Chapter Twenty-four

Whenever Brian came to Rob’s house, there was a tingle of surreality, his past overlaid with the present. Now there was also the agony of what might never be and that left him a breathless, more than he should have been from the ride over.

Despite the suit and the warmth of the day, Rob wasn’t winded at all. They hauled their bikes into the house. Once stowed, Rob tore off his jacket and tossed it onto a chair. His tie followed. “Would you like some coffee?”

“Love some.” That deep lack-of-caffeine headache was creeping through his skull. Might explain his inability to keep it together. “I don’t suppose you have an espresso maker hidden somewhere?”

Rob chuckled. “Still only the drip maker and the French press. Pick your poison.” He headed toward the kitchen, rolling up his shirtsleeves as he went.

Brian followed. “You joining me in drinking?”

“Yeah. I need something better than the stuff we have at work.” Rob dug a bag of coffee beans out of his cabinet and handed it over. “Hope this will do.”

Not from Grounds N’at, but from a good local roaster. Single origin. Expensive stuff. “More than.” He headed over to the grinder. In the few steps he took, it occurred to him how fast he and Rob had fallen back into their normal routine. They fit so perfectly. He put the beans down and pressed his hands against the edge of the counter. “We—we need to talk.”

“I know.” Weight and a touch of heat in Rob’s voice. “Believe me, I know.”

Of course he did. After all, they were in his house during the day on a Thursday when they both should have been working.

Brian opened the beans and poured some into the grinder, eyeballing it. After all these years, he knew exactly how much coffee he’d need for a pot for two. “Drip maker. I could drink an entire press’s worth of coffee myself.”

A grunt. Rob rooted around in a cabinet above the machine and pulled out a pack of paper filters. Unbleached, thank goodness. Brian ran the grinder while Rob filled the carafe with water. “Ten cups?”

“Reading my mind.”

A hollow laugh. “If only . . .” Soft words.

Yeah, that might have helped them both. He wasn’t bad with communication, just with talking about the stuff he . . . didn’t want to talk about.

Okay, so he was shit with communication.

Fuck. Tears returned to ring his eyes and he blinked them away. Together they finished setting up the coffee and started it brewing.

Rob gestured to the back porch. “It’s nice out. And private enough.”

Outside, they settled onto Rob’s chaise longue.

Brian stared out at the garden his father had planted for Rob. Time to start working on the whole communication thing. “Truth is, you were right. The shop is falling apart.”

Rob nodded, his face tinged with sadness.

“And I was a complete ass to you because I didn’t want to see that.” Brian dug his fingers into the cloth beneath his thighs, his chest aching. “I shouldn’t have been snide. I shouldn’t have thrown all my paperwork at you. And I certainly shouldn’t have . . .”

He swallowed and met Rob’s stare. The pain from the lump in his stomach—the one he’d had for days—was unbearable. “I shouldn’t have broken up with you.”

“Not like that, anyway.” Amazing how soft Rob’s words could sound while still cutting harder than diamond.

“Not at all,” Brian said.

Rob gazed away, his hands twisting in his lap and his jawline so very hard. “Took you quite a while to realize that.”

Not even an inch, Rob? “Yes . . . and no.”

When Rob looked over, there was pain there. “I was trying to help, Bri. Because I fucking care. And you kicked me in the teeth for it.”

Couldn’t help the flinch. Wouldn’t deny what Rob said.

A moment later, Rob softened. “I mean, I could have been kinder, too. But it’s been damned hard watching you drive yourself to exhaustion. You have no time for you, let alone me. That’s no way to live.”

He nodded. This conversation he knew well. Same one he’d had with his parents. And Len. And Zoe. “I know. Well, now I know.”

Rob furrowed his brows. “Now?”

From the kitchen came the glorious sound of the coffee maker finishing with a whoosh and a gurgle.

“Coffee?”

They spoke at the same time. Rob laughed at that, all teeth and dimples and Brian’s heart soared until it cracked open completely and the pain was unbearable. He’d lost this. Might still lose this.

“Oh God, Rob. The things I said. I’m sorry. I’m—” He choked on the rest of it. This time, he couldn’t hold back the tears. They strangled him, blotted his sight, and took his speech. He could only bend over and let go.

Fucking fool. Too wrapped up in himself to see how much Rob cared, how much he wanted to help. He’d been ugly and horrible and torn everything apart rather than face his own fears and problems.

Rob gripped his shoulders. “Hey, hey.” Fingers in his hair. “It’s going to be okay. I’m here. You’re here. That’s more than yesterday.”

He grasped hold of that thought and looked up and there were tears in Rob’s eyes, too.

“God, we’re a bloody mess aren’t we?” Rob stroked a thumb over Brian’s cheek. “Let’s have some coffee. Figure it out.”

He croaked out a laugh. “Always solving problems.”

Another caress. “It’s what I do best.” Rob blinked a few times. “When I can.”

Rob’s problem-solving when it came to the shop grated on every last one of Brian’s nerves—but he appreciated it so much right now. Rob rubbed his shoulder. “I’ll get you a cup.”

He did, rising and returning with two mugs that steamed even in the hot June day. Rob’s had a touch of milk, but he’d brought Brian one that was gloriously black.

With shaking hands, he took a sip. Bold and bright, nutty with a hint of citrus and caramel. He let the coffee slide down his throat and sighed. “Oh, that’s good.”

Rob had a weird little grin.

“What?”

“You. Us. Coffee.” His humor faded. “Are you truly thinking about closing Grounds N’at?”

“Yeah.” It was an option, and one he needed to look at. “I don’t want to.” He wrapped his hands around the mug, despite how hot it was. Better to feel something than nothing—he’d spent too much time being numb. “But I don’t know what to do to fix things anymore. Hiring people isn’t working, at least not fast enough.”

A look of consternation in Rob, then his whole body relaxed into defeat. “I can’t help you.” Pain in those hazel eyes. “You were right about a few things, too. I don’t know the first thing about owning a coffee shop, I only know you’re running yourself into the ground.” He paused. “Or grinding yourself up.”

Brian choked on his coffee. “You didn’t just pun during this conversation. Tell me you didn’t just . . .”

Rob shrugged and his smile was that wonderful mix of sheepish and devilish that made Brian forget about everything. “I did, yeah.” His expression softened to something more complicated. “It’s either laugh or cry.”

Brian contemplated his coffee before drinking. Laughing was better. “I thought I could manage the stress, that things would improve.” He sipped. “I know you were trying to help, but the articles you read are . . . simplistic. Yeah, I could cut costs. Problem is, it’s not about the bottom line. Never has been. I want to keep things in the black so I can keep going.” He leaned back against the lounge. “When I created Grounds N’at, I wanted a place with heart. Local and ethical suppliers. Pay a living wage. Make a place everyone could come to and hang out. Like a neighborhood bar, but where all ages were welcome.”

“A safe harbor.”

He nodded. “Except I fucked it up, and now it’s not.” He hadn’t seen Ev, Dan, and Jan in ages.

“There has to be a way back to that.”

“God, I hope so.” He wiped at his eyes and looked out into the yard. “You know, this is the first time we’ve really talked about work.” He paused. “Well, my work.”

Rob snorted. “Mine’s boring.”

It was a part of Rob as much as the shop was a part of him. “But who do you vent to? Who do you tell when you have exciting news?”

Rob blinked and sat back. “I don’t.” A quiet laugh. “I see what you’re getting at.” He took a swallow of coffee. “You’d think by our age we’d have all this shit figured out, eh? Relationships. Talking.”

“God, the older I get, the less I know about everything.”

Rob snorted. “Truth is that none of my other partners wanted to know about my work, not unless it involved how much cash was in it for them.” Rob’s brow furrowed. “You’ve never cared about the money.”

“I’ve never even thought about it, to be honest.” Brian finished his mug and felt a hell of a lot better. “Money’s never been the important part of you.”

Rob set his mug down on the table and faced Brian. “What is?”

“You.” Brian clutched his mug like a talisman. “Being with you. This, now. The bike rides. Hiking. Photography. The way you smile. Your hands. Your freckles. Your voice. You. All of you.”

Oh, that had broken some barrier of calm in Rob. He swallowed hard, eyes rimmed in red. “Me?”

Brian nodded. “If I can’t figure out how to get Grounds N’at back on track and have a life outside of it, I’ll close it. I’d rather lose the shop than lose you.” Brian swallowed, then whispered. “I love you.”

There was that look again, the one that hinted of cracks and worry and tears, then Rob wrapped a hand around the back of Brian’s neck, pulled him close, and their mouths met.

Oh God, he’d needed that. More than coffee. More than air. Brian gripped Rob’s shirt and erased the distance between them. The kiss wasn’t forceful, or demanding, but it melted Brian all the same, the way Rob’s lips moved over his, the teasing of his tongue. Brian whispered between Rob’s nibbles. “Coffee and cream.”

He felt Rob’s smile, then lost his breath when Rob deepened the kiss to wanton.

Couldn’t help the moan, and Rob chuckled. “Slightly overroasted American.”

Yeah, exactly that. He pressed his face against Rob’s shoulder. “Please tell me I won’t lose you.”

Fingers in his hair, smoothing, settling. “I don’t need to be the entirety of your life, Brian. The sole focus. But I want to be an important part, not an afterthought for when you have nothing better.”

“I know. And you are.” He lifted his head. “I know I need to prove that to you.”

A soft smile. “But you have.” He claimed Brian’s mouth again, a deep but quick kiss that left Brian breathless, hard, and desperately wanting more.

Rob cupped Brian’s face. “You haven’t lost me. I adore you, except when you’re being a fucking git.” Thumbs skimmed over Brian’s cheeks and Rob stared at him. “Please don’t ever speak to me like that again.”

He swallowed. “I—sometimes say things before I think.”

“Mmm. I’ve noticed.” Rob let him go, but they were close now and the heat of Rob’s body warmed him even more than the June air. “Honestly, so do I sometimes.” He chuckled. “What we need is a phrase or word or something we can shout when we’re getting stuck in one of those stupid arguments again.”

“You mean like a safe word for conversations?”

Rob nodded. “Like ‘Rutabaga’ or some such thing.”

A way to step back instead of blazing forward to burn the world down. “That’s . . . not a bad idea.” He stole a kiss of his own, then picked up his mug. “More coffee?”

“Please.” Rob handed him the other mug.

This time, Brian rose and headed into the kitchen to fill the cups, adding a bit of milk to Rob’s. He handed the mug back and reclaimed his spot on the lounge. “Too bad we can’t solve the issues at the shop with a safe word.”

Rob chuckled, but there was a hollowness to it. “I’m sorry you’re having such a rough go with it.”

“It’s not the first time.” Hadn’t exactly been the same situation, but he’d been short-staffed—and short-tempered due to taking on too many shifts before. “Though this is worse. I didn’t have the pricing problems. Or customers not coming back.”

Rob sipped his coffee. “Not as simple as hiring Justin, then.”

“No.” That had been serendipity. He’d not quite believed the résumé the punk-rock wannabe had handed him, but once Justin opened his mouth, he’d seen the intelligence and work ethic there. “Even if I could hire Justin again, I don’t think he could solve this.”

Rob froze and had the strangest look on his face.

“What?”

Those hazel eyes focused on him and Rob looked as if he’d been hit by a brick. Or inspiration. One of the two. “You absolutely should hire Justin White.”

“I—” He stared at Rob. “I can’t.” God, he’d love to, but he’d moved on to better things. “Justin works for Sam. He’s not a barista anymore.”

Rob’s grin was amazing. “Not as a barista, as a consultant.”

The words made no sense, and then they did. Holy fuck. Air left Brian’s lungs and he set down his mug. Justin White, a problem-solver who knew the ins and outs of his shop. Who knew business—better than Brian did.

It was perfect, but for one thing. “Sam saves high-tech firms. Not . . .” He waved his hand. “Tiny community coffee shops.”

“But you’re his tiny community coffee shop,” Rob said. “And I have a feeling he’ll jump at the chance to let Justin take on a project.”

Hope bubbled—boiled—in his chest, so much that it was as painful as the heartache had been. There was another hitch with this idea. “I can’t afford it.” He had savings, but between being in the red and—well, he suspected Sam Anderson’s consulting services didn’t come cheap.

Rob took his hand. “Trust me on this one. I have a feeling Sam will be accommodating.”

“I . . . don’t know.” God, it was such a long shot.

A squeeze of fingers. “There’s no harm in asking, is there?”

Just the ruination of his pride, but that had been nothing but trouble anyway. “Okay. I’ll see what he says.” He had no idea how to even broach the conversation. “It’s the best idea anyone’s had in a while.”

“See? I can help.” Rob’s grin was huge and he vibrated with enthusiasm.

Beautiful, perfect man. Brian pulled him into a desperate and deep kiss that said everything he couldn’t put into words.

I love you. I can’t live without you. I need you in my life.

Rob yanked Brian onto his lap, cupping Brian’s ass and kneading the muscles there. The warmth of the day only intensified the heat radiating from Rob.

Brian kissed down Rob’s neck, relishing in Rob’s little huffs of breath, and the way Rob pressed against him. Somehow, he’d ended up straddling Rob. Breathless, he started on the buttons of Rob’s shirt. Too many layers of clothes between them. “I should thank you.”

Rob stroked his back and ass. “You should, but perhaps not on my back porch.” He nipped at Brian’s neck. “The neighbors might not enjoy the show.”

Oh. Yeah. There was that. Especially since some of those neighbors knew Brian. He rocked against Rob. “You know, my brother was worried I’d broken up with you because you’re a guy. He was relieved it was merely due to me being an asshole.”

Rob huffed a laugh, then sobered. “I was under the impression he didn’t doubt your sexuality at all.”

“He doesn’t. He thought I might have gotten cold feet because you’re my first guy.” He couldn’t resist leaning down for another kiss. Rob arched into it, cock hard against Brian’s.

“I think you’ve embraced your bisexuality quite nicely,” he murmured before tangling his fingers in Brian’s hair and claiming Brian’s mouth, breath, and heart.

God, yeah. He had. And of all the people he’d dated, it was Rob who had made him contemplate a life outside of Grounds N’at. A future other than the shop.

Though right now, he wanted less shirt in the way of his fingers. He skimmed a hand over Rob’s pec and teased his nipple through the fabric.

Rob broke the kiss and sucked in a breath. “Fuck.”

“Should we embrace my bisexuality inside?”

“Yes. Let’s.”

Brian had never quite understood the whole “light dancing in eyes” thing until he’d seen Rob smile. Because damn, his eyes danced and made Brian’s mouth water and fingers itch to explore every inch of him. He rose from Rob’s lap, but as soon as Rob stood, they reached for one another. “Bedroom.” He spoke against Rob’s lips. “Now.”

“In due time,” Rob said. He pulled Brian into the house. “After all, you owe me.”

Yeah, he did. So, so, so much.

***

Rob yanked Brian from the kitchen into the living room. Damn good thing he’d canceled the rest of his day, because he intended to spend it tangled up with a contrite, sorrowful, hopeful Brian.

The man who would give up his business to save their relationship. He wanted Brian against him, wanted to feel that skin, hear his moans. Bring them both to the height of pleasure.

While there were flat surfaces aplenty in the kitchen, none of them were all that comfortable. The couch in the living room, however? Quite.

He pushed Brian onto the cushions and followed him down. “You’re wearing too much.” Tugging his shirt up exposed his stomach and part of his chest.

“Wait, let me . . .” Brian pulled the shirt off and tossed it out of the way.

Good. Perfect. Rob descended on Brian’s torso, pinching one of his nipples, and mouthing the other. Got his reward. An arched back, a lovely moan, fingers in his hair, and Brian’s hard shaft pressing against his.

“God, I missed you.” Brian’s voice was all air. “Should’ve—” His breath hitched and Rob met his gaze. Tears in those brown eyes. “You deserve better than I’ve been.”

Rob wouldn’t wave Brian’s mistakes away, but he wasn’t horrible, not when he’d recognized his faults and started to change things. He nipped hard at the flesh over Brian’s ribs and his gasp was mouthwatering. “True,” Rob murmured against skin. “But you closed your shop and you’re here.” He moved lower and bit Brian again. “Underneath me.” Same lovely effect, this time with Brian’s hands tightening in Rob’s hair.

“God, Rob.” Brian trembled.

“You enjoy that?” He licked at Brian’s abs.

A moan, then a whisper. “Yeah.” Deep breaths. “So much.”

Good, because those whimpers were ambrosia. Rob nipped and bit his way across Brian’s stomach until he was squirming, his jean-covered shaft hard against Rob’s chest.

He’d never had makeup sex, never made it that far in a relationship. He pressed a kiss just above the top of Brian’s jeans. “I think I’ll keep you.”

A sigh and Brian melted into the couch. “Please do. You can have anything you want.”

So much he wanted. “That’s a dangerous offer.” He sat up. “What if I have a whole closet full of whips and chains and leather masks?”

A little shudder. “Do you?” Apprehension there, but also a glint of interest in his eyes.

Well, how about that. “No. It’s two drawers and it’s scarves, ropes, some dildos and plugs.”

“Didn’t you mention cock rings before?” Brian was flushed from his neck down to his jeans.

Rob touched the little red marks his teeth had left on that expanse of skin. “I did. You want to give them a try?”

Brian wore embarrassment so well. “Yeah, I wanted to try before, but . . . Well, I was an asshole and broke up with you.” He took a breath and exhaled. “But I want right now to last.”

Oh, it would. Rob palmed Brian’s cock, relishing in the heat and hardness and the shudder that slid through Brian. “We have all day and all night to catch up.”

“It’s not just the sex. It’s everything.” Desperation there, and not just for getting off.

“I know, believe me. I’m not going anywhere.” He undid the button of Brian’s jeans and unzipped his fly. “But right now, if you don’t mind, I want your dick in my mouth.” He pulled jeans and underwear out of the way and freed Brian’s cock. Hard. Beautiful.

Brian’s stomach trembled and huffs of breath escaped as Rob stroked him.

“And when you’re good and close, we’ll talk more about my little drawer of goodies.” Rob closed his mouth over the tip and gloried in Brian’s long moan.

God, he’d missed Brian, too. And no, it wasn’t just the sex, though there was something delicious about the way he moved under Rob. The thrusts, the sounds, the helplessness, and the demands. Fingers scraped against Rob’s scalp and tugged at his hair, urging him on.

The taste of salt slid down Rob’s throat and Brian thrust his silky hard shaft between Rob’s lips. He ran his tongue along the sides and over the veins, humming with pleasure.

“Oh God, you’re going to make me come.” Brian’s words were all moan and whisper.

That was the idea and he had no qualms about getting Brian right to the edge, as he’d promised. He didn’t stop—and neither did Brian’s hips. Groaning, sucking, thrusting, licking. When the grip on his hair tightened and Brian’s moans turned to curses, Rob backed off.

Brian gasped and whimpered. “You—oh God, I was nearly there!”

He lifted his head and licked the taste of Brian off his lips. “Figured I should tell you that cock rings should only be put on when you’re soft.”

Brian sank against the couch and spoke through his teeth while rocking his hips. “There’s a solution to that problem . . .”

Rob chuckled. “So what you’re saying is you want my dick in your mouth, too?” He was just as hard, and damned if Brian would be the only one playing with rings tonight.

The look on Brian was pure lust. “I’d love that, but . . .” He gestured to the couch. “Not the best place.”

True. They could manage, but there was a nice huge bed upstairs. He slid off of Brian, stood, and offered his hand. “Bedroom now.”

Oh, that lit an inferno in Brian. His pants were off before they hit the stairs. At the top of the landing, Rob found himself pressed up against the wall, Brian’s knee between his legs. He rocked his shaft against Brian’s thigh.

Rob tilted his head back and grinned. “Someone wants something.”

“You naked.” Brian worked the buttons of Rob’s shirt open and pushed it to his shoulders.

Soft, hot lips nipped his collarbone and Rob arched against Brian. “Want more, take me to bed,” Rob said.

“With pleasure.” Brian swung him around and pushed him into the bedroom. On his way to the bed, Rob stripped the rest of his clothes off and they fell in a tangle of limbs and groans and kisses. Rob rotated and crawled down Brian’s body until that hard cock was between his lips again.

A moment later, Brian took him into his slick hot mouth, and Rob moaned around Brian’s shaft. That tongue could take away Rob’s mind.

Neither of them was going to last long. Too keyed up. Too hot for each other and oh, Brian’s mouth and tongue were a fucking wonder of nature. He stroked Brian’s dick. “Fuck, Bri. Where did you learn to suck cock like that?”

He felt the chuckle all the way up his spine, then warm breath against his balls. “Right here, in your bed.”

Damn right he had. Rob went down on Brian’s shaft again, relishing in the moans he felt around his own cock.

Brian caressed Rob’s balls, sending his pulse and desire skyward.

No way he was coming first. He slicked his finger with spit, then found Brian’s hole and circled it, all the while sucking and licking at Brian’s lovely cock.

A groan that vibrated the whole bed. “Oh my God.” Brian gasped for air. “Rob, I’m gonna—”

Then Brian closed his lips on him again, pumping and sucking his dick until all Rob could do was hold on and try to match the wicked rhythm Brian had set. Couldn’t even thrust, not with the way Brian held his arse.

Still wasn’t gonna lose. He slipped a finger inside Brian and thrust hard.

Brian uttered a strangled curse, his cock thickened, and hot salt hit Rob’s tongue.

Yes. So fucking good. He licked and sucked until Brian shivered and cursed. “You—bastard.”

“Your mouth may be magic, but I have years of practice.”

“Guess I need more, then.” Brian rolled him onto his back, then that gorgeous mouth was on his cock again.

Rob gripped the sheets and thrust up into Brian’s heat, and gave himself over completely. “Yes. Fuck. Like—that!”

Brian flicked his tongue against Rob’s crown and engulfed what he could. Perfect. Fire flowed through Rob as he fucked Brian’s lovely tight mouth, light building behind his eyelids. His moans and curses bounced off the ceiling and back into his ears.

God, there wasn’t anything better than this. Pleasured by Rob, any way he could have his sometimes bitter, burned-out lover.

When Brian stroked Rob’s balls and pressed his tongue under his cockhead, Rob couldn’t hold back. Light scattered in his vision, heat shot through every vein, he thrust into Brian’s mouth and spilled every last drop of his seed.

Like every time before, Brian swallowed. Amazing. Unexpected.

When Rob could see clearly and breathe without gasping, he joined Brian at the top of the bed and kissed him.

Always a delight to taste himself in Brian’s mouth. “Cream in my Americano.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Really?” But there was a smile there, and he pulled Rob in for another kiss. “In you, too.”

“A lot of guys don’t swallow.” He stroked Brian’s cheek. “I like that you do.”

Brian’s eyebrows hit his hairline. “Really? I mean, I get it with porn. You’re there for the money shot. But in real life?”

Rob shrugged. “Semen turns a lot of guys off.”

“Huh.” Brian eyed the ceiling, as if in thought. “Then again, lots of guys won’t go down on a woman for the same reason.”

“I bet you did.” He stroked Brian’s ruddy chest. They both had worked up a sweat.

Brian rolled closer. “Oh, God, yeah. There’s nothing better than making a woman come like that.” He chuckled. “Though, I guess I won’t be doing that anymore. I get to drive you wild instead.” Brian laced his fingers between Rob’s.

“Yeah. I’m hopelessly monogamous.” Rob planted a kiss on Brian’s nose.

“Well, so am I, so it works out.” Perspiration gleamed along Brian’s hairline and his grin was wicked. “Didn’t you say something about toys?”

Rob’s pulse ticked up. “Would you like to come into my closet?”

A little pout. “But I just came out of the closet a few months ago!”

“Brat.” He mock punched Brian in the arm and stood. “I’ll show you all my goodies.”

“With an invitation like that, how could I refuse?” Brian rose and followed him into the large walk-in.

He’d had custom cabinetry made. A unit of drawers in the middle held his ties, underwear, and socks, along with other small items like cuff links and pocket squares. The drawers on the bottom were reserved for a host of other items. He stooped and pulled one open.

An intake of breath. “That is a goodie drawer.”

The most prominent items were the large blue dildo and the two butt plugs. There were also two bundles of rope. Several folded sashes. A set of silicone cock rings of various sizes, and a leather and velcro one. “It’s pretty vanilla.”

Brian knelt down next to him and fingered one of the sashes. “Now what did I tell you about vanilla?”

Heat from Rob’s head to his toes. That night was entrenched in his memory. His brain superimposed Brian wrapping the lovely purple sash he was stroking around Rob’s wrists before he fucked him.

Rob cleared his throat. “Noted, but—” He waved at the drawer. “Not particularly kinky, on a scale of one to ten.”

A sheepish smile on Brian’s flushed face. “It’s all new to me.”

“I suppose one person’s vanilla is another person’s orange zest.” Rob drew out the leather cock ring with the velcro closure and one of the silicone ones that fit him.

“Did you just make another pun?”

Rob sat back on his heels. “Technically, it was a metaphor.” He held up the cock rings. “Need some zest, Americano?”

He thought Brian might choke on his laughter, but when he caught his breath, his grin was so wide. “Oh my God, I love you.”

A different warmth. This man—this was the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Indomitable. Stubborn. Hardworking. An arse at times, but thoughtful at others. “You truly want to be with me,” Rob murmured.

The grin vanished. “Yes,” Brian whispered. “If I could go back and erase that day—walk in and kick myself in the head for being so stupid, I would.” He took a breath. “I don’t know how to say I’m sorry.”

“But you do.” Rob fingered the cock rings. “You have.” He met Brian’s gaze.

The smile came back. “And yeah, I want some zest. Or at least to try.” He eyed the rings. “Walk me through this.”

Rob snorted. “There’s not much to tell.” He set down the silicone ring. “It’s all about blood flow. Constrict the flow going back from the dick, and you stay harder longer. Bigger orgasm.”

“And it works?” He was still eyeing the length of leather.

“Does for me, but everyone’s different.” He opened the ring with a little pull. “For you, since it’s adjustable and easy to remove. If it hurts or you don’t like it . . .”

“Rip.” Brian mimicked pulling.

“Exactly.”

Brian nodded. “Okay, but the other . . . how do you . . . put it on?”

Ah, well, he could show that. He handed the leather strap to Brian and picked up the other ring. Took a second to slip it down his soft shaft. “The next part is why you really shouldn’t be hard.” One at a time, he fed his balls through, and settled the ring against his belly.

“Well, shit.” He eyed Rob’s dick. “That’s pretty damn hot.”

“Mmm-hmm. Let’s see how this looks on you.” He plucked the leather band from Brian’s fingers, then lifted his package to wrap it around behind his balls. Firm, but not too tight. “How’s that?”

Brian was hardening, and his cheeks flush. “Uh. Fine.” He swallowed. “Sexy?”

“Is that a question?” Rob caressed Brian’s neck and drew him in for his answer—A hard kiss that had Brian moaning and melting. Surrender in some ways, but their tongues dueled until they were both breathless.

Brian broke the kiss. “God, that feels strange.”

They were both hard. Rob took Brian’s shaft in hand and stroked. “Good or bad?”

His eyelid’s flickered and the answer was a moan. “Good. So good.”

Perfect. Rob eyed the sash Brian had been playing with earlier. “Mind if I tied you up and fucked you?”

Wide open eyes now. “I—I’m game for that.”

Rob drew the sash out from the drawer and rose. “Let’s see if you deem this vanilla or orange when I’m done with you.”

A little swallow and Brian looked up.

On his knees and with such desperation in his eyes, for a moment Rob considered fucking Brian right in the closet. But the bed was far more comfortable and he could tie Brian down.

He offered his hand, Brian took it, and he pulled him up into his arms. “I love you as well, you know.” He kissed Brian’s neck and enjoyed the tremble. “That’s why I was so mad at you.”

A grunt and a whisper. “Tie me up and fuck me, and I promise I’ll never do it again.”

Their dicks pressed against each other, and Rob walked them backward out of the closet, brushing past suits and shirts, the trappings of his business, until they were into the bedroom. “Promise me you’ll not do it again, and I’ll tie you up and fuck you.”

Serious eyes. “Deal. Never. I Promise.”

They reached the bed and Rob nudged Brian down onto the sheets.

“Now I see why you have a slatted headboard.” Brian tipped his head back, lengthening his neck.

He couldn’t resist kissing that throat. “Decorative and practical.” He climbed on top of Brian, drew his wrists up above his head, tied them together, then tied the sash to the headboard.

Like with the cock ring, everything was firm but not too tight. “I suspect you could get out of that if you tried.”

Brian wiggled his wrists. “Yeah, maybe.” He grinned up at Rob and rolled his hips. “But I don’t want to.”

Rob chuckled and got the condoms and lube from his nightstand and ripped the foil open. “Do say something if you need me to stop.”

“Like ‘rutabaga’?” Sexy wicked grin.

“That works.” He rolled the condom on and slid down Brian, far enough that he could suck the head of Brian’s cock into his mouth.

Beneath him, Brian quivered. “Oh fuck.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” Rob murmured against his hot, hard shaft. He sat back, grabbed the lube, and prepped himself. One slick finger inside Brian told him Brian was more than ready from the way he bucked to the long groan.

“Tease.” Brian’s arms strained as he gripped the sash. So lovely, that muscle and sinew, those damn shoulders.

“Not really.” Rob pressed his cock against Brian and slid inside, inch by inch. Like each time before, the heat and tightness took his breath away. So did Brian’s content moan.

They worked so well in bed. He rocked back and thrust in deeper, delighting in the grunt from Brian. “Yeah—that’s—” The rest vanished in a huff when Rob plunged in again, and Brian moved with him. “God, you feel so good.”

Rob spoke before claiming Brian’s mouth. “So do you.” Perfect. Hot. His. Just what he needed.

Couldn’t get much movement kissing Brian like this—but Rob wanted this to last—frantic fucking could come later. For now, it was everything to feel all of Brian, taste his lips and swallow his whimpers, and move slowly inside him.

Rob slid his hands up Brian’s arms, feeling the tension there, loving the trust. He’d no doubt Brian would keep his promise. The hard work—admitting the issue—had been done.

Brian was his. In return, Rob was Brian’s. Their jobs were second to that—as they should have been all along. “I believe you,” he whispered against Brian’s lips.

A hiccup or a sob, Rob couldn’t tell which. “Everything I have.”

“Ah, but I don’t need everything.” He kissed Brian’s throat and pushed in as deep as he could. “Only a part.” Enough to know he mattered.

Brian arched underneath him. “God. I missed you.” Spots of moisture, both on his brow and lurking at the corners of his eyes. “Missed us.”

So had he. He understood Brian, more than he had any other man. The drive, the need to create, the need for control and to let go. The deep need to be loved for who he was.

They’d figure it out. He had no doubts.

Beneath him, Brian shuddered. “Fuck, this feels incredible.” Those sweet brown eyes flickered open. “You feel—” He rolled his head back, rocked his hips, and stole Rob’s breath.

Yeah, that was about right. He moaned against Brian. Spine-meltingly amazing. He was grateful for the cock ring and the earlier orgasm. Even now, heat and fire flashed up his spine with every stroke.

“More,” Brian whispered. “Need more.”

He could do that, with pleasure. Rob rose up to gain more leverage and drove into Brian. Again and again.

“Fuck!” Brian pulled against the sash even as he tried to match Rob’s rhythm with his own. “Yes, like—that!”

Such a beautiful sight, that. Straining arms, helpless cries. He could get used to this. Rob gripped Brian’s hips and fucked him with short, swift strokes.

“Oh my God!” Brian twisted beneath him. “I can’t . . . I need . . .” He pulled at the cloth that trapped his hands, and tossed his head back against the pillow. “Don’t stop. Please, please, please . . . don’t . . .”

Rob didn’t. Instead, he wrapped his hand around Brian’s dick and stroked him in time with his fucking. Hard, fast, brutal. “More?”

“Yes!” Brian panted out the word and rocked underneath him. “Yes!” The word became a chant that fell from Brian’s lips, then turned into a deep cry as Brian tightened around Rob and stole every thought. Hot semen spilled over his hand and onto Brian’s chest, and that was the last he saw because his own orgasm took him in a blinding shower of sparks and fire. He drove deep into Brian until he couldn’t move for the pleasure and the heat. Couldn’t tell which of them was moaning, where their skin ended, whose breath gasped or whose heart beat so, so, so wildly.

Only that they were together. Twined. Joined. They remained that way until the light and the fire faded, until Brian shifted under him.

“You—you okay?” Brian’s voice, nudging at his brain.

“Yeah.” His own was rough, like dried leaves in fall. He swallowed. “Let me . . .”

They both whimpered a little when he pulled out. Rob reached up and tugged the sash holding Brian’s hands free from the headboard, then loosened the loops around his wrists. “Was that—was it okay? The ring? The sash?”

A breathless laugh. “Oh my God, Rob.” He gasped, his grin wide, but there was an air of astonishment. “Never felt like that before. It was like—a trip.”

Yeah, for him, too. “Better than weed?”

A longer laugh this time. “Much. So much better.”

Rob propped himself up on his elbow. “Better than coffee?”

The smile melted into seriousness. “Yes,” he said. “Always.”

Now wasn’t that something. “You’re not going to be able to brew me and sell me.” He slipped the condom off and wrapped it in a tissue, then cleaned his hand as best he could.

“No, I’ll just blow you, fuck you, and keep you.” A little grin. “All to myself.”

“That sounds ideal.” He rolled onto his back. “I need to throw this out, but I can barely move.”

“Tell me about it.” Brian shifted on the bed, then velcro ripped. “Fuck!”

“Are you hurt?”

He groaned. “No. Damn thing pulled a pube.”

God, this was the best thing ever. Forty years old, in bed with his lover, and they were like giddy schoolboys. He laughed. “Be grateful you’re not wearing the one I’m wearing.”

“How are you getting that off anyway?”

“Same way I got it on.” He was softer now. “But I’ll use lube, too.”

Silence for a bit. “God, we still have all night.” There was amazement there, and a bit of fear.

That was showing their age. He felt both thrill and trepidation, too. “We don’t have to do anything more.”

A grunt. “You ever been fucked like that?” Brian sat up, and there was that sexy-ass glint.

“Tied up?”

Brian nodded, his grin cocky and devilish. Rob shivered, remembering the earlier image he had flashing through his head. “Once or twice.”

“Want to make it two or three times?”

Oh hell, yes. He grinned back at Brian. “How about I cook you dinner, and we see how we feel?”

“Deal.”

No doubt in his mind he’d be flat on his back and begging Brian to make him come in a few hours. None at all.

In the end, he was right. They didn’t bother with the rings again, not after tearing each other’s clothes off once more. The sash was wound around Rob’s wrists—and he couldn’t have gotten out, even if he’d wanted to.

Which he didn’t. Not when Brian looked at him like he would spend the night devouring him whole.

Brian leaned down and took his mouth in a kiss that curled his toes. When he was a moaning mess, Brian relented.

“Thank you for coming downstairs.” Tears in those eyes.

In Rob’s eyes, too. “You closed your shop and came to me.” Hope and gratitude twined with desire. “I’d have been a fool not to.” He’d nearly been.

A more gentle kiss this time. One that led to heat and moans and Brian moving inside him, and the best night of Rob’s life.

When they’d spent themselves again, cleaned up, and collapsed like the older men they were, when he wrapped himself around Brian and kissed his shoulder, realization zipped through Rob like the shock after a sudden clap of thunder.

He’d never come this far through the veil of forgiveness with anyone before. Not his former lovers, not his parents, not even himself. But they’d fought and they’d parted, and they’d returned and here they were.

If that wasn’t love, then nothing in the world was. Rob closed his eyes and pulled Brian closer.

He had everything he ever wanted after all.