CHAPTER 26
Time had run out for her. The wedding was today.
Sybil twisted her braid, a bad habit from childhood, as she paced the floor of the bedchamber. All night long, she had debated with herself over what to do.
If she refused to go through with the marriage ceremony, after Rory had made it his first decision as chieftain, she would make him look an utter fool before his clan. Hurting his pride would be the least of it. Humiliating him when he was just establishing himself as chieftain and fending off his uncle could do irrevocable damage.
On the other hand, once she said her vows, she would be good and truly wed. The false contract would be irrelevant. These Highland chieftains may tell themselves they could disregard both the church and the king’s law regarding marriage, but she had no such illusions. There could be no escape from marriage for her but death. For the rest of her life, she would live here on MacKenzie lands.
Miles of rugged mountains and wilderness separated her from her former life. Though she had already suffered the loss of her brothers and friends when they deserted her in her time of need, the prospect of that great physical divide permanently separating her from the rest of her family was painful.
Oh, what a mess she was in! The only way to avoid the marriage was to tell Rory about the false contract. He would hate her for not telling him earlier. She clenched her fists and squeezed her eyes shut. Why had she not told him sooner?
She thought she would have more time to explain about the false contract, if his advisors did not persuade him to change his mind about the marriage first. She never expected Rory to outmaneuver his advisors by making an immediate announcement of their marriage celebration. She would have admired the cleverness of his move, except that he had outmaneuvered her as well.
Sybil dropped onto the wooden chest at the foot of the bed. What should she do? Her hand went to the pendant her mother gave her, as it often did in times of stress. As she rubbed her thumb over the smooth, shiny surface, she imagined what her mother would say to her. She could almost hear her mother’s voice…
You’re making this far too difficult, when the question is a simple one. Do ye want this Highlander for your husband or not?
“Mother, ye know I never wanted to marry and give a man that much control over me,” Sybil said. “I’m tired of serving as a pawn in the games of men.”
But darling, how is your Highlander using you? What does he hope to gain?
The bare truth was that Rory had nothing to gain from the marriage now. But eight years ago it would have been advantageous to him—in truth, her wealth and position was high above what he could have expected in a wife.
“And he won me and such bright prospects in a damn card game!” It was insulting, really.
But he did not come to claim you until after you lost your wealth and position.
That was true. Rory was marrying her with no ulterior motive that she could discern. He could have deserted her when her fortunes fell, as everyone else had. When she was in trouble, he did not run. He came for her. When times were hard, he held fast.
Has this man changed your mind about marriage?
Sybil stamped her foot, as she often did when she was a willful child. “I don’t know!”
When it’s safe to return home to Tantallon Castle, will ye want to leave him?
Tears stung her eyes at the thought of never seeing Rory again. “Nay, I couldn’t leave him.”
Then you have your answer. Her mother laughed. If he’s a good man, this is not a bad thing.
“Good heavens, I want to marry him,” Sybil admitted for the first time. That frightened her more than anything. It gave Rory the power over her happiness, the power to disappoint her, the power to cause her untold pain.
Sybil squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to hold on to the comfort of her mother’s presence. Her mother had seemed so real, but she was slipping away like a wisp of wind. Was it her mother’s spirit, or was her memory of her mother so vivid that her mind could conjure up exactly what her mother would say?
If ye marry him, there ought to be honesty between ye. Before ye say those vows, tell him what you’ve been keeping from him.
Sybil did not know whether the voice was her mother speaking to her from the grave or her own conscience, but she understood the message well enough.
Sybil jumped at the sound of a knock on her door. This was no ghost. She tucked her pendant back inside her bodice and smoothed her gown while she gathered herself.
“Come in,” she called.
Her heart skipped a beat when the door opened and Rory filled the doorway.
“How are ye settling in? Have the servants provided ye with everything ye need?”
“They’ve been most attentive, thank you,” she said, her voice coming out unusually high.
He hovered at the door, as if torn between staying and leaving.
“We’ve had no time to speak alone since we arrived,” she said.
“I’ve had much to do.”
“I know, but the wedding ceremony is almost upon us.” Desperation rose in her throat. “Please, we must talk.”
“Of course.” He closed the door and stood before it with his hands clasped behind his back. Now he definitely looked as if he would rather leave.
“I’d feel more at ease if ye sat beside me," she said.
He heaved a sigh and came to sit next to her on the bed. He must sense she had something terrible to tell him.
Unless lightning struck her down, she was going to enter into a true marriage with Rory before the day was out. She needed to set things right with him.
She needed to tell him the truth. Now. The tension mounted between them as she debated how to tell him. Before she could find the right words, he spoke first.
“I’m sorry if ye regret consummating our marriage and committing yourself to me,” he said.
“I—”
“What’s done is done,” he said, holding his hand up. “But I hope the celebrations tonight will please ye.”
Sybil took his hand and pressed it against her heart. “I don’t regret what we did.”
“Just the consequences.” He pressed his lips together in a tight line.
“I confess that I wasn’t sure about it before,” she said. “I had dreaded marriage for so long that it was difficult for me to consider that it could be anything other than odious. But I’ve come to see that marriage to you will not be like that.”
“The prospect of being my wife is less than odious.” He tilted his head. “Ye flatter me, lass.”
“What I’m trying to say is that I do want to be your wife.”
“Ye mean that?” Rory examined her with piercing eyes, as if he were trying to see into her soul.
“No one could be more surprised than me,” she said. “But I want this marriage.”
“Don’t tell me that because ye know it’s what I want to hear,” he said. “The one thing I cannot abide is deceit.”
Sybil drew in a shaky breath and prayed he would forgive her.
“Above all, I need the truth from you.” He took her hands in his and looked deep into her eyes. “There are so few people I can trust. I need to know I can trust you.”
“The truth is that I never expected to have a husband who suited me, but it’s as if God made ye just for me,” she said. “I could not ask for a better man, and I find I want to be a good wife to you. I want to make ye happy.”
She tried to summon her courage to say the rest, to tell him that they had no marriage contract, that he had every right to turn his back on her.
Before she could choke out her painful confession, Rory swept her into his arms and gave her a long, deep kiss that made her head spin. One kiss led to another and another. She dug her fingers into his shoulders, needing him so much and afraid that he would never want her like this again after he knew the truth.
His hand was on her breast and she was tugging at his shirt when they were interrupted by a knock on the door.
“Whoever it is, send them away,” Rory said as he nuzzled her neck.
“M’lady,” a woman called through the door, “we’re here to help ye prepare for your wedding.”
So soon? Nay, she needed more time!
“I know you’re in there too, Rory.” This time, the voice was Grizel’s. “Let us in!”
“Mo chroí, we’ll have to save this for after the wedding celebration.” Warmth filled his eyes as he brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “The women will have my hide if I interfere with their preparation of the bride.”
“Rory, I—” Sybil should send the women away and tell Rory her secrets, but the words died on her lips. It was too late. His clan was already gathered downstairs in the hall for the celebration.
Besides, what if he did not want to marry her once he found out the truth? What would she do then? She had no place to go, no refuge. And most of all, now that she had finally figured out that Rory was the one man she wanted, she could not bear to lose him.
Nay, she could not risk telling him now.
She would wait to reveal her secrets until Rory loved her enough to forgive her.