Chapter Four
Mari Belle
I didn’t know what to do. Javi kissed me. The emotions were too much. My mother had passed on and my brother’s best friend was suddenly seeing me as a young woman and I was having all these mixed feelings about him.
Javier Almanza was a confident young man. He always was. I don’t remember a time in my life where Javi ever carried himself with any kind of insecurity or doubts. He was hot too. All the girls at school wanted him or Maricio. I thought it was mostly because of their bad boy personas. Truth was, my brother and Javi did some things that could get them in trouble—that was all they would ever tell me. But they had more heart than anyone in my life. The way they both took care of me and our mothers was nothing short of a miracle. Really, who else could say they had not one, but two boys, in their life that would step up to make sure there was enough money to eat. No matter how they had to get that money, they did. When taking the day off from school to make a run for Paco wasn’t enough, they worked downtown wherever they could get an odd job.
They didn’t keep it a secret they worked for Paco and the Silvia Cartel. Then again, in Juarez it was expected by most, I figured anyway. Really, what options were left?
Javi’s hair was always buzzed short. Luciana found a set of clippers on the street years ago and started shaving both boys’ heads. Even with her gone, he still has me or his mamá cut it each week or so, as does Maricio. Javi was just Javi; take him as you got him or not at all. He never lost his calm, even when Maricio, the hothead tried to push his buttons.
He had strong features. His jawline was straight and the muscle in his chin ticked when he was angry, but otherwise, Javier Almanza was hard to read. His eyes were dark, haunted, tired, but yet soft. His nose was straight with an almost unnoticeable bump from where he broke it when he was around twelve on his bicycle. The boys were taking a run and got chased. Javi took a spill and his nose took the hit. He had beautifully straight teeth that rarely were seen except the few times he gave me a smile.
And when he smiled, God, when he smiled, it was like my whole life lit up. He had this powerful, raw, consuming smile that filled his entire face.
While few saw the soft side of Javi, I got it all the time. Most people saw a quiet, determined, and very rough around the edges boy. I saw a man full of heart, passion, and drive.
In the midst of this storm, in the midst of my loss—our loss, he was giving me his strength. I kissed him back taking all that he would give me. I wanted to drown in the passion building between us. I wanted to be tumbling awash in this sea of emotion. I wanted the world to stop spinning, time to stop ticking, and everything to cease to be but Javi and me. For a moment, I didn’t want to think of my mother’s lifeless body in the next room. For just a moment, I wanted to pretend this was real and not Javi being caught up in his emotions and my own.
He pulled away. I was breathless, but not from the kiss like everyone said happens, but from my own emotions. I never understood why people said they were breathless from a kiss; I mean it wasn’t like my nose was covered up. Now, though, I felt it, I got it, and I was a panting mess. This was powerful. It was some dumb all-consuming thing that I knew I shouldn’t feel but I couldn’t stop.
“You okay?” Javi asked gently. He was always soft and kind with me.
Life in Juarez wasn’t easy. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Maricio and Javi always having someone with me on the occasions they couldn’t personally escort me, I would have been raped or worse by now. It truly was rare for a girl to make it to fifteen with her virginity. The men here were ruthless savages. They weren’t kind or gentle. They saw whatever they wanted and they took it.
Some people judged and any outsider would say Javi and Maricio should stay away from the cartels. But those people, they didn’t know.
They didn’t know what it was to sleep without actually sleeping.
They didn’t know what it was to walk the streets knowing at any moment you could be grabbed and brutalized.
They didn’t know that a girl of my age, body-type, and innocence could bring in millions to a virgin auction.
They didn’t know because like every single person in Juarez, they wanted to pretend.
They wanted to believe there was hope for our city.
They wanted to believe it wouldn’t happen to them.
They wanted to find comfort in a fantasy.
I did not.
I may have been young. I may have been poor. I may not have had a clue about how to get there, but one thing I knew for sure was I would leave this place behind.
My mother lay dead in the next room. My father would not return for us. No, life was now mine to take and I would take it to the fucking top.
That was the gift Javier Almanza gave me the day my mother died. The confidence to take on the world.
“I’m okay, Javi.” My voice didn’t come out as strong as I wanted. “I’m a little lost, but I’m okay.”
“Relax, mi cielito,” he told me softly.
“Javi, what’s gonna happen?”
Casually, he played with my hair while I settled beside him with my head on his chest and my body pressed to his.
“Maricio and I will handle everything. Paco said the expenses are paid. Don’t worry, Mari. I got you. I’ve always got you.”
Truer words had never been spoken. Javi had me alright, I just wasn’t sure if he knew how much he had me. I wasn’t sure I could even describe how much he had me. Watching my mother be so lost to a man for so long, I had this wall. I told myself I would never be weak to a man. The way Javi just kissed me, I was weak. I didn’t like it, but I didn’t altogether hate it either. This was a problem. A problem I was not in any way, shape, or form equipped to handle.
“No one will take you from me, Mari. Not now and not ever,” Javi reassured me, knowing both our fathers told us how the government could take us from our family if something happened while they were away.
“You mean it, Javi?” I asked like some lovestruck girl.
The bigger problem was I was some lovestruck idiot. We were young. Far too young. I had been dealt a harsh blow just moments ago, and yet, as I laid here in his arms, I needed him to tell me I would always be with him. I needed the very reassurance he delivered. With every passing second I was falling into the abyss. The void where emotions were in control instead of my head. Always think with your head, Mari, I chastised myself pushing everything down.
“Whatever it takes, Mari.”
I sighed unsure of what happened next.
“Tell me your dreams, mi cielito.”
I pressed his chest to pull away so I could look him in the eyes. “You know my dreams.”
“No, Mari, tell me your future. Tell me our future.”
I could see the depths of his soul looking at me in that room, on that bed, in that very second. Javier Almanza was giving me the world—his world.
“I want to get married one day, but not here. I don’t want to stay in Juarez.”
“Anywhere in the world, where would you want to be, mi cielito?” His voice rumbled through his chest as I rested against him again.
“America. Not to be cliché, but I want to go to America. I want to be free from the fear. I want to live in the land of possibilities.”
I allowed the dreams to fill my mind.
“I want to have babies, maybe two. I want to have a house, not a big one but a good size home where I have a big kitchen table so we can all be together and eat at the holidays. I want to be close to Luciana.”
“Me too,” he said and I felt his sorrow. “I wasn’t a good brother. I’ve been bitter. That ends today.”
“She understands, Javi.”
“Whether she understands or not, I have not been kind. We aren’t promised a single extra moment in this life and I’ve wasted many with my grudge. She did what we all want to do. She found a way out of Juarez.”
“With a man,” I muttered letting my own bitterness show.
“True. So you wouldn’t leave with a man or for a man?”
“Not like she did. I would leave with you and Maricio because we are family. But no, I don’t want to meet a man and take off like she did. Frederick has been kind to her, but she relies on him for everything. I don’t want to depend on a man. I don’t want to be like our mothers, Javi. I don’t want to wait on a check from some man who left me and my kids behind. I don’t want to be a servant to a man where I have to cook his meals, clean his house, and have his babies to have security in life. I want to be free. I don’t want to have to walk home from school wondering if the wrong man will approach me. I don’t want to be worried about you or Maricio getting caught with the drugs and being taken away from me. I just want to have mi familia, our family, Javi.”
“My girl has big dreams,” he whispered.
“What are your dreams, Javi?”
He twisted to lie on his side and tipped my chin to look up at him. “I want to be free to love. I want to be free from worry. I want a life with mi familia, our family, Mari. I want the sun to rise and the sun to set without fear for you or Mamá. I want to give you a house in America where you and my mamá can cook whatever you like while Maricio and I grow fat bellies.” He laughed and it was Heaven in the midst of such a Hell.
“Thank you, Javi,” I said softly as my emotions built back up. “For a moment you took away the loss and let me have a future.”
Javi stared at me sternly. The look was so fierce I got shivers and goosebumps all over my body. “You have a future and it’s with me, Mari Belle Dominguez. Do not ever doubt where you belong or what is to come. I’m gonna get us out of here, you will see. Your mamá wouldn’t want you in Juarez forever. She’s your angel now, our angel and she won’t let us lose anymore. You are mine to protect, Mari. You are mine.” The last two sentences came out in a pained growl.
His lips crashed against mine. It was intense. Gone was the soft and slow he gave me before. Javier Almanza was making a declaration with his lips, his tongue, and his whole mouth on mine.
It was clear.
I was his.
He was mine.
We would have a future and it wouldn’t be here.
I could dream with him. I could be with him. And he would do anything and everything to give me, to give us, this future.
In that moment, I fell hard and fast. I fell for a bitter boy. I fell for a broken boy. I fell for a battered by life boy.
I gave my heart to the man.
I gave my heart to the man he would become. The man who took my dreams on as his own. The man who took my pain, claimed it, swallowed it down, and gave me the freedom to express it, feel it, and release it.
Javier Almanza was powerful.
No one saw it yet.
I knew, though.
In that moment I knew he was so much more than any man who ever dared to stand in his way. I knew he was destined for a place few could achieve. I knew Javi was determined in a way that no one would ever hold him back.
I knew when he gave me his word that without a doubt it would be.
For Javier Almanza had enough struggles in life. He had enough loss. He had enough bad things, period. He wouldn’t lose again.
This gave me warmth in my belly as I gave him back a promise of my own.
Through thick and thin, for as long as it took, I would have his back. I would support him both in word and actions, whatever dream he chased.
Javier Almanza wasn’t just going after a life for himself, but a life for us.
A love for us.