“You’re going to get a stomachache if you don’t slow down.”
“I’m starving.” Declan pulls me onto his lap and tries to feed me a pan fried dumpling dripping in sauce. I shake my head and he licks his fingers clean. “You exhausted me.”
“Are you complaining?”
“Never, McShane. It was well worth it.”
My kitchen table is littered with opened boxes of Chinese food. We have at least managed to get dressed, more or less, and avoid touching each other long enough to feed ourselves. There is contentment yet again, as if the banter between us and the comfort we feel is natural and effortless. When I try to move off his lap to reach for the noodles, he pulls me back and I jump up, feeling the hard wedge between his thighs. I am more shocked than offended.
“What? Can’t help it, can I?” he says.
“Declan, again? It’s only been,” I look at the clock over my mantel, “half an hour.”
He ignores me, pulls me back onto his lap, his hand fitting under my shirt to cup me like it is the most natural thing to do. “Isn’t this what’s called the ‘honeymoon phase’?”
“That’s reserved for married couples.”
“Nah, it’s for everyone in a new, um…”
I laugh at the quick sweeping blush that passes his cheeks. “You weren’t going to say relationship, were you?”
Declan’s lips twist into a pucker. “And if I was?” He pauses, a small beat to narrow his eyes at me. “What would you say then?”
“I—I’m not sure.”
“Why?” He turns me in his lap.
I’ve been so focused on training, on sorting out how I felt about Declan, how I didn’t feel about Tucker, on my father and rebuilding our relationship that I didn’t give the details much consideration. I know I like him, I might even love him, but didn’t think there was a rush to label whatever it is that we have. “I haven’t given it much thought.”
“Scared, are you?” Bingo. How the hell does he do that?
“A little. Maybe.”
Declan’s features soften as his arm tightens around me. “I’m not Morrison, love.”
“I know that. I know you won’t treat me like he did.” Declan relaxes against the chair, pulls me to his chest and I love listening to the steady pulse work in his neck. “I was never with him.”
“Hmm?” he says and tilts his head, doesn’t catch my meaning.
“These past few months. We weren’t actually seeing each other at all.”
Declan pushes me up, holds my arms by the elbow. “What?”
“I only told you that because I was mad and I guess I wanted to make you jealous.”
He pulls his hand away from me completely. “Why would you do that, McShane?”
“Because you hurt me. Because you acted like I didn’t mean anything to you and then whenever I was with Tucker, hell, whenever he even looked at me, you acted like a crazy person.”
The scowl he wears starts to falter. “So you didn’t kiss him?”
“No. I only agreed to go out with him because I knew he was hanging something over your head. I was trying to find out what that was.”
Declan straightens his shoulders, his back, and pulls our fingers together. “About that.” He clears his throat and I have to push down the nervousness I feel, the great swell of tension that passes from him to me. “I tried to tell you last night, before—” Declan gives his hand a wave, “but you distracted me.” There is a half-smile on his face, self-deprecating and mildly unapologetic. Finally, his eyes shift up and I can feel the moment surfacing. “Tucker knew, well, about my family, when he came to Ireland to recruit—”
Three quick taps against my door breaks between Declan’s confession and I instantly glare across the living room. “Ignore it,” I say, but Declan shakes his head and moves me off his lap.
Limbs straight, so that he seems very tall, highly imposing, he walks to the door, but when he hears Sayo’s voice, “Autumn, it’s me. Open up,” Declan’s gait slows, relaxes.
He opens the door, buttoning his shirt. “What the hell…oh. Hi. Um, where’s Autumn?” He steps back and Sayo thunders in. “Are you okay?”
“I was,” I say, giving Sayo a pointed look.
She whispers, “I want details” then recovers. “I tried calling you this morning.”
“I must have forgotten to charge my phone.” I stand, head toward the hall to retrieve my cell from the bedroom, but Declan waves me off.
“I’ll get it. I have to check my messages anyway.”
The second he disappears down the hall, Sayo attacks. “Okay, how did this happen?”
“He came over last night,” I say, pulling her away from the hall to sit at the kitchen table.
“I mean, obviously. So you two—” she finishes her question with a ridiculous eye waggle.
“Yes, that exactly.”
Sayo starts to smile and I know there is a stupid girly gush about to evacuate past her thin lips, but Declan returns with his phone in his hand, scrolling over the screen and my best friend sobers.
“So, I had to tell you. Both of you, actually,” she says, her eyes shifting between us. “Tucker called Sam last night. He said Mullens kicked him off the squad.”
Declan’s head jerks up, eyes off his message and wide on Sayo’s face. “How’s that?”
She nods. “Mullens found out what he did to Autumn and between that and the bet, which he yelled at Layla about for a solid hour last night, he told Tucker he hadn’t acted like a captain. Something about behavior unbecoming a captain. When Tucker argued with him, told Mullens he couldn’t do that, he kicked him off the squad. He’s out.” Declan steps toward her as though he can’t believe what she’s saying. “The rumor is you’ll get captain.”
“God, that’s wonderful,” I say, coming to Declan’s side.
“Yeah, well, when Sam told me this morning, I got all happy.” Sayo takes a breath, wrings her fingers together. “He got pissed at me and we broke up.”
“Sweetie,” I say, reaching for her.
“It doesn’t matter. No big.” Another shrill tone and I know my friend is lying. She and Sam always seemed to get along well, despite his friendship with Tucker. There’s something she’s not telling me, but I won’t push, not with Declan here. “Anyway, I thought I should let you know.”
Declan grabs Sayo’s elbow, bends down to kiss her cheek. “Cheers, Sayo. Really. That’s great news.” I try not to laugh at the awkward way my best friend moves her shoulder and brushes her pink hair behind her ear. Declan looks at me, nods toward the door and I follow him.
“You’re leaving?”
“I’ve got to go. Something’s come up, but I want you to see you again. Tonight.”
“Okay.”
Uncaring about Sayo’s presence in the room, Declan picks me up, fixes me tight to his chest to kiss me thoroughly. When we break apart I have to blink my eyes to focus. His palm rubs my cheek, thumb back to my bottom lip. “Listen to me, Autumn. I didn’t get the chance to talk to you about everything, but I want you to know I meant what I said.” He lowers his voice. “I love you. Don’t forget that. I don’t say it lightly.” I don’t like the way he says that, like it’s a warning.
“Is everything okay?”
His eyes are soft, mouth barely pulled in a grin. “I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later.”
The falls are quiet this afternoon. Though I know I should be resting, possibly gorging myself on ridiculous vats of ice cream, I had to meet with Ava to fill her in on what’s been happening these past few months.
She hadn’t been in her office and I really wanted a run, so I headed for the falls, hoping the brisk air would clear my head. I run alone, my pace steady, and let the cool temperatures relax me. Sayo hadn’t left for a solid hour, and it took me insisting that I’d fill her in on all the gory details of my night with Declan after my meeting with Ava for her to leave. My best friend really was just a silly high school girl at heart when it came to men. And sex. And me and men and sex.
The music from my iPod fills my ears, and I enjoy the twin sensations of Bruno Mars’ “Locked Out of Heaven” playing loud and the refreshing breath of the fall wind whipping around my body. I love the seclusion of the falls when I run alone. Thoughts of all that’s happened lately are clearer here with my mind full of oxygen. The Dash, Declan’s presence in my life, Tucker and his ridiculous taunting, it all reorganizes in my mind. Mullens told Ava about Tucker which had her immediately calling me and insisting that we meet today. I don’t know why she hadn’t been in her office. Over the phone, I told her about my first meeting with Declan, his attack, him wiggling his way into my life. She wasn’t happy that I didn’t let her know what he’d done. She went mildly President on me about that, but then she mentioned liking him, liking that he wanted to get me the first edition Lee for my birthday.
At the thought of Declan, my mind flashes back to last night…to his skin, his shoulders, his touch, his lips, and his eyes, so sincere, so raw when he told me he loved me. I have to think about that one. I’d asked myself the same question over and over again since he left this morning: do I love Declan? He confounds me. He confuses me and the past few months have been a whirlwind to say the least. Until I met him I hadn’t realized what I’d been missing…that my life, while comfortable, was a bit beige. Joe’s abandonment and the accident were huge, life-shattering events, but there has still been happiness, laughter in my life. I thought life was good, but then Declan shows up and everything is in upheaval.
I think about his smile, his laugh, his overwhelming presence—and then I think what it had been like when he was with Heather. I stop short, realization flooding my mind. The thought of him with anyone else, the thought of him doing to anyone else what he did to me last night…the thought of him telling someone else that he loved them…well, no. I couldn’t bear that. Dear God. I love him. Shit. I’m in love with Declan Fraser.
I don’t bother finishing my run. Mid-way up the falls, the honest realization that I was in love with Declan slowed my steps, made my chest knot up and burn. How did this happen? How had I allowed myself to fall so quickly for someone who was utterly and completely wrong for me?
My legs cramp from the abrupt stop. I stretch my arms over my head, distracted by my thoughts. When Ava runs toward me, I know something is wrong. The first thing that occurs to me is how odd it is that she is even here, knowing how much she loathes anything that looks remotely like physical activity, but then I notice the deep lines around her mouth and the worried stretch of her eyes. Immediately, I race toward her, my heart somewhere in the vicinity of my throat. My first thoughts are of Sayo, then Declan. God, if he had somehow managed to get into another fight…
I reach Ava and her arms stretch toward me. “Autumn, we have to go.” I start to ask what’s happened, but she shakes her head, stopping me. “It’s Joe, honey. He’s had a massive heart attack.”