I was an asshole.

And a coward.

I’d taken all my issues with my own family out on Fiona, and she hadn’t deserved any of it. My head was completely fucked up. My father’s words twisted in my mind until I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough for a woman like Fee. That thought was what kept me from reaching out to her, even though I knew, deep in my gut, that it was the right thing to do.

That was why I was currently holed up in my house, alone and miserable, with nothing but a bottle of Jack for company.

I was a quarter of a way through when someone started pounding on my front door. Knowing Fee wasn’t strong enough to nearly beat my door down, I chose to ignore the persistent knocking—that was, until my brother’s loud, booming voice joined in.

“Deac, open up. I know you’re in there! Your car’s in the driveway!”

“Son of a bitch,” I grumbled under my breath as I pushed up from the couch and shuffled toward the door.

“Deacon!”

“Jesus, I’m coming!” I boomed in return to get him to stop his hammering. As soon as I got the door open Grayson shoved his way inside. “Sure, yeah. Come on in,” I huffed. “After all, I love uninvited company.”

He stormed into the living room and came to a sudden stop, spinning around to take in the trash that had been piling up the past two days. Empty pizza boxes and beer bottles were littered around the coffee table and floor, day-old Chinese food containers scattered on the side table.

“Christ, Deac. This place is a pit. And what’s that smell?” His face scrunched up in disgust after he sniffed, moving closer to me. “Good God,” he uttered, jerking back. “When the hell was the last time you showered? You’re fucking ripe.”

Dipping my head, I gave my underarm a sniff, wincing at the stench. “I’ve been off work. Excuse me for wanting to spend the past couple days relaxing.”

Gray spotted the Jack Daniels. “Yeah? Is that also your excuse for downing hard liquor before three in the afternoon on a Wednesday?”

I flopped back down on the couch, my head at one end, feet on the other, and turned back to the TV. “Yup. And you’re interrupting my relaxation, so do me a favor and spit out why you’re here so you can go and let me get back to it.”

He smacked my feet off the couch, forcing me to sit up to look at him. “I’m here, asshole, because you’re fucking up. Daphne talked to Fiona yesterday. She wouldn’t go into detail with what was happening, but she admitted that you two got in a fight, and now you’re totally shutting her out. That means Daphne got upset and called Sophia, who then called Lola, and now they’re all upset. And you might not have experienced that yet, but the full force of those women all pissed off at the same time has detrimental outcomes for the men in their lives. Which means now I’m upset, because I’m not a big fan of my wife giving me the fucking silent treatment and kicking me out of our bedroom at night to sleep on the couch because, and this is a direct quote, ‘I share DNA with a dickhead!’ So tell me, little brother, what the hell is going on with you?”

I rested my elbows on my knees and dropped my head into my hands, digging the heels of my palms into my eye sockets. “I’m an asshole,” I finally admitted on a groan. “God, Gray, I’m such a fucking asshole.”

He sat on the coffee table across from me and started talking. “Look, I know you and I have had our issues in the past. To be honest, I’m not even completely sure why we haven’t been closer until recently, but you’re my brother, Deac. Whatever’s going on with you, I’m here.”

I’d spent my childhood resenting Grayson because I felt my dad had him on a pedestal I’d never be able to climb. Then our adult life was tarnished because of my animosity over him and Fiona. I never talked about it with anyone, but there was a part of me that wanted to hate my brother for always having it all. He was the honor student, the class president, the most popular guy in school. And because I’d always blamed him on some level, I’d spent my life striving to go in the opposite direction.

The sad truth was I’d let the rift between us last far too long, allowing it to bleed into every aspect of my life. Looking up at him, I finally opened up and admitted to all the childish bullshit I’d let stand between me and him all our lives.

“You know, Dad used to ride my ass growing up. About grades, getting into fights, the girls I hung out with, anything he thought I was doing wrong. He was always on my case. ‘Why can’t you be more like Grayson?’ ‘Grayson has a 4.0 GPA. If you’d apply yourself like your brother, you could do just as well.’ ‘Why can’t you just meet a nice girl and settle down like Grayson has with Fiona?’ It was always a fucking comparison. No matter what I did, it was never as good as how you’d have done it, so eventually I just stopped trying.”

Grayson’s eye widened in shock. “Shit, Deacon. I had no idea.”

“I know. I mean, how could you? It wasn’t like I told you about any of it. Honestly, I don’t even know if Dad realized what he was doing. It just got to the point where eventually, I was done. Then you started dating Fee.”

Blowing out a sigh, he combed his fingers through his hair while looking off to the side. “I didn’t know about that, man. I swear. I had no idea you had feelings for her. I just thought you guys were friends. I never would have—”

I held my hand up to stop him. “I know. I should’ve said something. That’s on me. Unfortunately, it took me too damn long to realize that. I blamed you for being the good son, and I blamed you for taking Fee from me, but the truth was you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“If you’d just talked to me about Dad, maybe I could’ve said something, and I don’t know… gotten him to back off or something.”

A self-deprecating chuckle worked its way past my lips. “There were a lot of things I should’ve talked to you about. Hindsight’s a real bitch sometimes.”

“So tell me what happened with Fee.”

Just thinking about it made my chest squeeze so tight that it hurt to breathe. I’d fucked up, but all I could do was pray the damage wasn’t irreparable. My stomach twisted and roiled at the thought of losing her. The anxiety settled in my gut like rancid food.

“I let the fight with Dad at the party get to me. I stewed on it instead of talking to her, and eventually just blew up.”

“Wow. That’s so unlike you,” Grayson chided sardonically.

Flipping him off, I continued, “She had an idea for the bar that she was really excited about, and I twisted it up, turning it into something bad. I accused her of thinking I was a failure just like Dad.”

“Jesus,” he hissed. “You screwed up worse than I thought. God, you’re an idiot!”

“No need to be a prick about it. I feel bad enough as it is. I’m well aware of my tendency to overreact when I’m pissed off.”

He stood from the coffee table and crossed his arms, staring me down in that condescending way only older brothers could pull off. “Okay, so the question now is what are you going to do about it? It’s been two days, Deac. That’s one day and twenty-three hours too long.”

I scrubbed at my face, frustration over my behavior and bullshit pride setting in. “I don’t know.”

“Well you need to come up with something!”

“You think I don’t know that?” I snapped back. “I know! I just need to figure out what to do, okay?”

Grayson watched me closely, like a specimen beneath a microscope. “How about you shower while you think?” he suggested sarcastically. “You smell like hot garbage.”

Glaring, I asked, “You taking all your bossiness out on me because your wife’s the one with the balls in your household?”

His shit-eating grin told me my insult didn’t affect him in the slightest. “Keep being a pain in the ass and I’ll make a few calls. I’m pretty sure the girls would be more than willing to load up and come over to rip you a new asshole for hurting their friend’s feelings.”

The threat actually made me shiver. Those three were a force to be reckoned with on a good day. I figured they’d be more than happy to rip me more than a new asshole. I’d be lucky if I still had my manhood by the time they were done with me.

Grunting several choice words, and calling him every name I could come up with, I stood and headed for the bathroom to do as suggested, because I knew for a fact that he wasn’t bluffing.

* * *

I came out of the bathroom in a pair of clean gray sweatpants and a navy T-shirt while scrubbing at my damp hair with a towel.

“There, happy now?” I asked, stopping at my kitchen counter and holding my arms out to show my new level of cleanliness.

Grayson slid a mug of fresh coffee my way. “It’s an improvement to the stench coming off you when I first arrived, that’s for damn sure.”

“What’s the coffee for?” I asked, even as I lifted the mug to my lips and took an invigorating drink. “It’s the middle of the day.”

Gray rested his palms on the countertop, his arms stretched wide as he leaned in. “It’s to sober your ass up. You’ve got some groveling to do later today. But first.” He lifted a hand and waved in the direction of my living room. “Clean this cesspool you call a house. Just in case you somehow manage to get her to hear you out, you don’t want to bring her back to this pit.”

I was starting to regret healing that rift between my brother and me. He was quickly becoming a serious pain in my ass.

It seemed that was a hereditary trait for the Lockhart men.