He felt like shit. Crow couldn’t shake it off. He was normally good about letting things roll off his shoulders, like water off a damn duck’s back. He didn’t like stressing out about things he couldn’t control, and this was something that was incredibly out of his control. But it wasn’t so much that part of it which caused him the anxiety. It was the fact that Ethan was involved, and from the sound of it, he was becoming a bigger and bigger target. It had all started off feeling like a creepy, off-color joke. Now it was beginning to feel more like a horror movie, complete with the nightmare-inducing porcelain dolls.

He rolled into bed and threw the comforter over his head. He felt the bed sink moments later when Ethan got in, an arm coming over Crow’s side. Crow felt silent tears start rolling down his cheek, a trail of wet fear rolling down onto the pillow. He didn’t want this to end, and he didn’t want to be forced to end it. On the same token, he was now risking Ethan’s life just by being with him. How fucked up was that? They were supposed to be each other’s saviors, not executioners.

They laid there for a while, Crow trying to control his emotions while Ethan was pressed against his back, his body warmth coming through the covers. It was exactly what Crow needed, but also a reminder of what had him scared in the first place. He was beginning to think that he didn’t care what the stalker threatened to do to himself, all he was thinking about was what they had planned for Ethan if their relationship continued.

If.

Another stab of sadness brought more tears. These weren’t as silent. Crow’s shoulders shook as he tried holding them back. Ethan must have sensed something, because he held Crow even tighter and kissed the back of Crow’s head, which was peaking out from the covers.

“I’m here, it’s ok.”

“That’s what I’m scared of, Ethan.” Crow’s voice was tight. He swallowed back more tears. He pulled the covers off his head and rolled over, face to face with the man of his dreams. “They want us apart.”

“And we won’t give them what they want. For what? So we could live without each other, feeling worse off than before? Giving power to some crazy person who’s going to get caught sooner or later? Absolutely not. I refuse. You’re my world, Crow, and I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.”

Crow wanted to fall deep into what Ethan was saying, but he knew the universe could have a very fucked up sense of humor. He felt like Ethan understood that too, and maybe that’s why he was so certain that he could protect Crow. Maybe because he felt like the universe already fucked things up once, twice would just be overkill.

Crow took a breath. There were no longer any tears, but there was definitely sadness and fear. Ethan brought a hand up to Crow’s face, his soft palm encompassing Crow’s slightly wet cheek. His thumb rubbed softly. The physical contact helped bring Crow down from his anxiety trip. The serene blue eyes staring back at him helped end the anxiety all together. Ethan was right. As scared as Crow was, he had to believe that the stalker was going to get caught and that nothing was going to happen to them. There was that one traffic camera the police had to look over, and Crow was sure that couldn’t have been the only mix-up. The cops had checked the tour bus over for any evidence and didn’t find any, but that didn’t mean something couldn’t turn up.

Crow sighed. “What a fucking mess.”

“For real.” Ethan cracked a gentle smile. He looked so good, even though the bedroom lighting was dim. Ethan had the ability to look good in any lighting. “At least you’ll have material for your song writing.”

Crow chuckled, surprising himself. “I could become the Stephen King of the pop charts.”

“Imagine?” Ethan asked, playing along. “All your songs could be crazy upbeat, but the lyrics get more and more fucked up until you end the song with an alien invasion sent over by Satan himself.”

“I think I’ve read that one.”

“Or, you could make a love song and people end up realizing that you’re singing it from the perspective of a crazy clown monster. Leave hints like ‘I’ll always love you under the big top’ or ‘baby, run with me through the field of fun house mirrors,’. And then end it with the clown eating someone but make it sound romantic. People will eat that shit up.”

Crow was laughing now. “We’re on to something here. I could call the album…. ‘Stephen’s Throne.’”

“I like it. Obscure enough but still poetic. Stephen King. A throne. Perfect.”

Crow chuckled at the absurdity. Ethan was smiling, his eyes glowing bright every time the bus drove past a streetlight. Neither of them could hold back the urge. They both pushed in at the same time, their lips coming together and their bodies moving closer on the bed. It was soft, almost delicate. No tongues, just lips. Slow. Soft. Started at the tip of their toes, climbed up through their thighs, hugging their backs, warming their necks. Crow swallowed a soft moan from Ethan, who’s hands were beginning to explore more of Crow’s body, running over his shorts, past his hip, setting on Crow’s chest. Suddenly, his t-shirt felt like a prison. He had to strip it all off. He had to feel Ethan’s body against his. It was an urge so primal it almost surprised Crow how badly he felt he needed it.

He sat up in the bed and grabbed the bottom of his shirt. He pulled it off and threw it to the side. Ethan followed suit, throwing his in the pile. They worked on each other’s shorts next. Crow reaching in and grabbing the zipper, pulling it down gently over the already massive bulge. Ethan’s dick gave a rogue throb against the white briefs that were left once the shorts were off. A dark spot stained the tip where Ethan was already leaking. Crow licked his lips and rubbed Ethan’s erection over his briefs, causing him to drop his head back with a groan.

He wanted to have him in his mouth again. He went down, pulling Ethan’s briefs with him, tugging them off his ankles and throwing them to the side. Ethan’s fat cock bounced free, begging to be licked. Crow more than obliged, running his tongue up and down the shaft, licking around the head, tasting the salty sweetness before sucking Ethan into his mouth, immediately eliciting a grunt and a tensing of thighs. “Fucckk,” Ethan hissed into the air. Crow reached down and pulled his own underwear off, letting his dick out of the tight fabric.

Who knew this was exactly what Crow needed? Ethan’s dick in his mouth and he was calm as a fucking button. All he was focused on was pleasing his man, making him writhe on the bed as he slobbered on his dick.

He kept going for a while longer, savoring it all, coming up for breath to then move down and pop one of Ethan’s balls into his mouth. This had Ethan’s toes curling as Crow played with his balls, licking the sensitive flesh just underneath, causing Ethan to buck up in pleasure.

“I want to be in you,” Crow said, kissing his way back up to Ethan, who moaned a ‘yes’ in response as Crow’s dick rubbed against his ass, pushing his balls up. He reached over and grabbed a condom from the nightstand. Their lips locked, moans and grunts mixed, Ethan was pushing his hips off the bed, rubbing his ass on Crow.

It was so fucking hot, Crow knew he wasn’t going to last long. He looked down and held his cock down at the base as he pressed the head against Ethan’s pink hole. Ethan was holding his ass open for Crow, which drove him completely fucking nuts. The view was almost enough to undo him.

He looked back at Ethan’s piercing sapphire blue eyes as he pushed in past his tight entrance. Ethan gasped as he adjusted to Crow, who continued to push a little deeper. He pulled back before sinking a little more. The warmth and tightness that surrounded him was beyond words kind of good. It was the kind of thing that inspired an artist to write a Grammy winning record and paint a fucking Mona Lisa type masterpiece all in one night. It felt that fucking good.

He pushed in deeper, feeling the warmth envelope him entirely. He shut his eyes and stayed there for a moment, relishing in the feeling, hearing Ethan’s breaths and feeling his channel tighten around him. Crow pulled back and then thrust in deep, sinking his cock into Ethan until his balls were slapping against Ethan’s ass. He was going harder now, drawing whimpers of pleasure from Ethan. It was one of the hottest sounds a grown man could make, and Crow didn’t want it to end. He kept going, reaching down and grabbing Ethan’s hard cock as he continued to fuck him. Ethan’s eyes were rolling back. His hands grabbed fistfuls of the sheet. Both of the men were getting close. The edge was near.

A few more deep thrusts. A few more groans. A few more whimpers.

“Fuck, you’re going to make me come,” Crow growled, still pounding into Ethan.

“Do it,” Ethan begged. His own orgasm took over as Ethan’s cock throbbed in Crow’s grip, shooting out ropes of comes. The sight and sensation combined to throw Crow off the highest ledge he had ever climbed. Crow’s orgasm rocked through his every muscle as he pulled out and ripped off the condom, squirting all over Ethan, some of it getting on his chin, and turning him into an even bigger sexy mess.

“Wow,” Ethan said with a chuckle. “I’m… a mess.”

“You’re welcome,” Crow toyed, smiling as he came down for a kiss. “It’s not a bad look for you if I’m being honest.”

“What? Being covered in come?” Ethan smirked. “Thank you, I’m thinking of wearing this look out to one of our dates.”

“You can rock it,” Crow joked, laughing and feeling like his body had turned into play-doh in seconds flat. With their bodies spent, Crow managed to roll out of bed and grabbed a soft white towel from the closet. The bus was equipped with a shower, but it was outside and small and also limited use. He did have a separate bathroom with a sink in his bedroom though, so he wet the towel with warm water and used that to clean up. Ethan’s mess was a little more intense, so he hopped in the shower for a few quick minutes before coming back.

By the time the crawled back into bed and nestled up next to each other, Crow’s entire universe felt fuzzy. Like a soft blanket that he could reach out and wrap around him, tighter and tighter. He felt so safe, with Ethan’s arm thrown across his side, his firm chest pressed against his back, his soft cock tucked against Crow’s ass, the heat that came off of Ethan and warmed Crow. Everything about it felt so right. Nothing was out of place. Everything right where it needed to be. He took a deep breath, held it, found his center, and exhaled, feeling happier than he had ever been. His tour was coming to a close and he felt like his music had been pushed to an entirely new level, but even beyond that, he connected with his soul mate that first night at the bar. He was never going to forget the feeling he got when he looked out into the crowd and connected with Ethan’s steely gaze. Just like he’ll never forget the nights they spent up laughing together, watching dumb YouTube videos until they fell asleep. Or like how he’ll never forget the first time he pushed inside of Ethan, deep and passionate and raw and everything Crow ever fucking wanted. He’ll never forget being one with Ethan, and he knew he was always going to want it.

“You feel so good in my arms,” Ethan said.

“I was just thinking about how good it feels to be in your arms,” Crow said into the dark room. The bus sped on down the highway. They were supposed to be crossing over into North Carolina, on their way to it’s Southern cousin.

“Ok, good, I was scared my arm was too heavy or something. Your breathing got funny.”

Crow chuckled. “I forgot you were a doctor for a second. It’s like you’re hyperaware of my body.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Ethan asked mischievously, pushing his hips forward a little.

“Not in the slightest,” Crow said, loving how Ethan’s chubby dick felt against him. He felt his own cock start waking up again, even though he thought he was spent from their last fuck. “That was just me doing a breathing exercise some yoga teacher had me do once. It was for one of Red’s movies. About finding your center and really reveling in it, kind of visualizing the air as a river going through you, and then replacing that thought with a river of all the happy things going on in your life. I don’t know, when we had tried it back then, there wasn’t really all that much in my life I could be happy about. I was still working as an assistant and living in the closet. I put up a smiling face, but that wasn’t always the case. And I could never really picture the river, so I thought it was all just dumb. It didn’t work for me.”

Ethan pressed his lips to the back of Crow’s head. “And now?”

“Do I see the river?”

“Mhmm.”

“I see a whole damn ocean,” Crow said. He rolled over, facing Ethan now. “An ocean of happiness. An ocean full of love. How can I not? Your eyes alone are like little windows over the calmest ocean ever. So blue. And your heart, it’s so damn big. You make me laugh and you’re also incredibly intelligent. And, let’s not forget,” Crow’s hand slipped down between them, running over Ethan’s soft dark pubes, cupping his cock, giving a gentle squeeze, “you’re also crazy sexy and your heart isn’t exactly the biggest thing about you. How can I not be happy?”

Ethan was grinning. The room was dark, lit only by the passing yellow highway lights outside that broke in though the sides of the thick brown curtains. But Ethan was definitely grinning. Crow could see that. Hell, he could practically feel it. Ethan’s smile was so damn special, it filled a room and it made Crow’s heart skip a beat every damn time. “Well let’s hope my cock isn’t bigger than my heart because we’d both be having problems.”

Crow laughed, feeling that ocean of happiness rise up inside him, the tide swelling. “Ok fine, second biggest thing… well, wait, I think a penis is longer than a heart, right? Isn’t a heart the size of my fist.”

Now Ethan was laughing. “About the size, yeah, but I guess I’m thinking girth. My cock isn’t exactly fist-sized either.”

“You’re right, you’re right… thank god.” They were both laughing. “I can’t believe I just had a scientific discussion about which is bigger, a heart or a dick.”

Ethan pushed across the distance between them, catching them both in a smiling kiss. Their lips were curled at the corners as their tongues danced, their heads lifting from the pillows so that they could work the angles. It was soft and slow. Two naked men laying in the dark, displaying their intense attraction and complete devotion to each other with soft lips bites and tongue swirls, in ways only the other would ever know or feel.

They kissed for another eternity. Crow pulled back for a breath, his eyes finding Ethan’s in the passing flashes of light. Blue. So… damn…

“Blue,” Crow said in a low voice.

Ethan winced. It was hard to see in the low light, but Crow didn’t miss it. “Has anyone ever called you that?” Crow asked, seeing the turmoil that flashed for a second in the calm seas of Ethan’s eyes. Something that told him there was a past linked with that name.

“Adam,” Ethan confessed. His voice was tight, but he wasn’t drawing away either. There were none of the walls that Ethan had previously fortified and built around him. Crow sensed an openness. “He called me Blue from the get. From the day I met him, sitting in the same exact booth that you and I met in.”