Ben didn’t know when he’d decided to stay in Killeen but as Anya smiled up at him, he knew he’d made the right decision. He also wasn’t sure when he and Darius started dating. He’d thought the man was mad at him, then he suddenly shows up this morning as if nothing had happened. Now, according to Darius, they were dating. He was confused and wanted to talk about it but first they had to have dinner and get ready for trick or treating.
Dinner went by quickly and Zoe dressed faster than Ben had ever seen her dress before. Before leaving, Ben put out a large bowl of candy on tray table next to the front door with a note to “Please take one” sign. He knew there would probably be no candy left when he got back but at least he tried. Hopefully his effort would stop the house from getting egged.
It was just getting dark when they made their way down the driveway where several neighboring kids were already out with their parents. Anya had come with them, dressing in one of her dance costumes as a compromise. She adamantly refused to carry a bag, but she did agree to walk Zoe up each door. It gave Ben and Darius some alone time to talk while they waited on the sidewalk.
Nervous, Ben didn’t say anything for the first few houses but by the fourth house he just couldn’t keep the questions inside any longer. “So, when exactly did we start dating?” He practically hit his forehead with his hand at such a lame question. Not that it wasn’t valid, but he sounded like an awkward teenage asking it.
The lights from the houses allowed just enough illumination to make out Darius’ features. His heart did a little flip as Darius smiled.
“To be honest, we hadn’t,” Darius admitted.
A knot formed in Ben’s stomach as he listened to Darius tell him they weren’t really dating. Even though he’d been surprised at Darius’ announcement to the girls, Ben had been secretly ready to burst with joy.
“Yet,” Darius amended giving Ben some amount of hope.
“Uncle Benji, Ms. Knapp said she loved my costume,” Zoe yelled as she ran back to where he stood with Darius.
Forcing his attention back to his niece even though he wanted more than anything to demand what “yet” meant. “Did you tell her “thank you”?” he asked.
Zoe nodded.
Anya who had walked instead of running like Zoe, said, “She also told her how you made it. Ms. Knapp wanted to know if you’d be willing to make the costumes for the holiday pageant this year at the church.”
Ben bit back a groan of dismay.
Thankfully no one seemed to notice as they made their way to the next house. As soon as Zoe and Anya were out of earshot Darius asked, “Why don’t you want to help with the costumes?”
Damn. He should have known Darius would notice his reaction. The man was too astute for his own good. Worse they were now off the topic of their dating. Considering why he didn’t want to help at the church, Ben guessed this conversation would degrade as the one the other night did. But if they were going to date, Ben couldn’t be anything but totally honest.
“Because I’m not someone who does the church thing,” he hedged.
For a moment Darius just stared at him. After several awkward moments, Darius asked, “What does that mean?”
Sighing Ben put his big boy pants on and told Darius the truth. “I don’t believe in God or any type of religion.”
The silence this time was longer until finally Zoe came running back with more compliments about her costume and details on the type of candy Mr. Rodriguez was giving out. She chatted on the way to the next house about what some of the other kids were wearing. When she and Anya ran off again, Darius asked, “May I ask why?”
It took several stops and starts, especially as he kept getting interrupted by Zoe and Anya but by the time they made it down the length of the street he’d told Darius about how his parents had kicked him out of the house, how he’d been forced out of his home town and about how many other gay men he’d met in San Francisco had it so much worse, to the point of being permanently disfigured, because of religion.
For several houses neither of them said anything about what Ben had shared. They had just stood in silence. Ben could only hope Darius was taking it all in and not wanting to leave again. This time Ben would not apologize for his feelings. He admitted he’d been wrong to judge Darius just because the man was a minister who lived in a small town in Texas, but he wasn’t wrong about religion.
They were nearly home when Darius finally said something. “I can understand why you feel that way, but God isn’t to blame for the views of the narrow-minded.”
When Ben started to argue, Darius held his hand up to stop him. “Please just listen.” Ben didn’t want to, but he felt he owed it Darius to give him a chance. When Ben didn’t try to interrupt him again, Darius continued. “For me, you not believing in God, isn’t a deal-breaker but I also ask that you continue to come to church and just listen to what I and the others have to say. If you still don’t believe, I promise I won’t say anything more about it.”
Since the girls really liked going to church, Ben was already planning on continuing to go, at least until Jon got back. “Okay. But I want your word that outside of the church, God and religion are not to be brought up for discussion with me.” For him that would be a deal-breaker. He refused to be brow-beaten about believing in God.
“Deal.” Darius leaned over to seal the pact with a kiss.
Ben stood still as a statue, waiting for the group of trick or treaters to come with guns blazing for such a display in public. Yet as the seconds ticked by, he noticed no one seemed to care what they were doing. By the sly smiles from a few of the neighbors, they had seen the kiss, but they didn’t seem to have any objections.
He heard Darius chuckle in his ear. “You need to have some faith, babe. Not everyone cares that we’re gay. Admittedly there are some who make it their business to butt into other people’s personal lives, but most people don’t care one way or the other.
Ben wanted to disagree with him, but he had to admit everyone seemed to be minding their own business. In fairness, he knew this neighborhood was a little more unique. Stacy had told him that she’d purposely bought the house on this street because over half of its residents went to her church. She said it was bad enough the girls had to hear bigoted views from their grandmother, she hadn’t wanted them to have to hear it where they lived too.
As they finished with the last house Ben began to wonder how he, who’d refused to leave the safety of San Francisco for so long, was now living in Texas and dating a minister of all people. For the first time since being kicked out of his own home, Ben realized how narrow-minded he’d been about the rest of the world. For far too long when he met people outside of the safety of his Castro neighborhood, he’d hold himself back. He’d been afraid of being hurt so instead of giving people a chance he’d already made up his mind about their intolerance. Never once did he stop to think that maybe they weren’t that way, that maybe it was he who was intolerant of others.