CHAPTER ELEVEN
The snow was quite deep now along the sides of the main road. It had been ploughed recently, but a fresh fall had already covered the black. After a few minutes, Nikolas said casually, “Give me your phone. Mine’s dead. I want to text Kate.”
Ben handed it over. Nikolas checked Ben’s outgoing calls, three or four a day to a number on Aeroe. He debated for a moment then rang it, watching Ben. A man answered in Danish, “Hello?” He clicked it off, tapping it against his lips. He sent the number to Kate and told her to identify it for him. Within a few minutes, she texted back saying she was on holiday with her parents for Christmas and would do it when she returned to London. He deleted the message trail.
He tossed the phone onto the dashboard. Ben glanced across again. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Watch the road.”
“Give me your phone.”
“What? No. Why?”
Ben pulled the car over. They were on a stretch of road running along the coast. He held out his hand. “You’ve never let your phone die in the five years I’ve known you. Give it.”
Nikolas climbed out, and the cold hit him, making his breath steam. He walked over the dunes and down to the sand, clear under a bright moon showing through a gap in the cloud. It had stopped snowing, but the wind was making small eddies out of the light covering on the sand.
When Ben got to Nikolas, he was bent over, trying to get a cigarette to light in the wind. Ben plucked it out of his hand, holding it up accusingly. “You promised!”
Nikolas rounded on him. “So did you! Who the fuck is Anna?” He prepared himself to watch Ben lie.
Ben was crushing the cigarette. It was lit, and it burnt his palm. He looked up, clearly annoyed. “Who? I don’t know any Anna.” He gave a rueful shrug. “I don’t know many women, really.”
Nikolas frowned. He studied Ben’s face. “I’ll ask you again, Benjamin. Who’s Anna? And be very careful what you say now, because I’m upset by this.”
Ben finally clued in something important was going on. He ignored his hand and tipped his head to one side. “What’s wrong, Nik? I don’t know anyone called Anna. Who’s she?”
“She’s apparently your pregnant fiancée.”
Ben’s eyes widened. He began to laugh. “Good one…” Then he saw Nikolas’s expression. He took both Nikolas’s arms and held them. He stressed, as slowly and distinctly as he could, “I don’t know anyone called Anna. I don’t sleep with anyone but you, and if I ever marry anyone it would be―And that’s way gayer than I’m ever going to be, so just forget I said that, maybe?”
Nikolas listened to all this with great attention. Finally, he let out a breath of relief. “I think we have a problem then.” He told Ben about the woman who’d come to his table.
The only helpful comment Ben could make was, “They were how big? Wow…” He appeared to read something in Nikolas’s expression so he added weakly, “Anna, huh?”
Nikolas nodded toward the car, and they walked shivering back to the warmth of the interior.
Just before he pulled back onto the road, Ben twisted in his seat. “What did you think, Nik?” He gave him a wounded look. “Bloody hell. How many times do I have to tell you? Five years, Nikolas. Five years you’ve known how I feel about you, and you think I’d ever cheat on you? And on our first date, too.” He studied the tiny blister on his hand. Nikolas had the very distinct impression that the small burn wasn’t to blame for the glistening he could see in Ben’s eyes.
He fiddled unnecessarily with the heating controls. Ben rarely called him Nikolas. He reckoned he was in trouble.
Ben suddenly pulled back out onto the road, and they proceeded on their way. Nikolas tentatively handed him back his phone. Ben said, “Thank you,” exceedingly politely.
Nikolas mirrored his tone. “You’re welcome.” After a few more moments, he added, “I suppose an apology isn’t going to impress you much at the moment.”
“Why don’t you try one and see?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Nope, not doing it for me.”
Nikolas blew out a long breath, his fringe rising and falling softly over his eyes. He heard a low chuckle from the driver’s seat and turned. “You were actually jealous of a woman. Oh—my—God, you want to have my babies.”
“You’re going to make me pay for this, aren’t you?”
“Oh, I’m going to leave it to you to decide what punishment you deserve.”
“She was real, Ben. I didn’t make her up, and she knew you, and she knew me, and she seemed very sure of everything she said.”
“I don’t know, Nik. What can I say? Maybe it was a wind up? A bet? It was probably just one of the girls in the library doing it for a joke! Come on, let’s get home. If you’re very, very good, I’ll give you the opportunity to carry my babies. How does that sound?”
Nikolas wasn’t in the mood to be teased. As soon as they got home, he went to the sink and ran a large glass of water. He drank that and then another. Ben came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him. “Bed?” Nikolas nodded and pulled him close. He breathed into Ben’s hair for a while then gave him a little shove.
“Go shower. I’ll do penance and take Radulf out.”
Ben ruffled his hair. “It’s very cold. Not too long, yeah?”
“For God’s sake, I survived a Siberian gulag.”
“I was talking about the dog.”
Nikolas started to click his fingers for Radulf to follow him, but Ben snagged his coat and held out his hand. Nik tried to look innocent but then swore and handed over his lighter. Ben waggled his fingers, and Nikolas handed over the packet of cigarettes, as well. It was full except for the one he’d tried to light earlier. “I have given up, Benjamin, but it’s easier if I have a packet with me. I know it’s illogical, but I can’t explain it to you, as you’ve never had to give up. I’m sorry.” Ben seemed to consider this for a moment then handed the packet back. Nikolas flashed him a quick glance. “I don’t deserve you.” Before Ben could agree with him, he went out, holding the door for the dog to follow him through.
The clouds had almost all blown over, and the moon illuminated the snow in a blue-white wash of almost unearthly beauty; but Nikolas had seen many forests and too much snow and only wanted to climb into bed where it was warm. He didn’t like being wrong-footed, and that woman had done it to him tonight. He wondered idly if somewhere in his mind he was waiting for the day when Ben finally stopped loving him. He supposed it was inevitable. Despite Ben’s unwavering belief in him, Nikolas knew it was wholly undeserved. Even after his confession about his brother’s death, which he’d told Ben was the last of his secrets, there was still much he wouldn’t want Ben to find out about his past. He had a feeling Ben’s belief in his lovability would be destroyed fairly quickly should certain other events be known. He toed the snow, making patterns with his shoe. He desperately wanted a cigarette. It had been his whole reason for volunteering to stand in the freezing cold with the dog. He’d planned on smoking the one he’d tried to on the beach, reasoning as he’d already broken his promise with that one, another now was a freebie and didn’t count. He’d been looking forward to it all the way home. He kicked Ben’s woodpile out of spite. He was regretting his promise to give up; he’d been smoking since he was ten. Sergei could hardly punish him for stealing his cigarettes when he’d stolen something far more precious from his ten-year-old son.
He felt something nudge his leg and glanced down to find the dog eyeing him evilly, as if he’d been the one forced out into the cold to accompany the human. Nikolas gave him back an equally evil glare, and they trudged in together.