Chapter Eighteen
Ten Years Ago
“Be careful tonight,” Frankie warned on the other end of the phone. Her sigh was bone deep and full of emotion. “I should be going with you.”
“Yeah, well you have more important things to do tonight. I can take care of myself. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“Don’t call what I have to do important. It’s not.”
It was. But I wasn’t going to argue about it with her. Instead, I played dumb. “Aren’t your uncles taking you to a dinner tonight?”
“With some politicians,” she groaned. “They’re going to dress me up like a doll and put me on parade.”
“And…”
“And teach me how to wine and dine my way into partnerships.” Her voice dropped, taking on her uncles’ Russian accents. “Not everything should be obtained by threat and intimidation, you know.” She made another frustrated sound. “You wouldn’t believe these people, Caro. You wouldn’t believe how easily they give up their morality for the promise of just a little bit more power. It’s disgusting.”
“Yeah, well maybe you should casually bring up the container of human beings your uncles got last week.”
“I swear they wouldn’t care. They’d pretend to be deaf and blind.”
“Is the mayor going to be there?”
“Yeah, apparently the life of his dog is more important than thirty underage girls.”
My stomach tightened, threatening to empty itself of my lunch. “They can’t do this forever.”
“They can. And they will.”
She was right. As long as the Volkov had a foothold in this city, they would run girls and more—drugs, weapons, black market everything. And if something happened to the Russians, ten other crime families would be there to fill in, pulling politicians and lobbyists and policemen and all of the supposedly upstanding citizens into it with them.
Maybe the people hanging out to the right of legal didn’t know the extent of the depravity, but only because they didn’t want to know. They wanted to live their shiny, happy, wealthy lives with clear consciences. As did the rest of America. It was easier to pretend that human trafficking didn’t exist than to do something about it. It was easier to pretend the fat diamond on your engagement ring wasn’t a blood diamond, that little kids didn’t die so you could have it than to pick a less popular stone for your wedding band. It was easier to assume drug overdoses and gun violence happened to other people than to recognize how far the dangerous tentacles of the underworld reached, how they choked and strangled and imprisoned all of society to their whim.
I wasn’t judging. I was part of the problem. Maybe I didn’t deal in humans and illegal substances directly, but my department funded a lot of the other happenings in the bratva. If all sin was the same, I was as corrupt and depraved as the rest of my thieves-in-law.
“Be safe,” I told her.
“Oh, hey, Caro.” Her voice dropped, catching me right before I disconnected our call.
“Yeah?”
“They’re going to make Sayer a brigadier. I heard them talking about it over lunch. They want to keep moving him up. They talked about him becoming one of the two spies someday.”
“What the hell, Frankie?”
“I thought you should know. This job is a test.”
She couldn’t have led with that? I pressed my palm to my forehead. “Thanks for the head’s up.”
“Are you going to help him?” Her voice dropped even lower. “You could… sabotage.”
She didn’t know what she was saying. The bratva was everything to Sayer. He would kill me if I messed up a chance like this.
And yet the temptation was there…
“I need to go, Frankie. I’m going to be late.”
“Bye, Caro.”
“Bye.”
We hung up our call and I tucked my slider Sidekick into my purse. I finished my makeup, taking extra care to make it perfect. I was supposed to pass as a college girl tonight, a little extra attention to detail was called for.
Twenty minutes later, my chin-length hair was straightened, my makeup was perfection and I’d managed to squeeze into my gold strapless minidress with chain detail across the waist. Slipping on a pair of stockings and my favorite hand-me-down Louboutins from Frankie, I admired myself in the mirror behind my door.
Boom. Nineteen.
I grabbed my crossover purse and left my bedroom, hoping to sneak out before my dad saw me.
No luck. He was hanging in the living room with his usual crew, Vinnie and Brick. Steeling my courage, I walked through on my way to the front door. They catcalled and threw out lewd suggestions until my dad told them to shut up.
“Where you going, Caro?”
I hesitated by the coffee table covered in shot glasses and vodka bottles. “Work,” I told them.
The three of them whistled again, but it had the tone of respect this time. “See that, boys, my daughter’s doing important things. Very important things. She’s moving up.” My dad’s words ran together thanks to too much drink. He rubbed at his bleary eyes and red nose, unable to focus on me.
“It’s not a big deal,” I said quickly, lest they start asking for details. “I’m just meeting Sayer.”
The three of them made more guffawing noises. “Now there’s a fucking cockroach,” Vinnie slurred. “That kid can suck my big, hairy balls.”
My dad’s eyes narrowed on his friend. “What’s your problem with the kid?”
“The little shit is the reason Fat Jack is gone, dummy. He’s a fucking spy.”
“Who?” Brick asked. “Jack?”
“No,” Vinnie grunted, then his head bobbled back and forth as he thought about it. “Yeah, fine, Jack. But that kid too. He’s got his eyes on the top and he’ll do whatever it takes to get there, including stepping on all of our heads on his way.”
I should go. Gus was waiting for me. But this drunken conversation had taken an interesting turn. “Fat Jack had it coming,” I reminded Vinnie. “He was snitching to the feds. What did you think was going to happen to him?”
Vinnie waved a meaty hand back and forth. “Psssht. He was staying out of prison. When those federal bastards put you in their sights you got to do what it takes to keep ‘em from locking you up. The bratva can’t protect you behind bars. It’s up to you to stay outta that hell hole.”
“What are you saying, Vinnie?” I demanded.
“I’m saying Jack was giving them bullshit. Just enough to keep them off his back. He wasn’t doing nothing to hurt the brotherhood.”
Brick nodded, his eyes mostly closed. “S’true. But the bosses don’t care. All that matters is if you’re a snitch. Tell one secret or all the secrets and you end up the same.” He tilted his head and looked at me with squinting eyes. “Dead.”
I swallowed. We all knew that to be true. If the pakhan heard you were simply approached by the feds, they punished you—reminded you where your loyalties should lie. If they had reason to believe that you were cooperating with law enforcement that meant… something worse. And significantly more painful.
Fat Jack was dead because of what Sayer and I had found in his house.
“Let Jack be a lesson to all of us,” my dad said, bolstered by the tragedy of his friend. “Keep your hands clean.”
“And your nose cleaner,” Vinnie finished for him, although I murmured along.
I had always found that particular saying a bit of an oxymoron. Their hands weren’t clean. They were covered in blood and greed and lawlessness. But I understood the sentiment. It meant don’t steal from your thieves in law and don’t go sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.
Head down. Focused on the job. Eyes on the prize.
“Jus’ be careful is all I’m saying,” Vinnie warned me. “Don’t let the little prick catch you talking to the feds. Don’t matter that you’re fuckin’ him. He’s only loyal to the pakhan. Nobody else.”
My cheeks were bright red and I avoided my dad’s eyes, even though they were glassed over. I wasn’t sleeping with Sayer. We’d been together all of three months. And while I was pretty confident things were headed in that direction, we weren’t doing that… yet.
“Whatever,” I mumbled weakly. “I’m not the one you have to worry about talking to anybody.”
My dad poured more shots of vodka. “Go on, Caro. Don’t keep ‘em waiting on our behalf. Go do what you need to.”
I rubbed my hand over my chest, hating the way it pinched for my dad and his pathetic friends. “You guys going to be okay?”
Dad jerked his head toward the door. “We’re just saying goodbye to Jack, baby girl. Then we’re not going to talk about him again.”
“Never again,” Brick agreed.
That only made my heart hurt more. Guilt coiled in my gut and whispered to change my plans for tonight. I shouldn’t go. Who knew what else I would find.
Who knew who else would have to die because of what I found.
My phone vibrated in my purse. It was probably Gus wondering where I was. Shit.
“Bye, Dad,” I told him.
“Love you, sweet Caroline.”
“Love you too,” I told him even though he was already in another ruckus round of toasting and shouting about the friend they could never mention again after tonight.
Jack had been a snitch. The bosses had built a case proving his guilt and then made an example out of him to anyone that was thinking about opening their mouths.
It had started the night Sayer and I found the info about the feds. And now it was common knowledge among the bratva.
Don’t open your mouth. Not unless you want to be strung up by your feet with your tongue cut out and your nose chopped off, left to choke to death on your own blood.
Because of me.
I hurried downstairs and out on the street. A black town car waited on the curb—my ride. I threw myself in the passenger seat, anxious to get away from my dad, his sad friends and my racing thoughts.
“Bout fucking time,” Atticus growled.
I did a fast double take, my heart jumping to my throat. “I thought Gus was picking me up.”
He pulled out onto the street and pressed a heavy foot down on the accelerator. “Gus had other shit to do.”
“I didn’t know you were on this job.”
“Don’t you ever shut up? Shit, Caro, not everyone wants to hear your whiny voice all day long. Save it for your boyfriend.”
“Don’t be such an asshole.”
His hand slammed down on my knee, slapping it so hard I let out a surprised screech. Then his fingers were digging into my knee, crushing and gripping until my eyes watered and I was afraid of ruining my makeup.
I grabbed his hand, trying to peel it off. “Let go, Atticus.”
“You should be careful who you call names.” His strong fingers pressed harder, making me breathless with pain. Out of options, I sunk my fingernails into the back of his hand. He slammed his foot on the gas, driving like a maniac through darkened streets, unconcerned with my efforts to get him to back off. “Apparently you need me to teach you a lesson, little girl. Somebody’s got to teach you some manners.”
“If you rip a hole in my stocking, I will kill you,” I hissed at him. “You’re going to ruin my cover.”
“Then say you’re sorry.”
“What?” I blinked back tears, he was going to leave bruises.
His words slowed like he was talking to a small child. “Say you’re sorry. I want to hear how fucking sorry you are.”
“Let go of me.”
He did, but only to slam his fist down on my kneecap, making me double over. “Say you’re sorry, Caro, or I’m going to do it again.”
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly, hating myself for giving in. But I knew he wasn’t going to stop until I did.
I should never have gotten in the car with him. I should have paid closer attention. But I’d been shaken up by what my dad and his buddies had been saying.
If Sayer knew I was riding with Atticus instead of Gus, he would be pissed.
Atticus retracted his hand and put it back on the wheel. “Good girl.”
Bile rose in my throat. We couldn’t reach our destination quick enough. He didn’t try to speak to me again, and for that I was grateful.
Atticus had never liked me. Part of me still thought he held a grudge for one time when I’d managed to steal a hundred bucks from him in the middle of his crew—before I had my six pin. He’d caught me and taken me before the bosses to have me punished, but Roman had sided with me.
Atticus had never liked me, but after that I was irredeemable to him. And he tried his hardest to find subtle ways to torture me. He never did anything crazy enough to alert the pakhan or throw a job. But when it was just the two of us, he made my life miserable.
It was fine. I punished him too. By keeping him as far away from Frankie as possible. He was obsessed with her. He always had been. And as her friend, I couldn’t blame the guy. She was drop dead gorgeous and set to inherit a huge chunk of the syndicate ruling class. But she was also smart enough to see straight through him.
And I did whatever I could to remind her of his awfulness.
We both avoided him whenever we could. Unfortunately, the bosses didn’t share our opinion. They saw his ruthless sociopathic skills as an asset. He hadn’t risen in the ranks quite as fast as Sayer, but he was still one of the shining stars. And a regular favorite of the brothers.
“You’re walking in with me,” Atticus ordered when he pulled up to the valet at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel.
I was pretty sure we were supposed to meet up with Sayer first, but I wasn’t in the mood to argue with Atticus. Besides, I needed to know I could walk okay after what Atticus had done to my knee. If Sayer saw me limping around, the night wasn’t going to end as planned. We so didn’t have time to deal with that fallout.
The valet opened my door and I stepped out of the car on shaky legs. My knee was sore, but not too bad. I just needed it to keep from swelling for now.
Atticus handed over the keys and the two of us walked into the stunning hotel, with golden light and gleaming marble floors. The posh atmosphere made me feel small, tiny compared to the wealth and resources of the upper echelon. I wondered if Atticus felt it too. We were just kids from the wrong side of the tracks—thieves, criminals, wild things that didn’t understand elegance or better society.
We followed signs leading us to the grand ballroom without another word spoken between us. We both knew the job. And the mark. There was nothing else to say to each other.
“Tickets?” the matronly woman dressed in a Chanel dress cluttered with shiny strips of sequins and feathers asked.
Atticus and I produced our tickets, stolen well in advance for tonight’s shindig. She looked them over with a wrinkled nose and distaste written all over her pudgy face, but eventually she marked us off and gestured toward the ballroom.
We continued not to speak as we entered the annual party celebrating DC’s law enforcement. The room was swamped with Secret Service, DEA, ATF, and plenty of FBI. And lawyers and judges and politicians and journalists and on and on and on.
Sayer would turn anyone in that spoke to FBI?
That was going to be a problem tonight, since that was my assignment.
My heart fluttered in my chest, just knowing the kind of legal power that surrounded me in this room. These people were my enemies, I reminded myself. And after Fat Jack, now more than ever.
“Fuck me,” Atticus murmured as soon as we’d walked through the doors.
That was exactly how I felt. Surrounded by wolves and lions and sharks all at once. “Let’s mingle,” I suggested, anxious to get away from him as well.
We parted, heading out in separate directions to case the party. I clocked a few other Sixes posing as wait staff as I worked my way around the room, but I didn’t see Sayer anywhere. My fingers tingled, wanting to fidget, but I kept my cool, my perfectly comfortable disposition. I could pretend to be from money. I could be a convincing socialite. Easy peasy.
“Are you looking for someone?” a deep male voice asked as I stretched over a table to grab the non-fishy looking canapes hidden out of reach.
I landed back on my heels, ignoring the twinge of pain in my knee. Lifting my gaze to find a young, striking man standing there, I gave a demure smile and said, “A friend. My date.”
His smile was wide and only made him more handsome. He had all the classic good looks of an American quarterback. He was like a walking billboard for apple pie and sweet tea. Blonde hair, movie star light blue eyes, square, trustworthy jaw. And a fed. You could always tell by the Men’s Warehouse suits and scuffed dress shoes. Secret Service were significantly better dressers. And ATF were significantly worse.
Then there was the government look about them. This was a trait that was harder to define. Something in their open smiles and paranoid eyes. They were all trust me with all of your secrets, so I can write them down and give them to my boss. We’ll be best friends until I raid your house and seize all of your assets.
“Is he your friend? Or your date?” the man asked, chuckling warmly.
“Both,” I grinned. “Shouldn’t he be both?”
“Ah, smart girl,” the agent agreed. “Which one of you has the connection to this lot of hooligans?”
“He does,” I admitted quickly, needing him to hear unabashed truth in my words. Why would I have a reason to lie anyway? I was just a vapid undergrad meeting her new boyfriend at his dad’s event. I didn’t know what was going on. Was I listening to the wrong conversation? Oh, so sorry. It was so easy to get lost here. Where’s the ladies room again? “His dad is with the bureau.”
“Oh, really? Me too.”
Duh. I smiled at him. “No way. That’s so cool. I have to admit, I’m fascinated by everyone here tonight. I’m taking a constitutional law class this semester and I have so many questions.”
His eyes turned flighty with the sudden urge to flee. “Yeah?”
“Yes,” I answered energetically. “Like income taxes for starters. Illegal, right? So what is the deal with them? Also, mandatory check points. How is it not a blatant violation of our rights to set up checkpoints and allow cops to search every car that goes through without probable cause?”
“I, uh, I—”
“And what about the Patriot Act—?”
He held up a hand. “I’m going to stop you right there. I’m off the clock tonight. Sorry.”
I shot him an apologetic smile. “No, I’m sorry. I got carried away.”
Before he could say anything else, warm hands slid around my waist and pulled me back against a solid chest. “There you are,” Sayer murmured, his lips brushing my ear. “I’ve been looking for you.”
I tilted my head back so I could check him out in the crisp tuxedo he’d gotten for the event. I suddenly found it hard to swallow. Had anyone ever looked so good in a tux? My legs felt like Jello and I was confident I was three seconds away from combusting. Clearing my throat, I tried to focus on the potential mark. “I’ve been grilling poor Mr…” Looking back to the agent still standing awkwardly near us, I repeated. “Mr…”
“Payne.”
“Excuse me?”
His smile was shy, self-deprecating. “Mason Payne.”
I recovered, barely. “Nice to meet you Mason Payne.”
“And you too…?”
“Carolyn Cook. This is my boyfriend, Sawyer Prior.”
Mason reached for Sayer’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“Likewise,” Sayer said. “Thanks for keeping my girl company.”
“It was an accident,” Mason admitted on a laugh. “I thought she was someone else.”
“Oh!” I pretended to be offended, all of us laughing at the mistake. “Well, thanks anyway. I appreciate your attempt at answering my questions.”
“No problem. You two have fun tonight.” His smile stretched and I mentally predicted his next words. “But not too much fun.”
Sayer’s laugh was forced, tested by this agent that was kind of flirty, but also kind of suspicious of us. “Is there such a thing?”
Mason laughed again, a more hollow sound, and then left us to ourselves. Sayer turned me in his arms so I could throw mine around his neck and greet him properly. We kissed hello, neither of us willing to forget the people standing around us.
“You look lovely tonight,” he breathed against my temple. “No wonder you have feds hitting on you.”
Vinnie’s warnings crawled over my skin, pricking at my ability to brush off his compliment. “Creepy feds,” I whispered. “I’m a minor.”
“Something to remember when I try to defile you later,” he chuckled.
My stomach flipped and I wished I could see his eyes to know if he was serious. I used my vantage point to scan the room, hoping nobody was looking at us.
“Should we dance or something?” I asked Sayer.
His body tensed, his shoulders going completely stiff. His head whipped to the right, and to the left. “What the hell?”
I pulled back, desperate to see what he saw. Fighting to keep my casual smile, I asked, “What?”
“Is that Atticus?”
Atticus stood across the room, deep in conversation with one of the senators that worked closely with the syndicate. “Yes,” I told Sayer. “I thought you knew he was going to be here. He drove me.”
Sayer’s gaze cut to mine. “He drove you?”
Shrugging it off like it wasn’t a big deal, I said, “He made it seem like he was supposed to be here. He had a ticket.”
“That he probably stole from Gus,” Sayer growled.
We watched Atticus finish his conversation and head to the doors. Was he already leaving? “I should have texted you, it’s just that he’s technically my boss and—”
“It’s not a big deal, Caro. You couldn’t have known. It’s just something I’ll have to ask the pakhan about.”
“Hey. What are they doing?”
Sayer followed my gaze to a cluster of feds looking our direction. They were speaking in low tones and subtly nodding our way. They were clearly talking about us and trying not to make it obvious.
News flash, morons, you’re basically on broadcast. It didn’t matter that they were dressed to the nines tonight. They were always on the job. They couldn’t disguise their asshole tendencies.
“We should move,” Sayer suggested.
He took my hand and led me to the outer edges of the crowd. We passed a guy with an ear piece hanging around his neck. The radio said, “Gold dress. College age.”
Sayer glanced at me. “I’m not feeling this party.”
My heart kicked in my chest. It could have been a total coincidence. But if life had taught me anything, I knew there was no such thing.
Everything happened for a reason—and usually that reason was so Fate could piss all over you.
“I’m not either,” I told him. “I think I’d rather go… anywhere else.”
He leaned in. “Let’s do that.”
We detoured right before we got to the outer fringes of the crowd. There were two more men with earpieces moving to block the back exits. “This way,” Sayer instructed.
Our steps were purposeful and our movements subtle, we were blending in, staying under the radar. Sayer slouched so he didn’t stand taller than the rest of the mingling people.
An FBI agent pushed through the crowd in front of us, Mason Payne following directly after him. The two agents caught sight of us, surprised that we were right there. We took the advantage and about-faced, slipping in and out of designer dresses and hand-tailored suits, disguising ourselves in the crush of the rich and powerful.
“Don’t let go,” Sayer said over his shoulder.
I didn’t respond, but it wasn’t like I was even entertaining the option. My heart was in my throat, a last-ditch attempt to abandon the sinking ship that was my body. Oh my God.
Why were they chasing us?
What did they know about us?
“Faster,” Sayer urged. We crossed a wide-open area, temporarily exposing ourselves, before we ducked into the kitchens.
“Shit,” he growled when he barely missed running into a server balancing two trays stacked high with replacement hor d’oeuvres.
“Come on,” I urged him. “We have to get out of here.”
“You can’t be in here!” someone shouted. “Hey! You need to leave!”
“Spoiled brats,” someone else snarled.
Oh, if they only knew.
The door to the kitchen banged open behind us, someone screamed and dropped a platter. “Caroline Valera,” a vaguely familiar voice called from the middle of the commotion.
“Go,” I ordered Sayer, pushing his back.
“Valera stop!” that same voice shouted. I realized it was Mason.
My new FBI friend now wanted to arrest me. Oh, how quickly the fickle of heart fade. And here I thought we were going to be bffs.
Sayer and I turned a corner and took off sprinting. I managed to catch a room service cart on the way and tip it over. We burst out of the kitchens into back hallways. The sudden quiet was jarring. We sounded like a stampede as we raced through carpet-muffled corridors, my frantic breathing amplified to my sensitive ears.
Slowing our pace, we shuffled quickly toward a metal door near the emergency exit. Hitting the push bar, we burst into the stairwell and took them two at a time. I had no idea where we were going or why we were fleeing upward, deeper into the labyrinth of the hotel, but I trusted Sayer. And he seemed to know exactly where he wanted to go.
“This way,” Sayer ordered.
We pushed through another door and I realized we were on one of the top floors. “We need to go back down,” I reminded him. “That’s where all the exits are.”
“They’ll already have blocked those. They’ll be waiting for us. Don’t worry, I’ve got a backup plan,” Sayer said quietly, slowing his pace to casual, unconcerned with things like the FBI and getting caught. His arm wrapped around me, pulling me to his side. But we kept our faces focused on the carpet, out of sight of peeping security cameras. “Do you trust me, Six?”
“I do,” I told him immediately. That wasn’t even a question.
He reached into his pocket, pulling a keycard still wrapped in the paper packet. At the end of the hallway he found the room it belonged to, smoothly sliding it in and out of the electronic lock. The door clicked open and Sayer ushered me inside.
I tripped over nothing when the inside turned out to be a suite. “What is this?” I asked breathlessly.
The door closed and I heard him fiddling with all the locks, securing us inside. “A surprise?” he suggested on a quiet laugh equal parts hopeful and nervous. “I had been hoping we’d check off all the d’s first though.”
Turning around so I could look at him, I walked backward into the luxurious room. “The d’s?”
Half his mouth kicked up in a sweet smile. “You know, drinking, dining, dancing. The plan was to sweep you off your feet and then pretend to get lost until we ended up here. I’ve been looking forward to tonight for weeks.” He let out a frustrated sigh. “I should have known the FBI would get in the way.”
I smiled at his disappointment, for some reason feeling incredibly special that he had put so much thought into this night. “The FBI ruin everything.”
He winked at me. “That they do.” He paused, before adding thoughtfully, “They’ll be expecting us to leave though. I’m sure they’ll have the exits blocked and the hotel won’t hand over security footage until they can come up with a warrant. We’ll be safe here tonight.”
Forcing my gaze from his, I absorbed the extravagant room that was ours for the night. The muted fabrics were highlighted with golden accents so that they matched the cream and gold furniture, and there were windows on every side. Wide, tall, stretching windows revealed the city at night and all the glittering light dancing from historic building to shimmery water to stoic monument.
He’d picked the most beautiful room for us. And after imagining the evening he had planned, I knew I truly would have been swept off my feet. I was halfway there now and we’d just outrun the feds.
Pressing my hands to my stomach, I tried not to think about why Sayer would go to all these great lengths. I was nervous now for an entirely different reason. Anticipation buzzed inside of me, a swarm of bees without a place to land. My fingers started trembling, so I hid them behind my back, unwilling to share my weakness. I was supposed to be resilient, unflappable, completely cool under pressure. And yet with just the opening of a door, Sayer had managed to completely turn me inside out.
“What was that down there?” I asked because it was easier to change the direction of my thoughts than come to terms with what this room could mean.
Sayer frowned. “I don’t know.”
“They knew my real name,” I said unnecessarily. “They recognized me.” I held his gaze, opening mine up so he could see all my truth, all the things I wouldn’t hide from him. “How, Sayer? Why me?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. I’ll make a call. See what I can find out.”
Before he could do that though, I started shaking. And it wasn’t the quivering of a nervous virgin on the potential night of her deflowering. No, this was full body quaking from nearly getting caught by federal agents.
It was the first time I had ever been made. It was the first time an FBI agent knew me by name. It was the first time I had ever had to face the consequences of my lifestyle.
“Hey,” Sayer murmured gently. He rushed to me, pulling me into a tight hug against his body. I wrapped my arms around him, absorbing his strength and steady nerves. “Hey, Caroline, it’s going to be fine.”
I hugged him harder, crushing my body as close to his as was humanly possible. “I’ve never talked to them before, Sayer. Other than the recon we did before tonight, I have never even seen them. How did they know me?”
One of his long fingers nudged my chin, lifting my face to look at his. “I believe you. Okay? You’re safe. You’re not in trouble.”
His soothing words did nothing to calm my racing nerves. “What if they arrest me? What if they have something on me?”
His blue eyes blazed with conviction. “They won’t.” His frown returned. “They don’t. I’ll figure it out,” he promised. “We’ll get to the bottom of this. And if by some miracle they have a tiny piece of evidence against you, we’ll make it go away. It won’t be hard. You’re going to be fine.”
I felt sick. All I could think about was Brick and Vinnie’s warnings. “How do you know?”
“Because I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I promise you that, Six. As long as I’m able, I will protect you from every bad thing. You don’t have to worry about anything. Ever. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”
His words wrapped around my heart, cradling it back to reality. His promises seemed impossible. Except I believed him. There was conviction in his tone, raw truth in his eyes. Sayer meant what he said. Every single word of it. “How can you say that? We’ve only been going out for—”
“You think my feelings started when we kissed?” His eyebrows drew down over his eyes. “You think my feelings started a couple months ago? Come on, Six, I’ve been after you since the first day I met you. Since you saved my life and gave me something to live for.”
“Sayer, I didn’t—”
His fingers pressed against my lips. “Caroline, before that day I was lost. I was living on the streets, afraid of dying every single day. Afraid of dying that day when your dad and his friends were done with me. And then there you were, so fucking pretty my chest hurt just looking at you. And you didn’t just give me the courage to get through the day, you gave me the tools I needed to get off the streets. To stay off the streets. To keep living. To live for something. You saved my life that day, but you also saved my soul. You gave me the brotherhood, yeah. But before that? You gave me you. And since that day you’ve been it for me. My world. The one thing I’m living for above everything else.”
I couldn’t speak. I didn’t want to speak. I just wanted to spend the rest of the night absorbing those words, playing them over and over and over in my head until I finally convinced my heart to believe them. How… how did he expect me to recover from that?
“I love you, Six. I think I’ve loved you since that alley. I think I’ll always love you.” I bit my bottom lip and tried to steady my breathing. I was desperate to hold myself together, to keep from crumbling in a heap of awe and emotion and hope. How did I get to have this man’s love? How did I get to love him back? How was this my real life? There had never been a job that compared to this moment. No surge of adrenaline or priceless trophy or singular moment in all of history that was as special as this one. He mistook my silence for rejection. Glancing down at the carpet, he asked, “Is it too soon to say all that? I meant to wait…”
“It’s not too soon,” I whispered, barely finding my voice. My frozen fingers cradled his face, coaxing him to look at me again. “It’s not.” I had to swallow a deep breath and dig for courage, but finally I was able to confess my truth. “I think I’ve loved you from that same day. I think I’ve always loved you. I can’t remember a day when I didn’t. Before you I was miserable and angry. And then there you were and it was like I had finally found…”
“Something to live for,” he filled in, his words making permanent homes in my heart, filling my soul with a satisfaction I had not known existed.
I knew he’d just confessed he loved me, but the insecure girl in me had been expecting rejection anyway. Instead, I got the most beautiful boy smiling the most beautiful smile. All of Sayer relaxed in a way I had never seen from him before. He was warm and bright and radiating peace all at once. It was like my confirmation of love had given him access to a whole new part of him, a piece he hadn’t even realized he’d been missing.
His head dipped to meet my lips already on their way to his. His kiss was tender, slow, achingly reverent. His hands landed on my shoulders and slid down my arms, carefully caressing my body as he went.
There was so much sweet worship in this kiss that I didn’t know if I’d be able to survive it. I had never been touched like this before. Never been kissed like this.
His mouth was all warm seduction as he moved over mine. I was a fluttering heartbeat of consent as he moved us to the bedroom, stripping pieces of our clothing as we went. Our shoes were left in the entryway. His jacket over the back of the couch. His belt on the floor by the bathroom. His shirt and my dress at the foot of the bed.
He laid me back on the puffy comforter and slowly stripped my stockings off me. I lay there in my strapless bra and miniscule panties and waited breathlessly for him to cover me with the warmth of his body.
He came down on top of me like a boy that had been given the best gift of his life. His eyes alight with true love, his hands trembling with the sacredness of the moment. His mouth moved over my body, tasting every inch of me, kissing and licking and adoring me as though he’d never had something so wonderful before.
The rest of our clothes quickly disappeared and we were left naked and desperate for each other. I still trembled. I couldn’t stop myself.
I had never been this far with a boy before. I had never been this intimate or exposed. And yet, he took care of me as we explored uncharted territories carefully.
His fingers dipped inside me first, taking me to a precipice I didn’t know existed. And just when I thought I couldn’t hang on for a second longer, he changed tactics. I watched him put a condom on without taking a breath.
“Have you done this before?” he asked, his gaze holding mine captive.
I shook my head. “No.”
His expression softened, deepened, his entire body going taut with anticipation. Then he was hovering over me, whispering promises and I love yous and pushing inside me slowly. There was the break, the release of the barrier and a wince from me while he kissed my breasts and my collarbone and all the places he could reach, soothing the ache and creating a new one all at once.
“Sayer,” I whispered, needing him to move, to do something other than drive me to the edge of insanity. “Love me,” I begged shamelessly.
His head lifted and our gazes collided, finding each other in the darkened room, refusing to let go.
“Always,” he swore. But he didn’t move right away. Instead, his mouth pressed against mine, searing that promise to my lips, making it permanent.
When at last he lifted his hips, only to drive them deeper inside me, I gasped at the sensation. I didn’t know something like this existed… I didn’t know it was this good.
We were a tangle of lust and something deeper, something eternal. My breath hitched and continued to hitch until I finally tumbled over the edge of blinding light. My legs were wrapped impossibly tight around his waist and my fingernails dug into his back without realizing it. He chased after me, moving fast, hard, deep.
“Oh, God,” I gasped. And that same beautiful symphony of light and sensation and the tightening of every last muscle happened a second time.
When I came back to earth, he was still over me, and in me, watching me with unfiltered awe all over his face. My laugh was shaky, self-conscious, nervous… “Wow,” I whispered.
I was all rubbery limbs and warm muscles, but he was as serious as always, observing me with that same sharp instinct. “I will never be the same,” he said, his voice roughened gravel. “You’ve done something to me that can never be undone.”
I didn’t have the strength to be as serious as him. Instead, I lifted up on my elbows and kissed the corner of his mouth. “I’ll be gentle.”
He finally rolled over, pulling me into the crook of his body. I laid there listening to the heavy beat of his heart and smiled at a victory I had never known I wanted. “I don’t need you to be gentle. I just need you to stay with me. Don’t leave me, Six. I won’t survive it.”
I pressed my hand over his heart, loving the feel of him like this, so wide-open, so absolutely familiar. But I knew what he meant. I wouldn’t survive it either. Not after this.
Not after that.
After we’d cleaned up, we found each other in bed again. I curled into him, loving the feel of his naked body against mine—even when we weren’t doing anything but cuddling.
“It feels safe here,” I whispered to him. The feds might be looking for me, but I was untouchable in this room. If they had an arrest warrant, I would face them in the morning. But here with Sayer I was safe. And it wasn’t just them that I wanted to hide from. It was all of it. The bratva, my dad, the job. I just wanted to stay here with Sayer forever. “I don’t want to leave.”
His fingertips stroked my back, running up and down my spine, lulling me to sleep. “We will always have this, Six. We don’t need a room for this.”
I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep knowing he was right. We were connected at the deepest level now. We’d been on this trajectory since the day we met. Tonight had been a fiery culmination of everything between us. Fireworks and explosions and the melding of two hearts that formerly belonged in two different bodies. Now I held his within me. And he owned every inch of mine.
I knew we were young and it was impossible to tell what the future held for us. But I also knew my heart. It would never belong to someone else.
I was Sayer’s. Forever.