Brothers of Rock: WILLOW SON (Box Set - All 5 Novels Together) by London Casey, Karolyn James (8)

Vanessa used to do the same little move. Drag him around by grabbing at the top of his jeans. There was a flicker of a memory, but Natalie killed it off when she opened his jeans.

Ah, sweetie, yes, kill all those fucking memories.

******

Natalie was hopelessly lost, but it felt good to be in Van’s strong arms.

He was powerful, and not just with his touch either. His eyes. His presence alone was enough to make Natalie feel safe and sound. Yet it shouldn’t have. He was rude. He was thinking of another woman.

Just the same for Natalie because she couldn’t help but compare Van’s touch to Mark’s. In the same spirit as temptation being wrong, it was a whirlwind of feelings that moved throughout her entire body.

She had eased into his open jeans, easily finding him thick, ready. Pulling at him, stroking him with a little rough tug, Natalie bit her bottom lip, discovering something else that was far different than anything Mark could offer her. Besides the rockstar aura, the sexy tattoos, Van was extremely full. Her body tingled for a few seconds at the possibility of him actually thrusting into her body.

That possibility was about to become a simple reality.

Looking up at Van, Natalie felt her heart jump.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “What you need right now. Think it. Feel it. Do it.”

His fingers eased from her sex, leaving Natalie burning and aching for more of his touch.

“Why are you nice now?” she asked.

Sober, she knew half these questions wouldn’t have just leaked from her mouth. Hell, sober, she wouldn’t have even come to Van’s apartment to confront him.

Van pressed his lips to hers for a second and then whispered, “Because I know what it feels like to be the other person in something that should have been so fucking real.”

That was more than Natalie could handle. Her hand tugged at his rock hard dick and she started to lower herself to the bed. As Van turned to open a drawer in the nightstand, she slipped off her pants, panties, shoes, socks. All of it. She was here. She was staying.

When Van returned to her, he was ready. He placed one hand to her cheek and the other hand to her waist. He braced her as though somehow he subconsciously knew it had not only been a long time since a man touched her this way, but that he was going to be something greater than anyone else she had ever been with.

Van crashed through the most delicate walls of her body. A hard thrust left Natalie’s body sheathing him tight, throbbing as she reached a sudden climax that stole her breath. Her back arched as the rush of pleasure took full control of her body.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Van growled in a lower voice.

His teeth grazed her neck and moved down. As he kissed her breast, again, she kept her lower half thrusting and grinding, never wanting the extra full sensation to go away.

Van lowered his other hand to her waist and held her in place as he started to have her. Gently pulling and pushing, easing her body into his rhythm and his size, Natalie quickly started to forget everything. Even when she shut her eyes and dared herself to picture someone else, it was impossible to do so.

Because of the way Van smelled. Because of the way he touched her. Because of the way he fucked her.

Mark would hold the sheets of the bed and just go after Natalie like they had thirty seconds to spare. Which was usually the case because there was always the chance of getting caught.

Van held her. His hands moved up her body, cupped her breasts, touched her face, one hand rested against the back of her neck. His mouth explored wherever he could reach. And he moved with a dangerous precision that left Natalie’s toes curled and her body forever on the edge of another explosive orgasm.

He then nestled his face into her neck. Natalie slipped her hands between her body and his. She felt his defined stomach flexing with each hard thrust of his body. She rocked her hips with the same motion, matching his speed. She then put one hand to his hair and dug, groaning into his ear.

“Van, it’s so good,” she whispered.

“Take it, baby,” Van whispered back.

Baby? He’s always called me sweetie…

Natalie swallowed hard and shut her eyes.

This was what they were doing though. Taking out the frustration of a broken heart on each other. It was nothing but sex. Sex and bad memories.

Natalie slid both her hands down Van’s body to his ass. She always held Mark’s ass, pulling at him when she knew he was getting ready to come. Her hands moved over Van’s ass and his perfect cheeks were stone hard, working hard as he kept loving her.

Goddammit… he’s too perfect… he’s too good…

Van then lifted himself and pulled away for a second. “Natalie…”

“No,” she groaned. “No. Finish. Please, Van. Just fucking finish.”

She grabbed at his hips and pulled. Her body, her eyes, her words, she knew she was begging for it. And rightfully so because of how damn good it felt.

Van came forward again, entering Natalie, and it resulted in the same reaction from her tender body as before. She found her hands at his neck, pulling, trying her best not to scream from the intense pleasure that rolled through her body. Van was not slow this time, nor was he gentle. This time he was on a mission and he achieved it. With a hand at Natalie’s lower back, Van lifted her just a little and that’s when he began to come.

Their bodies were connected on the deepest level possible, climaxing together. Their lips came together with the same wild kiss as out in the living room when he pinned her against the door.

Natalie never wanted it to end. She never wanted to face reality again. She never wanted to think of Mark again. She never wanted anything else… but this feeling. This moment. Knowing it was okay to find pleasure through feeling pain.

And looking into Van’s eyes told her he felt the same way.

But this was just one drunk night. Nothing else.

11.

Van sat up in bed and looked over at Natalie. She was sleeping the same damn way as she had done the first time he woke up in a bedroom with her. This time, however, it was his apartment, they were both in his bed, and things had really crossed the line the night before.

That was okay though. They both had wanted it and they both understood what it meant. Even if Van didn’t know the entire story, he had enough.

Natalie had been sleeping with a married man. That was heavy. Whether the story made great sense or not, it was damn heavy. Van didn’t know what to think of it, but then again, if Vanessa called right now and wanted one more time…

Turning his head away, Van remembered whispering baby last night. That’s what he had always called Vanessa. Yet he hadn’t been thinking about her, even though he could have. What the hell did it matter? He’d done it plenty of times before with other women. Those women wanted the rockstar experience come to life and they got it.

Natalie was different.

She had shown up, drunk, wanting to tell Van the truth. Because he had gotten to her. That bothered Van. He never set out to get to anyone. Not Natalie, not anyone.

He managed to sneak out of the bed without a sound. He made coffee and stood there, watching it drip. There was usually a hangover in the morning but not an emotional one like this. Everything in his body felt off. Different. Weird. Like he was going to say goodbye to Natalie and never see her again. Like he had some kind of big secret to share or some really bad news that would hurt Natalie. Yet none of that was true. She was free to walk out of the apartment and walk out of his life. Or she could spend the day. Preferably naked, and in bed.

Van grabbed two mugs and put them on the counter. He poured coffee into the mugs and grabbed the handles with one hand. He opened the fridge and grabbed the container of milk. He then grabbed a couple packets of sugar and set his sights back to the bedroom.

You’re bringing her coffee in bed…

Van ignored reality and told himself he was just being a nice guy. Natalie was hurting and would definitely be hurting after whatever she was drinking the night before.

Opening the door, Van watched as Natalie started to stir in bed. She rolled to her back and opened her eyes. She then grabbed the sheets and shot back, sitting up a little, keeping the blanket over her breasts.

“Morning,” Van said.

“Morning,” Natalie said. She looked around the room, obviously piecing it all together. “What time…”

“Coffee?” Van offered.

“Yeah, please.”

Natalie looked down and blushed. She wouldn’t be able to sit up and drink coffee comfortably without letting the sheet fall.

Van put the mugs on the nightstand and went to his closet. He grabbed a t-shirt and tossed it to the bed. “Put that on. You can figure out the rest of your clothes later.” Van kept his back to Natalie.

Why the hell am I being like this? I saw her tits last night. I touched them. I tasted them.

“Okay,” Natalie said.

Van climbed onto the bed, wearing nothing but pants, and gave Natalie one of the mugs. She smelled the coffee and then let out a shaky breath.

“Hungover or full of regret?” Van asked.

Natalie looked at him. “You think I’d regret last night?”

“I would be a fool to think that at least some women don’t wake up next to me and regret it. It’s okay.”

“No, Van, it’s not regret. It’s not even a hangover.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I told you stuff. I trusted you.”

“Yeah, you did.”

“But I don’t get why.”

“You slept with a married man, sweetie. Oh well.”

“It’s not oh well. It’s embarrassing for me.”

“Okay.” Van felt himself arguing in his mind to just get the morning done. Get the awkward cup of coffee out of the way and be done. “If it means anything, I foolishly thought a woman would wait years for me.”

“She’s the fool if she didn’t wait,” Natalie said.

“Yeah, that’s cute. But she had no business waiting. She already had something going on before I left. I thought a ring could fix that. Like she’d wear it like a badge or something. Nope.”

“I’m sorry, Van. I know you’re famous and you probably can’t show the way you feel… so I’m sorry.”

“I can do whatever I want,” Van said. “That’s sort of my thing. The rockstar thing. But I just can’t show certain things. Right now, I want you to tell me everything. Pick up where you left off.”

“Why? I don’t get it, Van. Why?”

“Do you want me to tell you that I care?”

“Wow, right back to asshole mode, huh?”

“No, it’s honesty. I want to know just to know. I’m trying to figure you out.”

“Don’t figure me out,” Natalie said. “You have no reason.”

“You’re in my bed.”

“Oh, I’m the first one?”

Van grinned. “First one to get coffee…”

Since Vanessa. Like I always used to do.

Natalie’s cheeks turned red. “Oh.”

“Yeah. So why don’t you just spill your guts to me. You came here last night to talk. And other things. I’ve got nowhere to be, sweetie. Other than a major concert coming up soon, I’m good to go. I can sit here in bed all damn day and not care about a thing.”

Natalie sipped her coffee. “You know, for a rockstar, you should get some better coffee. Something a little more expensive maybe.”

Van laughed. “Sorry about that. I’ll put it on my grocery list.”

“You grocery shop?”

“No. Someone does it for me. Someone does everything for me.”

“So you’re lazy.”

“No, I just use my time wisely.”

“Wasting it with me?”

“You’re not a waste, Natalie,” Van said. “I promise you that.”

Are you flirting? Are you trying to… to do what right now?

“You know, this is going to sound sad, Van, but what you just said… that was the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time.”

“You need some new friends then.”

“Thanks.”

“Honesty, sweetie.”

“I don’t even know how it all happened,” Natalie said. “I was getting busy with my dream. A few people were buying my art and spreading the word. So I got a payment and decided to feel fancy and went out. There was a guy and he was eyeing me the entire night. He bought me drinks and we talked. He wasn’t sexy, but he was handsome. Like in a business way. Like the kind of guy that you could see yourself marrying.”

“Wow,” Van said. "So you look at men and determine if they look like you could marry them?”

“It sounds worse than it is.”

“I wonder where I line up,” Van said. “Rough past. Tattoos. Bad attitude. I say fuck a lot. I drink way too much. I’m not afraid to fight. Oh, and I don’t dress up.”

“You’re screwed,” Natalie said. “I would never marry you.”

“Remind me never to ask.”

Stop fucking flirting.

Van laughed at himself. Stop flirting? Natalie was wearing nothing but his t-shirt, in his bed, and he had been with her last night.

“Anyway… do you really want to hear this or not?”

“Of course I do,” Van said. “I’m drinking really shitty coffee in bed with you. I could easily toss your ass out and go get something better. You know, coffee.”

Christ, man…

“Yeah, coffee, right,” Natalie said. “So Mark paid attention to me all night. There were so many other women in that club that were better looking than me. I should have known then.”

“Impossible,” Van said. “How could someone be…”

Van cleared his throat and drank more of the shitty coffee. He couldn’t believe he was actually talking to this woman. Actually showing a different side of himself.

“There was no reason for Mark to want me,” Natalie said. “It intrigued me. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

“Kind of like when you found a drunk rockstar. You were intrigued.”

“You dragged me to the ground, Van.”

“You stayed there.”

“For a minute. Then I stormed away.”

“But you stormed right back,” Van said.

“Fine. You win.”

“I always win.”

“Lame,” Natalie said. “Anyway… Mark told me he had a crazy life. He was a busy lawyer and had a weird schedule. I bought it. I bought it all. He’d make plans and break them. I went along with it. He’d call me late at night and I’d meet him. Dark clubs and bars. He’d tell me those were his favorite places to meet to unwind. Then we’d get a hotel. Or just go to my apartment. He’d always get a call and have to leave. I got angry a few times, but then he’d stay. All night. As it would turn out, his…”

Natalie turned her head and sucked in a breath.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Van said. “I’m not here to judge you.”

“Other than you calling me names when you were drunk.”

“I spoke the truth. And I think I was right.”

“I hate you for that.”

“I know,” Van said.

A few seconds passed by.

“His wife… is some executive or something. She had conferences. She’d leave and that’s when Mark would actually sleep over. Because he knew she wouldn’t find out.”

Natalie gritted her teeth. Van reached over and took the coffee mug out of her hand. He put it down and touched Natalie’s cheek.

“I fucking hate that guy,” Van said. “So much. But you know what? This conversation is…”

“Don’t,” Natalie said. “Don’t be sweet and romantic. Whatever. Because when I found out he was married…I. Didn’t. Stop.”

Van felt a twisting in his heart. He never saw the story from this side before. From the one who couldn’t just let go. From the one who knew the difference between right and wrong and went for it anyway.

“Why didn’t you stop?” Van asked.

“Because I didn’t. I thought maybe Mark would keep good on his word and leave her for me. They were forever getting divorced, but I don’t think they were ever close. Last I knew his wife knew of me and probably others. And she didn’t leave him.”

“So you competed with her?”

“I guess you could say that.”

“For a guy that wasn’t even good looking?”

“Look, Van, I don’t need judgement.”

“Says the naked woman in my bed,” he remarked. “You just love falling over, don’t you?”

“What does that mean?”

“You use it for an excuse I bet. That’s your catalyst for never getting ahead.”

“Seriously?”

“What?”

“That’s what you want to say right now?”

“I already said it,” Van said.

That little heart racing feeling from a minute ago was still there, but now he couldn't help but see something - someone - else.

“Let’s talk about something else,” Natalie suggested.

“Yeah, you don’t like the truth. You didn’t like it when I said it before. Just because I was drunk doesn’t mean what I said didn’t come from a place of honesty.”

“So I’m a whore?”

“You keep using that word and I never said it. Not even close. Maybe you should ask yourself why you keep using that word. Is that what you think?”

Van…

It was too late now.

Natalie threw the covers off herself and rushed from the bed. She dropped to her knees and started to gather her clothes.

“Leaving so soon?” Van asked, knowing he was just being a complete ass.

“I should have never come over,” Natalie said. “I just wanted you to know… I thought you’d understand. I thought you’d give a damn. But you got what you wanted from me. So… yeah…”

“I’m going to grab a shower,” Van said. He felt that sting of regret but refused to acknowledge it. This was better off with Natalie leaving pissed off. “Care to join me?’

“Please,” Natalie said. “You have a hand. Enjoy it.”

Van grinned. “You’re pretty when you act tough. If I want anything that bad, there’s a line out the door.”

Natalie gasped. Her face looked pale.

Yeah, Van, you basically just did call her a whore.

“I didn’t… I…”

Van stood up and stormed out of the room. He was pissed and he had no reason to be. At least not at Natalie. Christ, hadn’t she opened her heart to him? Hadn’t she confessed a dark secret?

Van took a shower with the frail hopes that Natalie would still be there when he got out of the shower. Then he could say something. Hell, maybe he could have his turn to talk about Vanessa.

When Van stepped out of the bathroom, he looked up and down the hallway. It was way too quiet.

The living room, empty. The dining room, empty. The kitchen, empty. The expansive apartment was empty. It was usually how Van liked it, especially after a night with a woman. But when he walked into the bedroom, he froze. Natalie’s coffee mug was on the nightstand. And she left the long t-shirt that Van had given her right there on the messy bed.

Van stood there in a towel, in the empty apartment.

Nothing felt right. Hell, nothing had felt right in a long damn time.

And then to make matters worse, his cell phone started to ring.

It was Vanessa calling.

******

Natalie purposely let the day waste by. There was no need to look out the window. No need to answer her phone. The day was meant for a blanket, a pillow, and any kind of movie or TV show that would take her mind away. She settled on some random channel with some guy talking about the agriculture system and how to sustain an organic ecosystem…

It was just words. Words were good as they seeped into Natalie’s mind. For just a damn second she had been considering letting herself get close to Van. To maybe extend that offer of trust. Hear his story. Be there for him. Work out some kind of arrangement where they could understand each other’s pain. But Van obviously wanted nothing to do with that.

The only time Natalie moved from the couch was when there was a knock at the door that woke her. She wrapped a blanket tight around her body. She checked her phone and saw that it was almost nighttime already. There was a message from Andrea about another catering job.

Wonderful. I can struggle less to figure out next month’s rent.

Natalie figured it was Andrea at the door, coming to check on her. After all, Andrea had been the one who dropped a drunk Natalie off at Van’s place last night. Some friend she was, huh?

Natalie opened the door. “You know…”

She swallowed her words and lost her breath.

Like a nightmare in a suit, with a broken dream in his hand, there he was…

Mark.

12.

“Play the fucking song!” Van yelled into the mic.

He turned and jumped, waiting for the damn song to kick in. The band was back in the studio, wrapping up another session. They had pieced together a few parts to two new songs, but nothing was actually finalized yet. They were more concerned about their big show in LA coming up really fast. There were a handful of bands that were going to be there, including After the Run, who had done all but declined the offer to be an opening act for Willow Son. Van had to hand it to the band for being bold like that. They were going to break it on their own terms. Hell, not that they weren’t already popular and rockstars in their own right.

Brantley started with the drums, heavy and hard. His head bobbed as he held the beat tight. After eight measures it was Van’s turn. He pounded on the bass like he’d never touch the instrument again. Without the guitars, without vocals, the raw and deep sound of the drums and bass were what made the new song - still untitled - a really good song. Van could already see forty thousand people jumping and screaming.

Colby stood at the mic and cupped his hands around it. When he started to sing, his voice was deep and even a little quiet. It worked well with the sound.

When the rest of the song kicked in, it was amazing. Loud. Fast. Rock n’ roll. A mix of anger with attitude and a song that would be played through headphones at the gym, people out on a run, blaring through speakers in a car, and when played live, it would keep the crowd alive and jamming.

They only had about half the song written. When it stopped, Van quickly started to feel empty. The empty feeling could only be replaced with three things. Booze. Women. Music. In the studio, he only had music.

“That’s good,” Jett said. “Really good.”

“Can we get this done for the show?” Van asked.

“That’s a lot to ask,” Ryker said.

“I’m asking,” Van said. “Imagine if we come out with this new thing? Swinging fast? Christ…”

“It’s not the worst idea ever,” Colby said. “I’m sure Portis will like that. He’ll turn it into a new single to sell.”

“Screw that,” Van said. “I just want to play it live. I want to feel it.”

“You’re a little wild today,” Jett said. “You okay?”

“Fine.”

“You’re not drinking,” Jett said. “Something to do with a woman?”

“No,” Van said. “Just play the fucking song.”

“Time’s up,” Colby said. “We have a presser in an hour. Everyone chill out a little.”

Van curled his lip. The last thing he needed was to be alone. He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to picture Vanessa… or Natalie… or anyone.

He definitely didn’t want to listen to Vanessa’s voicemail again.

Van, it’s, uh, me. Vanessa. I, uh, really need to talk to you. Quick. Okay? There’s so much happening right now. So much at once. And I just need to talk to you. I have to get something off my chest. Or else I can’t do anything. I need to see you. Shit. No. I mean… well…

The message rambled like that for a good minute. That was how Vanessa talked when she was damn nervous. Something was eating at her. Probably getting married to some clown, right? Maybe she wanted to confess her love to Van one more time. Maybe she wanted one more hookup.

Normally Van would have been all over the voicemail. He would have done anything to get to Vanessa and see what she wanted. But each time he touched his cell, Natalie came to mind. It had been days now since they last talked. Since he chased her away. It was complete bullshit too. Van didn’t want that to go unresolved.

The studio session broke up and Colby, Jett, and Ryker were quick to leave. Van chilled in a back room, sitting on an old leather couch, his phone next to him. Brantley came into the room and stood there, holding his drumsticks in one hand.

“Brother,” he said. “What’s eating you?”

“Life,” Van said. “Just making sense of it all.”

“That’s your problem. You can’t make sense of anything. Just go with the road. That’s the best part of it all. Right? I mean, look at that song. That’s heavy.”

“It’s not done yet,” Van said.

“It’ll get done. But it’s not the song on your mind.”

“Nope.”

“Tell me.”

“Vanessa wants to talk,” Van admitted. “She wants… no… she needs to see me.”

“Christ. I hate her.”

Van nodded. “I didn’t call her back though.”

“You shouldn’t. Leave that in the past where it belongs.”

“Amen, brother,” Van said.

“Hey, I have to get rolling. Got a date.”

“A date?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to drop names or anything, but it’s someone famous from that party.”

“Celebrity romance, huh?”

“Wouldn’t call it romance. But we’re trying to stay under the radar with it.”

“Good luck.”

“Hey, Van. Don’t linger around here. Get the hell out of here. Go find something to do.”

“You got it,” Van said.

Brantley left and Van grabbed his phone. He went to the voicemail and listened to it again. Vanessa had such a sweet and innocent voice. She had sweet and innocent eyes. Everything about her screamed sweet and innocent, except her heart. She knew how to work anyone to get what she wanted.

The last thing Van wanted to do was get into trouble… but then again, he didn’t know any other way to live.

******

Natalie pulled her hair back and bit her lips, trying to get everything in order. She adjusted her shirt and was ready to work. She exited the bathroom and met Andrea in the hallway of the banquet hall.

“You okay?”

“Fine,” Natalie said. “Why?”

“You’ve been way off. More than normal. Something happened and you’re not telling me what.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m here to work.”

“That’s right. This one is pretty cut and dry. Just a bunch of business people mingling, trying to get business off each other. All suits and ties. Quiet. A few awards. So just smile, look as beautiful as you do right now, and life will be fine.”

“Okay.”

Life wasn’t all that fine.

Mark had barged his way back in, but Natalie had fought back a little.

He touched her shoulders and then her chin.

“You look so cute right now.”

“What do you want?”

“You’re mad at me,” Mark said. “I get it.”

“Are you still married?”

“Nattie…”

“Don’t call me that anymore,” she said. “This is so far over, Mark. You shouldn’t even be here.”

“I am here. That has to mean something.”

“No.”

“Oh, I think it does. I bet if I pushed at you right now, you’d let me. If I could just touch you once… one little kiss… brush the hair out of your face…”

Her heart ached. Her heart quivered. This was when she’d breakdown. Mark would be inside the apartment and then be inside her in a minute…

“Don’t touch me,” she said. “Go home, Mark. Go home to your wife. Tell her what you just said to me.”

“She’s fucking someone else too,” he growled. “Okay? It’s just our thing. We’re together for an image. We have the perfect house. The perfect yard. The perfect marriage. It’s all on the surface. We tell everyone we’re planning on having kids and whatever. It’s all bullshit. You know that, Nattie. It’s all bullshit. But when we touch… oh, baby, that’s so real to me… it’s all I have in life…”

She felt her knees giving way. If she hadn’t been with Van last night, there would be no more talking right now. But a flicker of something - maybe stupidity, maybe just plain hope - remained inside her. She couldn’t let Mark in again without kicking Van out for good.

“I’m begging you,” he said. “Begging. I’ll get on my hands and knees for you, baby. Just let me peel those clothes off you. Let me feel alive again. I know you feel the same. The way I feel.”

Natalie cleared her throat and grabbed a drink tray. It was time to play the game. The one where she smiled big and made sure everyone in the room was happy. But nobody in the room would give a damn if she was happy. Except Andrea, only Andrea was in total work mode now.

The first hour went by really smooth and really fast. But then pain set in. Not the pain in her heart, but the pain in her feet. Her legs. Right up to her butt and lower back. Rushing around like a fool. Trying to keep composure, trying to keep everyone happy. Drinking expensive drinks. Eating expensive food.

The second hour was a little slower and Natalie took a break. Outside, she stood and caught her breath. It was dark. It was nice out. It had an eerie similarity as the night she found Van drunk outside.

Shutting the door on Mark had been really hard. Shutting her phone off to ignore his texts and calls had been just as hard. The worst part was not talking to Van. Not being able to get Van to understand her position. Or not even hearing what happened to Van. The whole rockstar and celebrity thing was real, but Natalie believed that could be stripped away. Van had started to do it but pulled back and away.

She hated it.

The door popped open and Andrea poked her head out. “All good?”

“Great,” Natalie said. “I’m on my way back in.”

“Good. Remember how I said tonight was going to be really easy going?”

“Yeah.”

“I sort of… uh… I could pay you for the full night and you could split right now.”

“Why would I do that?”

“This is a business catered affair,” Andrea said. “I should have put a few things together but I didn’t.”

“What are you talking about?”

“They’re here.”

“Who is they?”

“Oh, Nat, I’m so sorry.”

“Andrea, what the hell is going on?”

“Mark and his wife… they’re both here.”

13.

If this is how it has to be…

“So be it,” Van said.

He ran a hand through his hair. A tie was draped over the sink. There wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell he’d ever put that goddamn tie on. Bad enough he was in black dress pants, a white shirt, and a black suit jacket. He ditched the rings and necklaces, keeping it as casual as possible.

There was one time he could remember being this nervous.

The band had been standing at the side of a large stage. They were getting a chance to prove themselves to the industry. Harry had negotiated a deal for Willow Son to play. They were unsigned. Their music had been handed out on demo CDs and spread across the ‘net. Funny how they used to give their music away with a sense of desperation and now there was a legal team desperately fighting to keep the music from being spread due to piracy. When the coin of life flips, she sometimes flips hard and fast.

Hard and fast.

That was the only way Van knew how to live. So it all fit.

Brantley had called with an offer that was almost too good to pass up. An offer to come out and party with some celebrities. There weren’t any names being dropped over the phone but it was pretty obvious that they were A-list celebrities looking for a little wild rockstar fun.

Van adjusted the top button of the shirt.

He’d turned that down for this. To get dressed up and go out… to walk right into the arms of trouble.

One of Van’s teachers in high school once told him that he’d never be satisfied until not only had he dug his grave, but he’d be resting in it, only to reach up and start pulling the dirt on top of him.

“Dig, my man, dig,” Van whispered to the reflection in the mirror.

He grabbed the tie off the sink, knowing he wasn’t going to put it on. Then again, if she asked, he probably would. That’s how much he damn cared.

******

Natalie had to face the music. She was not going to let the night get ruined by this. Mark was here? Good for him. Of course he was here because of his wife. She was probably getting some executive award. Good for her.

As Natalie walked with a tray of drinks, she plastered a smile to her face. She strolled along the crowd, knowing her eyes were waiting to catch sight of Mark. It didn’t take long for it to happen. And when Mark saw her, his eyes went wide.

“Excuse me, can I get a drink?”

Natalie turned and almost dropped the tray.

It was Mark’s wife.

Tall, beautiful, a woman who oozed a sense of power and a nasty attitude. A woman far too beautiful to be with a sleaze ball like Mark. Then again, didn’t Mark say she was cheating too? So maybe together they were just an image couple. They enjoyed working, money, looking normal, but then they’d shut the doors and it was anything but that.

“Look at this,” Angela whispered. “How perfect that you’re here to serve me. Seeing as you’ve served my husband for how long?”

Natalie felt her mouth go bone dry.

Angela’s long fingers wrapped around a glass and she lifted it to her lips. She drank a small sip and then smiled.

“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask,” Natalie said.

“Oh, I won’t,” Angela said. “I just hope I can keep tabs on my husband. Then again, I’ll just listen for your little mousey cries while he fucks you.”

Natalie swallowed hard. “I’m really sorry, okay? I don’t think this is the time…”

“Or the place, sure. I know. See, I can play the game. I run the game. I run Mark. I can run you, easily. You don’t think I was all that stupid, do you? I knew when he needed to go stray a little. I was actually happy it was with you. Or someone like you.”

“Someone like me?” Natalie asked.

“Sure. You’re… I don’t know how to say it. You’re a loser, basically. I mean, you’re serving drinks for a living. What else did you do? Paint? I mean, there’s no way Mark would leave me for that. I make more than him. I control him. And I can fucking ruin your life.”

“Enjoy your drink,” Natalie said.

Her throat started to tighten. She tried to gracefully side step away. Her hands were shaking and she stumbled, just enough to knock a glass over on the tray. She then had to hurry away and to the back of the place to catch her breath. Or maybe throw up. Or maybe run and hide under a rock for the next five years.

Natalie put the tray down and started to clean it up. She needed a hug. Not a fake hug either. But a real hug. Something that mattered. Something that had damn feeling to it.

She put the empty glass down and refilled the tray.

“Before you pick that up, sweetie…”

The voice penetrated her ears and went straight to her heart. Natalie spun around, leaning against the table.

Van stood there.

Three feet away.

He was dressed up. Everything but a tie that he looped through one of the belt loops, leaving it dangle there. Always trying to be a rebel in some sense.

“Van…”

“I saw that,” he said. “That was her, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry, Natalie.”

He stepped toward Natalie. She didn’t reply. All she wanted to do was hug him. She wanted him to hug her. To lift her up, spin her around, and tell her it was going to be okay. Then he could grab her hand and pull her through the room, showing that she was the one who was lucky.

But this wasn’t some cheap movie.

When Van got close enough, Natalie slapped him across the face.

And it felt really good.

Van moved to the right and grabbed his cheek.

“No,” she said. “You’re not doing this to me. I’m not some… thing… Van. I’m not a thing for anyone. Not anymore. I can’t do this.”

Natalie stepped forward and looked out to the room. There was Angela, standing with an award in her hand, standing on the small stage. She smiled big and cleared her throat.

“I never get like this,” she said in a fake voice. “I don’t like getting choked up in front of people. I’m supposed to be ruthless…”

The crowd laughed a little.

She was playing them all.

And there was Mark. A hand at the small of Angela’s back. He stood there like the attentive husband he pretended to be. Like he was told to do by his wife. So maybe, just maybe, for a split second, Mark had been being honest when he came to the apartment. That was him trying to break away from…

“Natalie.”

She looked back and Van was still standing there. He was too sexy to look at. Everything about him screamed gorgeous, but the outside shouldn’t have mattered. It was about what was inside.

“No,” Natalie said.

She pushed by Van and went outside.

A second later the door opened and Van came out.

“I didn’t pay over a thousand dollars for a ticket to this party to be slapped and then go home,” he said.

“What do you want? Want to call me names? Judge me some more? Ask me how many times I slept with Mark?”

“No,” Van said. “I want to understand.”

“Understand what?”

“Why you’re so broken,” Van said. “And why I want to be the one to put you back together. Because it doesn’t make sense to me.”

The words tugged at Natalie’s heart. He was being real now. He was being honest.

“I’m not your project,” Natalie said. “Go find someone else.”

Van approached. “Listen…”

“Careful,” Natalie warned. “I will slap you again.”

“Go ahead. I deserve it. Beat me up if it makes you feel better. But I need to know what’s there.”

He faced her. He closed in on her. Natalie could smell his skin. She could see his eyes flickering. He was so overpowering and so damn overwhelming.

“Tell me something,” he said.

“Will you hug me?”

Van didn’t respond. He just slipped his arms around Natalie and pulled her close. Natalie felt her eyes fill with tears and she didn’t fight them back. It wasn’t worth it now.

“I can’t believe he’s here,” Van whispered. “I want to go fight him. Can I?”

“No. Don’t bother. It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me, sweetie. I want to fix you.”

“Why?”

“Because maybe that means I can fix myself.”

Natalie looked up at Van. “So then tell me why you’re so broken. Everything, Van.”

He broke away from Natalie and just stared at her. “You ruined everything for me. That’s what has me pissed off.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“I was fine in my own little world. Then you gave a damn and I wanted to know everything about you.”

“You know it,” Natalie said. “You see it. This is my life. It’s a complete mess. You shouldn’t be here.”

“I’m here. I’m not leaving without you. You want to know it all? I’ll tell you. That’s why I came here. To find you. To hug you. Then to tell you everything.”

“So we could be broken together?”

“Is that so bad?”

“I don’t think it is. I think it’s really…”

Natalie felt tears escape her eyes.

“Christ, sweetie. He really did it, huh?”

“Yeah. I guess so.”

Natalie took a breath. She then wanted to say something else, but Van sprung to action. He went for the door and tore it open. Van disappeared and it took Natalie a few seconds to react. She lunged at the door and was back inside, trying to chase Van down. He was too far ahead though.

“What is happening right now?” Andrea asked as she rushed toward Natalie.

“I think you’re going to end up firing me.”

“No…”

“Yeah. I had no idea Van was coming here.”

“I had no idea Mark was coming here,” Andrea said. “I’m going to need to go into total damage control. I’ll make you a deal.”

“What?”

“I won’t fire you as long as you leave right now. Take your rockstar with you.”

“He’s not my…”

Andrea started to move.

Van caught up with Mark near the side of the stage.

“Hey, Mark?” Van asked and spun him around.

“Yeah… hey… you’re… you’re that musician.”

“Yeah, that’s me. I’m Van.”

“Van, right. Wow. It’s really nice…”

“Shut up,” Van said.

Natalie felt her cheeks turning red.

“Excuse me?” Mark asked. Then he looked and saw Natalie. “What the hell is this?”

“You’re not worth any words,” Van said. “And you’ll defend yourself.”

“What the fu-”

Van knocked Mark in the jaw.

Natalie gasped as Mark left his feet and crashed to the stage, right on his ass. He stared up at Van like a bully that had been stood up to.

“Never again,” Van growled.

“You asshole,” Mark yelled. “I’ll sue you for everything. Do you know who I am?”

Van took out a card and tossed it at Mark. “That’s my lawyer. Give him a call. Do whatever you want.”

Van walked right to Natalie with a defiant look in his sexy eyes. He looked like he wasn’t done throwing punches just yet. He slipped his hand to Natalie’s.

“We’re out of here, sweetie,” he said. “Nobody is ever allowed to treat you like that again.”

Natalie went along for the ride… but she wondered if that statement included Van himself.

14.

To be fair, Natalie had started it. Not just tonight, but everything.

Van slid his hands down her bare shoulders and stopped at her beautiful, firm breasts. Natalie slowly put her head back and let out a whimpering sigh. Van’s lips came forward and he kissed her throat. The tip of his tongue sliced straight down to her chest, loving every second and every taste of her body.

She had pushed him against the door when they got to the apartment. She had tried to kiss him but Van held her at bay. But he lost himself to her. Saying she was everything felt a little strange to admit… but Natalie was something. Something important.

His tongue swirled around her left nipple before his teeth grazed just enough to make Natalie jump and cry out.

Van kept going down her body. He spoke to her in between addictive kisses. “You. Can. Scream. All. You. Want…”

Van nuzzled his nose to Natalie’s belly button and he continued down her perfect body. His hands rested tight at her hips and he looked up at her. The sweet scent of her need flooded his nose, sending an instant pulse throughout his body. He was already hard, but the scent of Natalie made him throb with a wicked need.

Her hands curled around the sheets as she looked down at him. “Van…”

“All you fucking want,” Van whispered, letting his breath spread across her budding sex. He thirst for her nectar, her desire, her everything. “Because the walls are all soundproof.”

With that said, Van couldn’t resist not tasting her anymore. He dipped his tongue between her thighs. A long and sensual lick took him bottom to top. Natalie let out a long groan and thrust herself at him. His lips came together at the top of her sex, suckling gently to her clit. His tongue swirled as it had done to her nipple just moments ago. One thing became quickly clear as day… the more attention Van paid to Natalie’s clit the louder she groaned and the harder she thrust. He soon had his fingers kneading her ass, lifting her, holding her, unable to get enough of her. Bringing her to an edge he knew he could take her over, Van wanted to make this fun and wild. So he moved down, his tongue now wanted to savor the rest of her tender pussy.

Natalie moved a hand to Van’s head and she dug hard. Her fingers twisted around his hair and pulled. Van moved his lips from between her trembling thighs and kissed the inside of her leg. He inched down, his hands slipping around from her ass to her belly - then up - until he was holding her breasts. He felt her hard nipples slide against the palms of his hands.

Christ, I can’t take much more. I’m going to explode soon…

Van couldn’t remember a woman having this kind of effect on him. He was hooked on her taste. He was hooked on her body. More than that, he was hooked on her mind, her heart, her words.

As Van moved forward, he let his bare body touch against Natalie’s. They had managed to tear each others clothes off in a matter of seconds, but now had since let the moment linger. Let the tension build. Let the steam become a thick fog to the point where it was almost impossible to breathe.

Van reversed all his kisses up Natalie’s body. Right to her neck. Right to her ear. Her hands were quick to grab at his back, holding him right there. He could feel the heat pulsing from her body for him. She was so damn ready.

“Go,” Natalie purred. “Please, Van, go.”

“Ah, sweetie,” Van said as he nibbled her ear. “Give me a second…”

“No. It’s okay. I trust you.”

Van then looked at Natalie. This woman at the beginning of the night was swinging at him. Now she wanted him inside her. She wanted him in the most intimate way possible.

“I’m okay,” Natalie said. “Do you trust me when I say that?”

“I do,” Van said.

“Then why are you waiting?”

Van didn’t need to hear anything else. He lowered his bottom half to Natalie and she welcomed him with her warmth and need. As he sank deep into her body, she breathed faster. As her eyes went wide Van realized that the cliff he’d been flirting with… she had just gone off it. The heels of her feet dug into the backs of his legs, pulling him, wanting him.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Van whispered.

He kissed her neck and kept fucking her.

He didn’t want to think of it as making love to Natalie. Because that implied feelings, emotions, and a connection that went far beyond sex. This was just sex. It had to be just sex. Natalie’s relief of getting away from her mess. Van’s way of forgetting his mess.

It had to be sex and nothing more.

Then Van looked into Natalie’s eyes again.

He gritted his teeth and sped up. His thrusts became harder, more fulfilling, his body racing to go deeper than before. His feet touched the floor and the bed stood no chance as it started to inch away from the wall, only to smack against it a second later. Van had a plan - to fuck Natalie hard enough that there would be no feelings.

Except that with each thrust of his body, he was getting closer to her. Inching more toward her heart and her soul.

His hands slipped under her back and crept down until he was holding her ass again. He lifted and moved up on the bed, taking Natalie with him. Wanting to experience her movements and be engulfed by the smell of her skin, of her hair, Van rolled to his back and brought Natalie on top of him. She let out a gentle scream but didn’t resist him.

He held her hips tight and started to work her body the way he wanted it.

Then Natalie made a bold move and took control. She put her hands to Van’s and pulled them away from her hips. She brought his hands to her chest and then reached back to his legs. Her feet were then on the bed and her hips thrust so hard, so perfectly hard, that Van groaned, wanting to hold it all back. He wanted to extend the moment as long as possible.

But Natalie’s wonderful body and movements were not going to allow that to happen.

Van moved his hands down to Natalie’s sides. He loved the feel of her skin, the way that she had actual skin on her body. Not just bones but curves. Beautiful and sensual curves, the kind that his hands could spend a long time exploring and never find a true destination. Because Natalie was a journey. Through Van’s pleasure, heart, everything that was dark she crashed into. Yet she didn’t make it light. She just made it okay. And okay was goddamn good enough.

So fucking good.

Van hissed as the impending rush became unstoppable. He pulled at Natalie, demanding her body touch his. Her full breasts pressed hard to his chest. Her breath flooded his neck. Her groans echoed in his ear.

When Van released, it was by far the greatest he ever experienced in his life. His left hand was spread across the middle of Natalie’s back, his right hand down at her lower back. She gently rocked her hips, her sex sheathing him with an impossible tightness, ensuring nothing would be wasted between their bodies.

She didn’t stop moving either.

Natalie worked herself harder, faster, their bodies tight, the heat between them rising by the second.

Natalie then nibbled at Van’s ear and whispered, “I’m coming again…”

Van gritted his teeth and felt her throbbing.

I think I’m in love…

******

“Come on. You said you would.”

Van stroked Natalie’s bare shoulder. Her head rested to his bare chest. They were in his room and far from sleeping.

“You want to know it all,” Van whispered.

“All of it.”

“Nothing about the music stuff?”

“Nope,” Natalie said. “I get that part. You can play guitar or bass or whatever. You got together with some guys and wrote music. You broke big. Now you’re rich. And famous. All of that is a wild dream… but you’re not completely happy.”

“I feel pretty good right now,” Van said.

“That’s because you just got laid.”

“Vicious. You are vicious.”

“Honesty, sweetie,” Natalie whispered, mocking Van.

She looked up at Van and grinned. When she tried to move her head, Van stopped her. “Hey. You really are beautiful. And special. I’m not just digging around for a hook up or something here. This…”

Van couldn’t spit it out right now. It was easier to hold things back. Well not for him, but in the situation between he and Natalie, it was easier to leave things out.

“Van, the reason why you wanted to know about Mark is the same reason I want to know about your…”

“Vanessa,” Van whispered. “That’s her name. Vanessa.”

“Right. What does she look like?”

“Nothing like you.”

“So she’s beautiful?”

“No. Well, yeah, but not like you, sweetie.”

“Did you skip opposite day in grade school? The opposite of beautiful is ugly.”

“I would never say you’re ugly. Or that she’s ugly. She’s like a… I don’t know how to explain. Like the unattainable. That’s how she always acted. Like nobody could ever have her. But the truth was that she’d give herself up to anyone. I thought I was lucky when our two storms crossed paths. I was a punk on the street playing in a band and she was a pretty girl looking for a place to stay. We came from troubled homes and pasts, except she had her family, I didn’t. The strange thing was that it was so bad in her house that it made me almost feel lucky I was alone. Of course, fooling around with a poor and dirty rockstar was just the fuel she needed to get back at her father. I was a toy basically. But the whirlwind between us…” Van looked at Natalie. “I mean, everyone has to have a first love, right? That impossible feeling. Knowing it is real but somehow knowing it’ll never stay real.”

“Yeah,” Natalie whispered.

“So she was the impossible. The unattainable. Everything right, wrong, and in between. I was the guy with a girl next to me when the band started playing bigger shows. She got to see a different world.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Hardly. She had wandering eyes. And you know what? So did I. We got signed. We had a lot of money thrown at us. The road was ours. The future. Just… everything. I mean, we had a song hit and it just hit. From a thousand fans on Tuesday’s show to five thousand fans on Thursday’s. People lined up around the block. The police coming in riot gear to control the crowd. That’s how fast it happened.”

“Jeez.”

“Yeah.”

“I went from five bucks in my pocket to five million. Then all my instruments were free. My rig was free. We went from a van that had no muffler to a massive tour bus. We went from opening band to headliner. And the excess of it all waiting in the wings.”

“Drugs? Women?”

“Everything.”

“Did… no, it doesn’t matter.”

Van grinned. “I never hurt anyone. I never hurt myself. Anything that happened was a caught up in the moment thing.”

“I understand.”

“I had a dream of Vanessa coming with me. And we’d be this rockstar couple. But her father got sick and she wanted to stay home. I hated the guy, but she insisted on caring for him. So I wanted to be honorable. I wanted to be good. We were getting ready for the biggest tour of our life. She refused to come. I had heard some noise about her and a couple other guys. She lied to me about it over and over. What was I supposed to do?”

“Call her out,” Natalie said. “Dump her. Go live your life.”

“Nope,” Van said. “I was the rockstar. I was stubborn. I was rich. So I bought her a diamond.”

“You proposed to her?”

“Exactly. And she said yes.”

“Wow.”

“And it wasn’t really a true proposal kind of thing either. Just my way of making sure she knew…”

“Knew what?”

“Knew that I didn’t want her to sleep with anyone else. Even though by then she already had. Lots of guys. Hell, by the time I got on the tour bus she was already in bed with someone. And the kicker? Her father was never sick.”

“Oh, Van.”

“Yeah. But I went on the road and tried to keep in touch. I indulged and flirted with my own demons, which made everything harder. It was like we were competing to hurt each other worse. I’d find out she slept with someone so I’d go and have a wild night. We did that for a couple years. Then it came to a big end… when she got pregnant.”

“No way.”

“By me,” Van said.

He stopped talking for a few seconds. This was beyond digging deep. He never talked to anyone about this stuff.

“I had gotten off the road and we went at it,” Van said. “It was just nothing but angry stuff. You know? Like my way of trying to give her one final goodbye. Then she got pregnant.”

“So… you have a kid?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Oh.”

“She lost the baby early in the pregnancy,” Van said. “There was a tie there though. Between us. Nothing I could do about it. So I tried to be there for her. All the time. She called and I was there. She needed something and I was there. Year after year. She kept the ring, too. I told her to keep it. Maybe somewhere inside me I thought that the smoke would clear and it would work out. Then she stopped calling and texting. She told me she wanted to be done for a little while. That little while lasted two years. Then she text me out of nowhere and said she was engaged.”

“So that’s the story.”

“That’s the story, sweetie,” Van said. He looked at Natalie. “Now she wants to talk. To meet. To something.”

“Maybe it’s your chance. You can right all the wrong.”

“She’s engaged.”

“She still has your ring, right?”

“Yeah, she does.”

“So you come first. You called dibs.”

Van smiled. “How can you talk like that? We’re naked in my bed. And you’re pushing me to connect with someone else.”

“This is… I mean… you hit Mark. Thanks for that.”

“Is this how you thank everyone who helps you?”

“No. Just the sexy ones.”

Natalie touched Van’s cheek. He hurried to put his hand to hers and kept it there. They slowly inched forward until their heads were touching. Van felt his heart jumping leaps and bounds right now. This was real. This was very real. But Natalie…

“I’ll hit that asshole in the mouth everyday if you want,” Van whispered.

“You just want to get laid everyday.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Thank you for telling me all that. I’ll keep it between us, Van. I mean, if you’re worried. I know it must be hard to be famous and stuff. If people find things out and spread rumors.”

“I don’t care,” Van said. “I have nothing to hide. I might regret certain things but I’m not afraid of the past. I can’t go back and change it. I can only control the future, right?”

“Yeah,” Natalie said.

The future, sweetie. You… you’re the future…

15.

Natalie sat across from Andrea. The woman’s desk was a complete mess of clutter. However, Andrea swore she knew where everything was. It was not a mess at all, but rather a touch of organized chaos. Chaos that made Andrea a lot of money.

“What’s your plan?” Andrea asked and then folded her hands.

“Wow, you’re going total Mom on me here. Your hands are folded and everything.”

“Uh, fine,” Andrea said. She grabbed a pen and rested her pointer and middle fingers to her cheek with her other hand. “Better?”

“Now you look like a principal who hates her job and is listening to two kids squabble over who threw the first punch.”

“I hate you, Nat.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Just tell me what you’re doing.”

“I’m surviving. I like helping you, okay? Can’t that be good enough?”

“Do you think it’s good enough?”

“For now, sure,” Natalie said. “I’ve been…”

Distracted by a sexy rockstar in some kind of weird relationship that you wouldn’t understand. You’d probably judge and that would probably be the right thing to do because it’s crazy.

“You like that guy,” Andrea said. “Van.”

“Maybe I do.”

“He really socked Mark.”

“Yeah.”

“I had a big mess to clean up after that. Luckily nobody knew a thing about the history. So it was just a situation.”

“He got into some serious trouble for that,” Natalie said.

“He’s a rockstar. Isn’t finding trouble their thing?”

“You could say that.”

“I’m asking because something came across my desk for you,” Andrea said.

“Oh?”

“A friend of a friend has been admiring your artwork. There might be a teaching job on the horizon for you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Nothing glamorous but a job. A good paying job. A small town, small district, but people with money. It’s all private so the pay is really good. And the funding is all in order.”

“There’s a catch, right?”

“Depends on how bad you want it.”

“Meaning?”

Andrea smiled. “You just think about it. I already applied on your behalf so you should be getting a call.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Nope. So do the interview, show yourself off, and see what happens. Go from there, Nat.”

“I’m not sure if I’m angry or not.”

“I thought you’d throw something at me.”

“I guess I haven’t been taking anything too serious lately.”

“Because of a guy.”

“At least this one is single.”

Andrea snorted with a laugh. “You’re something, Nat.” Andrea looked at her screen. “I have a handful of events coming up. Pick and choose what you want to work. Please don’t get stuck behind on rent or bills again.”

“I’ll make it work. Worst case I’ll just sleep at Van’s.”

“You mean sleep with Van?”

“Well, I’d have to pay him somehow.”

Andrea didn’t reply, but her smile told Natalie something else was on her mind.

“What?” Natalie asked.

“Nothing.”

“Don’t give me that. What did you want to say to me?”

“Honestly? You seem happy right now. I’m going to stay far away from it because I don’t want to know a thing. But you seem happy, Nat. I hope you are. You deserve a little fun.”

A little fun. We’re not just having too much fun…

Yeah, they kind of were.

Being with Van consisted of flirting, trying to hide in a restaurant to grab a bite, and always ended with them in bed together. Not that there was any thing wrong with it. Van was good at everything. He took away worry. He took away pain.

“You should get a rockstar for yourself,” Natalie said.

“How many guys are in the band?” Andrea asked.

“I can try and put in a good word for you.”

“Stop that. The last thing I need is a man in my life. I’d sit there and pencil him in for sex. Oh, look, I have ten minutes on Friday between one-thirty and two in the afternoon. Can you go then?”

Natalie laughed.

Then something hit her. The last time she and Van were together…

“Hey, I have a question,” Natalie said.

“Go for it.”

“Can you find out information about other parties? Or if I have a name… can you look something up?”

“It’s not a social network,” Andrea said. “It’s a calendar.”

“Yeah, but you can spy on your competition and stuff, right? I mean, or you know how to look for parties, right?”

“I have no idea what you’re asking me.”

“If I give you a name, can you dig around?”

“Yeah. You could do the same thing with your phone.”

“Your computer screen is bigger.”

“Am I going to get in trouble?” Andrea asked.

“No. I’m not illegally funneling money out of the country.”

“Oh, okay, good.” Andrea started to stand. “Hey, wait. You better not type his name in my computer.”

“Who? Mark? Please. He’s the last thing on my mind.”

“Wow, I never thought I’d hear you say that. I should buy Van a present for curing you of your curse.”

Natalie grinned as she blushed.

Yeah, now get the hell out of the way, Andrea. I want to do the same thing for him.

******

“This could spread.”

Van shrugged his shoulders. “And?”

“It doesn’t look good,” Portis said. “I’m in New York trying to organize things and you’re crashing a business party, punching people?”

“Whoa,” Van said. “See, you’re already spreading this bigger than it is. I didn’t crash a party. I paid to be there. And I didn’t punch people. I punched a person.”

Brantley snickered. “Christ, brother.”

“What?” Van asked.

“This is not good,” Harry said. “He’s a lawyer.”

“Oh well,” Van said.

“You could end up in jail, man,” Colby said.

“Then take me away,” Van said. “He deserved it. Sorry.”

The company’s lawyer sat at the head of the table, his thinning black hair glistening with sweat. “It appears he’s just trying to rattle some chains though. My guess is it’s a pride issue. He didn’t like getting punched, so he’s threatening to get the upper hand.”

“So what’s the plan?” Portis asked.

“Give it to him,” the lawyer said.

What was his name? Chuck? Charlie? Chris?

“Give him the upper hand?” Van asked. “How?”

“Apologize,” the lawyer said. “I mean, there’s already pictures of it, right? It’s out there. But if Mark wants to push it, it could explode.”

“How about my side of the story?” Van asked. “How he propositioned a woman at that party? How about the fact that he’s married? How about…”

“Easy,” Brantley said. “Easy, man. You look ready to kill someone.”

Van felt rage inside him over the fact that something like this was lingering and that he hadn’t just told Natalie exactly how he felt. This was the first time in a long time when everything didn’t feel like a mess, so why turn it into one?

“Just tell him I apologize,” Van said. “That I had too much to drink and should have kept my composure.”

“The main business sponsorship there,” Portis said. “Find out who it was and we’ll donate to their charity of choice. Keep it all back door and end it.”

“I’ll fund it,” Van said.

“No,” Portis said. “I’ll smooth it.”

“I’m not poor, Portis.”

“Neither am I.”

“Okay,” Harry said. “Let’s try and get past this for a second. The show in L.A…. it’s pretty massive. We’re looking at well over twenty thousand people. The calls have been coming in pretty fast now. We’re looking beyond a small tour. This could turn into something huge.”

“How huge?” Jett asked.

“I’ve got contracts and commitments from thirty venues,” Portis said. “Including full sponsorships for the entire tour. Meaning it’s all paid for. Any gaps I’ll fund and you guys just play the shows you’ve always dreamed of playing.”

“That’s not everything,” Harry said with a grin.

“No?” Ryker asked.

“Well, I had something to show you,” Portis said. “Then this legal shit fell on the table.”

“Are we good with this?” the lawyer asked. “I’ll start drafting something.”

“Yes,” Van said. “Whatever we need to do. But if I see that piece of shit again, I’ll hit him again.”

Portis waved a hand, signaling the lawyer to leave. He reached for his briefcase and took out a folder. He opened it and spun it around.

It was a picture of two small jets and a larger plane behind it.

“New toys for you?” Colby asked.

“Because of how much we made for you?” Van asked.

“Not quite,” Portis said. “These are yours.”

“What are you talking about?” Van asked.

“This tour is going to be stressful. We’re going to space out the shows and make each one its own event. You’ll need to travel. So you can take a private jet or the big plane. Whatever you want. That way if there’s a two day gap, we can keep your equipment traveling and you guys can do what you want. Fly back to the studio. Maybe do a presser back home and a presser at the next show. Oh, by the way, we’re going to make the tour available to stream. So fans in California will be able to watch the New York shows…”

“Holy shit,” Jett said.

“Holy shit is right,” Harry said. “This is huge. This is groundbreaking.”

“I expect new material throughout the tour,” Portis said. “To keep the shows fresh, original, and to make the upcoming album release exciting. Got it?”

“We have a new song almost ready to go,” Van said.

“That’s what I want to hear,” Portis said. “Each night needs a new set list. A new… everything.”

“Done,” Colby said.

Done.

Just like that.

The wildness of being a rockstar was hard to believe. Ten minutes ago the room was somber with the potential of Van being sent to jail for punching that scum asshole Mark. Now he was looking at a picture of a private jet that would take him anywhere he wanted across the country on a tour that would forever cement Willow Son’s legacy with the greatest of bands.

“So we can officially end this meeting on a good note,” Portis said. “Right?”

“Agreed,” Harry said.

“Good. I’ve got a plane to catch. I’m flying up to Seattle to take a look at a few bands. I’ll need your input, guys. I trust you.”

“So we’re corporate level now,” Brantley said.

“Like a bunch of sell outs,” Van muttered.

“No,” Portis said. “I trust your judgment on music and musicians. I made a mistake before when I signed a band and stuck them on a tour with you. Remember that?”

Yeah, everyone remembered that disaster. The lead singer of Crutch Fail had damn near killed Jett’s love, Masie, and it set off a whole mess of fights to the point where it killed the tour.

“The band will be happy to help,” Harry said.

The meeting broke up but Van didn’t get up out of his chair. He just sat there. Stuck between dreams and reality.

The band gathered around him.

Colby sat on the table on one side. Brantley sat on the table, on the other side of Van. Jett and Ryker slid chairs close.

“What are you doing causing fights?” Colby asked. “You didn’t say anything about that.”

“So what?” Van asked. “Are you pissed at me?”

“No,” Jett said. “Let anyone sue the band. We can fight anything we want. But what’s going on with you?”

“Just a lot,” Van said. “Vanessa keeps bothering me. This other woman…”

“Natalie,” Brantley said. “Super hot. From the catering gig.”

“Dude,” Van said. “Super hot?”

“Definitely,” Brantley said.

“That’s good,” Ryker said. “Good distraction.”

“Yeah,” Van said. “Nothing but a distraction. That’s all it is. I, uh, hit that guy because of what he did to her, okay? He’s married and he and Natalie were… whatever. He really hurt her.”

“Ah, man,” Colby said. “You care about her. That’s not just a distraction.”

“Yeah, it is. I was repaying a favor. She helped me that night of Portis’s party. I was wicked drunk and she got me home. So when this guy showed up with his wife at the party… she couldn’t do anything about it because she was working. So I took care of it.”

“You punched him,” Brantley said.

“Yeah. He deserved it.”

“I’m sure he did,” Ryker said.

“This is more than a distraction,” Jett said. “You’re in the thick of this now.”

“No, I’m not,” Van said. He finally stood up. “I’m just trying to help her out. And you know what? She’s helping me. Leave it at that.”

“Fine,” Colby said. “Fine. Just try to stay out of trouble.”

Van walked to the door. He opened the door and as it swung shut, he heard Brantley say, “He’s going to fall in love with that woman. And it’s going to be crazy.”

Van made fists and gritted his teeth.

Brantley was right and wrong.

He was right because it was going to be crazy.

He was wrong about Van falling in love.

I am already in love. Goddammit, I am in love.

******

The phone rang and Natalie gulped down some water. Her mouth was killer dry. It was the interview. Andrea had worked the entire thing out for Natalie. Natalie knew she should have been researching the company. To show interest and to show care. Instead, she had been planning something for Van.

She could get a good paying job and settle all this with Van. Put it all out there. Leave her heart dangling for the taking and hope that Van would take the chance and snag it. Because Natalie would give it to him.

Natalie picked up the phone.

The guy’s name was Peter. He had a deep voice and he knew Andrea quite well. The whole friend of a friend thing seemed to be a little bit of a lie. Natalie caught herself smiling as she wondered when Andrea had slept with Peter.

Talk about pulling a favor out of her back pocket, right?

The only thing Natalie wanted to know was why Andrea hadn’t done this earlier?

Turns out there were two very good reasons why.

The first - the position at the private school just opened last week. So they were actively looking, but doing so quietly. That’s how Peter liked to hire. By word of mouth. By meeting applicants. And even then, he didn’t like the word applicants. He said applicants were those looking for a job. He wanted someone looking for a career. Someone who was going to come in, settle, and enjoy life. The only reason the previous teacher left was because she decided to be a stay-at-home mom after the birth of her first daughter.

Lucky me…

Natalie was beaming. She was actually pacing the living room of her cramped apartment. This was too good to be true.

And then, with another dose of reality, it was.

The second reason why Andrea hadn’t done this earlier… the reason why Natalie was speaking on the phone with Peter instead of in person…

Natalie had her dream job on the other line and her heart in her hand.

16.

All Natalie wanted to do was talk to Van. To just actually talk to him. To tell him about the interview and the decision that was on her shoulders. It shouldn’t have even been a decision.

But then Van had to go and pick her up, take her to a small airport, and put her on a private jet.

A private freaking jet.

He had champagne on the jet and they flew for only a short while before landing.

“Truthfully,” Van told her as they left the jet, “we could have driven down here. Portis is going to be pissed. But he said we could use the jets whenever we wanted.”

Natalie smiled, blushing, feeling like she was royalty or something.

Two men waited outside the jet, a black car already pulled up, the back door open.

A few people lingered around shouting for Van, waving and screaming they loved him. That was one thing Natalie never got used to. The way people always wanted to see the band and be near the band. Rightfully so. They were amazing. All of them.

Van escorted Natalie to the car.

The door was shut and the car started to move.

“What are we doing here?” Natalie asked.

“Just going to check out the venue,” Van said. “It’s almost show time, right? I just love coming to a place before the show. I usually do it on the day of the show, but circumstances are different here.”

“Okay…”

“Just think about it. There’s twenty thousand plus people screaming and cheering. There’s sound. There’s music. There’s everything. But then you go to the venue before the show. Before the fans show up. And it’s just silent. So amazingly silent. And you just stand there and look out there. Think about what you want to do. What you want to play. How you want to play it. The eyes, sweetie, the eyes. You’re going to stare into thousands of eyes. It’s wild.”

“It seems that way.”

Van took Natalie by the hand when the car stopped. They were at the back of a large building. A concert venue. Well, an arena. Where sports teams played. Where concerts were held. Where Van and the rest of Willow Son were going to be playing a show.

Pausing, Van pointed to a sign that switched between several advertisements for sporting events, for a local restaurant, for a lawyer, and then for the Willow Son show.

“I love seeing that,” Van said. “If you want to know.”

“It’s really amazing,” Natalie said.

“Now let’s go inside and check things out.”

Natalie tugged Van’s hand at the door. “Hey. I want to talk to you. I need to talk to you.”

“Inside, okay?”

“Okay,” Natalie whispered.

Her heart raced as she walked the hallways of the large arena. They ended up at the spot where athletes would walk to go out to the main floor of the arena. That’s where Van took Natalie.

He pulled her close and pointed. “That’s where the stage is all going to be set up. See how they just moved all the seats back to make room for us?”

“It’s cool,” Natalie said.

She was nervous. She had no idea what Van had planned.

“Before we go to the stage, want to see the backstage dressing room?”

“Sure.”

They hurried back down the hallway and Van made a turn. They kept going and he opened a random door. There was a decent room with couches, tables, a bar. It looked like a mini apartment. It smelled really clean and fresh. Like it hadn’t been used in a while.

When Natalie entered the room, Van shut the door. And then he locked it.

Hearing that click made Natalie’s heart jump. For what she had to say - do it, right now - she couldn’t help but turn, stare at Van, and feel herself getting turned on.

Van didn’t help the situation by closing in on her, his hands grazing her waist, pulling her close.

“Want to be my groupie?” he whispered as his lips touched her neck.

Natalie purred and tried to fight away. Her hands slipped around to Van’s back and down to his ass. Her hands went into the back pockets of his jeans and she was mush. Her panties were already uncomfortable from the heat and wetness. Plus, she was in an arena… with a rockstar… maybe one of the hottest fantasies she could possibly imagine happening.

“I’ll be your groupie,” Natalie said. “I can’t believe all of this.”

“Neither can I,” Van whispered.

He kissed Natalie’s neck, sending a fresh wave of shivers everywhere. It was pretty obvious this wasn’t going to be anything normal. No stripping naked. No savoring each other’s bodies. This was about one thing - Van inside her body.

Thinking that made Natalie’s toes curl.

When he touched the front of her jeans, she jumped. Van pushed her against the couch and opened her jeans. He hurried to not just open them, but to slide them down her body.

Slowly, Natalie lifted her shirt, wanting it off. She couldn’t believe that her body, heart, and mind were all agreeing with this. It’s what Van did to her though. He took all that shyness that hid within her and stripped it away.

And my panties…

Natalie felt her panties sliding down her legs. She watched Van take them down to her ankles. He was crouched down. He came forward, gently kissing her sex, one flicker of his tongue was enough to make Natalie groan. One hand touched her waist as Van stood up. The other hand cut between her thighs, finding her slick core. Two fingers were eager to explore and Natalie was more than ready. She felt Van’s fingers enter her and she hissed, already inching toward a climactic edge.

Van took his fingers away. He gripped Natalie’s waist tight and his eyes devoured her. That left Natalie feeling like there was no air in the room. She was completely overwhelmed by everything. Van touching her. Van wanting her. Van bringing her here. The reality she had to give to Van.

Before all that… just to be lost… with him…

Natalie touched Van’s jeans. He was ready. Oh, damn, he was very ready. His thickness pressed hard to his jeans and Natalie was determined to free him. She barely needed to push his jeans down before his cock popped free. Her hand quickly grabbed him, lovingly stroking him bottom to top, still amazed at what he had to offer.

Van then took control. He gently placed his hand to Natalie’s and stripped her away from him. Natalie reached back and grabbed the top of the leather couch. She watched as Van gripped himself tight and placed himself to her body. As he pressed forward, the pressure was instant. Enough that Natalie lost her breath. The angle was different, but the pleasure was just as great. The rush of intense warmth and tingling was enough to make her knees buckle a little.

Once deep inside her, Van put his forehead to hers. “Ah, fuck, sweetie. You have no idea how good it feels.”

“Oh, trust me, I do.”

They kissed as Van started to love her. Pulling back and thrusting forward. Taking it nice and easy, making it so Natalie’s body felt every inch of Van’s. She lifted her right leg and wrapped it around his body. His hands nestled to her ass and lifted her. That allowed Natalie to wrap her other leg around Van, fully offering herself to him. Natalie trusted Van and he took damn good care of her.

Natalie put her hands to Van’s neck and held on tight. The faster he went, the better it felt. The allure of being backstage and in a dressing room made everything hotter.

“Sweetie,” Van groaned. “Ah, Natalie…”

Hearing him growl her name while loving her sent Natalie completely over the edge. Her head fell back as the pleasure took its final stand. The warm rush of desire was matched by the pounding of Van’s cock.

It could have been hours in the room, but Natalie’s mind lost track of everything.

Van worked his hands up her body and cupped her face. Their foreheads touched again as Van moved even faster. The speed was impossible, the pleasure the same. Natalie could feel him thickening, filling up, knowing it would only be a matter of seconds. When Van did climax, he thrust deep and let out a long hiss. Natalie couldn’t help herself as she kissed him, demanding his lips, his wild tongue. The kiss lasted longer than the orgasm did, leaving Van gently sliding back and forth, finally resting, but still kissing Natalie.

What had begun with the wild sense of being naughty now had slowed itself and stripped itself down to romance. Wild and free romance. The ability to just kiss and not give a shit about anything else in the world.

Until the kiss ended.

When Natalie looked into Van’s eyes, she knew she had to say something.

She opened her mouth and Van brushed his mouth against hers. “Not yet, sweetie. There’s one more thing.”

******

Getting dressed in a dressing room was one thing, running into a security guard a few seconds later was another. The guy gave Van and Natalie the stink eye until Van shook the guy’s hand and offered an autograph. The power of rock n’ roll was so damn sexy.

Back out on the floor, Van took Natalie by the hand and led her to the stage. “Just think… this is where I’ll be walking up. Carrying my bass. Adjusting my ear piece. Getting ready to start the show.”

They walked across the stage. Van pointed out into the audience and gave a nod.

“Wow,” Natalie said.

It was breathtaking. All those seats empty. Folded up. The silence that Van had been talking about. It was very intense and Natalie knew nothing about being a musician or being on stage in front of twenty thousand people.

Van stepped up behind Natalie. “That’s why I wanted you here.”

“For sex?”

“No. So you could experience this. This quietness… yet it’s so loud.”

“I understand now.”

“No, I don’t think you do.”

Natalie turned her head. “Try me.”

“You somehow make everything make sense. I swear, sweetie, I wanted to just thank you for helping my drunk ass. But then you just stuck with me. Your eyes. Your beauty. I trusted you from the second I met you. And now… I’m offering something I don’t ever do.”

“What’s that?”

“My love,” Van said. “I brought you here - to my home, to one of the few places that scares me - to tell you something that scares me. To tell you that I love you. That I’ve fallen in love with you. That I don’t know what the hell it all means. But I love you, Natalie.”

The words sank deep into Natalie. The silence in the entire arena was gone now. There was nothing but noise all around. Natalie started to shake. Not just because of the entire day. Not just because of what Van had said.

It was because of what lingered on her lips. Something that was not going to be able to be stopped from speaking.

“I love you,” Natalie said. She slowly turned and faced Van. “I love you, Van. I really love you.”

“Wow,” Van said. “So we love each other.”

“But I still have to do something for you.”

“You don’t have to do a thing, sweetie.”

Natalie nodded. “Yes, I do. You punched Mark in the face for me.”

“I almost got put in jail.”

“I know that, Van. That’s kind of sexy. But stupid. So I want to repay the favor.”

“You’re going to punch…”

“No. But you’re going to go finish it. You have to get that closure, Van. I know where she is.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Vanessa. She’s having a party. An engagement thing with some friends. I know… well… Andrea knows the person catering it. Andrea is kind of helping a little with it. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to put you in a car and drive you there. But then you put me on a jet and flew me here.”

Van had Natalie at arm’s length. She felt her heart racing and tried to judge his face. She expected something, but he was just blank. He was just empty right now.

“Van…”

“You want me to go talk to her,” he whispered.

“You said she keeps reaching out to you. So go finish it. Take your final stand with her.”

“She just wants to give me that damn ring back.”

“So then take it. Trade it in for a guitar or an expensive bottle of booze.”

“So that’s what I am? I’ll trade a diamond ring for booze. So I can get piss drunk and stumble around?”

“No. I don’t mean it like that, Van. Just…”

“I brought you here to tell you I love you. That’s my closure. That’s all I want. You. I’m trying to sort all of this shit out in my head.”

“I’m trying to help, that’s all.”

I’m not done yet, Van. Please… just take a second…

Van stepped back. Natalie was out of his reach now.

“What do you want me to say?” Van asked.

“I don’t know. There’s something else I have to tell you too.”

“Wow. This is getting really good.”

“Please, Van…”

“This is what I get, right? You think I’m just going to live as a drunk rockstar, don’t you?”

“No,” Natalie said. “I would never think that. I just know how it feels. If you go face her and just see her life now…”

Natalie could see Van was deathly afraid right now. The hold Vanessa had on him was completely real. That was okay though. Natalie could live with that.

What are you doing? You didn’t even tell him what’s really happening…

“I don’t want anything to do with the past,” Van said. “You did that for me. To me. With me. You made it all okay.”

“Van, I have something else to tell you.”

Van raised an eyebrow and stepped back. “What now? Are you back with Mark? Letting him slip into your mind?”

“Jesus, no,” Natalie said. “That’s what you would think first?”

“I don’t know what to think. I bring you here to…”

Natalie shook her head. “Van, I got a job offer. I can teach art full-time. At a really good school. For a really good paycheck. It’s perfect.”

Van put his hands out. “Why would that be something bad?”

Emotion caught up to Natalie. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but it was impossible. And then she spit it out. Finally.

“The job is in Texas.”

“That’s pretty far,” Van said.

“Over a thousand miles, Van.”

“Yeah.”

Silence came again. And this time it wasn’t broken by a confession of love.

It was just silence.

******

Van couldn’t turn his head to look at her. She was going to take the private jet back by herself. That was the best he could offer Natalie right now. It was his attempt at keeping his mouth shut and controlling the situation with silence. The truth was that Natalie should have already had her bags packed and a flight booked for Texas. There was no need to waste another second with him. She could go to her new small town, her new school, and start her new life.

For Van, it would be the same old, same old. Get on stage, offer his soul for a couple hours, then spend the rest of the time wasting away in thoughts, drinks, and eventually start to replace Natalie’s memory with other women who wanted nothing more than one night. That was the life that waited.

“It doesn’t have to be…”

“It does,” Van whispered. “Just go, sweetie.”

Natalie opened the door and climbed out of the car. The door didn’t close though. That’s when Van turned his head, just once. She leaned down and stared at him. Reaching into her pocket, she took out a piece of paper and threw it to the seat.

“That’s the address. I was going to go with you. Be there for you, like you were for me. You don’t have to be so tall around me, Van. I know what it feels like.”

Van put his hand to the paper and crumbled it. He swatted it off the seat and didn’t say a word to Natalie. He wanted to be defiant because he could. The expectation was to get Natalie on the private jet and offer her some attention high up in the air. But the trip back to California would be alone.

For both of them.

That was fine with Van.

Serves me right for falling in love…

Natalie eventually slammed the door to the car.

And Van slammed the door to his heart.

17.

Van hit the last note and stood there, nodding. The empty feeling was still very present, but Van could manage it for now. The new song was killer. It was finally cut as a half decent demo, which meant they could all listen to it and figure out what needed to be changed.

To Van, it was damn perfect as is.

“Hey,” Jett said. “I was thinking about what Van said before. This should be the opener.”

“Yes,” Van said.

“That’s risky,” Colby said. “All those people ready to jam and they get a new song…”

“Leak it,” Brantley said. “Fuck the lawyers and the piracy shit.”

“Whoa,” Ryker said. “Someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed?”

“No. Just an empty bed. I don’t like that.”

“Join the club,” Van said.

“Wait,” Colby said, looking at Van, “what happened with you?”

“Nothing. Just didn’t work out. We were just… enjoying our time together. It came to an end.”

“I call bullshit,” Jett said. “I know how your mind works, Van.”

“How so?”

“What happened?” Jett asked.

“She took a job in Texas, okay? She told me I should face Vanessa one last time to get my final closure and then just be done.”

“Not the worst idea,” Colby said.

“Fuck off,” Van said. “She just wants to throw that ring in my face. I don’t need that memory.”

“Maybe you do,” Brantley said. “Then you can trade the ring in. Or burn it. Or run it over with a tank.”

Van hated that the guys were making the same case as Natalie did. It was like they all talked or something about this. Like the studio had now become some kind of intervention.

“Can we talk about music?” Van asked.

“Fine,” Brantley said. “Leak the new song. Do it.”

“Portis may not like that,” Colby said with a smile.

“Who cares?” Jett asked.

“It’s a good idea,” Ryker said. “Leak the new song. Then open the first show with it.”

“Yes,” Van said. “Yes. Let’s just do it all. I don’t care. I want to play it again. Come on. Let’s do it.”

Colby turned and faced the mic. He gave the orders to record the song again. This time was going to be for real.

The recording light went on.

Brantley started the song with his drums. Van came in with his bass. Anger flowed from the pit of his stomach and depths of his heart as he played. He couldn’t remember a time playing when he was so angry.

The band recorded the song two more times before having everything the way they wanted it. Then they were in the sound room, in front of the mixing board, perfecting the sound.

All Van could think about was Natalie. He had made sure the jet got her home safe and sound. From there… whatever.

The crumbled up piece of paper she had given him didn’t stay on the floor of the car either. It was smoothed out and folded up. And it was in Van’s back pocket.

And, yeah, fine, he was planning on going to see Vanessa one last time.

From there… maybe it was time to grab a cowboy hat and head to Texas.

******

Natalie pulled a piece of tape over a box and then rested the tape gun on the box. She really didn’t have all that much. The initial move would be her car full of stuff and the rest would come later. Andrea was such a good friend in all this. Making sure to help with everything she could for the big move to Texas. Peter was a big help too, giving Natalie advice on the best places to look for. In fact, Natalie had lucked out when a friend of Peter’s took a year long economics job in China, leaving his house empty and available for rent. Natalie paid basically nothing, other than keeping the house standing and clean.

It was all going way too smooth and way too easy. Part of Natalie told herself that if there was any kind of bumps in the road, it would be a sign that she was meant to stay and be with Van.

But that wasn’t happening.

Her stuff fit in the boxes perfectly. She had enough tape. She had enough money to cover most of the expenses to do this. The little bit left over was going to go on a credit card, but Peter offered her a generous offer to relocate her. She’d get that check when she moved and got through her first month of teaching. Oh, not to mention the salary was double what she had been making. What could make it any better? The contract was for three years. So there was no chance of losing anything here. That meant for the first time in her life Natalie could work a job with plenty left over to save.

Plus, being in a new town would give her a chance to meet new people. She’d have a big house to take care of and have time to work on her drawings and artwork.

Did I forget to mention that the previous art teacher was still very active in the school? And that her best friend was a renowned artist? And that she was looking forward to meeting me and talking about art?

Yet Natalie sat on the floor of her bedroom, her back against the wall, knees bent, and she felt empty. Damn empty.

She thought pushing Van to get closure would help. That he’d go face Vanessa, get it over with, and then they’d work on this next part. California to Texas was far but not that far, right? They could make it work. Van had a private jet. He was going out on tour. So he could travel, fly around, whatever. Plus, on the weekends, Natalie could do whatever she needed to do to meet up with him.

Or maybe somewhere in her heart she envisioned Van doing something crazy like showing up in Texas, wanting to live with her.

Natalie shut her eyes and shook her head. A tear escaped as she realized she was making the same mistake again. Going too far with her damn mind. Instead of just accepting reality she had to go and try to dig deeper. Making something out of nothing. Life was made up of moments, not scenes from a movie. Because if this was a movie and this was really real, then Van would be at the…

There was a knock at the door.

It echoed through the almost empty apartment.

Natalie thought she had imagined it.

Then the knocking continued.

She jumped to her feet and wiped her face.

Van was here. Just like I knew he’d come.

Natalie charged through the apartment, jumping over a couple small boxes in her way. She grabbed the doorknob and tore the door open, ready for anything Van wanted. No matter what.

“It’s over.”

Natalie gasped.

It was Mark standing there.

No, no, no, no…

******

Van knew the place. A little upper class kind of retail development. Where people with luxury vehicles came to shop. Where jeans were on sale for two hundred dollars. Where the cheap cup of coffee was a little under ten bucks. The stone walkway was intricate and pretty. Purposely planted trees with speakers sticking out of the ground like an extra root, playing soft and soothing music. Van kept his head down, making himself as hidden as he could. It was almost dark out, but every few feet stood a lamp, making sure it was bright enough to make everyone feel safe and keep them shopping.

The corner cafe was where Vanessa was. Her and some of her friends were apparently having a gathering to talk about dresses, flowers, and food. All the stuff that Van thought he’d be dragged into with Vanessa a long damn time ago.

He had sent her a text to let her know this was her one chance to talk.

When he got to the cafe, he sent another one, telling her he was here.

Then he spotted her as she stood from a table that had to have at least ten other women seated around it. They were all dressed way too fancy for a cup of coffee, almost like they were all competing with each other. Who had the most money? Who had the nicest car? Whose husband brought home the biggest paycheck? Better yet… whose husband wasn’t having an affair?

Vanessa opened the door and a little gust of wind stole some hair from behind her ear and spread it across her face. She fought the hair and stared at Van.

She was as damn beautiful as the first day Van met her. She still had those wild eyes and a little flicker of a smile.

“Van.”

“I’m here.”

“Then let’s talk.”

“Am I holding things up in there?”

“No,” Vanessa said. “They’re fine. They have magazines and opinions. Plus, they get to suggest how to spend Will’s money. That’s a dream for any woman. Spend someone else’s money.”

Van gritted his teeth and kept his hands in his pockets.

Will. The fiancé.

“Okay,” Van said. “Should we just stand here and talk?”

“There’s a bench around the corner,” Vanessa said. “Come on.”

Everything about Vanessa now screamed fancy. She had certainly landed herself into some money. That didn’t surprise Van though. She always had an ability to read people and find what she needed, maybe not what she wanted. Then again, Van never knew what the hell Vanessa wanted.

Vanessa sat down and patted the seat for Van.

“I’m good here,” Van said.

“Okay. Always stubborn.”

“Yeah.”

“I never got the chance to tell you how proud I am of you. I mean, you went out there and put it all on the line. With the band, I mean. It’s amazing to see Willow Son so famous.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“I know you gave up a lot.”

“Not that much,” Van said.

“Van…”

“What?”

“If you stayed, and we stayed together, you wouldn’t have been happy.”

“Because you were screwing other people all the time.”

Vanessa nodded. “I was the one who watched you go out there and disappear. I never knew what would happen. So I was scared. And lonely.”

“I made sure to take care of you,” Van said. “From the second I signed my first deal. Christ, when I was signing my name, staring at the payday, I thought about you.”

“I know you did. You were such a good person. I mean, you still are. I’m sure you are. Whoever is with you now… she’s lucky.”

Van gritted his teeth. “Why did you want to meet me so bad?”

“To just be honest for a second. To tell you that I really am happy.”

“You found money.”

“Yeah, I have. Will is a doctor. He’s smart. He’s rich. Is that what you want to hear?”

“I don’t want to hear a thing. I just thought we had an understanding.”

“And what was that?” Vanessa asked.

Van told himself not to get hypnotized by her pretty eyes. “That you were going to keep that ring as a promise from me. That when the time came…”

“It did come,” Vanessa said. She slowly stood up. “The time came and I had a hell of a time reaching you, Van. But when I was able to, I contacted you, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“So I did nothing wrong.”

“Except you really did, Vanessa. You broke my heart. You were the fire behind me. You were goddamn everything. And you were never really there, were you?”

“I was there,” Vanessa said. “What was I supposed to do? Demand you give up your dream? Tell you to stay with me? So I could live in a world where you and my father fought each other? What would you have done if you stayed? How would you have made money?”

“Money,” Van said. “That’s all it ever was. Beaten into you from day one. To go marry someone rich to fix all your family’s problems. Such bullshit. You were blind to what I felt for you. I gave you that ring…”

“Yeah, I know about the ring,” Vanessa said. “Did you think of the ring on my finger when you were on tour? When you were drinking after the shows? When you woke in the morning with someone else in your bed?”

Van curled his lip. “Did you wear the ring when you were with someone else?”

“It’s all I wore,” Vanessa whispered.

Van felt pain, jealousy, a fire raging inside him. This was what she did. She knew how to cut deep into him and destroy everything.

This was what Natalie wanted for me? To feel this way? To face Vanessa and her vile attitude? Why?

Van had a thousand things to say. Hell, he could pull anything out of his back pocket right now. Anything to make Vanessa feel pain. Anything to make her cry.

But Van held back.

Vanessa then inched forward. “It’s all I wore because all I could ever do was think of you, Van. It wasn’t about… it was about feeling something. That’s why I wanted to see you now. To feel… something…”

Vanessa moved to her toes. Her hands gently touched Van’s shoulders. Van knew this move. He had lived through this move for a long damn time. The one move that could reduce him to nothing. And she was doing it. Her lips were getting closer…

******

“I don’t want to see you,” Natalie said. “Not right now. Not ever. I’m leaving, Mark. Okay? I took a job somewhere else. Far away from here. So we never have to see each other again.”

“She left me,” Mark said. He let out a little laugh. “She finally left me.”

“What?”

“Angela left me. I’m getting divorced. For real this time. Finally.”

Natalie lost her breath for a second. After all these years…

“I’m sorry. What happened?”

“That stupid dinner party thing. You and that guy from Willow Son got to her. It broke her down.”

“What?”

“You heard me. First, I looked like a complete loser getting cold cocked like that. Not that I didn’t deserve it. She was demanding that I go after the band to get something out of it. Get some money. But I didn’t want that. I sent a few nasty letters but pulled back. The band’s lawyers apologized and blamed it on alcohol and a poor decision.”

“Okay,” Natalie said.

“But I think what really did it was when she actually met you. When she got to see how beautiful you are.”

“She didn’t seem threatened.”

“That’s Angela. Tough on the outside all the time. Until you’re behind closed doors. Then it’s… wow. She was a mess for days. She knew it. That she meant nothing to me. Not like the way you mean something to me, Natalie.”

“Mark, no.”

“Yes,” he said and stepped into the apartment. “Look, I fucked up from day one, okay? I really did. I know that. I never wanted to be with Angela. As sad as it sounds, we had a silent agreement on things. As long as we kept the image going. But now Angela feels that she can empower herself more as a divorced woman. I’ll go my way, she goes her way. I’ll pick up my pieces, she picks up hers. It all works out.”

Mark took another step toward Natalie.

He smiled.

Natalie didn’t trust him for a second.

“Nothing is going to work out,” Natalie said.

“That’s where you’re wrong, baby,” Mark said. He touched Natalie’s face. “So wrong. It’s going to work out.”

Natalie put her hands to Mark’s chest to push him away.

But before she could do anything, he moved in and kissed her…

******

“What the hell are you trying to do?” Van said. He stepped back, putting his hands to Vanessa’s waist. “You’re not going to do that to me again.”

“We have something,” she said. “I was carrying our child.”

Van felt his stomach turn. “Yeah, I know, Vanessa. That was a long time ago. You’re engaged now. You’re happy.”

“I never said I was…”

“Yeah, you did. I can’t help you. I couldn’t help you then and I’m not going to try now.”

“So you do have someone.”

“I never said that,” Van said.

“You couldn't resist me ever,” Vanessa said. “So who is she?”

“My personal life is none of your business. The only time you need to think of me is when I’m on the radio. And the only time you get to see me is when I’m on stage. You wanted to meet me…why? So you could attack me? Break me down and then sweep me up like you always did. I get that now, Vanessa.”

Van felt his heart pounding. He never thought he’d get to say this to Vanessa. And he couldn’t have done it without Natalie pushing him. She had seen something Van couldn't see.

Goddammit, I love that woman…

“Not even one last time?” Vanessa asked. “The rockstar thing, that’s all I want. One night. My last little bit of fun.”

“You want fun?” Van asked and brought Vanessa close to him.

“Yes, Van. Please… I’ll beg you. I’ll do anything. I’ll wear the ring. Only the ring. Just for you.”

“Okay. You want fun. Tell you what… take your fiancé’s credit card, go buy something expensive, and then flaunt it in front of your fake fucking friends.”

Van then pushed away from Vanessa.

Just like that, the connection was broken. Finally. Once and for all.

Vanessa’s eyes glistened in the light. “Wow. Okay.” She reached into her pocket and then opened her hand. There was the ring. The goddamn ring Van had spent so much money on all that while ago. “I guess someone else deserves this then. Maybe she’ll wear it with a little more happiness than I ever did.”

“I don’t want that,” Van said.

Vanessa put the ring on the bench. She then lunged forward and kissed Van’s cheek. She let out a whimper and then sucked in a breath. She strained her eyes to look up as she wiped under her eyes.

“Goodbye, Van,” she said.

Vanessa walked away.

Van didn’t even look.

“Goodbye,” he whispered.

He stared at the ring on the bench.

“I guess someone else deserves this then. Maybe she’ll wear it with a little more happiness than I ever did.”

******

“You’ll regret this for the rest of your fucking life.”

Natalie shut the door and locked it. She slid down to her ass and hugged her knees. She couldn’t do it again. She couldn’t face that trap again. Getting stuck was not an option. Even if Mark was telling the truth, it didn’t matter.

Natalie didn’t love him. Natalie didn’t want him.

She wanted Van.

A smile crept across her face.

She never believed this could happen. That she could feel so…

I love you, Van.

18.

Van paced back and forth. His fingers twitched with anticipation. The crowd was so goddamn loud, it was amazing. The stage was almost set up. The rest of the band lingered around. Portis had his arms folded, casually looking around. Van knew he was mentally calculating costs, profits, money, money, money. Harry was on his cell, taking calls and texts about future shows and all kinds of marketing stuff.

Right now, it was about the music. About making this show the greatest Willow Son show ever. Because then the band would have to top it. And the next show would top that one. That’s what the tour would become.

The idea of leaking the song was genius. It got over a million downloads in a day before it was pulled. Fans took to social media to spread the word about it. That left Portis with the idea to make the song available for free to anyone who bought a ticket to a show. Again, all that background noise was left for Portis and Harry.

While the music ran through Van’s mind, his heart felt empty without Natalie around. Last he heard she was already gone to Texas. Not that he really did too much to find her other than send her flowers to her old place, new place, and called Andrea to ask fifty questions. And he made sure someone delivered all the necessary credentials so that if she decided to come to the show tonight, she’d be backstage the entire time.

Natalie was nowhere to be found.

“Huddle up,” Colby yelled.

The band all got together.

Ryker and Jett held their guitars like warriors with swords, ready for battle. There was a deep look in Brantley’s eyes; completely focused and ready to go.

“This is just a show,” Colby said. “We go out on that stage with the same attitude and passion as when we played Willy’s and there were three people there. Remember that. Remember this. And fucking rock.”

Van stepped back and took a deep breath. Jett and Ryker went to their guitar techs for a final check. Colby started jumping up and down. Brantley walked to the side of the stage and put one foot up on the first step.

Two guys with flashlights on stage flicked their lights.

That was the cue to get ready.

Van took a step forward and he felt something tug on his shirt.

He spun around and felt like he was going to pass out.

“Natalie…”

“Hey. Sorry I’m late.”

“Natalie.”

She was really standing there.

“I’m here,” she said. “I had to make some last minute changes on things. But I wanted to see this show. Is that okay?”

“I sent… I tried…”

“Van!” a voice boomed.

The lights went out in the arena.

The audience exploded with thundering cheers.

Van couldn’t hear himself think. He grabbed at Natalie, sliding a hand to her lower back and pulling her close. There was no time to waste. Not just because of the show but because of… forever. Forever wasn’t real. Forever didn’t exist. But there were all the moments between now and then to go after.

And that’s what Van did.

He pressed his lips to Natalie’s.

She put her hands to Van’s hair and pulled playfully.

The crowd cheered and screamed like wild.

Van was supposed to be up on stage by now. He and Brantley were starting the show with the new song. But Van was preoccupied kissing Natalie. Christ, he wanted to strip off the bass and just run away with her.

Their lips flirted over and over. Their tongues touched, the kiss grew hot, then became slow and gentle. When Van broke the kiss, Natalie smiled as her hands touched his face.

“Go!” she yelled. “Don’t lose your dream.”

“That dream,” Van said and pointed back, “that dream already came true. There’s another dream right in front of me, sweetie.”

Van kissed Natalie one more time and then ran for the stage.

“Ready to do this?” Colby asked and patted Van on the back.

Van and Brantley took to the steps and to the stage. The crowd cheered louder as their silhouettes were seen by all twenty thousand plus in attendance.

Van stood there and waited for Brantley.

When the drums started, it was magic. A rolling and booming sound that carried through the entire arena. Van came in with the bass line and Willow Son was brought to life.

As Jett and Ryker stepped out on stage, the crowd got louder.

Then came Colby. He darted across the stage and grabbed the mic. He went to the very corner and waved, getting everyone jumping. Then he moved to the other side of the stage and did the same.

It was by far the longest introduction to a Willow Son show ever.

But it was so damn worth it.

The new song as the opening song worked. As Van stood there playing, he couldn't believe how many people already knew the damn lyrics. That’s when he realized all these people weren’t just fans.

They were family. They were his family. The people closest to his heart. Just like the four guys on stage with him. They were his brothers. And then on the side of the stage, there was the woman he loved.

Life wasn’t perfect, but it was never intended to be perfect.

But Van could definitely get lost in everything being okay.

As long as the music was loud and the love between he and Natalie was real.

******

The show was unbelievable. Like nothing Natalie had ever experienced in her life. Standing there on the side of the stage she watched as Willow Son tore through song after song. They were loud, they were fast, they were perfect. There wasn’t a single person in attendance that wasn’t jumping, dancing, screaming, singing back to the band. Colby worked the audience with his heart open. He talked, listened, laughed, and cheered right back.

At one point, Natalie caught herself stepping up on the steps to see more. That was just in time to watch as Van climbed into the crowd. She let out a gasp as she watched him climb off the front of the stage and go into the crowd. A spotlight followed him as he held his bass up and kept playing.

When he stopped, he cleared out a spot and on the giant screens above the stage, it showed Van standing next to a young kid. He was maybe seven years old, wearing headphones to help silence the ear shattering music. He wore a Willow Son shirt and stared up at Van with wide eyes, in complete shock.

Van then took his bass off and put it in front of the young kid. He crouched down and lifted the kid’s arm. When he nodded the crowd went wild.

Then to Natalie’s surprise, Van started to rush back to the stage - without his bass. He was giving the instrument to the young fan!

Van jumped back up on stage and hurried to the side.

A guy ran by Natalie, carrying another bass.

“You going to do this every night?” the guy yelled to Van.

“Every night!” Van yelled. He then looked at Natalie. “I’ll be done here soon, sweetie.”

There was nothing sexier than the sight before her eyes.

Van stood there, dripping with sweat. His shirt clung to his strong body. She watched him put another bass around his neck as twenty thousand people screamed for him. And yet his eyes and attention were all on her. Natalie felt like the luckiest woman in the world.

For now.

She had managed to wiggle out of the first plane ticket.

But she couldn't get out of the second one. The one that needed to be used tonight. Right after the show. She had to meet with Peter tomorrow. She had to get ready…

Natalie shoved the thoughts away and got lost in the show again.

Van’s version of I’ll be done here soon lasted another hour and a half. The band slowed the concert down with the five of them playing acoustic songs and interacting with the fans. Then they picked it right back up until they were completely and finally done. They stood at the front of the stage and threw everything they could into the crowd.

When they came off the stage, Natalie stood there, unsure what to do. Part of her wanted to scream and ask everyone for an autograph. But she kept her composure and waited for Van to come to her.

He was still a sweaty mess.

“That was amazing.”

“Yeah, that was pretty fun,” Van said. “And I get to keep doing it.”

Natalie smiled but felt a pain in her heart. She wouldn’t get to keep doing it. She wouldn’t be able to be at every show. Stand at the side of every stage. Cheering on every show.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Just everything,” Natalie said.

All around there was noise. People shouting orders. The murmur of the crowd as they were leaving the arena. It was just so loud. And so full.

Natalie wanted to be alone with Van.

He must have sensed it because he took her by the hand. “Let’s walk.”

“Where?”

“We have a tour bus. We’re testing a few out. Let’s go there and talk. In private.”

“I’d like that,” Natalie said.

When Van opened the door to the building, there was already a crowd of people at the fence. They broke out into screams for Van. Natalie watched it and it was something else to see.

But Van kept walking.

He opened the door to the bus and ushered Natalie inside.

The bus was massive. The inside didn’t look anything like a bus. There were leather seats, couches, tables. A kitchen area with a bar. A television built in.

“This is bigger than my apartment,” Natalie said.

“Hey, want to do something crazy with me?” Van asked.

“Everything we’ve done has been crazy.”

“Good. Let’s test the shower. I stink.”

Natalie turned and looked at Van.

He was serious.

Van showed her the bed he claimed. He then stripped himself naked right in front of her and walked to the shower. Natalie took a minute to enjoy the show, memorizing every inch of Van’s body. Every sexy inch.

The water turned on and Natalie undressed herself. Yet another wild rockstar moment with Van. Something he took for granted; taking a shower on a luxury bus. For Natalie, this was something impossible yet was really happening.

She approached the shower and saw that it was pretty small.

Van opened the door. “There’s plenty of room. Get in here.”

The water was warm. Natalie had no idea how it all worked. How the bus got hot water. Where it went. How the toilet worked. But none of that mattered. What mattered was watching the water hit Van’s body and feeling his hands at her hips.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “So fucking sorry.”

“For what?”

“You were right. About everything. I did what you wanted me to do.”

“You met her?”

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“She was the same.”

“Oh.” Natalie felt disappointed. “I…”

“That was a good thing.”

“It was?”

“Yeah. She was radiant. Beautiful. She knew what to do, what to say, and knew how to come after me.”

“This isn’t what I expected,” Natalie said. “You’re talking about another woman being beautiful while you’re in the shower with me.”

“No, no, no, sweetie,” Van said. “You don’t get it. I saw through it all and it all meant shit to me. I pushed away. I let her cry. And then she was gone. For good. Closure.”

“Really?”

“Really. It doesn't matter anymore. I was hanging onto that small thread of the past because of where I came from. Because I had nothing for the future. Nothing that really got to me. Until I met you.”

“Oh, Van…”

“I’m serious, sweetie. I love you. I told you I loved you on that stage, right?”

“Yeah.”

“That was scarier than standing on that stage with all those fans waiting for me to play.”

Natalie grinned. She blushed. Her legs trembled with anticipation. Christ, how could someone get turned on so easily?

“Well, if it matters,” Natalie said, “I really do love you, Van. I meant it. I’m sorry the way that all happened. I wanted you to get your closure and then talk about Texas.”

“Yeah. Texas.”

“I have to leave tonight. In like an hour.”

“Shit.”

Natalie bit her bottom lip and held back tears. “This sucks.”

“No, it doesn’t. You have nothing to worry about.”

“I do though. I want to be with you, Van.”

“You’re with me right now,” he said.

His body pressed against Natalie’s. She felt him. He was there. He was ready.

His hands traveled down her body with the gentle, loving care she had been waiting for her entire life. One hand cupped her ass and his other hand touched between her thighs. His fingers explored her and then his thickness was there, pressing into her. With one hard thrust, Van was inside Natalie. She cried out with pleasure. She then kissed him, never wanting the feeling to end.

Tears escaped from her eyes as he loved her in the shower. But the rushing water blended them together.

It was the greatest sex of Natalie’s life, even if it was the most heartbreaking.

She couldn’t lose Van. She couldn’t lose her rockstar.

She couldn't lose love.

19.

Van signed his name where Harry told him to do so. There were two lawyers present, for two different situations. The band was gearing up for the next show. The first show had set some records that Van didn’t really give a damn about. All he wanted to know was that the fans were happy. The rest of the band was scrambling to get all their affairs in order too. There were photo shoots, interviews, radio spots, and then, of course, going back to basics with band practice.

That was maybe the most fun of all. Getting together with the band and coming up with a brand new set list for the next show. Then figuring out how to make certain parts of the songs different. What to play acoustic. What to skip. What to add.

It was non-stop busy.

“You’re sure about this?” Harry asked.

“It’s done,” Van said. “I already signed. Is the plane ready?”

“Yeah,” Harry said. “Waiting for you.”

“Thanks.”

“Hey, brother,” Brantley said. “Don’t forget. Studio time tomorrow.”

“I have it programmed in my phone,” Van said.

“Christ, we suck,” Jett said. “Keeping calendars in our phones now.”

“That’s life,” Van said. “As long as we’re still rockstars, who cares?”

“Fly safe,” Colby said. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

Van shook hands with the band and then hightailed out of the building. He had no interest in seeing Portis. He had no interest in talking music, tours, set lists, nothing. There was one destination in mind for him.

Texas.

******

Van sat on the porch to the house and looked around. It was definitely a quiet, little town. Down at the corner there was a small park that overlooked a ton of land. He felt a little out of place being there, but it was okay. All he could do was wait.

The wait was well worth it when Natalie pulled up and got out of her car. She dropped her bag and covered her mouth. Van reached for a single rose and stood up, shrugging his shoulders.

Never before in his career did he really appreciate money until now. Until he was able to get on a private jet and see the woman he loved. When he got his first royalty check, Van bought an expensive car, new clothes, and spent a week buying drinks at bars and indulging. But nothing was as satisfying as when Natalie ran down the small sidewalk and jumped into his arms.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I needed a kiss.”

Natalie kissed him.

Van put her down and started to walk away. “Okay, I can go now.”

“What?” she asked.

Van laughed. “Come here, sweetie. Let’s go for a walk down to that park. I want to hear about your day.”

It all had a weird normal feeling. Like they were a normal family in a normal neighborhood. Like they worked normal jobs and had the normal fears of normal people. Well, Van was definitely afraid right now. Anytime he took Natalie’s hand, he was afraid. Love did weird things to the heart.

“Are you getting settled?” Van asked.

“A little,” Natalie said. “It’s such a big change. But everyone is so nice. The students are responsive. I mean, there are a few who just don’t get it. But that’s okay. They try. There’s a few who are really good at what they do. It’s just mind-blowing right now.”

“Good. I’m so happy you’re here.”

“I’m not, Van.”

“Why?”

“This. You’re here right now. But you’re not going to be here forever. So what do I do?”

They walked in silence for a minute. They turned into the park. There was a creek that ran through the park with a bridge that went over it. That’s where Van wanted to go. His silence may have been a little ignorant to Natalie’s feelings, but there was a reason.

Once they were on the bridge, Van stopped.

“So what are you going to do?” Van asked.

“I’m thinking about talking to Peter. Ending it. Going back and working with Andrea. I already talked to her.”

Van nodded. “And…?”

“She would give me plenty of work.”

“You’d do that for us?”

“For you, Van. I can’t be away. Even if you can fly here anytime you want.”

“I’m busy in California too. Always on the go. Then I have to travel for shows.”

“I can work with Andrea and be able to come once in a while.”

“True,” Van said. “So that’s what you want?”

“What do you think I should do?”

Van touched Natalie’s cheek. “I’m never going to tell you what to do. I swear. Whatever you decide, I’m there.”

“I like the job. I like what I’m doing. I just don’t like feeling empty.”

“Don’t feel empty. I’m standing right here.”

“For how long? When do you have to go back?”

“I have band practice tomorrow. But I can bring the guys here. We’re gearing up for the next show. Not everything is ever going to be set in stone. Except the way I feel about you, sweetie.”

“Will you just kiss me for a minute?”

Van couldn’t argue that. He stood there on some small bridge in some small park in some small town in Texas and just kissed Natalie. That’s what made it all amazing. It didn’t matter where they were, as long as they were together.

“I have to figure this out,” Natalie whispered.

“Not that I want to sway you, but if you decide to leave, let me know so I can get some rental things worked out.”

“What do you mean?”

“The house,” Van said. “Where you’re living now. I’ll have to rent it out.”

“What? Why?”

“I’m not going to live here without you. I’m not going to live there alone.”

“Why… Van… that house…”

“Oh, I forgot. I was too busy staring at your beautiful face. I bought that house today. Like four hours ago.”

Natalie’s eyes went wide. “What?”

“Do you like that house?”

“I love it. I told you that. It’s…”

“I bought it. I made a few calls and that guy who owns it never really intended on keeping it for this long. So I made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.”

“What?”

“So if you leave, then I’m going to have to rent it out. I’ll never sell it for what I paid for it. I’m kind of dumb when it comes to money I guess.” Van grinned.

“Holy shit…”

Natalie turned and gripped the edge of the bridge.

Van reached into his pocket and took out the ring. He stepped up behind Natalie and let it rest in his hand.

“I brought this,” he whispered.

“What the hell is that?” Natalie asked.

Van stood next to Natalie. “This is the ring. The ring.”

“Oh?”

“I never wanted it back. But I got it back. I wondered what the hell to do with it. Here, open your hand.”

Natalie’s hand was shaking. Van put the ring into her palm.

“Van…”

“Don’t worry, I’m not proposing right now.”

“Okay. I mean… if you were… If I…”

“Want to see what I want to do with this ring?” Van asked.

“Okay, sure.”

Van tapped under Natalie’s hand. She yelped as the ring went into the air. A second later it plunked down into the water and was whisked away by the gentle current.

“Van!”

“Oh well,” Van said. “It’s gone now. There’s nothing more that I need in my life than you. I have you and I’m not letting go. So you have two things to do right now.”

“I do?”

“First, you need to kiss me. Second, you need to give me a tour of the house I just bought for us.”

Natalie blinked away a tear and jumped into Van’s arms. The audience of twenty thousand fans was really amazing… but the audience of one - Natalie - was all Van would ever need.

“I love you, you crazy asshole rockstar,” Natalie said as she kissed Van.

“I love you, sweetie,” Van said.

It had all worked.

That damn ring was finally gone. And Van had definitely freaked and faked out Natalie.

What she knew was that the ring he had promised to the wrong woman was swimming away in the creek. Off to live another life and another story.

What Natalie didn’t know… was that Van had another ring in his back pocket. That was the one for Natalie. He had no idea when he planned on giving it to her. But when he did, she would become the rockstar in his fantasy. The woman that fixed, tamed, and teased his heart. And that Van could deal with for the rest of his life.

(EPILOGUE)

Brantley twirled a drumstick with one hand and took a shot of whiskey with the other. He tossed the stick into the air, dropped the shot glass to the floor, and then grabbed another drumstick. He twirled that one, caught the other stick, and gave it to one of three women sitting backstage at a small nightclub.

He then grabbed a beer and started to drink.

He downed half the drink and then stopped. He stopped twirling the drumstick and handed it to another woman.

“Two,” he said.

The women grinned, blushing, giggling as they bumped into each other.

“Great,” the third woman said. “I guess I’ll go home.”

“Hold up, darling,” Brantley said. He reached back and grabbed a third drumstick. “I always bring enough for everyone in need.”

She smiled. Brantley curled his lip, loving the rockstar life and all it brought.

He stood, pointing to the backdoor of the club. Outside there was a car waiting. The night would then continue in a fancy hotel. It would be a very long night. Thankfully, Brantley had nothing on his schedule tomorrow. He was free and clear for a little while now.

After taking one step, his phone went off.

Harry.

Brantley sent the women off outside and took the call.

“This better be damn good,” Brantley said. “I’m about to-”

“It’s the call,” Harry said.

“What?”

“The call, Brantley. The one you never wanted. The one I said I’d make only if it was serious.”

“The call,” Brantley whispered.

Brantley sat back down. The whiskey and beer dried right up inside him. He was stone cold sober now.

“The call,” he said again.

“Yeah. It’s time to talk to everyone…”

Brantley lowered his head. The biggest regret ever. Days, weeks, and years convincing himself it was the right thing to do. Now it all felt wrong and stupid.

The call.

It meant only one thing.

Brantley’s son – the kid nobody ever knew about – was in the hospital… it was time to say goodbye.

* * *

Ready for more?

Wild drummer Brantley has to go back and face decisions and mistakes he always knew he’d have to face. What he doesn’t expect is to witness a miracle… of love… and of romance…