When Zaden awoke, Kala was already gone. He sat up quickly and fell back on his pillows with a heavy sigh. What on Earth had he done? He had taken advantage of a woman who didn’t even know who she was. She had come to him, frightened, and somehow he had managed to do the one thing that might make her think that he was dishonorable – it was the one thing he couldn’t stand to do. How was he going to live with himself?
He leapt from his bed and began to pace around the room, tapping his chin thoughtfully. He had disgraced everything that might have been her life before. How could he have been so careless? There was no way that they would be able to end up together, especially not after he had done something so disgraceful. What would Clayton say to him about this? And he couldn’t expect her to change her whole life once she had her memories back. If she had a husband or boyfriend before she met him, she should be with him. He would have to remove himself entirely. And even if she didn’t, how could they love each other when she didn’t even know who she was?
It was all a conundrum that left him feeling miserable. He hated himself for taking advantage of her. She had been feeling vulnerable and weak, and he had let it come to something that it shouldn’t have. How could he possibly face her again? There was no way she would be able to look him in the eye after the night they had shared in his bed. It was all such a mess. Maybe everybody was right about him. He would never be able to grow up, and it was his own fault that he got himself into such stupid situations.
Zaden dressed quickly, his mind spinning. If he had gotten her pregnant, that would be even worse. But how could he, unless…
A painful jolt pierced his heart. What if she was a Loni woman, lost and wandering throughout the forest after having liberated herself somehow from the Guardian’s lair? They would know who she was. They were the only people who seemed to have a clue. His future with Kala depended on her past, and the only way he could find any peace of mind about his feelings for her would be to help her discover her own identity. That way, the next time they met, she would know exactly who she was and what she had left behind. It was the only way.
He had to go face the Guardians.
***
When Kala woke up, her body was sore and she suddenly remembered sneaking out of Zaden’s quarters to fall asleep in her own oppressive little room. She would have to talk to him as soon as possible, she decided, so that they could sort out whatever their relationship was. She couldn’t commit to him without knowing who she was, and she hoped that he would be able to understand. As much as she had grown to like him and depend upon him over the days they’d known each other, the fact was that her life had to stay focused on learning her past so that she could move forward. Hopefully the clan would be able to help her work through whatever was preventing her from recovering her memory.
She expected to see him soon after rising, but was surprised when the whole day passed and she didn’t hear a word from him. She was taken around by Krista throughout the day, and the kind woman taught her all she needed to know about living underground. She was worried by the time dinner was served and Zaden hadn’t been seen by anybody. Clayton narrowed his eyes at the head of the table where she had been invited to dine with his family when Janes reported that he hadn’t shown up for training, or even the mess hall, which he never missed.
“It seems Zaden is missing,” he announced, after having a thorough search done of the grounds. “He left unannounced. I can only suspect he is doing something rash and foolish.”
The news hit Kala hard. She knew, deep in her heart, that she was the reason he had left. He had probably been so ashamed of their night together that he hadn’t wanted to face her again. Perhaps he hadn’t really liked her at all and simply wanted to get some distance between them. Was she so repulsive that he would leave his home simply to get away from her? it seemed to make sense to her that he would. He was a rash and impulsive man, and if he felt like he had made a mistake, he would probably leave without thinking twice.
“Are you all right, Kala?” Krista asked kindly.
Kala nodded, surprised to be singled out and to have her feelings noticed so quickly.
“I’m sure he’s all right,” Krista reassured her. Kala was sure he was fine too, but she smiled politely and nodded again. He was probably fine, off traipsing around in the wilderness, kicking himself for getting entangled with the weird woman who had no memory. Kala sighed and excused herself from the table. She wouldn’t be able to eat anymore knowing that Zaden had left. There was no way she hadn’t factored in to his decision, and knowing that was one of the worst feelings she had ever had.