping on the p. “You’re the only one.”

We fell quiet for a few short moments, and then he asked, “Are you okay, man? With everything?”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I think I am. I don’t know what comes next, but at least now I know. I’ve wondered what it would be like for so, so long.”

“In the spirit of being supportive,” he smirked, “was it good? Did it live up to your imagination?”

I smirked back. “Yeah man, it did. Best blowjob of my whole goddamned life.”

He smacked his hands on the table. “Alright then. You’ve got how many nights left in Dublin?”

“I leave Saturday.”

He scanned the bar, his eyes lingering on every guy in the place, and I knew what he was going to say before he even spoke the words.

“Don’t you dare,” I warned.

“Dude, I’m your wingman. I’m going to get you laid. For real.”

I shook my head, laughing. “No, you’re not.”

“I’m serious. Fuck this blowjob business,” Declan continued, his eyes alight with mischief. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of blowjobs, but if you’ve wanted to fuck some tall, dark, and handsome stranger your whole goddamned life and you’ve kept that shit bottled up, I’m going to make sure you go out with a bang.”

“Please God, no,” I begged, wheezing around my laughter.

Declan’s own laughter subsided and he studied me. His tone sobering, he said, “But seriously though. If this is what you want, you know I’ll support you—one hundred percent.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s why I told you. I knew you and Aidan would have my back, no questions asked.”

“Always, bro. Always.”