Jimmy

“How’d last night go?” Ross asked.

I sighed at his question as I kept my face in my paperwork.

“Oh, come on, Jimmy. That was a sure thing.”

“Not as sure as you thought it was,” I said.

“What happened? How’d we lose him again? That’s not going to look good on us.”

“You think I don’t know that?” I asked.

I watched Ross’s eyes fall to my hand. Dancing over the ring I had on my finger. His brow ticked with confusion, and I avoided his gaze, unable to wrestle with whatever questions he was going to have for me.

“Do I even want to ask?”

“No, but you’re going to,” I said.

“Why the fuck are you wearing a wedding ring?” Ross asked. “What horrible mistake did you make?”

“I didn’t actually get married, Ross. You won’t believe me anyway, so there’s no point in having this conversation.”

“Why won’t I believe you?”

“Because you didn’t believe me the first time,” I said.

“Are you still on that commitment thing?”

“Yes, I’m still on that commitment thing. When I walked into that meeting, the first thing that asshole brought up was Nina.”

“What?” he asked. “You’re kidding me. Why the hell would he care about her?”

“Exactly. But that’s what you don’t understand because you don’t interface with the clients like I do anymore. In the world we just catapulted into, women are status symbols, things men need to prove they can commit in all facets of their life. Because being married to a woman binds her to all those facets.”

“You’re insane.”

“You think so, but the moment that man looked down at my hand and saw I didn’t have a wedding ring on my finger, he was out.”

“You saw him a week and a half ago! What did he expect you to do? Marry the woman in ten days?” he asked.

“No, but he did expect me to propose,” I said.

“He what?”

“Yep. Went on some haughty diatribe about how a massive argument led to him proposing to his now wife.”

“How the fuck did that even happen in a business meeting, Jimmy?”

“I’m still as shocked about it as you are. I had no idea how to get around it. He was determined to keep bringing it back around to Nina.”

“Maybe he wanted to fuck her himself,” he said.

“It was like I’d stepped into the twilight zone, but I knew it was going to happen. Men who bat at our levels have women they’ve committed to. It’s a fact. You think it’s an indirect correlation because that’s your analytical mind at work. But I’m the emotion behind this operation. I know how they think. I don’t calculate probabilities, I read their expressions and their body language. Men who don’t have women at their sides, or at least perceived women at home, don’t make it in this world.”

“Because women are status symbols.”

“Because being committed to a woman is a metaphor for being committed in all aspects of a man’s life,” I said. “I didn’t make the rules, but I sure as hell am going to play by them now. I can’t lose another client like that. I won’t.”

“Jimmy, this all seems a little—”

“Weird? Far-fetched? Awkward? Out of this world? All of this is, but I’m tired of dancing with this topic. I have the wedding ring to give the impression that I’m married so I look like a man of commitment so this company can succeed. Get behind it, or shut up about it.”

“And what happens when people start asking about this mystery wife?” he asked. “They’re all going to think you married Nina. Your breakup hasn’t gone public.”

“She’s probably in London with her lips around some guy’s cock who asked her out on a date,” I said. “This is something you’ll simply have to get used to. Just be glad I’m not making you get one.”

“Okay, we’ll revisit this later.”

I heaved a heavy sigh as I leaned back in my chair.

“You can sigh all you want, but this is all a little—”

“I don’t care what it is. I’m not talking about it anymore. As the owner and head of this company, I’ve made a decision for the better of it. Back it up or drop it, Ross.”

“Fine, but I figured I’d let you know I sent Ashley home for the day.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Oh, so now you want to talk.”

“What the hell’s wrong with Ashley?”

“Settle down. No need to get hotheaded. Something happened with her mom this morning, and she had to go to the hospital.”

“Is her mother all right? Is Ashley okay?” I asked.

“I gave her the day off because she came back in but couldn’t concentrate. I thought you’d want to know in case you looked over and didn’t see her there.”

I panned my eyes over to the corner and saw her darkened office. It didn’t occur to me how close she was now. How easy it would be to access her if I needed her. I’d been here all day. How did I miss this?

“Thanks for letting me know,” I said.

“Yep. No problem. Dinner tonight?”

“You gonna rope me into a conversation about my imaginary wife?”

Ross grinned at me as I shook my head.

“No, thanks,” I said.

“You’re not fun.”

“Which is the kind of person you need in your life, Ross. Goodbye.”

I waited until he got back into his office before I picked up the phone. I flipped through my contacts on my computer until I came to all of Ashley’s information. I dialed her cell number and listened to the phone ring. Once. Twice. Three times.

I was about to hang up and forget about it until I heard that sweet little voice.

“Jimmy?”

“You have my number in your phone,” I said.

“Your office number, yes. I have Ross’s too. And the investors. Is everything okay? Do I need to come back?”

Well, so much for being special.

Why did I want to be special to her?

“Ross came in and told me something happened with your mother. Is everything all right?” I asked.

“I should get used to this, shouldn’t I?” Ashley asked.

“Used to what?”

“People now checking in on me.”

“Did they not do that before?” I asked.

“A lot of things didn’t happen in my life until I took this job with your company.”

“Well, then get used to it,” I said. “How’s your mother doing? Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“She’s okay. Sleeping. They have her on some pain medication.”

“Do you mind me asking what happened?”

“She took a fall in her nursing home. Broke her hip.”

“I’m so sorry. Who’s her doctor? There might be a better one I know who could fly in and take a look at her.”

“Um, that’s ... not necessary,” she said with a giggle. “But, um, thanks.”

“If you need days off to take care of her, we understand. We can get you a company laptop that remotes into your desktop so you can work no matter where you are.”

“That’s kind of you, but I won’t need any more time off,” she said. “Ross giving me today wasn’t necessary. It’s just me in a room with my sleeping mother.”

“I’m sure she’s enjoying having you there.”

“When she knows who I am, yes.”

I furrowed my brow at the statement and went to ask about it. But Ashley barreled on through it before I could gather my thoughts.

“Anyway, thank you for calling,” she said. “That’s very kind of you. Tell Ross to stop worrying, though. I promise I’m okay.”

“I’ll let him know that. And Ashley?”

“Yeah?”

“If you need something, call me. I’m serious.”

“I will. I promise.”

I raked my hand through my hair as I leaned back in my chair. Flying a doctor in? What the hell was that about? It had just slipped out like I was no longer in control of my own damn mouth. And what was that comment she’d made about her mother? Was her mother sick? Did she have dementia or something? My heart sank for Ashley. I couldn’t imagine what that must be like if that was what was going on.

“Jimmy?”

“Yes?” I asked.

“Is there anything else?”

“Sorry. No. I didn’t know if you wanted to talk anymore about it,” I said.

“Not really,” she said. “It’s been an eventful day, and I want to sleep it off tonight and then get back to my routine.”

“Routines help ground me too,” I said.

“People always think I need to add more spice to my life. But spice makes me nervous. Things like this that pop up, they make me really nervous.”

“You know what helps me during those moments?”

“What’s that?”

“Chamomile tea.”

“What?” she asked, giggling.

“I know it sounds crazy, but I keep chamomile tea in my desk and at home always. It’s supposed to help people soothe themselves into sleep, but for people who are riled up with nerves, it helps calm them down.”

“I’ll have to try that.”

“I’ll leave a couple of tea bags in your office.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that,” she said.

I grinned as I relaxed in my chair. I could hear the nervousness in her voice, but it didn’t dispel the comfort of her tone. It was odd, how sitting silently on the phone with her relaxed me the way it did. I’d been half a stack of paperwork away from a strong cup of tea until her voice wafted in my ear.

I didn’t want to get off the phone with her.

“I hate to cut the call, but my mom’s starting to stir,” Ashley said.

“No, no. You go and take care of her. And if you need the day off tomor—”

“I won’t need the day off, Jimmy. I promise. I’ll be in tomorrow,” she said.

“Okay. Just know the option’s there.”

“And thank you for it. I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you then.”

I was reluctant to hang up the phone, but I could tell she didn’t want to talk any longer. I sat there, staring at the phone, willing it to ring again. Willing her to call me back and start talking. Willing her through the air that connected us to talk to me. I knew she wanted to. I could hear the exasperation in her tone. I wanted her to know she could talk to me.

I wanted her to know I cared.

“Shit,” I said as I turned toward the windows. “Not good.”

It wasn’t good that I cared about Ashley. At least, it was starting to feel like I was caring about her. I wasn’t really sure. The lines between a boss worrying over an employee and a man worrying over a woman were beginning to blur. I knew this would happen, that things would get hairy with putting Ashley in this position. It was why I had Ross keeping a close eye on her like he was.

But maybe someone needed to be keeping an eye on me.

I looked down at the wedding ring on my finger and grimaced. I hated it. It looked tacky. Purposeless. A reminder of the facade I had to put on for the public. I didn’t know what I was going to do if someone asked me about my wife. Who she was. When we got married. People would assume it was Nina, and it would look terrible on me if I told them it was anyone else but her.

I was wading in deep waters with a flotation device, not prepared for the storm looming ahead.

It felt like the water surrounding my life had been patient enough, and it was rearing itself up for attack.

And I was helpless to defend myself against it.