Once they were inside the cabin and alone, Tobias put a finger to his lips. "Bugs," he mouthed. She nodded and watched as he methodically searched the tiny cabin.

"Clear," he finally said.

Released from the need for restraint, Carolyn did what every muscle in her body had been screaming for since she'd stepped out of the car. She shook her entire body out, rolling her neck, flapping her hands. Reclaimed her physical self from the strict constraints of the bowing and head-lowering.

Then she turned on Tobias. "One fucking week?"

His expression tightened. "I had to improvise, Caro. We don't have to stay that long. But if I didn't say yes, I was afraid he would kick us out. "

"What happened to doing what I say?"

"Unless it's a safety issue, remember? I didn't want to set off any alarms. We haven't seen any kids yet. This whole mission would be wasted and they'd never let us back in."

"And that license? Where did that come from?"

"I pulled some strings at City Hall and they rushed me something official."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to freak out. Like you are." A smile dragged at one corner of his mouth.

"Aaahhhh!!!" Because he was right and she still couldn't stand it, she stomped her feet and dug her hands into her hair. "I hate this. I hate being here. It makes me crazy. It makes me want to…rage and scream and…gahhhh!!!"

He thumped on his chest. "Come on. Do it. Hit me."

"What? I'm not going to hit you."

"Yeah you are. You won't hurt me. I'm tough. What are you, some kind of weak helpless female?" He was goading her, blatantly; she knew it, but it still worked.

"Damn you, Tobias." She stepped close to him and pounded her fists on his hard chest, pouring out her frustration. He wrapped his hands around her wrists, not stopping her, just slowing her blows. And that touch, the warmth of his flesh, the solid bone structure of his chest, changed everything. It instantly grounded her in her real life, her grown up, independent life in which she'd been having wild hot sex with this man since Christmas Eve.

She stopped her rain of blows.

"Tobias," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I offered. Feel better?"

She saw the concern in his eyes, the alertness. "Being here is a nightmare for me."

"I know. Don't worry about it, Carolyn. Just like you said, nothing that happens here is real. That includes your failed attempt to beat me up." He flashed a one-sided smile at her.

"Do you promise? After we leave, will you swear to forget everything we do here? Will you forget that I knelt on the floor to beg my so-called father to bless me?"

"Carolyn. Listen to me." He cradled her face in his hands. "You're here for your sister and any other kids who are in danger here. That's it. You're like a soldier, doing what you have to do. You worry about finding your sister. You sure as hell don't have to worry about me."

The heat from his hands warmed her blood, made her feel alive again. Like a woman, not a possession. A real full-fledged human, not a second-class citizen.

"Make love to me, Tobias," she whispered.

His gaze intensified to a deep midnight, full of questions instead of stars.

"Please. Remind me who I really am. I'm not this…this…thing. This servant. This lesser being."

"Lesser? Never." He captured her mouth with his, pulling her into a deep kiss that she felt all the way down to her soul. She responded to him desperately. "You're a goddess," he murmured against her lips. "My goddess. I'd kneel before you right now if you wanted."

* * *

"No. No more kneeling. Not for either of us." She worked at his belt buckle, craving the touch of his flesh. When it wouldn't give way immediately, she plunged her hand into his pants. Hot skin greeted her, then the rough tickle of hair. Below that, the soft lump of his penis, already responding to her touch.

"Lift me up," she said in his ear. "I want to ride you like a cowboy."

"You got it." He put his hands under her ass and slid her up along his body until she could wrap her legs around his waist. She ground her sex against the growing bulge of his erection. For her return to the compound, she'd worn a very simple cotton sweater and a long jersey skirt in navy blue, with a pair of high boots underneath. It was the plainest, most utilitarian outfit she could come up with.

Tobias pushed the fabric up her thighs as he nested her against his groin. She felt his belt buckle press into her, just above her sex, and somehow that pressure made her nearly delirious. He found her ass under the skirt and rotated her slowly against him, his strong hands gripping her so tightly she saw stars.

"Fuck me, Tobias," she hissed. That was what she wanted. Not 'making love.' Not 'having sex.' No, she wanted the down-and-dirtiest, baddest, meanest sex any two people could have, the kind of sex where you don't care what you look like or sound like.

He growled and nipped at her neck, right under her ear, which happened to be one of her most sensitive spots. Then he bit his way down the tendon of her neck. Her nipples immediately went rock hard as if they were little soldiers at his command. He swirled his tongue across her throat, causing it to tilt backwards in sheer delight. She moaned loudly and swore again, brazen and foul-mouthed, craving that rebellion and freedom.

She couldn't act this way with anyone but Tobias. Couldn't even imagine it.

He marched over to the bed, a modest double with a rolled up blanket carefully placed down the middle. He sat down on the edge, so she was on his lap then reached back and shoved aside the bedroll.

"They said no marital contact," she reminded him, her voice ragged.

"We're not married. Not getting married. They didn't say anything about premarital contact."

"You are bad." And she loved it. "So bad."

"Damn right." He jerked her sex against his cock, which was now fully aroused. "You want a taste of this bad boy?"

"Yes. Oh hell yes." She pushed him back onto the bed. He spread-eagled his arms, a movement that put his magnificent chest on display. She unbuttoned his shirt, a plaid lumberjack flannel that fit the look of the younger guys at the compound. Her impulse was to rip it off, send those buttons flying, but he hadn't brought another one. So she stuck with slipping each button through its hole, her hands shaking with need.

He wore a clean white t-shirt underneath. She leaned forward to inhale the scent of fresh laundry and honorable man. God, he smelled good. If she could bottle this scent and keep it in a vial, she'd never feel lonely.

She shook off the weird thought. Obviously, she still wasn't thinking straight. But at least she wasn't having a meltdown. Unless it was a lust meltdown—that, she wouldn't even try to deny. She ran her hands underneath his shirt, savoring the ripple of muscle and hard curves of bone before stripping the shirt off him. "Well hello, Michelangelo," she crooned.

He grimaced. "I saw the statue of David, you know. I was in Italy during a short leave. I didn't have enough time to get to Cali, so I stayed and went to museums. I thought he had a small dick."

"You're so cultured."

"Right? And I was twenty-two, I really had no excuse."

"You're forgiven. This," she reached inside his pants and circled his penis, "makes up for any lack of aesthetic sophistication."

"I see what's going on here. You want me for my raw manliness. My stiff cock. You have your priorities."

Her sex jumped at his mention of 'stiff cock.' God, what was it about his blunt words that got her so fired up?

"I'll take your stiff cock and raise you a wet pussy," she told him. That got her even more turned on and she flexed her hips, seeking that hot friction against her clit. "Remember how you said you'd obey me?"

"Yup."

"You already screwed up on that one. So now you get another chance. Touch my clit," she ordered him.

His gaze flew to meet hers, so smoldering and intense it brought a flood of heat to her sex. "Yes, ma'am," he said. He danced his fingers up her thighs with delicate touches, pushing her skirt to her waist. He pulled aside the fabric of her panties and touched the pad of his index finger against her clit.

She tilted her head back and sighed, endorphins flooding her brain with happiness. Crazy how feeling him press the one tiny bit of flesh completely changed her mood. A sense of lightness expanded in her chest. She felt languid, relaxed, at one with the world.

And that was before he started to rub. With long, skilled fingers he spread her own juices over the seam of her lips. Then he rubbed again, adding more pressure, making sparks fly along her nerve endings. She rocked her hips against the rhythm of his strokes, seeking the bone of his knuckle, the stubborn weight of his hand, loving how it intruded between her legs.

Suddenly frantic, she jammed her sex against him. She wanted to explode, to be obliterated. She wanted everything else to disappear—the compound, her father, the weirdness of being back, the confusion, the doubt…

A blinding white nuclear blast of a climax splintered her vision, shattered her into a thousand pieces of free-floating joy. She rode wave after wave of an orgasm that never seemed to end. She didn't want it to end, because then she'd be back to reality. Back in the place she'd never intended to see again.

When her heartbeat slowed and she reluctantly opened her eyes, her vision filled with Tobias’s dark blue gaze and naked, rippling chest. He blocked out everything else, whether he intended to or not.

His need was still obvious and urgent, judging by the rock-hard erection that pressed against her rear. She rose onto her knees and found him with her hand. Thick and solid, it responded to her touch by swelling even more.

Swiftly, they both stripped off the rest of their clothes and moved further onto the bed. Tobias snagged a condom from the back pocket of his jeans. "It's a good thing they didn't search us," he said as he tore it open.

"I can't believe you brought one in here. It's like a middle finger in condom form."

"Exactly." He grinned. "I've always been the rebellious one. Any chance to bring out the middle finger, I'm there."

He rolled the condom onto his erection. She helped him slide the latex down, as a sudden wave of sadness washed over her. When she'd lived at the compound, all the girls had dreamed of who they might marry, and how quickly they might have a baby, how many babies. The thought of sex with no chance of getting pregnant had never occurred to them.

To be honest, she hadn't known it was possible.

Now, she knew all about the facts of life. She also knew about the facts of her life. She'd chosen a different path, an independent one. A life without a husband—current situation aside. So why was she sad about protected sex with Tobias? Sex with no chance of a baby? Why were tears forming in her eyes? Why was her throat closing tight?

Why was Tobias blurring underneath her, overlaid with images of him carrying Faith on his shoulders, talking to the boy with the crutches, slinging his arm over Aiden's shoulder? Tobias would be an overprotective, but endlessly caring father and husband.

Savagely, she shoved all those crazy thoughts aside. This place was making her nuts. Just have sex. Put him inside you. Fuck him. That's what this was about, not some sentimental fantasy left over from her time with the Light Keepers. She was here on a mission. Nothing more.

Still, a sob broke through as she positioned the tip of his condom-covered penis at her slick opening.

"What's the matter?" Tobias asked sharply. "You're crying."

"I'm not crying. I'm not. I just want to have sex." She pushed down, lowering inch by inch onto his powerful cock. A tear ran down her cheek.

"Yes, you are. I can see a tear. You're crying."

"Just fuck me, Tobias. Please. Just fuck my brains out."

She felt him hesitate, and squeezed her eyes shut. More warm tears slid down her cheeks. Right now, she didn't want him to be sensitive and aware of her feelings. Using the strength of her thighs, she lifted herself up, then lowered down, using the hot grip of her body to make him forget everything except pleasure and need.

It must have worked. He stopped asking questions and followed her rhythm. He put his hands on her hips to add more force to his thrusts. They stopped talking and moved into a world of grunts and sighs and slapping flesh. She shifted into a state of floating bliss in which nothing in the outside world could affect her.

Such a happy place, so safe and above it all. If only she could stay here, filled with bliss and oblivion and Tobias’s stiff cock, everything would be okay. No one but Tobias ever made her feel this way. This was the Tobias-state. Utter safety, utter freedom. She could rest easy in his arms, no matter where she was.

He touched her cheek, thumbing the tears off her skin. Even with her eyes closed, she knew he was about to come. His body went rigid under hers, his cock pulsed, and he was saying something, over and over…a murmur of words like a river sweeping her away…

Her eyes snapped open. "What did you say?"

Spent from his orgasm, he lay back against the pillows, his hair damp with sweat. His hand dropped away from her face, and his expression, which had been one of deep tenderness, went wary.

"I said I love you."

Ripples of shock traveled through her, as if she'd touched the electric fence around the alpaca pen.

Love?

No. This was sex. Not love. Not softness. Not tenderness.

"You can't say that. Not here." She tried to scramble off his body, but he clamped a hand around her upper arm.

"Why not?"

"Let me go." Her fierceness made him snatch his hand away in an instant. She threw herself off the bed and searched for her clothes.

"Caro, what the fuck?" He sat up, a blur at the corner of her eye. Everything was a blur. Wild emotions were tumbling through her. This place was making her crazy.

"None of this is real." She repeated her mantra. "This is all an act. Everything we do and say here is a lie."

"Not this." His deep voice vibrated across the space between them. Goose bumps rose on her skin. She couldn't think about what he was saying—it was funhouse mirrors, through the looking glass, down the rabbit hole…it was a dream turned nightmare, or a nightmare turned dream, she didn't know which…couldn't deal with it now…

"You promised." She stepped into her skirt, her voice trembling. "You promised to do what I say. Right?"

He nodded, a muscle ticking in his jaw, his eyes the deep dark of a thundercloud.

"Then stop talking like that."

They stared at each other for what seemed like forever. She had the sense of traveling at high speed, being pulled down a long wind tunnel, away from Tobias. Another funhouse delusion.

Finally he spoke, almost formal in his tone. "Agreed. I won't bother you again."

Before she could answer, or try to explain—not that she could have, the way her thoughts were spinning—he put a finger to his lips and cocked his head. Listening.

A rustling sound came from just under the window. Someone was out there.