CHAPTER 14
Chelcie
After having Joe call me a taxi, I make the short drive to Sway’s salon. It does not do one damn thing to calm me down. I can’t believe that the one person who has been telling me that I need to move on, get back on the horse, live a little, is the same person who ratted me out to the one person I know could take my heart and smash it into a million little pieces.
The attraction between Asher and me has always been too much. Burning too bright. And as much as I love that about us, I also fear it. Until he knows about the baby, I won’t feel right acting on any of that. Not to mention that, after he finds out, he probably won’t like me enough to want to start anything. The last thing I want to do is cloud his loyalties with sex.
When I tell him—and I will tell him—I want him to be able to walk away without the thought of whatever we have between us hanging thick.
But I would be lying if I didn’t admit that a little part of me hopes that he still feels the same about me. And that he won’t want me just because of what my baby can give him.
A family. Not with me, no, but with a part of his brother that will live on. I know I shouldn’t worry about that, but I’m only human, and it doesn’t help that I have been living in hormone overdrive for the last few months.
Sway sees me about two seconds before I fling the door open and stomp over to where he’s working on Dee’s hair. I say ‘working’ loosely because he’s really just sitting there brushing her brunette hair between his flamboyant arm waving. He smiles brightly, completely unconcerned with the pissed-off pregnant woman marching through his salon.
“I wonder how it’s going,” Dee giggles, clearly having not noticed me yet.
“Dee, darling, shut up,” he whispers with a smirk.
“Do you think he threw her over his shoulder and dragged her off to his cave? I bet he did. He looks like a dragger.” She snickers for a second before her eyes lift and they meet mine.
Brown to brown. Shock to anger.
If I didn’t love her so much and know deep down in my heart that she meant well, I would kill her. Or maybe just pelt her in the head with my damn open-toed shoes!
“I’ll tell you how he acted, you idiot. He marched in there and saved me from the toe-sucking maniac. And then he dragged me off, because let me tell you, he is a good dragger!”
“Uh . . . Hey, Chelcie,” she stalls.
“Yeah. Hey, me. Was this the plan to begin with? Just play with me until you could set Asher up to go all crazy man on me?”
“Sweetheart, it really was for the best,” Sway interjects, not even bothering to look guilty. No, not Sway. Sway has a reason for everything he does.
“The best for what exactly?” I demand. “And how do you even know?” I hiss.
“Sweet little ray of sunshine”—I cringe at the use of Asher’s nickname for me—“you’ve been sitting on your gorgeous ass for months, not willing to move forward. You’ve closed yourself off from everything except Dee, work, and the baby. I’ve seen the two of you, and trust me, honey—Sway knows attraction when he sees it. What you and that hunky man have is something combustible. You needed a nudge—you got one. Dee here was just the helper bee. She buzzed right on over to my ear and asked for my help. Buzz, buzz.”
“The helper bee,” I repeat, not even shocked that Dee has filled him in on everything.
“That’s what I said. I told her, we need some men that would make you realize just what’s been staring you in the face. Make you move the heck on, darling.”
“You’re joking, right?” Jesus, how stupid have I been?
“Afraid not, baby.” He leans closer and pets my hair. Literally pets me, smiling his beautiful smile and causing some of my anger to fall away.
“You?” I question Dee.
“Yeah . . . I’m sorry, Chelcie. I really am, but you weren’t going to act on it. Hell, I don’t even think you had plans to ever tell him about the baby. Wrong or right, now . . . Well, now it looks like you’re not going to have a chance because shit is about to get really real.”
I can’t even be mad at them. They’re right. I’ve been dragging my feet. Letting the fear of the unknown and the very real attraction between Asher and myself cloud what is really important right now.
The baby.
Because when push comes to shove, whatever is or isn’t between me and Asher is second to my sweet baby.
“You’re right. I’m not mad. Well, maybe a little mad for Phil, but I know you two are coming from the right place.”
Dee goes to say something but stops quickly, snapping her mouth shut, her eyes widening. Sway just bounces on the balls of his heels and claps his hands. I’m actually pretty sure he just squealed.
“Oh, Dee . . . look! It’s happening!”
“What’s happening?” I inquire a second before it happens.
The front door to Sway’s salon bursts open so hard that it snaps on its hinges. I know what’s coming before I even hear my name being growled—yes, growled.
“Chelcie!” The sound erupts through the room. My shoulders stiffen, but I turn and meet his eyes. “Get. Over. Here.”
I look back at Dee and Sway, hoping for some help but I only get blazing smiles and sharp nods. Lovely. Of course the matchmaker duo isn’t going to help me.
“Now, Chelcie,” he declares again.
I obviously am not moving at a pace quick enough to placate his request because he takes the ten steps to me from the door in five and lightly grabs my wrist, pulling me forward and out the door. Proving Dee’s theory right. He is a wonderful dragger.
* * *
The whole ride back to the apartments is maddening. I can tell he’s pissed by the white-knuckle grip he has on the steering wheel. His jaw keeps flexing with the control he is so understandably trying to master. It was a bitch move for me to run. I know that, and I feel terrible about it.
I could blame it on my hormones, my muddled mind, or even the drunken way his kisses leave me. When it comes down to it though, I ran because I was afraid.
The walk past Joe is nice and embarrassing this time. Before Asher can stop me, I press the gold button for the seventeenth floor. Turning to address him, I do my best to give him a shaky smile.
“I need to do this in my house. I was wrong to run from you, and I’m sorry. We’re going to talk, but I need it to be in my space.”
He gives me a tight nod before crossing his thick arms over his chest.
“I’m sorry, Ash. I really am.”
He studies me for a few seconds, opening his mouth to speak a few times before snapping it shut and shaking his head at me. His eyes close for a second and when they open again and he looks at me with complete understanding, I’m taken aback. So easily he’s able to drop that anger?
“I won’t even pretend to understand what’s going through your head right now. You want to talk before I make you mine? That’s what you need to do before I can finally make you mine? Well then, baby, that’s what will happen. Just . . . enough with the running, okay?”
Let’s see if he feels the same way when we’re done talking. I nod and wait for the elevator to stop at my floor.
Here goes nothing.
* * *
“Do you want anything to drink? I think I have some beer.” I wring my hands together, trying to calm my anxiety.
“I don’t want anything to drink, Chelcie,” he states from his post, leaning against the kitchen island.
“Okay. Do you want something to eat? I can make something really quick.”
“I don’t want anything to eat, Chelcie.”
“Okay. Do you—”
“I don’t want anything to eat or drink. I don’t need to sit and relax or watch a movie. I don’t have anywhere I need to be or anyone I would rather be with. I’m good, Sunshine. I’m here. Let’s talk.”
Well. I guess he’s onto my stalling.
“Right. Let’s go sit please. I need to sit.”
He raises a brow but follows me to my living room. I sit in my favorite chair, the one chair that I can curl up on and it’s so fluffy that I sink. It gives me a sense of peace. I know it sounds ridiculous that a chair can give me some peace, but when you feel as alone as I do sometimes, just feeling the comforting pressure of something holding you can mean a lot.
Asher walks close to me, his feet bumping into mine, he leans down and scoops me up before he sinks his own body into my chair. He then pulls me down onto his lap and arranges my body so that I’m sitting sideways across his strong thighs. Without knowing where to put my hands, I just let them fall to my lap—where I continue to wring my fingers together.
“Talk, Sunshine.” I jump at his demand and feel his arms constrict around me. “I’ve told you before, you have nothing—not one damn thing—to be afraid of when you’re with me. Why do you keep acting like I’m going to hurt you?”
I take a deep, much-needed breath. “Because, Asher . . . Because you hold the power to crush me, just like I hold the power to do the same to you.”
“The last thing I want is to hurt you in any way,” he argues.
“I know that, and I feel the same way.”
“So what exactly is the problem? I know we have a lot to learn about each other, Chelcie, but you’ve been there for me since Coop died, there when everyone else was getting frustrated because I didn’t know how to let him go. You’ve been there when I needed you the most. There’s plenty of time for us to learn every little thing about each other, but what I already know is enough for me to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you belong to me.” He lightly grabs my chin with his firm hand, turning my head and giving me a sweet kiss against my lips before resting his forehead against mine.
“This is so hard,” I sigh. “So damn hard.”
“So just say it. What is so big that you would rather go out with douchebags than admit that what we have is worth something to you? You melted for me, Chelc. Melted.”
“Give me a second okay? I just need to figure out how to explain everything.”
I weigh my options before I realize that there is no easy way to drop all of this on him. So I just start at the beginning.
“You know about everything that went down with Dee, right? Last year, when she almost died?”
He nods but doesn’t say anything and lets me set the pace.
“I was the one who found her. Did you know that?” He shakes his head, still remaining silent. “That did something to me, Ash. I don’t know how to explain it. Finding her, the one person I’ve had in my life who means so much. A sister without the blood relations. Seeing her that close to death made me panic. I really think that I was in some sort of shock. I don’t know. It doesn’t make what I did right, but when comfort was offered, I took it. One night, one time, but I needed to feel alive. I needed it.” I swallow the growing lump in my throat and look into his eyes, needing to know how he’s going to handle this. “I slept with Coop,” I whisper so lightly that, if it weren’t for his arms around me and my face inches from his own, I don’t think he would have heard me.
His eyes flash and his arms go solid, but he doesn’t speak. I wait, wait for him to say something—anything—for a solid minute.
“You slept with my brother?” he asks.
I can’t tell if he’s upset or just processing it. His tone sounds neutral, but his eyes are telling me another story.
“I did. It’s not something I’m proud of. I used him, Ash. Well, I guess, in a way, we used each other. It happened, and while I can admit it was a mistake, I don’t regret it.”
“You don’t fucking regret it?” he questions, this time not masking his anger.
“I don’t.” I straighten my back and get ready for the toughest part.
“Clear something up for me, Chelcie. While I’ve been thinking we’ve been starting something, have I been some second-place consolation prize for my brother? Because, let me tell you, I’ve been there, done that, and got the fucking T-shirt. That isn’t something I ever want to experience again.”
I frown, trying to make sense of his exclamation. He reaches up and lightly caresses the wrinkle between my brow before he realizes what he’s doing and drops his hand, his face looking confused and . . . pained.
“I didn’t then nor do I now have feelings like that for your brother. I will always respect and admire his strength and bravery, but as far as any romantic feelings, no. The way I feel about you, that’s all for you.”
“Then please explain to me how you could not regret sleeping with him?”
Here it goes. The moment that could very well rip any chance at a relationship between Asher and me apart—or the one that solidifies the bond we’ve felt tugging us together since day one.
“Almost a month after that one night . . . maybe closer to a month and a half—I can’t remember. It took me a while to even admit it to myself. To believe that my selfish need to feel alive had succeeded in proving that. In driving it home in one tiny plus sign.”
“I’m not following you here, Chelcie.”
“I’m pregnant, Asher. I’m pregnant with Coop’s baby. He didn’t know because he . . . Well, he didn’t know because of everything that happened, and before I could tell him, it was too late.”
“What?”
I keep looking into his stunning blue eyes, which are now a beautiful light-navy color, showing me with crystal-clear clarity just how much pain my admission is bringing him.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so damn sorry. I wanted to tell you and I had every intention in telling you, but there never seemed to be a good time.” Even to my own ears, it sounds like shit. I should have told him the second I met him.
“You fucking think?” he yells.
He moves, standing up from the chair with me still locked in his arms, and sets me back down before pacing away from me. Getting as far from me as he can.
“You’ve . . . Jesus Christ! You’re pregnant with Coop’s baby? No good time,” he mutters, continuing his pacing. “How could you keep this from me, Chelcie? Were you ever really going to tell me?” he shouts.
“Of course I was!” I defend.
“Yeah? When? When I fell for the little games you’ve been playing with my mind? When you went into labor? Shit, how were you going to hide a belly? Because let me tell you, I never would have guessed you’re pregnant now!”
I know he’s hurt. He’s hurt and I did this to him, to us. I stand as straight as I can, trying my best to keep it together and let him have this. Let him get it out. I can only hope that, when he’s done, he can find it in his heart to forgive me.
I just haven’t decided if I deserve his forgiveness.
“I can’t even look at you right now without my anger getting the best of me. This isn’t done, but right now, I need to get the fuck away from you before I say something I’m going to regret.”
I nod, not trusting myself to speak with the tears burning my nose and the lump climbing back up my throat. I’m seconds away from completely falling apart.
He looks at me for a few more seconds before turning on his heels and storming through the front door. I hear it slam, and it’s all I need for my body to give the emotions permission to burst forth.
I crumble to the ground and cry. I cry for everything I’ve stupidly done. I cry for Coop, our baby, Asher, and every single unknown second of my future.
I cry until I have nothing left. It’s only then that I notice the sun that was bright in the sky is now gone and my apartment is pitch black. I don’t even stop to turn on the lights as I make my way down the hall, stripping down to my bra and panties on the way and curling beneath the thick blankets on my bed. I wish that the smooth fabric were the arms I so desperately need to be holding me tight.