I wake with a start, and I’m immediately alert. I blink, my eyes still tired and irritated from crying last night, but my brain too focused on a couple key sensations I feel at the moment—the first of which is the warm, hard body beneath me.
Yeah. That’s right. Beneath me.
I am all over Coder—and when I say all over, I mean all over. My sheets and comforter are nowhere in sight. I’m practically plastered to Coder’s chest, my right arm hugging his side, my head tucked underneath his chin, my left leg hooked entirely over his hips. And, as unbelievable as it might seem, my left hand is in his right one, our fingers laced together and resting just beside my head.
And that’s just what my body is doing.
Peeking over my shoulder, I confirm my suspicions that what I feel against the bottom of my thigh is his dick, which is very much awake and poking at the fabric of his boxer briefs. This, I remind myself, is a completely natural, unconscious bodily incident that men have to deal with. Yet, I can’t help but think—given that at some point during our slumber, Coder pushed up my shirt and reached into my shorts, where his hand is now resting comfortably around my left, panty-clad butt cheek—that perhaps this is all my doing, having sprawled myself all over him.
Wishing not to disturb him, I gently settle my cheek back onto his chest, wondering just how I’m to get out of this. The longer I think about it, the more I begin to relax. I tell myself that while Coder has yet to see me completely naked, he is becoming well acquainted with my body. His hands underneath my clothes is nothing new. As a matter of fact, I won’t lie—I enjoy it very much; but after what he said to me last night, I realize that I’m not being fair at all.
The thought of touching him makes me nervous. I’m afraid I won’t do it right, or that I’ll disappoint him with my lack of experience. I don’t want to turn him off. Granted, I’m not ready to have sex. Actually, as much as I like Coder, and as good as he makes me feel, I’m not entirely sure if sex before marriage is even something that I want. Until now, it’s never really been something I had to think about. I’ve never questioned the rule to wait because I’ve never had to. Now, I know it’s time for me to make a decision that’s mine. Not my parents’, not the church’s, not even Coder’s—but mine. Free will is a gift granted by God, and I intend to exercise it.
Coder yanks me from my thoughts as he sucks in a deep breath, both of his hands squeezing the parts of my body that they’re holding.
“Fuck,” he groans. I seal my eyes closed tight, not sure what to do about the crazy tingling sensation going on in my stomach at the sound of his gravely morning voice. “Babe?”
“Yeah?” I whisper, wondering how embarrassed I should feel right now. All of a sudden, I’m second guessing my decision not to move.
“I could get used to this.”
My eyes fly open, a groggy giggle bubbling out of my mouth as I ask, “Really? You’re not uncomfortable?”
He gives my butt another squeeze before he mumbles, “I’m hard as fuck, but no—you feel good. I always sleep on my back. Having you on top of me is just bonus.”
“I’m a stomach sleeper,” I admit softly.
“Obviously,” he chuckles.
A smile curls my lips, and I tighten my grip around his hand, thinking how much I like waking up with him. We lay in silence for a few minutes, and I can tell by the sound of his breathing that Coder is still crawling his way out of sleep. When his fingers begin to tickle my backside, I’m confident that he’s shaken off any residual slumber, and even more aware of the ache I feel deep in my belly at the feel of his touch.
“Coder?” I murmur, desperate for a distraction.
“Yeah, babe?”
I swallow, willing myself not to rock my hips like I want to, and then I ask, “Last night—when you were, um, telling me that you’d wait for me…” My mouth stops moving and I lose track of my words when his fingers trace underneath the hem of my panties.
“Hmmm?” he hums.
I close my eyes, holding his hand even tighter as I force myself to go on. “You said you had reasons that you—that you didn’t want to talk about just then. Will you, um, tell me now?”
He doesn’t answer me right away. Instead, he traces his fingers back and forth across my skin before slipping them out from underneath the hem. I suck in a quiet breath, burrowing myself deeper into his chest when he dips his entire hand underneath the waistband of my panties, his fingers gripping my bare flesh. He gives me a generous squeeze, and I can’t silence my moan, the ache at my core growing more intense. He grunts and I feel his dick twitch before he starts to speak, his voice husky and low.
“You have no idea how beautiful you are. Not a fuckin’ clue, babe. I like that. You’re honest; even when you can’t find your words, your face tells me all I need to know. You don’t hide from me. I like that, too. You’re sweet and compassionate—so damn compassionate—and you’re smart, but you don’t make me feel stupid.”
My head pops up, surprised by that last one, and I seek out his eyes before I declare, “You’re not stupid.”
He smirks, making my stomach clench, and then rumbles, “I know, Mack.” He squeezes my backside again, and my jaw falls open as his eyes darken. “I like that, too. Like the way you see me. Like the way you look at me.” His voice drops even lower before he practically groans, “Like the way you kiss me.”
I feel my nipples harden as my breath quickens. When he lifts his head off of my pillow, I don’t hesitate to give him what he wants, pressing my lips firmly against his—morning breath be damned. When he begins to knead my backside with urgency, his tongue filling my mouth, the throbbing between my legs becomes so much that I have to do something about it.
I let go of his hand, grabbing onto his shoulders as I straddle him with my legs. He groans into my mouth, his free hand reaching around to join his other in my panties, holding me still as he lifts his hips, rubbing his erection against me.
My breasts start to ache and my body is covered in goose pimples, my longing for him stronger than it’s ever been before. When he rubs up against me again, I make the decision to be brave—to be fair—and to show him how much he means to me by taking care of his needs the way he so generously takes care of mine.
“Coder,” I moan, my lips hovering over his as I open my eyes.
“What is it, baby?” he asks, meeting my gaze.
I can feel my cheeks heat up in a blush, but I ignore it and whisper, “I want to—I want to return the favor.”
“Fuck,” he grumbles.
In an instant, I’m on my back and Coder is on his knees, his fingers pulling down my shorts. By the time I can think to speak, he’s got them at my ankles. I watch as he tosses them over his shoulder.
“Wait! What are you doing?” I ask, feeling frantic as he reaches for my panties.
“Don’t want your hand, babe—need that mouth. Fuck, do I need that mouth. But you wouldn’t be returning any favors if I didn’t give you mine first. Relax, baby—you’ll like it, I promise.”
The sound of my loud gasp fills the room as he yanks my panties off, and I clap my hands over my face as he spreads my legs open wide. My cheeks are on fire, and I feel overexposed and embarrassed that he’s looking at me down there.
Then I feel it—his tongue (hot and wet and hot!)—sliding up the seam of my center. When he reaches my clit, he pulls away, starts from the bottom, and licks his way up again—this time humming as he ascends.
“Damn, you taste good, baby.” He licks me again before he demands, “Look at me, Mack. What’d I say about giving me you? Huh? Don’t hide from me when I’m bringing you pleasure.” I peek down at him from over my fingertips. When our eyes lock, he asks, “You like my tongue on your pussy, baby?”
My chest heaving, my heart pounding, I manage only to nod my head, unable to deny the truth. I like his mouth on me so much, I miss it already.
“Then drop those hands, babe. I want you to watch me eat you for breakfast.”
Obediently, I move my hands away from my face, gripping the sheets on either side of me when he thrusts his tongue into my core. He groans again, making my inner walls flutter around his tongue before he pulls out, travels up, and sucks my clit into his mouth. My back arches, and I moan. I can’t believe how amazing this feels.
He takes his time, his tongue working me up until I’m so tightly wound, I can hardly stand it. He switches between devouring me from the inside, and savoring me from the outside—sucking and licking, blowing and humming—and I forget that I was embarrassed as I watch him. He looks up at me often, his mouth busy, his eyes on fire, making my entire body burn for him.
When I’m right on the edge, he wraps his lips around my clit, and I become someone else entirely. I fist my fingers in his hair, wishing to keep him right where he is. Then, just in case my tight grip isn’t enough, I whimper, “Coder—honey, I’m—I’m—honey!”
Before I can speak another word, I come, and I come hard. My body is still shaking when he lifts his head and smiles up at me.
Crawling over my body, he rests himself between my legs, lowering his face until the tip of his nose touches the tip of mine. “Told you you’d like it.”
With trembling hands, I reach up and grab his face before pressing my lips to his. He opens his mouth right away, plunging his tongue inside of me. I taste my arousal in our kiss, and it’s weirdly sexy.
With our lips still locked, Coder reaches for one of my wrists, gently pulling my hand away from his face, trailing my fingertips down his chest. When our hands reach the waistband of his boxer briefs, he slips them both inside.
Feeling unbearably nervous, I try and pull my mouth away from his, but he only kisses me harder, thrusting his tongue deeper as he wraps my hand around him. I’m surprised by how soft and velvety his skin is, a pleasant contrast to how incredibly hard and thick he is. I’m barely breathing as he guides my hand down his entire length. He lifts his body up a bit so that I can reach, grunting when he brushes my fingertips over his head, which is wet with his own arousal.
Breathing heavily in anticipation, he finally lifts his mouth from mine, groaning, “Need your mouth, baby.”
“’Kay,” I whisper, determined to make him feel at least half as good as he just made me feel.
He takes our hands out of his underwear before flopping onto his back. My eyes widen when he tugs his boxer briefs off, tossing them on the floor before he reaches for his dick. My gaze travels up is gorgeous, long, lean body, in awe that he’s completely naked and in my bed.
“I’ve never had a naked man in my bed before,” I whisper, lifting up onto my knees.
He smiles at me, his hand still working his hard shaft.
“I’ve never—”
“I know, babe. Take a crack at it, yeah?”
I nod, reaching up to sweep my hair behind my ears before I crawl into the space between his legs. I start to bend over him, and then realize that I’m still naked from the waist down. I know that he just had his face buried in my most intimate spot, but I feel weird in just my t-shirt. Thinking I’d be more comfortable with my panties on, I hop out of bed in search of them.
“Babe, what are you doing?”
“You got to do me with your underwear on,” I remind him. When I find them, I hold them up, as if he would care, and he shakes his head at me.
“Mack. Mouth,” he insists, tipping his chin toward his dick.
Slipping into my panties, I assure him, “I’m coming.”
“Nah, babe—you came already. It’s my turn.”
I laugh, even though his joke is totally stupid, and then return to the space between his legs. He lets himself go, folding his arms behind his head as he looks down his body at me. I lick my lips and take a deep breath, willing myself to be the bravest me I can be. When I’m ready, I reach for the base of his dick before I slowly take him into my mouth. With as much of him in me as I can handle, I swirl my tongue around him and then I suck.
“Holy shit,” Coder moans.
I ease my lips up his shaft and then take him in again, concentrating only on the details of this moment. The way he tastes. The way he feels. The sounds that he makes.
“Fuck, baby,” he grunts, his hands sweeping my hair away from my face. “You’re doing good, babe.”
His praises boost my confidence, and I start to suck him faster, adding my hand to my movements, pumping up and down his length. He groans, and I can feel my panties growing wet again. His pleasure is turning me on, which encourages me even more. When I need a breath, I lift my head and look down at him. He’s covered in my saliva, which is kind of gross, but when I look up into his eyes, I know without a doubt that he doesn’t think so.
“Should have known,” he murmurs, shaking his head, his hooded gaze locked on me.
“Known what?” I whisper in reply.
“Watching you suck my dick is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
I smile at him shyly and then return my focus to the task at hand. Darting my tongue out, I lick his tip—which makes him hiss—and then take him into my mouth once more. I suck and lick, doing what feels right to me, bolstered by the way Coder responds. I can tell he’s getting close when his grip in my hair tightens, and his breathing grows shallow.
“Eyes up, baby—let me see you.”
I do as he asks, sucking in air through my nose as I indulge my man with my mouth, all of my focus glued to him. I’ve never seen his eyes look as dark as they do now; and as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, furrowing his brow while he stares down at me, I’m sure that watching him watch me suck his dick is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
Then, all of a sudden, he props himself up on one elbow, pushing me away from him. I lift up onto my knees, wondering if I’ve done something wrong. Understanding dawns when he grabs hold of his shaft, grunting softly as he pumps his fist, spilling his release all over his stomach. I watch—fascinated, aroused, and a little bit proud.
I did that. I got him there.
When he’s finished getting himself off, our gazes align, and then he sits up, reaching for the back of my neck with his free hand. He pulls me toward him, smashing his lips against mine.
“Worth the fuckin’ wait,” he mumbles, his lips still kissing me. Then, as if it bears repeating, he tells me, “Damn, baby—worth the fucking wait.”
“Really?” I ask between kisses, feeling hopeful that he enjoyed it as much as I hoped he would.
His answer follows not even a second later, when he growls, forcing his tongue between my lips before he takes me in a long, hard, wet, passionate kiss. I get so lost in his affection, when he starts to pull away, I whine in protest. He chuckles, kissing me once more before he reminds me, “Gotta clean myself up, babe.”
“Oh. Right,” I mumble, shaking my head at myself. “Um, bathroom’s just across the hall.”
“Got it.”
He kisses me again and then climbs out of bed, reaching for his jeans. He tugs them on, not even bothering with his underwear—or his top button—but I don’t say anything. He looks really hot just as he is. It would be a shame to miss out on such a gorgeous image.
“What do you think about breakfast?” he asks as he starts to make his way to my door.
“I think it’s delicious.
He turns, meeting my smile with a smirk before he tells me, “We’ll discuss it when I get back.”
“Okay, honey.”
Pausing for a second, his hand resting on the doorknob, he just stares at me. With a sigh, he turns to make his exit as he says, “Maybe I’ll just have another serving of you.”
He’s gone without another backwards glance, so he misses my blush along with my goofy grin. Once he’s shut the door behind him, I throw myself face first into my pillow, using it to muffle my giddy squeal. When I calm down a little and take a breath, I breathe in the sent of Coder, and my insides go squishy.
A part of me can’t believe what we’ve just done. Shy Kenzie would never have experienced the high I just did. Things like this don’t happen to the quiet girl who hugs the wall. But that’s just it—with Coder, I’m not that girl. I never have been. He’s never let me be that way. That’s not to say that I’m not myself with him, because I am; but he’s got this way of coaxing me out of my shell, daring me to try new things. It’s not because he wants me to do them, but because he’s the kind of guy who lives by experience, and he’s always challenging me to do the same. I love that about him. Even more, I love the things he teaches me about myself—helping me to see what I want and who I want to be.
“Holy sweet baby Jesus!”
I suck in a sharp breath, bolting upright at the sound of Brooke’s voice.
“How did you get in here?” she shrieks. “Where are your clothes? Wait—did we—?”
I scramble off of the bed, frantically searching for my sleep shorts as I hear Coder mutter, “Definitely not.”
Crap-crap-crap!
Having found my shorts, I shimmy them on and head straight for the door.
“Okay, then how did you—No. No! No fucking way!”
I’m just about to open the door when it flies open. It hits my toe—which hurts like the dickens!—and I stumble, catching myself against the wall. “Ow, Brooke!”
“Ow, Brooke—really? Ow, Brooke? That’s what you have to say to me right now?”
Looking out into the hallway, I stare at my best friend, her face scrunched in anger, her fists pressed against her sides. Her hair is a mess from sleep, and her eyes are bloodshot, my clue that she got in late and was far from sober—which makes her hungover and in a mood now. When my eyes flick over her head to catch a glimpse of Coder, who is still standing in the bathroom doorway, Brooke starts yelling again.
“Don’t look at him—look at me. I’d like to know what’s going on here.”
I take a deep breath and then right myself, pushing away from the wall. My whole body is suddenly being pumped full of adrenaline as I combat my nerves and prepare to tell her the truth—the whole truth.
“Brooke, we were going to tell you last—”
“We? I’m sorry, who is we?”
“Coder and—”
“Oh, my god, you’re kidding, right?” she asks, bringing a hand to her mouth as she chokes out a laugh.
I seal my lips closed, her amusement hurting like a stab wound to the heart.
“How about you just let her talk?” demands Coder.
She smiles at me, resting the hand that was at her mouth against her chest as she says, “Please, Kenzie, I’m dying to know what you think is going on between you two. I mean—from the looks of things, he’s on a corruption mission, and you’ve fallen prey.” Leaning forward, whispering conspiratorially, she tells me, “I love you Kenz, but when you break the girl code, you kind of get what’s coming to you.”
“What?” I ask, forcing the word through the knot that has suddenly formed in my throat.
“No, the floor is yours, babe—tell me about this we business.”
“Why are you being so mean right now?”
Her smile disappears, a scowl taking its place in an instant. “Why is the guy I’ve been talking about for weeks standing in the hallway half naked after spending the night in your bed?” she asks, pointing behind me.
“I was going to tell you, I swear. But—I couldn’t. Not until I knew that things were serious.”
“Serious? God, Kenzie—could you be anymore naïve? Don’t you see what’s going on here? Look at you. He’s totally playing you, babe. You’re the shy choir girl who never let’s loose and doesn’t spread her legs. You’re a challenge. You’re—”
“Stop it!” I yell, curling my hands into fists. I dig my nails into my palms, hoping to distract myself from the pain her words have caused, trying to prevent my tears from spilling down my cheeks. “Why is everything always a game to you? Why is it so hard to believe that he actually likes me?”
“And again, I ask, why is the guy I’ve been talking about for weeks even on your damn radar?”
“Because you’re not the only one he met that night, okay? He met me, too.”
“So you’ve been lying to me this whole time,” she states, folding her arms across her chest. “You let me go on and on—”
“Brooke, just the other night, you were talking about what you would do if he was with someone! I didn’t want to keep this from you. You’re my best friend. But I couldn’t compete with you. I didn’t want to.”
Her smile returns as she coughs out a laugh. “I see. You knew we were into the same guy, you knew if I got to him first he wouldn’t even see you, so you broke the girl code.”
I look away from her, no longer able to hold back my tears. The truth is, she’s exactly right. Everything she just said, I’ve thought it before. Nevertheless, what Coder and I have is special. The more he opens up to me, the more I realize that Brooke would never have been an obstacle if I hadn’t made her one. But that’s not why the truth hurts so much. It hurts because it wasn’t just me who thought it—it was her, too.
As my cheeks grow wet, I rehear what she just said about the girl code. I remember my conversation with Maribel weeks ago. I think about how she told me that the only code people should live by is to love hard and forgive often. She said that if Brooke was my best friend and Coder made me happy, then she should just be happy for me.
“Eyes up, Mack.” I suck in a quiet breath, my head snapping up until I’ve met his gaze. He doesn’t say another word as he stares at me, but he doesn’t have to. The truth is in his warm, dark, soulful eyes. I didn’t steal him away from her. He was never hers to take. I know that now. In my heart, I’m sure of it.
I shift my attention to Brooke, trying to put myself in her shoes—trying desperately to shove aside the heartache her words have caused. Then, applying the code that Maribel spoke of, I murmur, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I kept this from you. I’m sorry if I hurt you. I never meant to. I just—I wanted my chance, so I took it. And I don’t regret it. Not for a second.”
Rolling her eyes, she drops her arms and mutters, “I don’t even know who you are anymore. My best friend would not do this to me.” Turning her back to me, she looks up at Coder and asks, “Can I get in there?”
He steps aside and she enters the bathroom, slamming the door so hard that I jump. I stare after her, wondering what just happened.
“Babe?” I watch as Coder enters my room, closing us in before eliminating the space between us. Reaching up to wipe away my tears with his thumbs, he asks, “Explain to me how someone sweet like you ended up with that mean girl as your best friend?”
I shake my head and shrug my shoulders before tucking my chin against my chest and curling up against his. When he wraps his arms around me, I lean into him even more as I say, “Opposites attract.”
He grunts but doesn’t say anything else for a while. I manage to keep myself from crying, but it still hurts. I know Brooke is hungover, and she probably feels like crap. Waking up to Coder was a huge surprise, I’m sure—but those are just excuses. She’s never talked to me that way before. Knowing that she thinks those things about me makes me question our entire friendship.
I flinch when I hear her leave the bathroom only to head back to her room, where she slams that door shut. Coder then rests his hands on my shoulders, giving me a comforting squeeze before he starts to do what he always does—taking over and completely owning the situation.
“Get dressed. We’re going to breakfast. Pack your homework and shit, ‘cause I’m not bringing you back until late. Hell, I might not bring you back at all.”
A small smile plays at my lips as I tip my head back, resting my chin against his bare chest as I assure him, “Honey, I’m okay. You don’t have to kidnap me.”
“That might be true, but I’m not leaving you here until I know for sure. Clothes, Mack—let’s go.”
My smile grows wider as I push myself up onto my tiptoes, circling my arms around his neck. This very moment, I realize that what happened between Brooke and me was between Brooke and me. Coder didn’t interfere or interject on my behalf—not once. Rather, he left me to fight my own battle; he stood back and let me stand up for myself. Now, he’s stepping in. Now, he’s taking care of me.
He’s got my back, just as he said he would.
With no intention of arguing, I simply reply, “I need to shower first.”
“You’ve got twenty minutes, babe, then we split.”
My jaw falls open as I gape at him, thinking there’s no way I can be presentable in that amount of time. “Forty minutes.”
“Thirty.” He smacks the side of my butt before he adds, “You better hurry.”
I groan playfully, breaking away from him as I hurry to my dresser. I barely have the drawer open before I turn back, racing into his arms. He catches me and I hold him tight around his middle as I murmur, “Thank you.”
He tugs his eyebrows together and asks, “For what?”
Pushing myself up taller, I arch my neck and pucker my lips, silently telling him what I want. He studies me for just a second, a smile twitching the corner of his lips before he leans down to kiss me. With his mouth still pressed against mine, I whisper, “Just—thank you.”