Jenna
A week goes by without anything from Lachlan except for a text saying ‘It’s best if you stay home Jenna. There are reporters everywhere on site.’ and I go from hopeful to hopeless. I replay our conversation over and over, and I can’t help but feel like maybe I’ve been looking at it all wrong. Maybe Lachlan was trying to let me down easy when he said that we’ll talk later. Maybe he never meant to talk to me again at all.
Everyone else however, is more than keen to talk to me. All kinds of people, from high school classmates, to ex-work colleagues, to randoms have tried to message me on Facebook. It’s all the same thing too.
“Did you really sleep your way to the top?”
“Gold digger!”
“What kind of whore sleeps with their boss?”
I deactivated my profile after that one. And despite the fact that Lachlan told me to not come in, some die-hard reporters have found my home and have camped out on the street. Dad tried to chase them off, but then they bribed our neighbor to stay on their driveway. I could hear dad swearing all night about them. I guess they won’t be getting any of my mom’s holiday cookies this Christmas. I have to keep my window curtains shut at all times, but that suits me fine. I don’t need the sun. The darkness is much more comforting.
I spend most of my week at my parents. At first I wanted to go back to my apartment, but then I realized I’d be well and truly alone there. Since it’s summer break, it’s not like I’d need to be there for school. And even if I hate my parents for what they said, it beats being all by myself.
Not that I see them all that much. I spend most of my time in bed, sleeping and moping. I don’t even shower. The only times I get up is to go to the bathroom and sneak downstairs at night to get dinner. I avoid my parents at all costs.
After a few days, my mom comes to my room and knocks on my door. My first instinct is to tell her to go away, but it’s not like I’ve got anywhere to hide. So I let her in, fall into her arms, and cry. It’s an ugly cry, with heaving shoulders and runny noses and through the whole thing she just rubs my back and listens like she used to when I was little. I’ve always been my mom’s secret favorite. I know that parents say they love their kids equally, but I know for a fact that my dad and my sister have a special bond like how I have one with my mom.
I’m all prepared for her to say I told you so, but surprisingly she doesn’t.
“I’m sorry honey,” is all she says. “That man really did mean a lot to you, didn’t he?”
The fact that she’s so understanding has me in sobs all over again. Because he did. Maybe I’m just a naive girl, but I honest to God thought that what Lachlan and I had was more than just a fling. And I believed he thought so too. Now I know better.
“Am I just being stupid mom? Is it just because he was my first b-b-boyfriend?” it hurts to even say the words.
“No, not at all sweetie,” my mom says. “Remember how I met your father?”
I nod, a total snotty mess. My mom and dad have the perfect story of how they met when they were in kindergarten and he declared that she was going to be his wife. It’s so sugary sweet and cute that it’s hard to believe that it’s true, but it is. They were high school sweethearts who got married at eighteen and never looked back.
“He was my one and only too, and I knew, the same way you knew, with my whole heart that he was the one.”
“Only mine isn’t,” I say gloomily. “Is it?”
“Have you tried talking to him?” she asks as she gives me another hug. “Because you should.”
“Maybe,” I tell her.
I’m happy that my mom finally is seeing things my way, but it’s too late. His silence is letting me know how things stand loud and clear.
“Now come on,” she says softly as she stands. “Why don’t you come downstairs? I made apple pie for you tonight, your favorite.”
“I’m not hungry mom,” I tell her. “Maybe later.”
She shakes her head.
“You know, even your dad’s not angry with you anymore. He just doesn’t know how to say it and fix things.”
Now that’s surprises me. Dad’s never been one to change his mind once he’s made it up.
“You have to understand Jenna,” she says. “Your dad is very protective of his girls. You should have seen the way he grilled your sister’s boyfriend. He practically peed his pants when dad was finished with him. In fact, I think that’s why the boy never asked Janine out again. He was too scared of your dad. So to see you on the news, to see the way people were talking about it, the fact that you were sneaking around behind his back, it made your dad snap a little. ”
“I guess the fact that he doesn’t like his boss doesn’t help either huh?”
“No, it doesn’t. But your dad is sorry. Won’t you come down and have dinner?”
I thought about it. Am I still angry? Not really. It’s all died down into regrets and sadness more than anything. Being angry takes energy, and that I don’t have.
“I’ll come down,” I say at last. “I just want to wash my face first.”
“Sounds good,” my mom says. “I’ll have everything ready. It’s pork chops tonight.”
I wait until my mom’s walking down the stairs to get out of bed. I head into the bathroom and turn on the tap. I let it run over my cupped hands and splash it over my face. The cool water helps me feel not so groggy and gross, but when I look up, I can still see the telltale signs of crying on my face. I wonder how Lachlan is doing, if he’s even thinking of me right now. Tears threaten to well up again, and I blink them away. Hard. He’s not thinking of me, and I shouldn’t be thinking of him too. After a few steadying breaths, I feel in control enough to head downstairs.
My mom smiles when she sees me in the doorway to the kitchen. I can smell the wonderful smell of her cooking, and for the first time, I feel a little stirring of hunger. My dad looks at me, and I can tell he doesn’t know what to say, so I just go up to him and hug him. He squeezes me so hard it forces the air right out of me, and I know that we’re okay.
We sit down at the table, and I’m buttering up a roll when I hear a commotion outside. We all look at one another, and then the doorbell rings.
“Are you expecting anyone?” my mom asks my dad, who looks just as puzzled as she does.
He slowly gets up from the table and lumbers to the front door. A moment later, it opens and closes. Mom and I crane our necks to see, and to my surprise, it’s Lachlan following behind my dad. What is he doing here? And did my dad really let him in???! I unconsciously pat my hair, which is an awful mess. My eyes are definitely red and swollen. I’m wearing sweatpants and my ratty Old Navy t-shirt with a huge hole in the armpit. But despite all that, the look he gives me, the fire burning in his eyes, tells me he thinks I’m gorgeous anyways.
“Sorry to interrupt, but could I talk to Jenna for a minute?” he says in that deep bass voice that makes me shiver.
I glance over at my parents, who give me the slightest nod. I stand up and head to him and I’m so shocked that I don’t have any words. My stomach flips over, and there’s all sorts of emotion battling it out inside of me: anger, worry, sadness, and worst of all, hope. Because even though I thought I could get over him, thought that I could put him behind me, seeing him in front of me has crumbled all of my resolve.
Our house is small, and I don’t want my parents hanging on our every word, so I bring him upstairs to my bedroom. My very pink, never been redecorated since fifth grade bedroom. There’s even a poster of Miley Cyrus on the back of the door, back when she was in Hannah Montana. I really should have torn that down, I think nervously. I have no clue why he’s here.
“So…” I say softly, and look up into those dark gray eyes. I can feel everything that’s happened fall away, as if we were never apart to begin with.
“Jenna,” is all Lachlan says.
I love the way he says it, almost caressing my name. And then I mentally shake myself out of it, because he’s put me through hell, and I can’t just sweep it under the rug like that.
“Why are you here?” I ask him. “Why are you here, in my parents’ house, in my childhood bedroom, of all places?”
“I came to apologize,” he says. “I fucked up big with you, and it’s taken me this long to realize it.”
I’ve been waiting for these words for days, and even though I want to throw my arms around him, I don’t. I wrap them around myself instead to physically hold myself back.
“That’s not enough to erase the hurt you caused,” I say quietly. “Those words in the hotel room, I can’t just forget them.”
Lachlan looks at me, and I see remorse written all over his face. And even more than that, I see agony. I’m shocked. Lachlan’s never ever looked as vulnerable and open as he does with me right now.
“I know that Jenna,” he says at last. “I can’t take back those words. That day I panicked. It’s no excuse for letting you down, for leaving us behind, but that’s what happened. I got caught up in what everyone else was thinking, about my company, about all this other bullshit that in the end, doesn’t matter. If the world looks down on me, I can shake that off. If Buchanan Manufacturing crumbles, I can rebuild. But what I can’t do is go on without you. These past few days have been hell, and it’s because I don’t have you by my side. Because deep down, I know I was an idiot for leaving you.”
His voice is cracking, and my heart is thuds faster and faster. My vision swims with tears, and no matter how fast I brush them away, more come.
“I love you Jenna,” he says. “And I don’t ever want to let you go again.”
“I love you too Lachlan,” I say.
And then I’m flying into his arms, because that’s exactly where I belong. It’s where I fit perfectly. His mouth comes down on mine in a kiss that shows me just how much he loves me. I kiss him back, holding tight onto his shirt, matching him in intensity. And that feeling of belonging, of protection, of everything finally being right in my world… well, I’m never going to let that go again either.