Jared
I was never going to let her go.
I turned right onto the narrow neighborhood street. A ramble of older houses sat close to the road, barely a breath between them, the road cramped with what had to be a hundred cars lining each side. Timothy’s house was lit up like a Christmas tree, white twinkle lights strung up everywhere, a haphazard jumble strewn in the trees and across the face of the house. People poured out the front door and onto the lawn, undoubtedly because they all couldn’t fit inside. Hands boasted red cups and bottles, too loud voices and too loud music thumping against Aly’s little car as we slowly passed by.
“You sure you want to go in there?” I asked, trying to untwist the frown that took a deep seat between my eyes.
New Year’s Eve on a college street.
Now that was just a straight-out mess, a disaster waiting to happen.
No, thank you.
But it hadn’t taken her much to get me to head over here.
When we got back into the car after climbing the short distance back down the mountain, Aly had inspected her ring in the overhead light for about five minutes straight.
Then she’d called her mom. Guess she figured her mom would still be awake on New Year’s Eve, and if she wasn’t, Aly didn’t seem all too worried about waking her up. It’d been crazy listening to Aly talking to her, the thrill in her voice and the tenderness in her words. The joy.
Karen had asked to talk to me. She told me thank you, told me she already considered me a son. Her statement came like a double-edged sword, like fucking torment as it cut me through, then washed over me like some kind of astonishing consolation.
I cut my gaze to Aly. She looked over at me with a huge-ass grin owning that gorgeous face.
Once she’d stopped crying, she hadn’t stopped smiling.
Joy lit a frenzy in my chest. The girl made me insane with it, a fray of nerves that clashed, all this fucking ecstasy and fear and need that all added up to her, added up to her happiness and everything I wanted to give her because she’d given me everything.
After tonight, after the promise we made, I hated the thought of taking her through that door. I didn’t want to be here.
At. Fucking. All.
The only thing I had on my mind was getting this girl home and getting her laid out on our bed.
But I got it. Aly wanted to announce it to her friends. To her brother. Part of me wanted to scream it, too.
I mean, fuck.
I raked an uneasy hand through my hair.
Why the hell did I want that ring on her finger in the first place? I already knew she was mine. I just figured it was about time the whole damn world knew it.
A rash of memories stirred through my spirit, my mother’s voice a warning in my ear.
I was a fool if I thought that was all. I knew what it meant, me asking Aly for forever.
My mom had been pretty open-minded, did her best at teaching me not to judge, to be tolerant and let people live out their lives the way they saw fit. But she taught me that some things were special, too. Sanctified. That marriage wasn’t a fucking joke like so many treated it. It wasn’t something to be wasted, wasn’t a test or a trial, even though she made sure I knew marriage would be full of them.
I wanted that.
“When did you turn into a crotchety old man?” Aly teased, brushing a soft hand down my arm, all flirty and full of this excitement that radiated a glow from her smooth olive skin.
And goddamn, how badly did I want her?
I shoved down the shot of lust that fisted me in the gut and grinned at my girl as I lifted a surly brow, because apparently that kind of grinning was infectious. “Crotchety?” I tossed it out, daring her to say it back as I turned the car around in the middle of the street and wedged it into an open spot on the opposite side of the road.
“Yes, crotchety,” she threw back with a small giggle. “You never even want to leave the house.”
I smirked. For obvious reasons.
“I’m way too excited to go home and sleep,” she said, anxious as she looked at the house lit up across the street.
Apparently she didn’t realize sleeping wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.
She chewed at her lip, stole a glance at her ring for about the five millionth time since we climbed down the mountain and into the car.
Green eyes gleamed when they met with mine; then she softened, like she recognized the resistance there.
A small, understanding smile pulled at one side of her mouth, and she cupped my cheek. She leaned forward and placed a swift kiss to my lips, innocent and sweet. Still, it lit a fucking raging fire inside of me.
“Give me a half an hour. I know you wanted tonight to only be the two of us, but I want to wish Christopher and Megan a Happy New Year. Then we’re out of here.” She cracked open her door, climbed out, then ducked back inside and wiggled her fingers in front of my face. Her ring glimmered in the glow of the cabin light. “Oh, and I want to show this baby off.”
I chuckled at this girl, crazy good and full of life. As if I didn’t know her showing off that ring was the only reason we were here.
I got out, came around, and dragged her into my arms. My mouth found the shell of her ear.
Aly shivered.
“We’ll stay as long as you want, baby, just not so long you think you want to fall asleep the second I get you home.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
We crossed the street, dodging all the drunken assholes littering the front yard, half of them barely able to stand.
It wasn’t even funny how many times I’d been that asshole.
I kept hold of Aly’s hand, leading her through the masses. She stopped to say hi to a couple people she recognized, not spending much time with any of them, her destination clear.
Maybe that’s why being here made me so uncomfortable, all these faces Aly knew. It made me all shifty and ill at ease, this piece of Aly’s life I didn’t know. Guess the best way to get over that obstacle was to jump it head-on.
I swung the front door open without a knock.
A horde of bodies overflowed the small house, all of them gathered in groups or huddled in corners, a mass of them loitering in the center of the room. Music thrummed into the muted light in the hazy room. Loud conversations and raucous laughter filled the air, but there was no chance to hear what a soul was saying with all of it mixed together.
Well, except for one.
“Holy shit… look what the cat dragged in,” Christopher shouted as he wove and pushed his way through the crowd with his attention locked on me.
I laughed and pulled Aly in front of me. “Aly Cat,” I teased beneath my breath, wrapping her up in my arms and tugging her back to my chest.
This girl who’d always held me in the palm of her hand.
“You two are such jerks,” Aly mumbled only to me. Still, she melted into me, folding her hands over mine that held her around her front.
I felt her heave a breath of contentment, while I drew one in, all that coconut and good and girl.
This girl I was going to make my wife.
Christopher stumbled out and into the open area at the front of the door where Aly and I stood.
Should have known he wouldn’t be hard to find.
A drunken smile morphed his face into a sloppy welcome. What had to be the tightest pair of black skinny jeans I’d ever seen covered his lanky ass. He wore a black, long-sleeved button-up shirt, wrinkled and untucked, the cuffs rolled up his forearms. Three buttons at the collar were undone, exposing a glimpse of the new tat he’d just had inked on a couple weeks before. Under it, clear color was sprawled out across the entirety of his chest. Fisted in one hand was a half-empty bottle of Patrón. He lifted both arms out to his sides, stretched out like a broken offering.
Dude looked like he just stage-dived into the crowd after playing in a three-hour show.
As Christopher approached, I lifted my chin. “Hey, man, Happy New Year.”
Surprise flitted all over his face. “What are you two doing here?” Tequila sloshed when he lifted the bottle to his mouth. He took a swig as he eyed me with flat-out amusement. “Thought there wasn’t a thing I could say that would make you change your mind.” He mocked an insult through his grin, his throat bobbing as he swallowed hard.
“Right you are, my friend. There wasn’t anything you could say to get me to change my mind.” I squeezed Aly more, enough to just barely lift her off her feet as I buried my face in the soft flesh of her neck, hooking my chin over her shoulder as I pinned him with a frivolous stare. “But it seems your sister here does have the power to sway me.”
Christopher laughed, drove a hand through his unruly hair. “Aly Cat does have a way about her, doesn’t she?”
I could feel her cheeks heat with that bit of shyness I hoped to God Aly always had.
“Yes, she definitely does.”
Christopher smiled. “Guess that power was in my favor, so I can’t complain.”
I sobered a little, watching my oldest friend over my girl’s shoulder. “Aly was actually on a mission, coming here. She has something she wants to tell you.”
I nudged her forward. Nervous laughter stuttered from her, and she tottered toward him, her smile sweet and timid with all that dark hair billowing around her. She fell into her brother’s arms. “Happy New Year, Christopher.”
Christopher wrapped her up, held her tight, the bottle dangling from his fingers at her back. He looked at me, those green eyes keen. He was obviously not as fucked-up as he had initially appeared to be.
I swear to God, he played that shit up, acting too loud and too appealing, indifferent and unmoved. No one knew how to make sense of him. I was pretty sure that’s exactly the way he wanted it to be.
“Happy New Year, little sister,” he said seriously as he pulled back and looked down at her. His attention jumped between us. “So what is so important that you managed to get this asshole to come out and celebrate the New Year with me?”
Aly lifted her hand, twisting it out to show Christopher the diamond glinting on her finger.
Then she squealed.
She fucking squealed and bounced and almost screamed, “We’re getting married!”
And damn, if I wasn’t smiling just as big as her, this entirely overwhelming feeling throbbing from every cell in my entire being.
Aly glanced back at me over her shoulder, the same expression I was sure I was wearing evidenced on her face.
God, I loved her.
Shock lanced lines into Christopher’s forehead. But his eyes sparked with something meaningful when he looked over at me. Then he turned back to his sister and hugged her again. “So happy for you, Aly. Honestly.”
She pulled back, holding him by the forearms, her voice filled with emotion. “Thank you.”
A shriek lifted above all the noise in the room. “Aly!” Megan came barreling through the small room, paying no mind to the people she mowed down to get to us.
“I thought I heard you were here!”
Megan wore about the shortest skirt I’d ever seen and a pair of boots that went up past her knees. She threw herself into Aly’s arms. The two of them hugged and rocked each other in this awkward little dance. Tipsy and overzealous, Megan almost tossed Aly from her feet. “Ahh… Happy New Year! I missed you!”
Watching them I chuckled. Obviously, Megan was trashed, her eyes all glazed over and her words slurring. Aly returned the wishes, her face alight as she pulled back and waggled her hand right in front of Megan’s face. “Look what I have,” Aly sang.
Megan grabbed her hand and studied it closely. “Holy shit.” Her jaw dropped and she turned her wide blue eyes on me. “Did you rob a bank or something?”
Self-conscious laughter rolled from my tongue, and I shifted, rubbing at my chin, but I couldn’t stop from smiling at Aly’s best friend.
Okay, so it wasn’t the biggest rock in the world.
It also wasn’t the smallest.
The second I saw it, I knew it belonged on Aly’s finger. The entire platinum band was covered with beveled inset diamonds, four rows of them that wrapped around to create the band. A huge rock sat prominent in the middle, set above the others.
Classic and beautiful.
Just like Aly.
“Only the best for my girl,” I said, watching the reaction take hold on Aly’s face, the way she looked at me as if she somehow saw me the same way I saw her.
Megan’s palms slid to Aly’s belly. Something reverent played out on her face, her words a whispered awe. “I can’t believe my best friend is getting married and having a baby. It’s just… crazy. And I get to be an auntie.” Then her stark blue eyes grew wide, slammed with a thought. “Oh my God, think of all the work we have to do… have you picked a date yet? Before or after the baby?” She rambled on faster than I had time to make sense of her words, asking Aly about all our plans, what our budget was, where we wanted to have it, and a ton of other shit that made my head spin.
But I definitely got the gist.
A tingle of apprehension slithered down my spine and twisted somewhere in my stomach.
We sure as hell hadn’t gotten that far. So what if I thought a quick trip to Vegas and the best fucking suite I could get for my girl sounded like a little piece of heaven? Making her permanently mine, without all the bullshit that normally went along with it?
Sounded like a solid plan to me.
Redness flushed up Aly’s neck and settled as an ethereal glow on her cheeks, all this excitement and a jumble of elation and disquieted nerves playing out on her face.
Abject terror filled Christopher’s eyes when he turned to stare across at me, the two of us frozen by just the thought of all the horrors involved in planning a wedding. Then his mouth twisted up in overt satisfaction and I was pretty damn sure the asshole was picturing me in a suit.
He pointed at me. “Dude, you are screwed. You surrendered your balls the second you put that ring on Aly’s finger.”
“Hey,” Aly shot out. She scowled. “Do you have to be a jerk every second of your life?”
“What?” Christopher’s shoulders rose to his ears, like he was innocent of all the asshole. “Just telling it like it is.”
I scratched my head, fighting the chuckle brewing somewhere deep in my chest, fighting my impulse to agree with Christopher.
Because there was no doubt the girl owned me.
And there was no doubt I was going to be dealing with all the wedding bullshit.
But for Aly…
I looked at her as she beamed up at me from over her shoulder, radiating joy and happiness. She knocked the breath from me every time I stopped to take her in.
Anything.
I would do anything for this girl.
Truth was, I wouldn’t even take the time to consider it bullshit. I’d do it with a grin on my face and a fucking skip in my step because it meant I got to make her mine.
Knowing laughter spilled from Christopher when he caught my expression.
I just shook my head, wrapping Aly back up in my arms.
Aly turned to Megan, all her hair getting up in my face when she rested her head on my shoulder.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Megan.” Aly squeezed my hands splayed protectively across her stomach. “This guy barely got up the nerve to propose an hour ago, so we haven’t had a chance to talk about the details yet.” It whipped from her tongue like a tease, and from behind, I could feel the force of her smile. “You should probably cool it before you send my man running.”
I rocked her, tucked her close, my mouth tracing a path at the hollow under her ear. “Not running anywhere, baby.”
Megan stepped around Aly and hiked up on her toes to throw her arms around my neck. One of my arms released Aly so I could hug her back in an awkward one-sided embrace that the three of us seemed to be partaking in.
She crushed me in her hold. “I’m so glad you came back to her,” she whispered almost urgently, like she was sharing her darkest secret with me as she slanted an eye in Aly’s direction. “You two deserve each other… to be together this way.”
God, I wanted that. To actually deserve her. To be good enough to even stand in her presence.
Guess I was one lucky bastard that she was giving me her all.
Megan staggered back. “I think I need another drink.”
My brow rose. Pretty sure she most definitely did not.
“Can I get either of you anything?” she asked.
Aly shook her head. “No, thanks. I’ll grab us something in a minute. I haven’t really gotten the chance to say hi to anyone else. I’d better make my rounds.”
Megan nodded and backed away. “All right…” She pointed between the two of us. “Don’t you dare leave without finding me and saying good-bye.”
“Of course not,” Aly promised, giving Megan’s hand a quick squeeze before she released her.
Christopher wandered off behind her, and Aly spun around in my arms.
She touched my face. Worry struck across her features when she looked up at me, like our connection was alive, something that existed on another level, and she’d just experienced every single one of the questions that had run through my mind in the last ten minutes. Every fluctuation of my mood and every roil of my spirit.
And God, the girl was just that way, in tune with me, like she knew everything I continued to bury beneath all the shit that would forever plague my life.
That scared me a little bit, too.
She stepped closer to me. She slid her delicate arms around my waist and made herself all comfy against my chest. “Are you okay with all of this?” Her whisper was tinged with fear.
Again, Aly was already ahead of me, and she tipped her head back further to accept the gentle kiss I brushed across her forehead. “I’m fine, baby… don’t mind being here at all.”
And really, I was, because Aly was at my side.
“You know that’s not what I meant. Everything that Megan was asking about.” She chewed at the inside of her lip. Cautiously, she eyed me from where she had her head nestled on my chest. “Don’t think I didn’t feel you cringe when she started talking about wedding plans.” Those eyes narrowed as she searched, waiting for my reaction.
Laughing low, I gathered her hand, twisted it up between us, and brushed the same kind of kiss I’d just adorned her forehead with on her ring. “I don’t question this… not at all. But you have to know all the rest of that shit is going to make me nervous… I’m not exactly a dress-up kinda guy.”
Her bottom lip blanched when she clamped down on it.
Damn, this girl was too much. I tugged her a little closer.
“I was surprised by this,” she said honestly. For a second, she buried her face in my shirt, before she turned her gaze up to me. Trust and devotion and all this love glimmered in her eyes. “But I was hoping. I wanted it so much.”
I exhaled softly. “Ever since I came back, I knew you were my life, Aly.” I cupped her cheek. “You shouldn’t have questioned this was going to happen.”
She rocked up on her toes and pressed her mouth to mine. “I know… but it doesn’t mean I’m not completely thankful for it.” She settled down with a smile. “Best New Year’s resolution ever.”
Amusement twitched my mouth into a smirk. “Resolution?”
She stepped back, keeping hold of my hand as she pulled us deeper into the party filling up the walls of this tiny house. She glanced back. All the heaviness was gone and a sweet sexy grin that did crazy insane things to my heart was set firmly in its place. “Yep. You and me… It’s going to be difficult but it’s going to be worth it. Only the best resolutions are.”
I struggled to keep up with her, tugging her back against me as she wove through the suffocating crowd. I let my hands wander down her front, knowing it was too dark for anyone to see much of anything. And hell, anything Aly and I had going didn’t come close to touching on the brazen debauchery half the people in the house were partaking in.
“You think we’re going to be difficult, huh?” My palms pressed flat into the top of her thighs, my fingers wandering for a flash in between.
Aly’s breath caught.
“I thought things had been going pretty damn easy,” I said.
“Oh, things are definitely good, Jared,” she purred back with her face pressed all the way up under my jaw. “I’m just committed to seeing it through.”
I was feeling playful, set free in the ease of Aly’s touch, in the strength of her words that together were about the most powerful thing I’d ever experienced.
And a whole lot aroused.
I groaned, wishing we’d skipped stopping by after all.
“You need to stop,” I warned, because while Aly might not expect it, I wasn’t better than dragging her down the hall and finding a place to hide us behind a closed door.
A husky giggle wobbled up her throat and passed through those full lips. Aly let her hands do a little wandering of their own.
“You are evil,” I accused, burrowing my face in her neck.
“I’m evil?” she mumbled through mock offense. Demanding fingers made their way up to scrape over my head, twisting and tugging at my short hair.
“In the sweetest possible way,” I promised.
Aly stopped to chat with a few people she knew.
And did the girl ever like showing off her ring. She was damn near giddy, flicking her fingers around, catching the cut of the diamonds in the faint shimmers of light.
I tossed out some pleasantries when she gave introductions, doing my best not to feel uncomfortable under all the scrutiny.
Most everyone had heard about us, had heard about the baby, knew Aly’s life was heading in an entirely different direction than the rest of her friends. It was kind of strange having her here, too. Most of us were about the same age. Now there was something that separated us, defined us as different, set us apart.
One choice had changed everything. My decision to come back to Phoenix had shifted the course of Aly’s life and granted me a new one. That one action changed it all.
If I hadn’t have come, Aly would still be just like the rest of her friends, focused on college, getting her degree, instead of working on making a family.
Was it wrong?
I wasn’t blind. I caught the looks, the outright shock when we ran into a few of Aly’s acquaintances who’d somehow missed the gossip and hadn’t heard she was pregnant. The eyes that scoured my skin, then turned back to Aly like she’d lost her mind. But Aly wasn’t ashamed, not for a second, and I knew without a doubt she wanted all of this, too.
She leaned in for a quick kiss, patted me on the chest. “I think you’ve earned yourself a beer.”
“Thank God.”
She grinned, leading me by the hand into the kitchen, where the music wasn’t so loud, where the secrets we whispered didn’t have to be delivered on a shout.
“See, this wasn’t so bad, was it?”
I roughed my hand over my face. “Nah… I love all your friends wondering what the fuck you’re doing with an asshole like me.” Sarcasm dripped from my tongue.
Playfully, Aly smacked me on the arm. “Ha… all those girls were wondering what you were doing with a girl like me. I don’t know how we didn’t slip on all the drool as we made our rounds. I think our announcement broke half the hearts in the room.”
I shook my head, because sometimes my girl was ridiculous. “You are completely blind.”
Soft fingers touched my face. “Twenty-twenty.”
I grabbed those fingers, brushed my lips across the tips. “Love you.”
“Love you back,” she said.
Smiling, she turned away, leaned over to dig into an ice chest, giving me a good look at that sweet little ass.
Not a soul here could blame me.
Aly was just exquisite. Her ass and those legs were wrapped up in a pair of dark jeans. Jeans that were progressively getting tighter by the day, and goddamn, for Aly, pregnancy had managed some really fucking miraculous things.
I didn’t think it was possible for this girl to get any more appealing, but each day, I only wanted her more.
Beer in hand, Aly spun back around. Her brow shot up when she caught my expression.
There was no denying the need stamped plainly on my face.
She sauntered up, pressed the beer into my hand. “Twenty minutes.” She murmured the promise, knowing full well I was about to toss her over my shoulder and drag her the hell out of there.
I twisted the cap, flicked it into the garbage, and took a deep, satisfying pull. Ice-cold liquid took a freezing path down my overheated insides. I smacked my lips as I pulled the bottle away. “Fifteen,” I corrected, cocking my head.
Incredulous, she laughed and shook her head, busying herself by grabbing a bottle of water. “Fine,” she mouthed, passing by me with a wink. At the fringe of the crowd, she spun on her heel. She walked backward to keep an eye on me. “I’m going to find Calista before we go. I haven’t seen her in forever. Can you stay out of trouble for that long?” she challenged, all playful like the tease she was.
She knew I loved it, too, how she got me all hot and bothered by that body. She also knew if I trailed her around this house I’d be pestering her until the moment I talked her out the door.
“I think I can manage.”
Okay, probably not. But Aly wanted to be here, so I’d make do.
Leaning up against the wall, I kept a keen eye on her as she moved about the room, never far enough that she stole her presence from me.
I relaxed into it, into the atmosphere and the beat of the music and the smile on my girl. I nursed my beer. Contentment glided through my veins.
Christopher eventually made his way over. He bumped my fist. “Hey, man, how’s it going?” He’d exchanged his bottle of death for a bottle of beer. “Figured you were standing over here suffering through some sort of mortal pain. You know, having to come out into the real world, and all.”
I sipped at my own. “Nah, I’m good. Think Aly really needed this.”
She stood across the room, talking to a girl I’d never seen before who was about a foot shorter than her with a crop of short brown hair. Aly was showing off her ring. Again.
“Just because my sister’s probably the coolest chick in the world doesn’t mean she doesn’t get off on all this girly shit.”
My gaze locked on her. Like she felt me, Aly turned a fraction, catching my eye. Affection swelled on her face and swam in her eyes, something lush and whole and sweet emanating from her skin.
I rubbed at my chest.
God, this girl made me insane.
A small frown pulled at Christopher’s mouth. “So why didn’t you tell me you had this planned? You could’ve let me know so I didn’t go through all that shit trying to convince you to come tonight.”
I shrugged. “Wanted Aly to be the first to know.”
“I get that, I guess.”
Standing there, Christopher let his gaze wander, appearing all easy and nonchalant. But I felt him twitch. A loose thread of strain trickled from him, and the muscles flexed on his exposed forearms.
“So what’s up with all of this?” he asked out into the room, although he was talking directly to me.
Lines creased my brow, and I looked across at him with a scowl gaining in intensity. “What do you mean?”
He shook his head a little. He blinked, calculating, adding it up. “The house… and now that flashy ring… seems to me like someone is trying to prove something.”
A blink of agitation lifted in me. There was nothing I could do to stop it. I fisted my hand, doing my best not to lose my shit with my best friend. What the fuck was his problem? Little more than a month ago he was demanding my loyalty, telling me to get my stuff and go if coming back wasn’t permanent, and now I was taking things too far?
“All I’m doing is trying to take care of my girl… to take care of your sister,” I punctuated with a hard emphasis. “Now all of a sudden I’m doing it wrong?”
“Didn’t say that.”
“Then what the fuck are you trying to say?”
His gaze shifted to the statement scored across the knuckles of my left hand.
2006.
He pinned me with sharp, green eyes. “Seems like a hell of a lot of demons chasing you, Jared. You sure you left all of them behind in Vegas?”
Goddamn it. I rubbed my jaw, doing my best not to lose my cool. Aly was always trying to drag this shit out into the open. Couldn’t deal with Christopher doing it, too. “I’m fine.” It grated from my throat.
“You sure?” It wasn’t a question, but an accusation.
A heavy breath shot from my nose. “I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone. I just want to make her happy.”
From across the room, I watched Aly. Her voice was completely washed out by the throb of music and the clamor of the crowd. But on her lips was ease and joy. She stole a furtive glance my way. Her gaze caressed over me. Gentleness danced at one side of that sweet mouth. Peace and a cleansing calm. Like she’d finally caught the breath she’d been dying for when she looked over at me.
I covered all my displeasure with a tender smile.
Christopher scoffed and took a swig of his beer. “Pretty damn obvious you’ve already accomplished that. But what about you? Are you happy?”
“Of course I am.” I said it without hesitation.
“I’m not talking about being happy with Aly. Not talking about the way she makes you feel. I’m talking about my friend who disappeared when he was sixteen because he had his world shattered around him. What about him? You think I don’t know he’s still in there?”
Silence fell between us, amplifying the tension stretching us tight. Suffocating. I swallowed around it and forced the words from my gravelly throat. “You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve to talk, man. Don’t think for a second I don’t know there’s something not right in that warped heart of yours.”
“Yeah.” He didn’t even stop to deny it. “But I’ve got absolutely no one relying on me.” He drained his beer. “Don’t you get it? The way Aly looks at you? That’s a fucking gift, man. No one has looked at me that way in a very long time. That’s what you have to protect. But what scares me is the way you look at her… like you don’t deserve to be in her life but would still do absolutely anything it takes to stay a part of it. That is dangerous.”
Christopher pressed on, plowing right through the dread that built up in the center of my chest. “The house and that ring? All of it is good, Jared. I’m not implying it’s wrong. Not for a second.” He shook his head. “Marriage and a white picket fence… you two should have that. But I’ve known you a long, long time and building up the perfect exterior isn’t going to be enough.”
“Aly will always be enough,” shot from my mouth as my only defense.
Because that’s what she was. My shelter. My balm.
“But will you?” He looked over at me. Dark eyebrows almost touched he had them drawn so tight, concerned lines cutting all over his worried face.
Pretty sure I preferred the asshole over all the psychoanalytical bullshit.
“What do you want me to say, Christopher? I can’t change anything that happened in my past.” All I was doing was trying to build a future.
He blinked like he didn’t know how to break through to me. “You need to stop pretending that past didn’t happen. One of these days you’re going to have to face it.”
Stark images of the family I’d destroyed flashed.
My mother.
My father.
My sister.
Christopher might as well have kicked me in the gut.
A harsh breath rushed from my nose, and I slammed my eyes shut, shoving it all back down, lost to the darkness somewhere deep inside. “Just drop it, Christopher.” My voice was hard. “It’s done. Over. I love her, and that’s all that matters.”
I had to believe that.
Christopher tapped his empty on his thigh. His expression turned grave. “I’m not worried about how much you love my sister, Jared. I’m worried about how much you hate yourself.”
My throat thickened, and I rushed a shaky hand though my hair. Agitation prowled like a beast in the pit of my stomach. I felt caged. Blips of that old rage battled for a resurgence.
Shifting, Christopher blew out a heavy breath. “Sorry, man… You have to know I’m not trying to attack you. I’m just worried. That’s all.” He yanked his fingers through the tousled mess on his head. “Probably could’ve picked a better time and a better place to approach you about this.” Self-contempt flowed from him. “Apparently I’m not so great at keeping my thoughts to myself, especially when it has to do with the people I care about.” Christopher’s regard jumped all over the room, skidding from one indistinct face to the next. “God knows there aren’t many of them,” he said almost too quiet for me to hear.
My attention cut in his direction, trying to make sense of him. Resentment flickered on the outskirts of my consciousness. It struck up a war with the margin of truth he spoke. I got it, knew exactly what he was saying because he was speaking straight to those sins I would never outrun.
But he was wrong when it came to Aly.
She was enough.
When she touched me, all those scars didn’t hurt so bad.
Christopher cracked a smile, the wiseass set firmly back in place. “You should take it as a compliment.”
Interest widened his eyes, his gaze suddenly distracted. It aimed somewhere over my right shoulder. “Oh, you’re going to love this.”
I jerked my attention to where he looked. It landed on Aly, like it was trained to seek her out. Then it wandered to the left.
Possessiveness surged, darkened my sight like the coming storm. My pulse took off at a sprint, pounding blood so hard through my body I could feel it in my ears.
I forced myself to breathe.
Gabe stood in front of her. He dragged his fingers through the flip of brown hair hanging in his pompous face. He smiled like an arrogant jackass when he brushed it back, intruding on the conversation Aly was having with the tiny girl.
That girl hugged Aly quickly and waved a good-bye as she gave up her spot. Dickhead didn’t hesitate to take her place.
His lips moved with unheard words as he edged forward, that cocky smile planted on his face when he pulled her into an overbearing hug. Aly hugged him back, her face disappearing somewhere in his body.
My jaw clenched.
He seemed reluctant to release her, but for his own safety he finally stepped away. Still, he kept hold of her hand, letting their arms swing between them. The same hand wearing my ring.
Dickhead didn’t even notice.
He just stared at my girl, eyes tracing her with hunger, murmuring something I couldn’t hear.
Fuck no.
I was most definitely not okay with this, not okay with him. My leg bounced with the nerves prodding my anxious feet.
“Dude, you should see your face right now.” Christopher’s voice cut into the upheaval brewing up chaos in my mind, the words offhand but his eyes narrowing just as tightly as mine.
Aly nodded, her mouth moving slowly as she answered whatever Dickhead said. I could feel it radiating off Aly, too, this shock of discomfort that had chased away all the ease she’d been wearing before.
I knew he’d texted her, that he’d sought her out in the months I’d been gone. Knew he wanted.
I also knew the asshole had trouble taking no for an answer.
There was no question now he’d ever give up on the fascination.
She ran her free hand tenderly down her stomach. That bright smile again resurfaced on her face. Her shirt hugged the little bump. Aly cradled it, talking while she showed it off.
Then she tugged her hand back, not hard enough that he let go, but enough to draw attention to the ring on her finger.
Blatant shock rocked his expression.
Fucker had apparently missed the memo.
He dropped her hand like a stone. I watched him squirm in discomfort. I couldn’t help but get some kind of morbid satisfaction out of it.
Still, he stayed, talking to her. Aly blinked, and I was doing my best to decipher their conversation, because I couldn’t imagine one thing Aly needed to say to him.
What it was about him, I didn’t know, except for the fact he wanted my girl.
Hell, half the guys here wanted her. I knew it. I could see it written all over their faces, the way their fingers would twitch and their throats would bob whenever she came near.
She was a fucking knockout.
Gorgeous.
I doubted there was a guy here who hadn’t had thoughts straying that direction.
But something about Dickhead made me crazy with jealousy.
Just because he hadn’t gotten that far didn’t mean he hadn’t been anywhere. And the thought of anyone else’s hands on Aly made my blood boil. His mouth had been on what was mine. He’d touched and explored and hoped he’d have half a chance with her.
I bet the asshole spent half his time stroking his dick, thinking about her.
“What a douche bag.” Incredulous, Christopher continued, watching them as closely as I was. “The guy is more shameless than I ever gave him credit for. Aly with a ring on her finger and a baby in her belly, and he’s still looking at her like he wants to eat her.”
Yeah. And I’d knock all his fucking teeth out.
Christopher laughed. “You’d better go on and get your girl before you crawl right the fuck out of your skin. Last thing I need is to drag your ass out of here after you incite a brawl.”
I smirked back him. I was already on my way.
I slinked past a group of girls who crowded the way. Rounding around the back, I inched up behind her. My hand slipped around her waist, all too hasty to flatten my body to her back. Pulling her close, I met his eye from over her shoulder.
Hatred flashed on his face, before Dickhead reeled it in. Then he tossed me an arrogant smile. “Hey, man.”
“How’s it going?” I lifted my chin in my own silent sneer.
That’s right, asshole.
Mine.
And fuck, I didn’t pretend not to know what I was doing. Claiming her. Marking her.
Unease shifted his feet and flared his nostrils.
Dickhead deserved it, too, making me squirm that night months ago when he’d been locked up behind her door, driving me straight out of my goddamned mind, not knowing what was happening or what was being said. He’d come looking to reconcile, wondering what had gone wrong between the two of them. Aly had taken him into her room to talk. Him being alone with her had driven me crazy. At that time, Aly and I had been messing around, touching, feeling, kissing. No sex. That had been the rule.
But that night I’d snapped. Tripped.
Right into ecstasy.
It was the night I finally accepted there was no stopping what was happening between Aly and me.
It was the night I’d taken it all. Aly had given herself to me. Gave me what no one else had ever had. Sarcastic laughter caught in my throat. Guess I should be thanking him for pushing us over the edge.
Dickhead shrugged it off, like it didn’t matter at all. Like he could pretend none of this mattered anything to him.
But I saw it all there, witnessed it where it was written across his face.
“It was great to see you, Aly. I’m sure I’ll talk to you soon,” he said with a nonchalant lift of his shoulder as he backed away. His eyes made another pass down the length of her body.
“Yeah, I’ll see you around,” she returned.
Darkness shrouded the room. I stared up at the shadows on the ceiling. I’d been awake for hours. There was nothing I could do to settle or quiet my mind. Couldn’t still the agitation twitching all the muscles in my body.
Wind howled. Branches screeched along the outside wall, and a faint rim of light flicked shadows through our bedroom window. Winter battered the desert city on cold gusts of air, the sky inky and clear. There would be no rain or snow. No relief for the dried-up ground.
And there would be no relief for what haunted me tonight.
Aly stirred at my side where she slept. A soft breath of air parted her lips. All that silken hair was strewn out on our bed, a single bare shoulder exposed where she rested on her side, facing me. I looked down at her angel face. I traced the sharp cut of her chin and across the defined angle of her high cheekbones.
Yet everything about her was soft.
The hardness of me always seemed a contradiction.
But still we always seemed to fit.
Doubt fluttered into my consciousness and mingled with the guilt.
Christopher’s concern had gotten under my skin. Gabe’s presence had irritated it like a little piece of sand.
In the shadows, I lifted my hand, stared at the numbers stamped on my knuckles. I fisted it, wishing for a way to erase it.
A way to erase who I was.
God. I just wanted to be free.
To forget it all.
Aly burrowed into my chest. Her naked flesh burned into mine. She singed me. Made me forget my name and made me lose my mind.
Allowed me escape.
A way to shun the pain and neglect my shame.
That was what I had to hold on to. Not the fucked-up questions brewing in my head, the ones Christopher had planted there.
A blink of light lit up on Aly’s nightstand. A silent text illuminated her phone.
I smiled a little to myself.
Had to be Christopher. At half past three in the morning, no less. He’d probably gotten himself into trouble. I was betting my phone would ring in about fifteen seconds with him asking me to come bail him out of whatever he’d gotten himself into.
Instead Aly’s lit again.
Then again.
Unease twisted through me. Carefully I stretched over her to retrieve it. I sat up in bed, careful not to disturb her. She just shifted to her stomach and turned her head the other direction.
I flicked my thumb over the faceplate.
Not Christopher.
And I knew I was intruding, reading Aly’s texts. But fuck, I couldn’t stop myself.
Can’t stop thinking about you after seeing you tonight.
Hatred flared like a sickness clawing at the inside of my stomach.
Instinctively, I scrolled through the feed.
What are you thinking, Aly? Is this really what you want?
I crushed her phone in my grip.
You can’t want that, Aly. That life? That guy? What happened to you? What happened to the girl I knew? We had a good thing and you’re wasting it on him? I should never have just walked away. I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder.
My vision clouded.
I know you have to feel trapped. I promised you a long time ago I wasn’t giving up on us. I’m still not.
I swallowed the lump wedged in my throat. Shaking. Fucking shaking. The good-guy act perfected, playing me out to be the bad guy when he knew nothing about how much Aly meant to me. Fucking asshole. What did he think? That I’d let him have her? Give her up? Not a fucking chance.
I scrubbed my palm over my face, trying to break up the nerves, trying to clear my narrowed sight.
Another text came through.
The baby thing, it’s weird. I admit it. But I can get past it. Just call me. Let me help you.
The baby thing? He could get past it?
Rage simmered in my blood. A steady build that just about hit an all-out boil. I ground my teeth as I squeezed Aly’s phone in my hand, the other fisting tufts of my hair as I fought with the impulse to throw her phone against the wall, and I had the sudden undeniable urge to hear glass shatter. I tried to shun the compulsion to jump to my feet, did my best to ignore the desire to seek out a release, the moment’s reprieve I’d find in the destruction, my fists lost in a fury as I buried them again and again in the wall.
Or better yet, buried them in his face.
I swallowed hard, staring at the screen as I tapped out a return. My hands trembled, and my fingers fumbled across the plate.
Shit.
Stay the fuck away from my girl. I won’t ask you twice.
I gritted my teeth as I pushed send.
Minutes passed while I sat there seething, waiting for a response.
Daring him for one.
The coward gave me none.
Her phone sat silent while I struggled to breathe.
Did it make me an asshole that I read her messages? I mean, I wouldn’t think twice about Aly picking up my phone. I had nothing to hide. She already knew every distasteful blemish tainting my soul.
Still, I found myself going through and deleting the messages from Aly’s phone.
And I felt like shit, like a bastard for taking the coward’s road, too.
But I couldn’t stand the idea of Aly reading this.
Not from him.
Not when she was my all.
I would do whatever it took to protect that, to keep her away from anything that would threaten to steal her away.
I wouldn’t let it happen. Couldn’t.
Urges hit me hard. I wanted to forget. Needed her touch and her hand, her soft whispers that seeped like a tonic through my veins and poured directly into my soul.
I dove my fingers and my nose into her hair. Coconut filled my senses, that fucking trigger lighting me like a match.
Aly moaned, an incoherent fluttering from her spirit easing from her mouth.
Led, she rolled onto her back, like she was just as powerless to this need as me. Dependent.
Addicted.
Her eyes flew open to the deepest night. She looked at me hovering above her, confusion in the depths of her searing green eyes. A lick of fear. A rush of desire.
I nestled between her thighs.
A deep groan rumbled from my chest as I rocked into her with one deep thrust.
And I took.
Rough. Hard. Demanding.
The sick part was she seemed just as desperate to give it to me as I was to take it from her.
Aly whimpered and in seconds shattered around me. Her nails cut into my skin. Pain pricked at the surface, and satisfaction rolled deep.
“You,” she whispered as she tipped up her hips to meet mine, driving me right to the edge sanity.
I felt it slip.
I roared when I came. “Aly.”
Frantically I gathered her in my arms. “I won’t ever let you go. Never,” I promised. It sounded too close to a threat.
“Never,” Aly assured. Soft fingers gentled through my hair.
Never.