Grace

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I leap back as Shannon steps into the room, and out of reflex, completely overcompensating, I slap Tommy in the face.

“What the fuck!?” Shannon shouts, slamming her bag down on the ground. “Are you doing!?”

Tommy looks at me like he’s just been betrayed by his closest friend, but the look only stays a second before he turns to Shannon.

“What’s it look like?” He says back. “We’re working.”

There’s that Tommy Mason sarcasm. Even now he’s able to pull it off, after being walked in on and getting a slap in the face. I, on the other hand, am on the verge of panic.

Shannon told me to stay clear of him, and not only did I tell her I would, I also made a promise to myself. One that I just broke. But I couldn’t help it. He’s just so – everything! I can’t even put it into words, but something about Tommy is just driving me wild. He’s got his hooks in me, and no matter what I do, he manages to drive them deeper.

I went to sorority row ready to tell him off, and he completely turned it around on me. Not only did I end up backing down from what I had intended on doing, but I let him come back to my dorm and let him kiss me.

And the truth is – I wanted him to. I know that now, but what I don’t know how to do is tell Shannon. She’s my only friend right now, and if she finds out that I actually like Tommy – what will she do? How will she react?

“Working, my ass!” Shannon shouts. She raises her arm and points to the hall. “Out. Now!”

Tommy looks at me, and obviously he wants me to say something. But my tongue is tied. This entire situation is too much. I’m a smalltown girl at a big university, with the biggest man on campus in my room, and every part of my body telling me I want him, with my roommate and only friend telling me I shouldn’t.

I open my mouth to speak, but before I can, Shannon chimes in again.

“Now!” She repeats. “Or should I call public safety?”

Tommy gives me one last look like, “Are you gonna say anything?” But I’m stuck, frozen, and just stare back at him like an idiot. He gives me a look that hurts my heart, then gets up and moves toward the door.

“W-wait,” I say, holding my hand out. But Shannon’s having none of it.

“No, don’t wait,” she says to Tommy. “Grace, I got this, okay?” She turns back to Tommy. “Keep it moving, big shot. That’s right.”

All I can do is watch Tommy go. I feel like the biggest bitch in the world and am screaming at myself inside for not doing something. But what can I do?

If I tell Shannon it’s all right, that I wanted to kiss him, she won’t believe me. And if I tell her I actually have real feelings for Tommy, then I’m admitting it right in front of him and we’ve barely gotten to know each other! That’s not how I want to have that discussion with him. It would ruin everything. He’d know I’m crushing on him and then he’d have me at his mercy. The last thing I need to do right now, if I have any hope of surviving this semester as his partner, is give him more power over me.

When he’s gone, Shannon slams the door and sits down beside me.

“What the Hell?” Shannon asks. “Are you okay? Did he try and force himself on you?”

“No, no, no, no,” I tell her, making sure she gets the message. “It’s nothing like that. It was my fault.”

“Your fault? How? You kissed him?”

“No, not exactly…” I trail off. How do I explain this? “I mean – he moved in and kissed me, and I just didn’t—”

“Didn’t know how to tell him no?” She says, finishing my sentence.

“Well—” She’s not wrong. I definitely did not know how to say no to him, but it’s not like I wanted to. “It’s not what you’re thinking. It was definitely my fault. I must have just given him that impression…”

“That you wanted him to kiss you?” Shannon asks, looking dumbfounded and concerned. “Grace, I’m going to tell you something, okay?”

She straightens herself up and takes a breath like she’s about to tell me some seriously bad news.

“Last year there was a girl who hooked up with Tommy. Her name was Victoria, and she was just like you, smalltown girl from somewhere in Vermont, straight-A student, the whole nine yards. And she was a virgin.”

Shannon pauses and takes my hand. My heart is still racing and I wonder what Tommy is doing now – what he’s thinking.

“She fell for Tommy, and everyone knew it. All she’d do was talk about him all the time. People tried to warn her about him, but she wouldn’t listen. She slept with him. He took her virginity and then never called her back. She went nuts. It drove her crazy. She tried to get in touch with him but he blocked her calls and eventually she ended up dropping out of school.”

“Shannon,” I start to protest, but she waves her hands and silences me.

“I do not want that to happen to you,” she tells me. “Look – I’m sure you’re attracted to the guy. If you want me to be honest, I’m attracted to the guy. Any girl in her right mind would be. But that doesn’t make him the best choice for either of us.”

A spiteful part of me wonders for a moment if Shannon is actually in love with Tommy and this is just her way of getting me off her turf, but when I look at her I just don’t see that being the case. She’d be a master manipulator if all of this concern was actually just a big act to get me to stay away from him while she found a way to move in herself.

No, she actually does care about me, and every time she tells me something it’s like a bucket of cold water dumped over my head while taking a nice warm bath.

“Is that really true?” I ask her. “About the girl?”

She nods. “Yup. Ask anybody. They’ve all heard about her. The story went around on Facebook and even I heard about it during my senior year of high school. She dropped out of school. She was in the top of her class too.”

Could that really be true? Maybe I’m being naïve, but that doesn’t sound like Tommy. I know he’s got a reputation, but would he really do that to a girl…a girl like me?

Maybe Shannon is right – maybe I’ve made a big mistake.