ENDNOTES
. Malay slang used to express shock or exasperation like “oh dear” or “oh my God.” Alamak and lah are the two most commonly used slang words in Singapore. (Lah is a suffix that can be used at the end of any phrase for emphasis, but there’s no good explanation for why people use it, lah.)
. Cantonese for “How rotten!”
. A charming Hokkien colloquialism that translates to “red-haired” (ang mor) “dog shit” ( gau sai ). Used in reference to all Westerners, it’s usually shortened to a simple “ang mor.”
. Hokkien for “stingy,” “miserly.” (The vast majority of Singaporeans speak English, but it is a common practice to mash up words in Malay, Indian, and various Chinese dialects to form a local patois known as “Singlish.”)
. Cantonese for “gutter.”
. Singapore’s most prestigious country club (with membership practically harder to obtain than a knighthood).
. American-born Chinese.
. A highly regarded honorific title in Malaysia (similar to a British knighthood) conferred by a hereditary royal ruler of one of the nine Malay states. The title is often used by Malay royals to reward powerful businessmen, politicians, and philanthropists in Malaysia, Singapore, and Indonesia, and some people spend decades sucking up just to get the title. The wife of a dato’ is called a datin.
. Literally “yellow flowering pear,” an exceedingly rare type of rosewood now virtually extinct. In recent decades, Huanghuali furniture has become highly sought after by discerning collectors. After all, it goes so well with mid-century modern.
. Malay for “not accurate.”
. Cantonese for “my heart aches.”
. The Straits Chinese, also known as the Peranakans, are the descendants of late-fifteenth-and sixteenth-century Chinese immigrants to the Malaya region during the colonial era. They were the elites of Singapore, English-educated and more loyal to the British than to China. Often intermarried with the native Malays, the Straits Chinese created a unique culture that is a hybrid of Chinese, Malay, English, Dutch, and Indian influences. Peranakan cuisine, long the cornerstone of Singaporean and Malaysian cooking, has become all the rage with foodies in the West, although visiting Asians are dumbstruck by the outrageous prices charged in trendy restaurants.
. Cantonese for “You’re out of your mind!”
. In this instance, ang mor is used in reference to British politicians, most likely Tories.
. Abbreviation for “members of Parliament,” used in this instance to refer to Singapore MPs, most definitely from the People’s Action Party.
. A Hokkien term that literally means “three legs” and comes from a rude hand gesture made by holding up three fingers as if supporting someone’s genitals. This is the Chinese version of a practice more commonly known to Westerners as “sucking up.”
. Old-money Chinese absolutely loathe wasting money on long-distance telephone calls, almost as much as they hate wasting money on fluffy towels, bottled water, hotel rooms, expensive Western food, taking taxis, tipping waiters, and flying anything other than economy class.
. Cantonese for “isn’t that right?”
. Designed by Pierre Balmain, the signature uniform worn by Singapore Airlines flight attendants was inspired by the Malay kebaya (and which has long inspired many a business traveler).
. Chinese + yuppie = Chuppie.
. The second most senior federal honorific title in Malaysia (similar to a British duke), conferred by a hereditary royal ruler of one of the nine Malay states; his wife is called a puan sri. (A tan sri is usually richer than a dato’, and has likely spent far more time sucking up to the Malay royals.)
. Cantonese for “troublesome.”
. A Malay dessert made of shaved ice, colorful sugar syrup, and a variety of toppings such as red beans, sweet corn, agar-agar jelly, palm seed, and ice cream.
. Hokkien for “coffee shop.”
. Indonesian fried rice, an immensely popular dish in Singapore.
. Fried vermicelli, another local favorite.
. A Hokkien term that could mean “fuck your mother,” or, as in this case, “fuck me.”
. “Palace” in Malay; here it refers to the official residence of the president of Singapore. Completed in 1869 on the orders of Sir Harry Saint George Ord, Singapore’s first colonial governor, it was formerly known as Government House and occupies 106 acres of land adjacent to the Orchard Road area.
. Malay for “remote,” “far from civilization.”
. Hokkien for “jump off a building.”
. A Malay slang term that means “to act like a show-off or know-it-all” (basically, a pompous ass).
. Hokkien for “very sharp” or “dangerous.”
. Malay for “what a waste.”
. Hokkien for “goody-goody.”
. Cantonese for “so atrocious I could die!”
. Hokkien for “I have my secret contacts, of course.”
. Not to be confused with the Singapore academy where students are taught in—horrors—Mandarin, Nanyang is Mandarin for “Southern Sea.” The word also became a common reference for the large ethnic Chinese migrant population in Southeast Asia.
. Malay for “eat.”
. Hokkien for “eat.”
. Among Singapore’s upper crust, only two boys’ schools matter: Anglo-Chinese School (ACS) and Raffles Institution (RI). Both are consistently ranked among the top schools in the world and have enjoyed a long, heated rivalry. RI, established in 1823, is known to attract the brainy crowd, while ACS, established in 1886, is popular with the more fashionable set and somewhat perceived to be a breeding ground for snobs. Much of this has to do with the 1980 article in the Sunday Nation entitled “The Little Horrors of ACS,” which exposed the rampant snobbery among its pampered students. This led to a shamed principal announcing to stunned students (including this author) the very next morning during assembly that, henceforth, students were no longer allowed to be dropped off at the front entrance by their chauffeurs. (They had to walk up the short driveway all by themselves, unless it was raining.) Expensive watches, eyeglasses, fountain pens, briefcases, satchels, pencil boxes, stationery, combs, electronic gadgets, comic books, and any other luxury items would also be banned from school property. (But within a few months, Lincoln Lee started wearing his Fila socks again and no one seemed to notice.)
. Peranakan dessert cakes. These addictive, delicately flavored, and colorful kuehs, or cakes, usually made of rice flour and the distinctive pandan-leaf flavoring, are a beloved teatime staple in Singapore.
. Hokkien for “tedious.”
. These “black and white amahs,” nowadays a fast-disappearing group in Singapore, are professional domestic servants who hailed from China. They were usually con-firmed spinsters who took vows of chastity and spent their entire lives caring for the families they served. (Quite often, they were the ones who actually raised the children.) They were known for their trademark uniform of white blouse and black pants, and their long hair that was always worn in a neat bun at the nape of the neck.
. Hokkien for “big house.”
. Hokkien for “Have you been drinking?”
. Banana fritters deep-fried in batter, a Malay delicacy. Some of the best goreng pisang used to be found in the school canteen of the Anglo-Chinese School and were often used by teachers (especially Mrs. Lau, my Chinese teacher) as a reward for good grades. Because of this, a whole generation of Singaporean boys from a certain social milieu have come to regard the snack as one of their ultimate comfort foods.
. Hokkien for “same kind” or “our own people,” usually used to refer to family or clan associations.
. Cantonese for “You really didn’t have to.”
. Malay egg noodles in a spicy-sweet curry gravy.
. Cantonese for “pretty boy.”
. Hokkien for “afraid to lose.”
. Mandarin for “prissy” or “high maintenance.”
. What was formerly a sleepy fishing village on the Guangdong coast is now a metropolis crammed with tragically gaudy skyscrapers, gargantuan shopping malls, and rampant pollution—in other words, Asia’s version of Tijuana. Shenzhen has become a favorite cheap getaway for its richer neighbors. Tourists from Singapore and Hong Kong, in particular, enjoy the thrill of feasting on gourmet delicacies like abalone and shark-fin soup, shopping until midnight at bargain-basement emporiums filled with fake designer goods, or indulging in hedonistic spa treatments—all at a fraction of what they would have to pay back home.
. Malay slang for “contact.”
. Cantonese for “so expensive I could die.”
. Yes, the Khoos and the Lings are related by marriage as well.
. The Singlish equivalent of “faggot” or “fairy” (Hokkien).
. With 1.5 billion eager gamblers on the Mainland, the annual gambling revenue of Macau exceeds $20 billion—that’s three times more than what Las Vegas takes in every year. (Celine Dion, where are you?)
. Malay slang term used to denote an experience that is amazing or something (usually food) that’s out of this world.
. Racial slur for a Sikh person, used in this instance to refer to anyone of Middle Eastern origins.
. Hokkien for “oh penis.” This extremely popular and versatile term can be used—depending on the tone—to convey anything from “oh wow” to “oh fuck.”
. Singlish slang of Javanese origin meaning “arrogant,” “show-off.”
. Malay slang meaning to pummel, beat up, or basically kick someone’s ass.
. Cantonese for “panicky,” “anxious.”
. Cantonese for “Did you make a mistake?”
. Cantonese for “how beautiful.”
. Cantonese for “no need to be so polite.”
. Cantonese for “What are you saying?” or, better yet, “What the hell are you talking about?”
. Central Provident Fund, a mandatory savings scheme that Singaporeans contribute to each month to fund their retirement, health care, and housing. It’s a bit like the U.S. Social Security program, except that the CPF won’t be going broke anytime soon. CPF account holders earn an average of five percent interest per year, and the government also periodically gifts its citizens with bonuses and special shares, making Singapore the only country in the world that gives dividends to all its citizens when the economy does well. (Now you know why that Facebook fellow became a Singaporean.)
. A delicacy from Ipoh, Malaysia—rice noodles served in a clear soup with prawns, shredded chicken, and fried shallots.
. Mandarin for the little red packets of money that are given out by married adults and the elderly during Chinese New Year to children and unmarried young people as an act of well-wishing. Originally a token coin or several dollars, the hong bao in recent times has become a competitive sport, as wealthy Chinese strive to impress one another by giving ever larger sums. In the 1980s, $20 was considered customary and $50 was a big deal. These days, $100 has become the minimum in all the best houses. Since it is considered impolite to open a hong bao in the presence of the giver, this has led to the phenomenon of little children running off to the bathroom immediately after receiving one so they can peek at how much they’ve scored.
. A traditional Malay village. Singapore was once scattered with many of these indigenous villages, where the native Malays lived as their ancestors had for centuries—in wooden huts with no electricity or plumbing. Today, thanks to the brilliant developers, there remains only one kampong on the entire island.
. Hokkien phrase that translates to “stop bothering me to death,” used to scold people who are being noisy, annoying, or, as in Eddie’s case, both.
. The exotic Black and White houses of Singapore are a singular architectural style found nowhere else in the world. Combining Anglo-Indian features with the English Arts and Crafts movement, these white-painted bungalows with black trim detailing were ingeniously designed for tropical climes. Originally built to house well-to-do colonial families, they are now extremely coveted and available only to the crazy rich ($40 million for starters, and you might have to wait several decades for a whole family to die).
. Cantonese for “what a waste of money.”
. Hokkien for “bitch me out” (or slang that translates to “cry to the father and cry to the mother”).
. The number eight is considered by the Chinese to be an extremely lucky number, since in both Mandarin and Cantonese it sounds similar to the word for prosperity or fortune. Triple-eight means triple the luck.
. Malay for “shameful,” “embarrassing.”
. Cantonese for “great-aunt.”
. Malay for “Congratulations and best wishes.”
. Also known as “thousand-layer cake,” this decadently buttery cake with dozens of thin golden stripes is created by baking each layer of batter separately. Extremely laborious, but sinfully good.
. Cantonese for “don’t be formal.”
. Mandarin for “heavens!”
. The custom at Chinese weddings is for guests to contribute a cash gift meant to help defray the cost of the lavish banquet, and it is usually the task of some unfortunate second cousin to collect and keep track of all these cash-stuffed envelopes.
. The traditional Singaporean toast, which literally means “finish drinking.”
. University of British Columbia in Vancouver, commonly referred to by locals as “University of a Billion Chinese.”
. Among the ginseng connoisseurs of Asia, the ginseng from Washington State is more prized than anything from China. Go figure.
. Hokkien for “grandpa.”
. Hokkien for “big cock.”
. A traditional black coffee served with sugar only.
. “Good boy” in Malay.
. Derogatory Hokkien term for a lower-class young man who lacks education or taste.
. Cantonese for “century-egg congee.”
. Hokkien slang for “it’s all good.”
. This floral-shaped, steamed rice-flour cake filled with sweet shredded coconut is a traditional Singapore delicacy.
. Cantonese for “fried wrapped eggs,” similar in style to sunny-side up or over-easy.
. Singapore’s red-light district (sadly, not as picturesque as Amsterdam’s).