Chapter 9
Rhett left this morning before I even got up, he left me a note which said he loved me and would message me with when he will be back. I having a shower and some breakfast before Helen comes over to pick me up. I spoke to Noah to see how everyone is doing, asking if Penny wanted or needed anything but they both said not to worry about them and enjoy myself in England, then I gave Ed a quick call wanting some advice from him on how to talk to Chloe. He thought it was sweet of me to help this girl if she wanted it, but the one thing he said to me was not to push her, and that is noted, if she intends to talk to me, I will let her talk.
“Scarlett,” I hear my name from the front door, walking over to the door, I grab my bag, “ready to go?” she asks.
“Yep,” I reply, “you there all day today,” closing the door behind me, “or only for a few hours?” I ask sitting in the car.
“All day, I hope you don’t mind?”
“No, I was just asking, not sure what time Rhett is back home,” I say, taking my phone out of my bag, to send Rhett a quick morning message.
“I was thinking of telling them to meet us at the pub tonight, and have dinner there.” Helen looks over at me then back at the road.
“Sure, sounds like fun,” I reply looking at the people on the streets.
Following Helen into the main room, I look for Chloe, who is sitting by the window again. Walking over to her, “Hey, see anything fun out there?” I ask pointing to the window.
She gives me a smile, “I saw a woman which I swear was wearing her PJ’s.” I pull out the chair and sit down.
“Were they at least cute PJs?” I ask putting my coat on the chair, “no one fighting out there yet, I mean I would get some popcorn for that,” I smile at her.
“Yesterday a girl was breaking up with her boyfriend which was entertaining.” She looks over at me, “how long you here for?”
“I’m here until the new year, then back home,” I reply, she seems a little more relaxed today, not as hard as yesterday, which is nice.
“Do you think that things happen for a reason?” She asks, looking out of the window, I look over at her wondering what I should tell her.
“You want the truth?” She gives me nod, “if you asked me a year ago then my answer would have been no, life is shit, but now I would yes, everything happens for a reason. If things in my life didn’t happen the way they did, I would never had met my boyfriend, who is so amazing, loves me even knowing everything about me.” I answer her; I can’t sit here and lie to her, in this moment she thinks that she is alone, and I want her to know that if you push people away, nothing can come from that. “So why do you think that cutting yourself is the answer?” I ask her, maybe it’s too soon to ask, but I wish someone asked me the hard questions.
“You tell me why your wrists look like that, first.” Chloe turns in her chair and watches me.
“I started drinking when I was thirteen, and when I finally started going to an AA group Ed my leader said to wear an elastic band on my wrist and pull it every time I need a drink,” pulling my sleeve up I show her the band over the bandage. “Sometimes it’s a bad time and pulling is the only answer,” I say the last part quietly.
“Is your boyfriend the reason for them?” She asks, she wants to know more about me, then she is willing to let me know about her.
“Yes, sometimes a person can open up straight away and others they need time,” I turn in my chair to look at her, “everyone, I mean everyone has a past that hurts, everyone in this room does. The adults that are helping you they are here because something happened in their past, and now want to help children, assist them in a way no one helped them.” Pulling my sleeve down, “I’m not trained to talk to you, I came to see a friend, and I seen you sitting here by yourself, so I thought I would keep you company,” I tell her.
I’m not going to lie to her; then she will be honest with me.
“I’m scared that when people find out about my past, they will think I’m dirty or a boy will never want to touch me, so I believe that it’s easier to stop the pain now, then wait until that day happens.” Chloe turns herself to look out the window.
I sit there looking at her for a moment; it’s like I’m looking in a mirror at myself, she has the help around her, she needs to let them help her. The pieces that are broken they can help her fix them.
“No one needs to know your past but you, that’s why it’s called the past.” I sit back in my chair and look out the window.
Chloe doesn’t say anything else to me, and I don’t know what to say to her. I think about all the conversations that Ed had with me when I first went to him for help, but there is not one thing I can think of that would help me now.
* * *
I sit there with Chloe the rest of the day, she didn’t talk or ask me any more question, and that was okay with me. One thing that I worked out while sitting there with Chloe is that I keep pushing Rhett to talk to me, maybe I need to let him talk when he’s ready. I know that he will speak to me, maybe before I go maybe after, but I know that he will talk to me.
Helen told me that she would drop me off at the pub, as she had some paperwork to finish before her next shift at work, I told Chloe that I would see her on Friday, she gave me a nod, and that’s it.
Walking into the pub, I look for Rhett; he’s sat at a table with Jay, I smile at Rhett as he sees me, and walks over to me. “Hello beautiful,” he says giving me a kiss.
“Hey, you don’t look as tired as I thought you would be,” I smile and follow him to the table, giving Jay a kiss on the cheek, I sit down.
“It’s only day one, at least give me a week to look tired,” Rhett starts laughing, “plus I have to keep some energy for you,” he adds giving me a wink.
“I hate you two, and your amazing sex life.” Jay joins the conversation.
Turning to face him, “sorry, you haven’t shown me the girl that you told me about so can’t help you,” I tell him.
“Trust me, sweetheart; there is no way you can get that girl to say yes, why because she is Grant’s daughter.” Rhett tells me wrapping his arm around my shoulder, turning to look at Jay, “I take it, he didn’t tell you about that part,” Rhett gives a grin to Jay, and Jay replies with the middle finger.
Shaking my head at them both, “going to get a drink,” I walk away and stand in front of the bar, “Hi Whit,” I smile at her, and Grant walking over to me.
“So what can I get for you?” Grant asks.
“Stupid question, but anything without alcohol in it,” I smile at them both.
“Jay told us and made us stock stuff,” Grant starts laughing, then puts a bottle of J2O in front of me, “It meant to be a Christmas edition,” He says.
“Thank you, so which one of you is going to tell me some dirt on Rhett?” I give them both a smile and wait for one of them to maybe say something.
“Rhett would kill us,” Whit looks over at him and Jay then back to me, “we have stories, but I think I will wait until Rhett’s not here so that way he won’t know it was me,” Whit pats my hand, then gives me a smile.
I watch her walking away and whisper something in Grant's ear, he looks at me then smiles. Did I just miss something?
I look at the boy stood next to me, “dad would like a beer,” he looks at Grant, the boy looks at me and smiles, I return the smile and watch him walk to the table, as I keep an eye on him my heart beats fast, my lips go dry as I watch who he puts the beer in front of. Rhett.
I turn back around, “so how long have you had the pub?” I ask trying to keep myself from breaking down in front of everyone.
Rhett has a son, a son with who? Oh My God Rhett has a son with CeCe.
My heart is pacing and the speed of lighting, my head is running with a thousand things, and the last place I need to be is in a pub. Pulling my phone out of my pocket I pretend to answer a call from Noah, I look over at Grant, “can you let Rhett know that I’m outside, talking to my brother please,” I ask him.
He gives me a smile, and I leave, soon as the door closes behind me I run, I run so fast back to the house, fast as I can.
Staring at the vodka glass in front of me, I wipe the tears of my cheeks, I took the bandages off my wrist, because I needed to feel the pain of the band hitting me, to make me not drink. I need everything in me all the power in me not to drink.
The stool next to me moves, “he is never going to talk is he?” I turn to Helen; I hear boots hitting on the floor and look up at Rhett standing in front of me. He goes to take the glass from me, “touch my glass and I swear to fucking god, I will hurt you,” he moves his hand away.
Jumping off the stool, taking the glass with me, I look at Terry and Jay standing by the stairs, “I thought maybe tonight would be a good night for you to open up to me.” I turn back around and look at Rhett watching me, his eyes moving between me, my wrist and the glass. “No nothing.” I bite my lip.
Didn’t think so, I mean that says he has to tell me something.
“I’m not sure what you’re fighting with me about,” I hear Rhett say and I start laughing.
“Let's play a game where we all share something, who would like to go first,” I look at Rhett then turn around and look at them three just looking me, “okay I will. My foster dad use to sell me to his friends, and then give me a fucking dollar to say well done, who wants to share something?” I ask again.
“I once stole a bike, then Helen kicked my ass and made me give it back,” I hear Jay from behind me.
“I had an abortion when Rhett was three,” Helen says.
“I took steroids for years, and they fucked up my body,” Terry adds.
I look at Rhett standing there in silence, I give him a few minutes, but nothing. “Okay, I have a good one for you, Rhett. I always wonder what does that bitch have on Rhett for him to keep coming back, he told me that she was his fuck buddy. Maybe he’s been sleeping with her while he’s been with me, but what does she have over him, why can he not walk away from her, then today it hit me, it hit me so fucking hard that….” I take a deep breath trying very hard to keep myself very calm, “today I found out that Rhett Johnson has a son.” I watch him, he’s not making eye contact with me, he’s not even trying to fight a case with me nothing.
I turn around and look at them watching me, I wipe the tears from my cheeks, shaking my head. “I travel the world because I love you, and all you can give me is FUCKING SILENCE!” I shout and throw my glass at him; he moves out the way making the glass hit the cupboard behind him.
Yes I know I said ‘I love you,’ I didn’t think it would come out like this, but they do say anger makes the heart speak the truth.
Rhett walks towards me, and I start laughing, “if you think that I want you even talking to me right now you are fucking stupid, touch me, talk to me, even look at me I swear to…” I walk over and grab my coat off the hook, “I need space from you, at the moment I don’t even want to be anywhere near you.” Grabbing my bag, I stop and the door, take my phone out, “you like to talk through music, here’s a song for you.” Placing my phone on the table by the door I hit play and leave the house. Which song did I play for him, the one song that speaks what I’m feeling at this moment. "Only Love Can Hurt Like This" by Paloma Faith
I don’t know how I feel right now, angry, hurt, lost, painful, broken, every feeling is running through my body, and if I was in Vegas I know where I would go, but I’m not home I’m in England, where do I go?
* * *
I walked for a while, having no idea where I wanted to go, but here I am sat on a bench in a graveyard sitting in front of a woman called Rose. “It’s amazing how much this bottle can help someone forget anything they want too,” I say, looking at the beer bottle in my hand, “I know I don’t want to drink it. But my wrists are cut so deep that if I pull anymore who knows what they will look like.” I take a moment and close my eyes my finger nails playing with the label on the bottle. “If he had told me that he had a son, it wouldn’t have bothered me, I mean…” I replay some of the conversions we’ve had in my head, it’s not his son. He had told me before he came back to England that his dad raped CeCe, maybe he’s told everyone that he’s the father, so no one will say anything about what happened to her.
“Rose, I bet you found the love of your life and had an amazing life with him,” I say. I look to my left, thinking that Rhett has been looking for me, but no it’s Jay, taking my hand in his. Jay starst cleaning my wrist as the blood peeps through the skin, he’s not even seen the other arm, where the skin has broken, and I can feel the blood dripping on my arm. “Jay what happened to your face?” I ask, looking at his lip.
“Got in a fight with Rhett after you left, I got a few punches in too,” he gives me a little smile, I look at him for a moment then back at the grave, as he bandages my wrist, “give me your other wrist,” Jay says, but I keep it to my side, it looks bad, it feels worse and the blood is dripping. “Scarlett, give me your wrist.” Jay says his voice comes out a lot louder, and even scared me, slowly bringing my arm over to him, grabbing it closer to him, “fuck,” he whispers to himself.
“You guys must think that…”
“We don’t think anything, all three of us are on your side, I got in a fist fight with my best friend, Terry and Helen are trying to talk to the dick.” Jay leans down and grabs a beer from the bag, “so is Rose a good listener?” Jay asks opening the bottle and clicking it with mine.
“I kept thinking give Rhett time he will talk, sometimes they need to talk in their own time, but the more I think about it…” Wiping my tears from my cheeks, “I just think I’m fooling myself.” I say through the tears.
Wrapping his arm around me, he pulls me closer. “That boy’s not his we kept telling Rhett to tell you, but that man is so scared you will walk away from him,” Jay says as he takes a sip of his beer.
“Why would he be scared to tell me that CeCe has a son because his dad raped her, I think that it’s very brave of him to do that.” Jay looks down at me, “I figured it out, but you know what hurts me more not that he’s not talking to me, the fact that I know his holding something so much bigger in.” I say as Jay looks at his phone.
“I know he wants to tell you, but I also know that he thinks you will look at him differently, but no matter what he says to you, there is one thing I know.” Jay pulls me off his shoulder, so I look at him, “I know that you love him, and no matter what he tells you, you won’t walk away, and maybe now that you’ve said you love him, he might even tell you.” Jay says, and I look at him.
“You know what the worst thing is I’m not even mad at him, I think I’m more hurt that he can't trust me, but then I know he does trust me because he told me things about his past.” Leaning off Jay I look at the grave, “I lost my temper back there, I can’t even tell you, if I was angry with Rhett or myself,” I stop as my body starts to shiver.
“Scarlett, let’s go home before you get cold,” Jay stands up and puts his hand out for me to take, “plus, Terry messaged telling me to pick up some food on the way back,” Jay starts laughing, making me laugh with him. “Scarlett, you coming you look cold.” Jay waves his hand out in front of me.
Standing up, I give Jay a kiss on the cheek, “Star, call me Star.” Jay smiles at me; it’s not a smile to make me feel better, it’s a happy smile, Jay pulls me in for a tight hug.
“I knew you liked me,” He says, making me laugh, “I take it that I’m finally part of the Star and Noah family,” pulling out of the hug he gives me a wink.
Jay pulls me in closer as we walk out of the graveyard, for the first time being here, I haven’t felt alone, I’ve finally felt like I have someone here that no matter what Rhett does, someone will have my back over Rhett’s. And even though they kept saying it to me, I never believed them, but today, Jay has my back, and will have my back until the end when it comes to Rhett.