Lachlan
Even though the last thing I want to do is to leave Jenna, I know that my presence would only make things worse at the airport. So when we land, I head straight towards one of the airport’s bars. I can’t bear to even look at her, because I know that if I do, if I see that sadness on her face, I’d toss out everything I said and kiss her. And I’ve already fucked up enough with Jenna. The last thing she needs is more publicity, more people hounding her, photographing her, poking into her private life. I know what that feels like, and it’s hell. There’s no way I could put her through it too. Better for those rabid reporters to think she means nothing to me, even if the thought kills me inside.
So I clench my fists tight and walk in the other direction as soon as we leave the bridge. It’s loud and noisy, just like how my brain feels right now. Every last bit of me is screaming to go after her, be selfish. The only thing that stops me is knowing that this is for her. That even if she doesn’t see it, I’m still doing this for her. I don’t turn around, because I can’t watch her leave me behind.
The airport is swarming with people heading in all directions, and I charge through all of them, heedless of whether I bump into someone or not. Nothing matters anymore except putting distance between Jenna and I. There’s a sports bar blasting the game, and I duck in and head straight for the bar. People are roaring over a touchdown, and I have to yell to get my order. As soon as the bartender hands me my beer, I take it over to one of the semi-private booths in the back and call up the company’s publicist, Dave. He does a good job, but I’m pretty sure he’s not used to a scandal like this.
“How’s it looking?” I ask him. I’d first relayed the situation in the hotel, and now I’m hoping he’s got the solution.
“Not good,” Dave says in a grim voice. “We weren’t able to get ahead of it and squelch the story, and now that it’s out on the internet, it’ll be impossible to suppress.”
His news immediately gives me a headache, and I try to massage my temples as he continues. He’s talking about giving an interview, going on TV, giving them a different narrative and a bunch of other bull that I don’t want to deal with.
“This couldn’t have come at a worse time,” I mutter.
The contract with Toys 2 Tots I’d gone above and beyond to secure is now gone. I’m sure of it. What kind of children’s toy company would want to align themselves with me right now?
“No kidding,” Dave huffs. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t thinking,” I say.
“Not with your brain you weren’t,” he snorts angrily.
And it’s the truth. When it came to Jenna, I couldn’t stop myself even if I wanted to. I had to be with Jenna, I had to have her. A day without her was, still is, unthinkable. I don’t even know how I’d go on in the next few months, let alone the rest of my life. I’d have to find a way though. Clearly I’d created a huge fucking mess. And by not telling Dave, I’d probably made his job a hundred times worse. There’s no way he’d be able to keep a lid on this. Hell, if this goes national…
Dave grumbles a bit more, but then hangs up to do his job. I stare at my beer, my stomach turning so much that I can’t even force down a sip.
I close my eyes, but every time I do, I see Jenna’s face swim to the surface again. The hurt in her eyes when I told her we were over, the way she clung to the belief that we could still be. If only she knew that I was just as anguished as she was. Because Jenna and I might have started out as an affair, but it’s become more, too much more. I flip over my phone, hesitating over whether I should call Jenna or not and tell her that I was wrong, that I want to be with her, that together we could get through anything. But I know that that wouldn’t help anyone but myself, so I drop it back down onto the table.
After all, what I said was true. There’s no way we could have worked. I’m looking to settle down and have a family soon. She’s young enough that she should be going out every night and living it up. I’ve already broken her heart once, there’s no need to do it again a second time. Bile rises in my throat, but I strengthen my resolve. This is the only way.
My phone rings again and I pick it up. Dad. Nope, I wasn’t going to deal with that right now on top of everything. I let it go straight to voicemail, and the next five calls too. A few minutes later, a text message pops up on my phone.
What did you do Lachlan? Everyone at the club is staring, and they’ve asked me to step down from organizing the cotillion!
Good old mom. Trust her to worry more about her status among her friends rather than the state of her son. I delete that message, and then I turn the stupid phone off for good measure. I’m in no mood to hear how I’ve besmirched the Buchanan name, not right now. There’s nobody I want to hear from right now. The only one would be Jenna, and I have a feeling she’s not going to be calling me anytime soon. Suddenly the din of the terminal is too much to bear on top of everything else.
I stand up, leaving my beer behind. I would love to sit and drink the rest of the day away, but I know it wouldn’t solve anything. I’d probably end up making the situation worse. I walk out into the main section of the airport, and by now the bags have mostly been claimed. There’s no sign of Jenna or her family. I walk out of the airport, and head to my car. It’s a long, lonely walk, and somehow it feels fitting.
********
Ollie and I are at a lounge downtown. He doesn’t ask any questions, just sits with me and drinks, which is what I need right now after the week I’ve had. He knows that I’ll talk when I’m ready. Until then, he’ll support me silently. I’m grateful for that. I haven’t talked to Jenna at all aside from a text asking her not to show up. When I arrived Monday morning, the office was swarming with reporters, flashes going off in my face as I hurried inside. The fact that the whole area is private property doesn’t faze these people. It wasn’t until I got security involved that they moved, camping on the street outside the parking lot.
I walked straight into my office, avoiding the stares and whispers of my employees. I knew that I should have said something, but there wasn’t anything I could say that didn’t sound like an excuse. For the first time in my life, I kept the door shut the entire day. I haven’t stepped inside after that yet. Instead I’ve arranged everything over the phone and from my work laptop. I’m acting like a fucking coward. Somehow I’ve lost my way, and I’m lost as to how to get back.
Things get worse as the week goes on. As I predicted, the scandal got picked up by the national news. The fact that my father’s running for re-election later this year makes the story even juicier for those vultures. They keep running a picture of Jenna, and she’s so beautiful that it leaves me breathless every time. Luckily, it seems like she’s managed to stay out of the spotlight. I guess they see her as the token young woman that I had an affair with, even though that’s the farthest thing from reality.
I should call her, I think as I down my drink. Except… what if she doesn’t want to answer?
The thought stops me cold each time I work up the nerve, and I end up putting my phone away again. But that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking of her. In fact, she consumes me. At any given point in time, I’m wondering what she’s doing, how she’s faring, if she thinks of me at all.
I miss her so fucking much I can’t sleep at night.
Suddenly I feel a clap on my shoulder. I look up and see the smarmy face of Anderson, my rival for the Toys 2 Tots contract. He’s got way too much cologne on, his hair combed back, and a shiny gold ring on every finger. The man looks as slimy as a snake oil salesman, and that’s putting it nicely. I stiffen and shrug him off, but he’s not fazed.
“Buchanan,” he booms. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“Anderson,” I say curtly. His face is the last thing I want to see right now.
“Shame about the contract isn’t it? Bartender, how about a drink for my friend her to drown his sorrows,” he says, and there’s something in his glance that tells me that it’s him that got it.
Something clicks in my head.
“It was you, wasn’t it?” I ask, but I don’t wait for the answer. “You’re the slimy fuck who decided to throw this all over the news.”
“You mean that thing with your office intern? That was all you my friend. You can make something out of nothing.” He takes a sip of his own drink. “Although I can’t fault you for it really. She’s got a phenomenal rack on her, doesn’t she?”
I lunge at him, blood pounding in my ears. How dare this jackass talk about Jenna that way? Ollie pulls me back, and the bartender makes his way over menacingly. Anderson holds up two hands, as if I’m acting completely irrational.
“Better rein in your friend,” he says to Ollie. “Wouldn’t want another scandal getting out now would we? That might really make things bad.”
I roughly throw Ollie off of me, but I’m glad he was here. Anderson smirks and walks away.
“That asshole,” I spit out. “He’s the reason for all this.”
“Hey, he’s not worth it, man.”
I know he’s right, but I can’t sit at this damn bar now knowing I might see Anderson’s slimy mug again. Instead I throw down a twenty for the drinks and storm out. After insisting that I’d be fine to drive, Ollie heads out. My car is parked nearby, but the night is cold, and it’s what I need to calm down. I stuff my hand in my pockets and begin walking.
The whole time, all I can think of is Jenna. How much I wish she was there so I could talk to her. How much better I’d feel about everything if I just had her in my arms where she belongs. I think about her laugh, about the way she would always chew her lip when she’s lost in thought, the heavenly smell of her hair.
I think about how perfect we were together, and what an idiot I was to throw it all away, and for what? Sure there was Ollie, but he’s not the one I want, the one I need to have beside me in this time of crisis.
Suddenly, I turn around, so fast that I almost run into a guy behind me. And then I break out into a jog, making my way back towards my car. I know what I have to do. I just hope that Jenna will forgive me for taking this long to work it out.