Chapter 17 (Breslin)
I groan and bury my head in the pillow when there's a knock on the door.
“Breslin,” Kit's voice calls from the other side. “It's me, open up.”
I wave my hand in the direction of the door and silently shoo her away. I'm not in the mood to talk to her or anyone else.
Well, except for him. But he obviously has no desire to talk to me anymore.
Probably serves me right for ignoring him over the last week and a half.
Tears threaten to spill, but right when I'm about to give in, the door clicks open and I hear Kit's footsteps walking toward me.
I throw the blanket over my head for good measure and she taps her foot against the wooden floor. “One of your classmates told me you didn't show up for any of the tours today. What the hell is going on?”
“Hangover,” I mumble, knowing that's the least of my issues at the moment.
The bed beside me dips. “I don't buy it, B. You've been in bed for over 24 hours.”
When I don't respond, she releases a sigh. “Are you at least going to tell me what happened at the party the other night? You went upstairs with Mr. Rico Suave and came back down five minutes later in tears before you ran out the door.”
When silence is my answer, she yanks the covers off my head. “After I kicked him in the balls and right before security threw me and Becca out, he swore nothing happened between you two, but if he did something to you we need—”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “He didn't hurt me. It was all me...I couldn't go through with it.”
“Oh,” she says before she frowns. “Why not? What happened—” She cocks her head to the side, her gaze scrutinizing. “Fucking Asher. I knew it. I knew he was—”
I sit up in bed and hug my knees to my chest. “No. It wasn't Asher I was thinking about.”
“Then w—” Her words fall when I bring my hands to my face and burst into tears.
“Landon?” she questions.
I nod my head and sniff. “I fucked up, Kit. God, I fucked up so bad with him. I knew it the second I kissed that guy. It was like a bucket of ice water being dumped on my head. All I wanted was Landon.”
“Well, shit,” she says, her face breaking into a smile. “This is good. Great in fact.” Her expression twists. “But I don't understand why you're so upset about it. Landon's crazy about you—”
My chest constricts and I reach for a tissue. “He blocked my number, Kit. He doesn't want to talk to me.”
I stand up and start looking for my bags, adrenaline pumping through me. I have to go back home and make things right with him.
I never should have let Landon go in the first place. I know that now. Being with Landon made me happy—even through all of Asher's pain—I somehow managed to find it again. Because Landon loved me back to happy. And it took me so long to realize it, but now that I do, I can't let him go.
And even more than that? I'm sick of being miserable. I'm sick of being scared to ever let another person in.
And God knows, I'm so sick and tired of being heartbroken over Asher Holden. I'm done wasting my tears on someone who doesn't deserve them.
I've wasted years—some of the best years of my life—being broken over him, letting the sharp pieces’ slice into me time and time again, allowing it to serve as a painful reminder of how much love can fuck a person up.
But not anymore. Not today.
Fuck that.
Fuck the past and the painful memories.
Fuck the happy ones, too.
Fuck Asher Holden. I'm sick of his brand of poison pumping through my veins.
It ends here. Because I finally realize that just because I wasn't meant to have a future with him, it doesn't mean I'm not permitted to have it with someone else. Someone who gives me butterflies and puts me on a pedestal, instead of making me feel like a flea who can't possibly compare or shine in his presence, like I'll never be good enough and that I'm not desirable or attractive. Someone who could go behind my back and cheat on me with my worst enemy. Someone who abused all the love I gave.
It's time to step out of Asher's shadow and into the light.
Into Landon's light. Because I know when I show up, hand him my heart, and tell him it's his for the taking if he wants it, he'll keep it protected and intact.
He won't let me fall with no intention of catching me. Landon will keep me safe, because he's already proven it.
I start tossing various things into my suitcase. “I have to fix things with Landon. I have to—”
“Breslin,” Kit says sharply and I pause mid-packing.
“I say this with love,” she says gently. “But I think you should give it a few more days before you make any rash decisions.”
“No. I have—”
She exhales and rubs her forehead. “Breslin, unless you're 1,000 percent sure about this, you're only going to hurt him more and it wouldn't be right.”
I turn to face her, appalled. “Excuse me? Who's friend are you?”
“Are you kidding me?” she screams. “You know I'm your friend. I'm just saying to give it a few days before you go marching back into his life and making declarations of love. If he blocked you, it's because you hurt him, Breslin, and he's had enough. And I know, it sucks to hear the truth, but that's what friends are for. If you still feel this way in another week I will personally go with you to the airport. Just give it more than five minutes to make sure you're not making a mistake that will hurt him even more.”
“I—” Dread settles in my stomach. Kit's right. I was only thinking about myself, about my own self-preservation and my need for space. I never stopped to think about how much I was hurting Landon.
“Fuck, Kit. I don't deserve him, do I?”
She takes a step toward me. “No, that's not what I'm saying. You're amazing, B. Guarded, sure. But incredible. You're just gonna have to be ready to fight for him when you get back. But first, you need to make sure that he's what you really want and you're not just acting impulsively because he decided to ignore you now and it stings. Understand?”
I nod and take a deep breath, letting her words sink in. My eyes fall shut and my heart kick-starts, awareness surging through me.
I'll take the few days like Kit insists, but I don't need them.
Because my heart knows exactly what it wants and it's ready to fight like hell for it.