My God, this woman is killing me. She’s got me wrapped around her finger, but she doesn’t see it. I can’t stay away from her no matter what I do. Running is useless anymore. I wind up thinking about her during any song that comes on. The gym is a joke, every blonde that walks past me I compare to how Natalie’s body is better. I’m growing a fucking vagina.
She looks at me like I’m saving her. I wish she knew how much she is saving me. I’ve always been reckless on missions. There hasn’t been anyone waiting for me at home, so I’d take a bullet for anyone. Now, during our training, I think about how she’d feel. How it would be for her if something happened to me. Not that she loves me . . . yet. But I know she cares. She sure as hell wouldn’t kiss me like that if she didn’t.
“So, what fine establishment are you guys meeting at?” Lee asks as she shifts in her seat. Two of my favorite women are with me right now. Robin and Natalie.
“The Banque,” I reply and wait for her reaction. The Banque is a country line-dancing bar. It’s a little run down, but we get in free thanks to the owner, and there’s never a shortage of women willing to give it up.
Natalie tilts back with a groan.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” I ask a little condescendingly. I know she hates that place. All the wives do.
“It’s almost as bad as Hot Tuna. I mean, do you guys even want to try to have some game? Or pick up women who aren’t laying it all out there for you?”
She’s so adorable when she’s like this.
“I’ll let that slide.”
“Let what slide?”
“I have plenty of game,” I let her know. “I’ve never had to work hard.”
She snorts and shakes her head. “Arrogant ass.”
“Don’t worry, only you get to see my game,” I gleam and put my arm behind her seat.
Natalie slaps my chest and smiles. “Well, maybe you should try a new playbook because you’re not getting much here, sweetheart.”
“That hurt.”
“You’ll live.”
“You’ll pay for it.”
Natalie laughs, “I’m sooo sure. You don’t scare me, Liam Dempsey. You’re scared of me though.”
“Damn fucking right I am,” I say under my breath but I’m pretty sure she hears me. I’m terrified of her. She’s everything I want and I have no business wanting her. She’s got a kid and has already lost a husband. I live a dangerous life. I love my life and won’t give it up. There’s so much more to fear in this entire thing than just the fact that she’s my best friend’s wife. Natalie has walls and fears that are valid and I know this. And I’m a selfish prick because I really don’t care. If she doesn’t want me, then she can say so, but until then . . . I want it all with her.
We drive the next few minutes and she stares out the window. I don’t know how to handle her sometimes. Like with the tears. Tears I don’t do. When we pull up to the bar, Natalie sighs. She gets so deep in her own worries, it’s hard to pull her out. I know this isn’t easy and I hate it. I don’t have the baggage of worrying what everyone thinks the way she seems to. Quite frankly, I don’t give a shit. People will judge no matter what, and Natalie and I are grown adults.
“Lee?” I ask her and her head falls to the side as she looks at me.
“You ready to stake your claim, Dreamboat?” she smiles and my worry fades away.
“Stake my claim?”
“You know . . . let everyone know we’re together.”
I lean forward and she turns to look at me. “Is this what you want?”
“Liam, of course.”
“No, I’m serious.” I pause because I want her to actually hear me. “If you need time, if you don’t want to keep going, we can just go back to friends. I’m only saying this before I get any closer to you. I’ve known you a long time and it feels like once we flipped the switch from friends to more, I don’t want to slow down.” I admit this because I know she needs to hear it. She’s had a shit year and I can respect that, but my feelings for her grow each day.
“That’s what scares me. I think about you all the time. I worry this isn’t normal because it feels so easy.” She looks out the front window and then back to me. “I care about you so much. You make me happy and . . . I just . . .”
“Just?”
“I don’t want to go too fast and then screw it up. I don’t want to lose you either. I have to think about Aarabelle, and I worry about when we take the next steps, how I know I won’t be able to guard my heart from you.” Natalie’s eyes are open and she’s vulnerable. I know how she struggles with letting go and it’ll be next to impossible to ignore the feeling that a ghost is watching.
When we’re in her house, it’s strong. I see Aaron around every corner and it freaks me the fuck out. I can’t imagine what it’s like for her.
“I’ll never hurt you intentionally. You don’t have to guard your heart.”
Natalie’s eyes fill with tears and I feel my body start to go into panic mode. She swipes at her eyes. “You’re going to make me fall in love with you, aren’t you?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s a done deal.”
She laughs and opens the car door, breaking the moment. “We’ll have to see about that.”
When she reaches me on the other side of the car, I pull her against me. “Yeah, we will.”
I haven’t been to this bar in years, but the place hasn’t changed too much. There’s a dance floor in the middle and it’s surrounded by tables. There are two bars on either side and there’s a huge bar in the back of the room. The pool tables are always occupied, but maybe I can convince Natalie to play a game or two. Maybe she’ll need me to teach her.
I start to imagine what she’ll look like with the stick, bent over the pool table. The way her hair will fall and her eyes will find mine. I’ll walk behind her and feel her ass press against my dick. The way she’ll wiggle . . .
Nuns.
Puppies.
AK-47s.
Diapers.
Glad I got that back under control. We find the table where a few of the guys are already sitting.
“Hey, fucker!” Quinn stands and claps me on the shoulder, already giving me his bullshit-disapproving stare.
“Hey, where’s what’s-her-name?” I ask knowing he cycles through women like it’s nothing. I don’t think he’s ever fucked the same girl twice.
“I’m looking for fresh meat today.” He gives me a look and turns to Natalie. “Hey, beautiful!” Quinn walks over and gives her a hug. I swear if he upsets her, he’s going home to ice his balls.
“Hi, Quinn. I haven’t seen you in a long time.” Natalie’s voice shakes a little. She’s nervous, which I try real hard to not let bother me. I’m ready to show everyone where we stand and I wish she was too. I know it’s been less than a year and I know it shouldn’t bug me. But the problem with knowing and letting are two different things.
We’re good together. I’ve known her for almost nine years and never did I imagine I’d be with her like this. She brings something alive inside of me.
I say hello to the rest of the guys from the team, and when we get to the end, Natalie shrieks.
“Rea!” she runs over and hugs her best friend. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”
The infamous Reanell Hansen. The two of them giggle and I see Commander Hansen tip his beer to me. Fuck. How the hell did this happen?
“Commander,” I say and shake his hand. It’s one thing when we’re all deployed, but to be drinking with your boss when you’re home is another thing.
“Dempsey, today it’s just ‘Mason,’” he says and grumbles under his breath.
“Oh, Mason, stop being a dick,” Reanell says, and she stands, walking over to me.
“I’m Reanell. It’s nice to finally meet you for more than two seconds in passing.”
“Nice to meet you, ma’am.”
“You did not just ‘ma’am’ me.”
I laugh and immediately like her. “No. Never.”
“That’s what I thought. Now, sit and let’s get some alcohol going so Natalie looks like she can breathe.” She smiles and makes us sit.
“Sounds like a plan.”
“So, tell me, how much can you bench press?” Reanell tilts her head as she looks me up and down before shifting forward with her chin on her fist.
Natalie slaps her arm so her chin falls off. She and Mason laugh as Reanell gives her the death stare. “Stop being stupid and drink your beer.”
“It was a valid question,” she says and orders a round for all of us.
Natalie relaxes a bit and begins to talk about her job and Aarabelle. We laugh and enjoy small touches. She places her hand on my leg and looks at me under her long lashes with a shy smile. My hand covers hers and squeezes. The little things like this are hard for her, but I appreciate them. I lean back and put my arm around her and she sinks into my side.
The lights dim, indicating it’s a slow song. “Wanna dance?” I ask her quietly for two reasons. One, if she says no, I’ll never live it down with these assholes. Two, I don’t want her to feel like she has to say yes.
Before she can answer me, a short blonde comes up behind me and places her hand on my shoulder. It takes a second to register.
“Hi, Liam. Would you like to dance?”
Fuck. Brittany.
The girl I almost used to fuck Natalie out of my mind.