In Jerry’s rundown apartment in Krueger, I’m pouring yet another glass of water for my fucking bailed-out charity case. I keep looking at my phone, which is currently resting on the dingy tile counter near the rusted sink. All I want to do is call Gwen again and tell her just how sorry I am for stranding her, and I wish I could do it without having to tell her everything about me … and about how Jerry fits in to my old life.

I blow out a breath and run my hand over my face. I need to sit her down and talk to her soon, but first I have to get back to Climax Vineyards and put in some work, then see how things are going at Milton’s. And I’ve got to close out this thing with Jerry.

After scooping up my phone, I take his filmy glass of water over to where he’s slouched on a threadbare couch. His apartment’s barely decorated because he moves around so much, but it’s truly palatial compared to Jerry himself. His brown hair is long and greasy, his muscles seem to be half the size that I remember from when he used to be my protector on the streets and in prison, and his big eyes are as sunken as his cheekbones. It took me about one second to realize that he’d started up with the meth again. Back when I was selling, I was never stupid enough to dig in to my own supply — even then I knew about profit margins — but Jerry? He got hooked on his crank-laced weed and then some. Maybe I was a delinquent, but I sure wasn’t an addict.

After I hand him the water, I sit across from him on a worn chair. “I’ve really got to get going after this.”

“I know.” Jerry just stares into his glass. “I’ve kept you out all night. I’m sorry about that, man.”

“As we’ve already discussed at length, that’s the last thing you should be sorry for.”

His hand shakes as he drinks, and I swear he’s about to burst into basketcase tears again. His breakdown is why I was out all night — not only because it took forever to bail him out, but because once I brought him back here, he fell apart and got emotional about his wasted life. I couldn’t just let him go down this deep hole without extending a hand.

“Before I leave,” I say, “I want to be sure you’re going to be able to resist dumb things like getting wasted in a seedy bar and then starting fights with a man who’s only trying to get his wife away from the tequila and back home.”

“Even if he was being a dick to her?”

“We talked about this.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” He nods. “I was the dick when I caused that fight, and I overreacted with him because I’d been trying to hook up with her before he came along.”

“And the bigger picture is …?”

“That I’m not going to drink ever again.”

I have no goddamned patience right now for reviewing these elementary lessons in how to improve Jerry’s life. I want to be with Gwen, and I resent the living hell out of him for keeping me away from her.

He quickly realizes that I’m tired, cranky, and at the end of my rope. “I also promise not to do any more meth.”

“Ever. At all.”

“I just started back up on it, anyway, so …”

I glare at him.

He puts down the water. “I’ll get to that NA meeting this morning, and I’m going to keep twelve stepping. If I don’t, my life will never change. Things went to shit when I stopped going all the time.”

“And what will you do when your loser friends call you?”

“Won’t happen. I’m gonna block their numbers. And even if they do find me, I’ll stay away.” He nods with strung-out determination. “I’m gonna clean up, get a better job than in a convenience store, and when I have enough saved up, I’m going to pay you back and move someplace with more opportunities.” He looks at me with the admiration I’ve seen in him all night. “I’m gonna do what you did back in the day, bro.”

I believe him. From what he told me, he’s been skimming rock bottom for a while now, and he’s finally hit it hard. Prison didn’t even do that for him all those years ago, but seeing me again and knowing that I clawed my way out of Krueger … I guess that was the kicker. Hell, I’m still angry as fuck with Jerry, but there’s a soft spot in me that won’t close up, especially with that lost gaze of his.

I lower my voice. “Jer, it wasn’t easy to walk away from all those guys we grew up with, those fuckers who made it so easy to screw up all the time, but I did it. And I worked my ass off to succeed in a job I love, and I …” I think about Gwen, who waited around for me all night. “And I eventually met a great girl.”

A real great one.

Jerry swallows so hard that his Adam’s apple bobs. “You’ve got it all.”

Do I? I want it all, and that’s why I’m so eager to get back to Gwen and start getting serious. I’m going to need to lay it all out for her — my past, my mistakes, my determination to see that I never fall back into the bad again. But even though I know I have to spill everything, I’m still fighting it. What if she tells me to go to hell?

Shit.

I stand from the chair. “Jerry, if you do all the things you’ve promised you’ll do, you can have what I have.”

He gets to his feet, too. Years ago he used to dwarf me with his bigger size, but I’ve caught up to him now. He’s even looking at me like I’m the big brother who’s going to protect his ass, and I shake his hand, hoping he can see that I’m genuinely on his side.

“Don’t blow it.” I start walking toward his door.

“I won’t. And Quinn?”

I turn around to find him fisting his hands by his sides, determined. God, I hope he doesn’t fuck up any more.

“Thanks for doing an old friend a solid,” he says, his voice twisted by emotion.

I nod, then walk out the door, leaving my past behind once again and praying that it won’t find its way into my present.