Chapter 5
Rhett doesn’t make eye contact with me, and it’s not helping, “Rhett, if you want this to work with us, you have to start talking to me, or…”
“Don’t finish that sentence,” bringing his hand up for me to stop, he finally looks up at me, I know he wants to talk to me, “shall I make some coffee?” Rhett asks I want to say no speak to me, but I also think that I need to let him make the coffee.
“Sure,” I say watching him walk over the machine.
“CeCe has always been my safety girl, I knew that she would always be there for me no matter what happens,” Rhett turns to face me, handing me a mug of coffee. “She knows about my dreams, she knows about my demons,” I follow him to the sitting room, sitting on the couch, Rhett puts a blanket over me, I stay quiet because I don’t want him to stop talking to me about this. “I’ve been with girls before and never thought about having anything more with them, so they never got to see me wake up from a dream, or never asked about my scar, they saw my temper, and my money, but CeCe, she was always there for me.” Rhett looks at me with worry in his eyes.
“Rhett…” I start, but he cuts me off.
“I told you, being around you I feel nothing but calm, you were the first girl to sleep with me and have no idea who I was, the first girl who found out who I was, and didn’t even care.” Rhett takes a sip of his coffee, “you are different to anyone that I’ve been with, and when I hit you in my sleep I broke down, ask Terry, I broke down in a way I never thought I would. When I was with CeCe I never hit her in my sleep, and then it hit me. I care more about you than I do anyone else, and you were the women I was going to put first.” Finishing his coffee Rhett puts the mug on the side table, “In my dreams, you’re the one they hurt, and it scares me, because I love you so much, CeCe never had that from me.” He looks at me, and even though he’s talking to me, this is not answering my question about why he married her.
“When you left the locker room, for the first time I cried over a woman, the woman I fell in love with had just broken my heart and walked away from me.” I gave him the chance to talk to me, I begged him to talk to me, but he didn’t. “CeCe came into the locker room, and even though she was the last person I wanted to see, she was the only one there for me. Anyway we ended up going to a bar, and we drank, or I drank and drank, CeCe was talking to me, telling me that there was never going to anyone in the world that could understand what happened. That she was the only one who understood me, the only one that would be there for me. By the time I was drunk enough, to get past the hurt I was leaving and thought everything CeCe was saying to me was right, I don’t deserve someone’s love, and maybe CeCe is the only women for me.” Rhett stops talking for a moment and moves in closer to me, taking the mug from my hand he places it on the side table and takes my hands in his.
“She asked me to marry her, I was heartbroken, and drunk, and believed every word she said to me. But the next morning I regretted it, I told her that it wasn’t going to stick, and my lawyers would get involved, but she wouldn’t take any of it. I told Terry, and he said let’s get back to England, talk to the lawyers and fix the mess I made.” Rhett kisses my hands, and I feel the wetness on his cheeks, he’s crying. “I want you to know that it was the biggest mistake of my life, and all I wanted to do was go back to Vegas and fight for you. Break down your door and fight, but I couldn’t, I didn’t know what to say to you, how to answer your questions, and then there was the fight, I made Terry change everything, I got in a lot of trouble for doing that. But I didn’t care, I was going to Vegas, and I was going to get you back no matter what.” Rhett stops, cupping my face, leaning his forehead on mine, “I thought I lost you, listened to her evil words and I made a mistake, but sweetheart I promise you that it was a mistake, and nothing else.” I take a deep breath, closing my eyes, as I let everything sink in. “Please tell me you believe me,” Rhett whispers to me.
If I didn’t forgive him, there was no way I would be sat here right now; this man has so much power over my heart that he doesn’t even see it. “Rhett, I forgave you a long time ago, I just wanted to know what happened for you to marry her.” I say pulling away from his hands, as I look at him, the pain in my chest starts to hurt, like the day I panicked and ran to Amanda’s office, her words replay in my head, ‘can you hear the beat?…some people call it love.’ I know that I do love Rhett nothing has changed, that’s the reason I’m sitting right here, but why is my chest hurting me right now.
“Sweetheart, promise me that this part is over with,” Rhett asks breaking me out of my thoughts.
“Soon as she signs the divorce papers, but other than that I won’t mention it again,” leaning over to him, to give him a kiss on the lips. I won’t mention this again like I told him, I know that I can easily break him, just as easily as he breaks me. Is it normal for two people to have that much power over each other?
Rhett wraps his arm over my shoulder and pulls me in, my back to his chest, and he switches the movie channel on and starts the film. Kissing the top of my head, we start watching a movie, my head might not be focusing on the movie, but I won’t let Rhett leave me worrying about something else. Wrapping my arm around his chest, I curl up closer to him.
* * *
I wake up in bed, turning around to cuddle up to Rhett, but he’s not there. I sit up I look at his side again and see a note on the bedside table, which he has left for me.
Gone for a run, will pick up some muffins for breakfast, Love you xx
Pulling the covers over me, I lie back in bed with a smile. After last night, I felt more love from Rhett, I didn’t think that was even possible, but I was wrong.
Grabbing my phone off the bedside table, I look at the name flashing. Ed.
“Hello,” I look over at the time, “why are you not sleeping?” I ask it’s eleven in the evening over there.
“I was about to go to sleep had a nine, one, one. Wanted to see how you are.” Ed’s got his worried voice, I’ve heard it a few times now, even when he says he’s not concerned I always know.
“I’m good, Rhett talked to me last night about marrying CeCe, I had a little breakout, but had my band to get me to think of something else.” I say looking out the window, watching the people walking outside wrapped up in their coat and scarves, “I know that I will always have the bad days, but just hope that I’m getting better at handling them.”
“There will come a time that you won’t even need the band; it will just pass you by without you even thinking about it. But until then you call me, no matter what time.” I smile, as Ed talks to me, I can picture him pointing his finger at me to take him seriously, “Star, always go with what your gut tells you.” Ed tells me.
“I will. How are the girls?” I ask turning around as I hear a sound, smiling as Rhett walks into the room. “Tell them I’ve got them a few things.”
“Star you don’t have to get them anything, but they have asked for chocolate,” he starts laughing.
“They have, or Becky has?” I ask smiling, as I remember when I told Ed about me going to England, I could hear Becky in the background saying she wanted chocolate.
“Becky does, but the girls do too now,” Rhett walks over gives me a kiss on the cheek, then walks over to the bathroom, “I hope you are getting some work done,” Ed says.
“I was going to be working on it today, promise. I will even send over what I get done.” I say, which I need to otherwise I might not even do anything, but I need to work too.
“I will look for your email once I wake up, and Star, you're in England, visit everything,” Ed says.
“I will get some sleep and I will talk to you again.” We both say bye.
As Rhett is in the shower I brush my teeth and get dressed. Grabbing one of my mother's journals, I head downstairs to the kitchen to get the coffee machine started. Sitting on the bar stool, I open a random page of her journal and start reading.
Today was one of them days I think I will never forget; Jimmy made me dinner, well he tried to make me dinner. It ended with us calling the fire department; he forgot that he has food in the pan until it was too late and I walked into the house full of smoke, I mean I couldn’t even see an inch in front of me.
Jimmy said he wanted to do something special for me, as I’ve been working long hours, just the sweet thought of making me dinner is enough for me to know that he’s special.
Instead of a fancy dinner Jimmy wanted, we ordered pizza, best date ever.
Smiling as I read, my heart warms knowing that I have this and thank my mother every day for writing these, if she didn’t I would even know who my parents were.
Rhett walks into the kitchen, looks at the journal then looks at me, “you okay?” He asks, not breaking eye contact with me.
“Yeah, just wanted to read,” I get off the stool I walk over to him, “don’t look so worried, I picked a random page to read,” tiptoeing I give him a quick kiss on the lips. “Coffee?” I ask, walking away from him.
“Please,” Rhett walks over to the bag on the counter, “I’ll warm up the croissants,” looking over at the journal as he walks past it.
“Rhett if you want to read the page I was reading you can,” I look at him with a smile, “if I were stressing about anything, my wrist would give you the answer to that, and see nothing there.” I show him my wrist, for the first time in a while look a little healthy.
“I’ve only really seen you read the journals when you’re having a bad day, that’s all.” Rhett walks over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, “just panicked that maybe last night’s conversation, worried you.” Rhett brushes his lips on mine.
“Everything is fine, last night’s conversation, was a lot to take in but I'm fine. Sometimes it’s nice to read a random page, like today it was about my dad nearly burning the house down, you can read is Rhett.” I say, turning around to fill the mugs up with coffee and get the plates ready for the croissants.
I watch Rhett sitting on the stool, reading the journal his lips turn into a smile, as he reads it. Placing a coffee mug and a plate with his breakfast on it, in front of him. He goes to turn the page but stops and looks at me, giving him a nod he turns the page and reads.
Drinking my coffee, I watch Rhett looking over the pages, there are parts where his lips will smile, but then there are parts his lips with tightening for some reason, even though I've read the journals a hundred times, I’m not sure which part his reading.
“Just going to get my laptop, to start some work,” giving him a kiss on the cheek, I take a look down at the page his reading, my parent's big fight, and a note to daughter.
Rhett nods his head not taking his eyes of the page, walking up the stairs, my phone beeps in my pocket.
Emma - how is London?
Me - Fucking cold.
Walking into the bedroom, looking around for my laptop, I had enough money to buy a new laptop, which I use that much I needed to get one.
Emma - I’m free tomorrow, so call me.
Me - I will. Love you x
Putting my phone on charge and head back down, I hear voice coming from the kitchen, Helen has come over.
“Star said that I could read it, I’m not just looking through it,” I smile, Helen thinks he’s looking at it without my permission. “Just reading this one, I keep thinking how did she not break down once she got them, if her parents were around, things for her would have been so different.” I hear Rhett say.
“That’s very true, but if you ask me everything that has happened to the girl, she has turned out pretty well, got her brother to become a lawyer, and for some reason likes you,” Helen says.
I walk into the kitchen, “Hello Helen,” leaning closer to give her a kiss on the cheek, “what brings you over today?” Putting the laptop on the counter, Rhett slides the journal over to me.
“Got a meeting with the lawyer, need to get these papers signed, and Rhett can be a free man.” Helen looks over at Rhett, “Rhett said you didn’t have plans today.” She looks back over at me.
“No, not liking the cold weather, would rather stay in the warmth,” I smile, opening my computer up. “Learn anything about my parents?” I ask Rhett, as he wraps his arms around me from behind.
“I did, and only reading a few pages, you are like your mother,” Rhett rests his chin on my shoulder, “I love you,” kissing my cheek.
Turning to look at him, I smile. I open my mouth, but it closes as I hear Terry’s voice, looking over at the entrances of the kitchen, and see Terry and another man with him. Helen walks over to me as Rhett moves closer to him.
“Should we make a Sunday roast? Mash, gravy, the works.” Helen asks as I log into my school work.
“Sounds great, do we need to get anything?” I ask looking through all assignment; I don’t have much to do as I spent most of the week working on it, before I came here on it, so it won’t take me long to do at all.
“If you want we can go to the supermarket as the guys are talking,” Helen asks, I look over at Rhett and Terry talking to him, Rhett’s eyes moving from the man to me.
“Would love too, could do with some sweets.” I smile at Helen, closing my laptop, I head upstairs to get my bag.
Even though I fought with Noah about the money, I’m happy that I agreed to take it back from him, I’ve come here not having to worry about spending money. Walking back down the stair, Rhett meets me halfway.
“Going out I see, when I asked you said it’s too cold.” Rhett leans on the wall, “but I’m happy that you feel comfortable enough to go places with my mom.” He says pulling me closer to him.
“Well I don’t want to be here when you have to talk about her, and I want some more sweets, you didn’t buy me enough.” I smile because he didn’t.
“I brought you loads; you just eat way too much, the best part is that I get to help burn it all off.” I start laughing; only he would say something like that, with his mother and Terry in the house.
“You go get divorced,” pushing him away from me, I run down the last of the stairs, turning to face Rhett, “you know I’ve never really needed them before, but I think I’m in need of some beautiful warm Uggs, what time do the stores close?” I ask, these boots I thought would keep me warm, but nope not one little bit, my feet are freezing all the time.
“We can go tomorrow, before we go to the pub,” Rhett says walking down the last few steps.
“Sure,” putting my coat on, I wait for Helen as she is talking to Terry about something, “I brought a new dress for tomorrow,” I look back over at Rhett.
“You did, is it easy to take off?” Rhett asks, with a grin on his face, which only makes me laugh. I swear his mind is a one-way thinking machine.
“You ready?” Helen walks over to us, giving her a nod, I kiss him on the lips then leave.
* * *
Walking down the aisle Helen picks up everything she needs, she also called Jay to come over for lunch too, which I don’t mind I like him, and he always seems to want the best for Rhett.
“How are you settling in?” Helen asks as she looks at the chicken.
“Good I suppose,” I walk with her looking at other things. “Just…This is going to sound stupid, but feel alone that’s all.” I stop walking as I see a white chocolate Santa, God I love being here for Christmas so many sweets and chocolate.
“You’re not alone Scarlett, you have Terry and me here, and Jay, well he’s been telling me he’s got a sister that he has always wanted, so he will work for you to make him family.” Taking the chocolate off me and putting it in the trolley, “I will get you to the sweet section, they have so much for you to choose from.” Helen gives me a smile.
“What do you all do for Christmas?” I ask, looking at the store, the ones here aren’t as big as the ones back home, but the store has sweets it’s a winner in my eyes.
“I normally have Christmas at my house, normally just us four, it will be nice you’re here. What about you and Noah?” Helen looks at me, “you don’t have to tell me,” giving me a small smile.
“We will do gifts, then go to my parents, Noah stays for about ten minutes, me I tell them everything.” We turn around the bend, and my lips curl into a smile, “we might be here a while,” I laugh, I’m in chocolate heaven, America has sweets and chocolates, but Rhett was right England’s taste so much better.
“Take your time,” Helen picks up a few things, as I look at what to get, “I’m just going to get the last few things meet you back here.” I give her a nod, and she walks away from me.
Walking back and forth choosing what I want. My mind goes back to what Helen had said about Jay calling me his sister, Rhett’s family have opened up their hearts and life for me, and want me to be part of their life. Why can’t I let them into my life? Why do I feel so scared to left that part of my life open? To the possibility of having a family around me.