Chapter Three
Javier
The wailing was intense as we approached the house. Taking off in a sprint, Maricio and I hit the door and found my mother leaned over Mari Belle as both women cried hysterically beside the couch. The air was thick with their sadness. Instantly, we knew what had happened.
Maricio rushed to his mom where his roar of pain assaulted my ears. My mother stood and embraced him as my best friend and another son to her. I watched as Maricio fell apart in her arms like a little boy. I went to Mari Belle who stood before turning and crashing into me.
Gingerly, I wrapped my arms around her while she kept hers at her side with her body and face pressed to mine. It was like she didn’t have the strength to lift her limbs or put effort into anything more than breathing. I felt her agony. I felt her despair. I felt it all. Her long dark hair laid flat against my white t-shirt. It was a shade of cream from years of being washed without bleach, but it was life. My shirt dampened with her tears as I kept my eyes on her mother’s lifeless body. There was this peace in Maria Luisa’s eyes that drew me in. Her fight was over but somehow I felt like in her death she was trying to give me a gift. She was trying to reach me.
“Shhh, Mari, I got you.” I tried to console her as my own heart shattered knowing this was a loss neither Dominguez child would recover from. If it were me and my mother, I don’t know that I would ever recover either. I remembered so much about Maria Luisa and the way took care of us kids before she got sick.
When my Mamá cleaned houses for Paco and a few others in the Silvia association, Maria Luisa would watch my sister and me. She made dinner, helped with homework, taught Luciana how to cook while Mamá just tried to make a better life for us—all of us. I never asked how my mother met the Dominguez family. I just took for granted they were always here. I knew I had no grandparents; they had died before I was born.
We were a family of our own making. We happened to be one with two moms and no dads that survived by pooling resources. It was crazy if I gave too much thought to it. All of their trust sat with two men who were in a different country. Our entire livelihood and daily existence relied on these men to send money home while they did whatever the hell they wanted in America. What was worse, we weren’t even sure what state they happened to be working in. It was always on my mind that at any point in time, the money might not come. On more than one occasion Maria Luisa had to help my mom keep food on the table for me. It sucked, which is why every run for the Silvia Cartel counted.
Especially when Maria Luisa started having spells where she would pass out. It wasn’t safe for her to be alone so Mamá did what needed to be done for her best friend. She quit working to raise all the kids and watch over Maria Luisa.
“I lost my mamá,” Mari sobbed, her body shaking as I held on tighter. “I’m losing everything. They’ll take us. Papi said they’ll come and take us from here. He told us they would take us and I’d never see Maricio or him again. Javi, they can’t take me.”
Anger filled me. They would not. I wouldn’t allow it. No matter what it took, they wouldn’t take her from me. I could lose Maria Luisa, I could lose Luciana in the way she left, and if I thought about it hard, I could even handle losing my own mamá, but I would not and could not lose Mari Belle. Even the thought of losing Maricio was something I could wrap my mind around, but not her.
In that moment, a surge, an uprising, a rush, an escalation of power hit me and it hit me fucking hard.
“Mari Belle, on my word, I got you.”
I may have been a sixteen-year-old boy, but there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that everything had just shifted. My future was in my arms and I didn’t dare question the power of the emotions in me.
Her arms came up and wrapped around me. She held onto me like I was her lifeline, her support, her stronghold, and I wasn’t about to let her down.
For a few precious moments, the world washed away. This was Mari Belle and me, no one else existed. She needed me and I would take it all away for her.
“Give me your pain, mi cielito,” I told her. Mari’s arms pulled tighter as she lifted her head so her eyes could meet mine. “Give me your pain, mi cielito, let me carry your hurt.”
We were too young for such devastation, yet it was here. The room was filled with anguish and loss. No one would ever fully recover.
Maricio pulled harshly from my mother like she was the cause of his momentary weakness. I shot him a look because right now my mother needed to do something more than think of her friend lying dead on her sofa. She needed to be there for him. I understood because I needed to be strong for my friends because this was a loss no one should have to feel this young.
Maricio paced the living room like he was on a mission to wear a new hole in the floor. Occasionally, he would let out what sounded like a war cry in frustration while Mari never lifted her head to take it in. She stayed buried into me sobbing. I took it all. I let her give me every ounce of emotion she had to give. I carried it, absorbed it, and held it to me as hard as I held her.
A knock came at the door, causing us all to look before the front door opened. Panic filled me as Maricio’s eyes locked to mine in fear. He grabbed the small pistol he carried from his ankle strap. No one ever visited. There was no reason to expect anyone right now.
Paco stepped inside our home before Maricio did something stupid like shoot without knowing who he was putting a bullet into. Thank fuck because if he had shot Paco, there would be more bodies in this house including Maricio’s.
Paco raised his hands in surrender. I looked to Maricio and back to Paco. Slowly, Maricio lowered the gun and put it back in the holster on his leg.
“Heard the noise. Figured out what was probably going on. Know you need help.” Paco explained keeping his hands up. “Got a man on the way. She will be properly prepped and an altar will be set up. We’re here, boys. We will lie in wake with you.”
The words came from his mouth but they weren’t registering. I looked to Maricio who didn’t seem to even be breathing. Paco was going to stay and mourn with us, why? We were two kids without shit in life and he was going to help us grieve? It was too much for my young mind to process.
“We have no money, Paco,” my mother explained.
“Estella,” he spoke softly, “familia, you are familia, these boys are familia. It is all covered. This is your time for mourning. Fret not, mi familia,” Paco stated to us all and Mari Belle squeezed me tighter.
The next hour was intense as men came and went. Maria Luisa’s body needed to be prepped and Mari had yet to let go of me. The harder she held me, the more I felt like I would never be able to let her go again.
“Take her out,” Maricio said to me as he watched two of Paco’s men go to his mother’s lifeless body. I heard them speaking in Spanish to my mother about her last meal and whether she had expelled fluids. It made my stomach churn. Instinctively, I covered Mari Belle’s ears so she wouldn’t hear it.
“Let’s go in my room,” I whispered as I pressed a kiss to her temple.
She nodded and I led us away after a chin lift from Maricio let me know silently he would find me if I was needed. Maricio had remained close to my mother through all of the events and I knew in my gut he would continue to do so without actually crumbling into her. He was trying to step up and be the man right now and I understood why he needed that.
We had no control over the loss of his mother, but we could be in control of our little family as we processed what happened next.
“You should rest, the next bit will probably be full of people and activity.”
I wasn’t sure who would come, but with the way Paco maintained a place either just in front of our front door or inside it, let me know he would be with us for the duration. He even told us Miguel Silvia would be attending later to pay his respects to Maria Luisa. I was full of pride knowing that all of our bosses would be taking time to acknowledge the loss. It gave me a feeling of belonging. I knew I would never question my place or Maricio’s in the Silvia Cartel again. We were more than punk kids to transport dope.
We were familia.
“Will you lay with me?” Mari Belle asked and in the moment a realization hit me—there was nothing I would ever deny her.
She wasn’t my sister. No, she was my best friend’s sister and I should walk away, but I knew in my soul I could never be apart from her. I laid on my bed pulling Mari Belle close to me. With her head on my shoulder, I ran my hands through her long dark hair as she stayed close and let me be her center. She kept giving me her heartache and I kept taking it. Piece by piece I was consuming her heart and I wanted it all, the good and the bad. I needed it like I needed to breathe.
“Do you think they will take me?”
“No,” I clipped out harshly. “I won’t let them.”
“Javi, we’re young. We can’t stop them.”
Twisting, I tipped her chin to make her brown eyes meet mine. “Mari Belle, I am Javier Almanza, no one crosses me. Not a boy, not a man, and with my every breath, I will keep you with me,” I vowed and meant every word of it as if I was swearing on a Bible.
Her eyes pleaded with me for security, for assurance.
Moving, I did the only thing I could, I dropped my lips and pressed them to hers. “Javi.” My name slipped off her lips and I took the opportunity to slide my tongue in her mouth.
It was awkward. I had kissed girls before, but never had I cared about them like I did Mari Belle. Never had it mattered.
For a beat, I wondered if I had gone too far. This wasn’t the right time, I screamed at myself in my head, but it didn’t stop my lips and tongue from taking her mouth.
I retreated for her to chase my tongue with her own. Suddenly, it dawned on me that, Mari Belle was kissing me back.
She gave and again I took. This wasn’t a kiss just to kiss; this was a seal, a vow, and a promise. With my lips to hers, my tongue to hers, we became one.
She wouldn’t understand it all yet, but I did.