Chapter 10
When Christie ran out of the apartment, Ace didn’t know what to feel. Nothing had been processed yet. His head was just a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that didn’t make sense, and he just couldn’t seem to work them through.
His stomach ached and he felt like he had the air knocked out of him. He stumbled back and sank down into a chair, taking a deep, long breath and trying to work through what Christie had told him. Pregnant. Pregnant with his child.
Ace swallowed and felt something slam into his chest. Panic was the first to hit. He couldn’t have a child. He just couldn’t. He lived a very dangerous life and his job wasn’t safe. He couldn’t give a child a stable life like he had always wanted.
He wasn’t safe to be around. That was why he had pushed Christie away in the first place. Now she was carrying his child and he couldn’t be a part of it. He felt something twist in his heart like a knife. Regret. His thoughts were a mess.
He couldn’t risk hurting this child, or Christie, or messing up their lives, but the heartbroken look on her face had nearly made him die. He didn’t want to miss out on this child’s life. He didn’t want to be pushed out of Christie’s life, but he was bad news for her. He was terrible news and there was nothing he could do to change that.
He had dirty fights lined up and no stable career. He felt like he didn’t deserve to have such a gorgeous woman in his life, and that he certainly didn’t deserve to have a child in his life. Ace swallowed and felt the pull of sickness inside him. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he’d be missing out, and it wasn't fair to Christie to leave her like this. But it also wasn’t fair to drag her into his mess.
Ace swallowed and slumped onto the sofa. His head was pounding and it felt like stress had become part of his soul. It had worked its way down into the very depths of his heart and taken root there. It was messing up his thoughts and making him jittery.
The big fight was coming up soon, and he wanted no part of it. He didn’t want to fight and cheat like this anymore. He wanted out, now more than ever, but he just couldn’t see a way out that left him with any real future.
He was playing a dangerous game, and he had been playing it from the start. He needed to be ready, he needed a plan, but all he had was a wish and a big pile of regrets, starting with Christie and this child - his child.
Fresh pain blasted his head as Ace stood up. He needed to clear his thoughts, to free up some of the panic in his chest and sort himself out.
He had made his choice. He had decided that he couldn’t be around Christie and the child. He was too dangerous and that was that. Unless he found a way to get out of this job and create a stable life for them, he was better off just paying child support and staying away. It was better for everyone.
Ace packed his gym stuff, trying to ignore that Christie was still on his mind and that everything seemed to smell like her. He grabbed his backpack and headed out of the door, locking the apartment behind him. He had to go. He had to train, and he had to figure his life out.
But one thing was for certain- he was no good for Christie, and he wouldn’t make her suffer for his mistakes.
***
Christie raced home as soon as she could. Her heart was pounding as she stepped off the bus and made her way to her apartment. She slammed and locked the door behind herself as quickly as she could, feeling the shuddering pain make its way through her chest and her heart. She almost collapsed on her bed, trying to calm the raging pain inside her.
Heartbroken. She thought that she understood what that word meant, but she had never before felt it in this way before. She felt pushed aside in a way that she had never felt, and she hated it. She rested on the bed for a few moments, feeling the rise and fall of her emotions.
Then she pushed herself up. She wasn’t going to stay here, lying on her bed in misery, when Ace probably didn’t even care. She needed to get things done, for her own sake and the sake of the baby. It was important that she kept moving forward. It wasn’t the baby’s fault that it was being born to these circumstances, and Christie would do everything she could to improve her situation.
First, she needed to take a shower. She made her way into the bathroom and flicked on the taps, letting the room fill with the warmth of the water. Then she stripped and climbed beneath the spray, feeling it wash everything away. She began to scrub her skin and she washed her hair, washing away all of her regret and the dark feelings that were clouding over her.
She stepped out of the shower and dried off her skin, wrapping up her hair. She rubbed lotion into her skin until it glowed, and took time to make sure she combed her hair and left it shiny and styled. Then she applied some light makeup and perfume and chose a pretty, but professional outfit.
When she looked in the mirror, Christie realized that she didn’t look like a woman who had just gone through a major heartache and who was panicking over how she was supposed to keep her job and support her baby as a single mother. She looked like a young, put-together professional. She took a deep breath and tried to stop the tears from coming again. First, she needed to talk to Jane. She needed someone to talk to, and Jane was the only friend she had.
Next, she needed to get her notes together for the following week about how she would get good information on the story from a few of her contacts. Christie took a deep breath and tried to convince herself that everything was going to be okay, and that her heart was not breaking into a million pieces.
She tried to convince herself that she didn’t need anyone in her life. She grabbed the phone and dialed Jane’s number.
Her friend picked up on the third ring, “Hello?”
“Hi Jane.” Christie smiled, even though her friend could not see her.
“How are you? You raced out of work the other day- I was worried.” Jane sounded genuinely concerned and Christie’s heart flooded with appreciation.
“I’m okay. Do you have time for a coffee?”
“I’d prefer a glass of wine, but I guess so.” There was a teasing lilt to Jane’s voice.
“You free now?” Christie tried.
“Oh, yeah, sure.” Jane sounded surprised, but not put out. Christie knew it was short notice, but she couldn’t help it.
“Thanks. Is the coffee shop near work okay?”
“Yeah, perfect. See you in ten minutes okay?”
“See you.”
When Christie hung up she wasn’t exactly sure if she felt better or not, but it was a step forward.
Just one step at a time and she would be just fine.
Grabbing her purse, Christie stepped out of the door and onto the street.