Chapter 9
19th December
I didn’t stay long at Matt and Sally’s last night once Jacob had left. The sweet tea had done a great job of reviving me and I wanted to get back home to keep an eye on my fire. I hadn’t put the guard in front of it while I nipped out to do the bin and I was feeling anxious that maybe the accident with my car was just the start of a run of bad luck. I had started picturing a spark from the fire catching a branch of the Christmas tree and the whole cottage going up in flames while I sat sipping tea next door. I hope I didn’t come across as rude after Matt and Sally had been so neighbourly. I’ve already decided I’ll walk into the village later and buy them a nice bottle of wine as a thank you.
It’s unlikely I’ll be driving anywhere anytime soon. I had a look at the damage to my car after breakfast and it looks as though the crushed metal would prevent the back wheel from rotating properly. Apparently, there was barely a mark on Jacob’s four-wheel-drive Audi so maybe I’ll buy German next time. When I was making my excuses to leave last night, Sally kindly offered to ferry me to the big supermarket in the next town for my pre-Christmas food shop but I explained that I wouldn’t need much as I’ll be at Noella’s. If I do need any extra bits I can buy them in the village and I didn’t bother to mention that I have a freezer full of ‘meals for one’ so I won’t be going hungry.
‘Are you away at all over Christmas?’ I had asked her on my way out.
‘No, we’re having Christmas here. Matt’s parents live in Spain so we won’t be seeing them but his brother is coming for a few days, and my mum, dad and little sister are here on the big day but only for lunch and the customary walk afterwards. I’m looking forward to a bit of “us” time, once we have the house to ourselves, if I’m honest.’
It must be nice to have someone to share some ‘us’ time with. I don’t think I’ve ever had a boyfriend over the festive period. They always seem to conveniently dump me about a fortnight before my birthday, which is only two days before Christmas and is the reason Mum and Dad will be coming to visit on Friday. Presumably, none of my former boyfriends thought I was worth spending two lots of hard-earned cash on for presents, not a problem I can ever remember Noella sharing. Her birthday is on Boxing Day, hence the rather obvious name choices, which we were teased relentlessly about at school. Even in that department my sister fared better than me. Noella has an exotic ring to it whereas I am just plain, boring old Carol. I shake my head, trying to clear it of negative thoughts, and plan my day ahead instead. I might as well get on with painting the spare bedroom, even though it looks unlikely that it will be used anytime soon. First though, I’m calling Rob about Leanne’s parents’ phone number.
‘Robert Johnson, how can I help you?’
‘Oh, hi Rob. I hope I’m not disturbing you. It’s Carol here, Matt and Sally’s neighbour. I just wondered if you have that number for me?’
‘Yes, I do. I rang first thing to get their permission to pass it on. Have you got a pen handy?’
I have to suppress a smile. Clearly, I come across as someone who writes down phone numbers rather than storing them straight on my phone. In this instance, he is right. I have a pen poised above a note pad but only because it seems pointless storing this particular number in my phone when I’ll probably only use it once.
‘Fire away.’
He rattles off the number and gets off the phone in under thirty seconds, either still embarrassed by Matt’s failed attempt at matchmaking on Saturday, or genuinely busy selling houses in the week before Christmas. I think not, regarding the latter, but I’ll try not to take it too personally. I stare at the number on the pad for a moment. I need to think carefully about what I’m going to say to Gillian Sykes, Leanne’s mum, because I’m only going to get one shot at it.
I know I shouldn’t have done it, but after my macaroni cheese supper last night, which I have to say wasn’t a patch on my mum’s, leaving a rather unpleasant plasticky taste in my mouth and making me wish I’d accepted Sally’s offer of dinner with them again, I carried the pink envelope through to the kitchen intending to steam it open over the kettle. When I examined it more closely, the glue had only partially stuck and I was able to slide my finger under the flap and ease it open without tearing the paper. At that point, guilt kicked in and it took another thirty minutes before I finally retrieved this year’s card to read the message inside. It was only one line – ‘I will always love you, Annie x’ – but it still brought a lump to my throat. There was also a folded sheet of writing paper and it took me another few minutes of soul searching before I finally smoothed it out to read.
Darling Annie
I miss you more with every passing day. It has taken a huge amount of willpower for me not to come and knock on your door to beg your forgiveness now I know where you live. I wanted to, believe me, but your mum told me you never want to lay eyes on me again and I have to respect your wish. I can’t bear the thought of going to my grave with you not knowing what happened and how much I love you, so I’m praying that you’ll read on as you clearly don’t want to speak to me.
I nearly didn’t at this point. It all felt so private and I was intruding. The only thing that made me continue was the thought that somehow, I might be instrumental in getting them back together.
It should have been the happiest day of our lives, Annie, the start of our future together and I ruined it because of my dad. When we were organising the wedding, you asked me if I was going to invite him and I said no. It’s difficult to forgive someone who has abandoned you at a vulnerable age and broken your mum’s heart. I didn’t think he had a right to be part of something so joyful, but in the end I turned to him in desperation. The boys got me very drunk, trust me I’m not proud of myself, but their little prank of setting me up with a prostitute backfired. She earned a couple of hundred pounds for untying me from the bedposts and lending me her coat– that’s the truth, I promise. I had nowhere to go. I couldn’t go back to ours as you were so adamant about not seeing me on our wedding morning and I had no money as the boys were going to fetch me in the morning and had taken everything. I’ve always known where my dad lived and in my desperate drunken state I thought that maybe he could go some way to redeem himself by letting me sleep there for the night. It’s the biggest mistake I have ever made. Mum never told me that he was into drugs and when I told him I was getting married the next day he went crazy, saying all women were bitches and he couldn’t let me ruin my life. He must have drugged me cos I didn’t wake up for three days, by which time you had disappeared. Even as I’m writing this it all sounds so far-fetched but I swear it’s the truth. Your mum obviously thought I was lying when I turned up on their doorstep looking for you, but you know me better than she does. I would never willingly do anything to hurt you, Annie, please believe me.
I’m still on the same number but I’ve put it at the bottom of this letter as you’ve probably deleted it. Please call me; my life is empty without you. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll take it that you have moved on and I won’t bother you again, I promise.
Jake xx
I sat staring at the letter for several minutes. He could be lying, of course. Maybe he simply got cold feet on his wedding day at the enormity of the commitment he was about to make, but somehow I doubted it. I don’t even know Jake but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and I wanted Annie to as well.
That’s why the call I am about to make to Gillian Sykes is so important and why the plan I’ve devised to get Leanne to come to my cottage simply has to work.