Chapter 1

Ashley

No. This couldn’t be happening. I had to be stuck in a dream—no, a nightmare. I was convinced I would wake up and everything would go back to normal. I could resume my regularly scheduled life and forget it had happened. I closed my eyes, willing it away, took a deep breath, and then opened them again.

It didn’t work. I was still standing in my office, my phone in my hand, and life still sucked.

My world felt as if it had tilted with that one phone call. Everything looked duller, as if a wand had been waved and all the life had been zapped away. I looked down at the phone in my hand. My sister’s name was still on the screen. It wasn’t a nightmare. It was real. The phone in my hand was the evidence.

I stared down at Leslie’s name. A picture of her smiling face with her two daughters squeezed in close was saved in the contact information. I loved that picture, but now it would always haunt me. Her face would always remind me of that moment everything had changed. It all seemed unreal. My dad was sick. Very sick. Leslie begged and then demanded that I get my ass home to help get things sorted out. Not only was dad sick, but he was losing his farm, my family home.

Leslie, being the oldest, had taken the role of mother to me, my other sister, and my brother. She was thirty-two, six years older than me, but very mature. Our mother had died when we were young, and Leslie had stepped into the role as our pseudo-mother. I was the baby of the family, and they all made sure I knew it, which was why I lived in New York and stayed as far from that small-town life as I could possibly get.

Looked like I had to go. I had to get back to West Virginia. My dad needed me. I looked around my small office filled with framed magazine covers and various awards. My pictures were starting to gain national attention, but all of that would have to be put on hold. I had to go home. The thought scared me to death, but it had to be done. I would have to face down the people from my small hometown. It had been six long years since I had been back. No more running. As my dad would say, it was time to face the music.

Taking a seat at the desk, I opened my laptop. My full calendar was something I was proud of. I was booked, which meant I was doing great. Now I had to cancel all the jobs I had worked so damn hard to schedule.

I picked up my phone, dialed the first client, and prepared myself. “Good morning, Janice. This is Ashley Parks, the photographer. I’ve had a family emergency come up and I need to see if we can do your shoot tomorrow instead of Monday.”

I waited while she checked with her manager, my stomach rolling. Thankfully, she came back quickly.

“Sure, Ashley. He says that works fine. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Thank you so much, Janice. I really appreciate it,” I told her, releasing the pent-up breath I had been holding.

I hung up, made the note in my calendar, and repeated the process. Some jobs I had to cancel all together or push to the end of the month. I knew I was committing career suicide, but I didn’t have a choice. Anna would be thrilled. We had always been competitive, I think because we were so close in age, she being a year older than me. We were exactly thirteen months apart and my dad always called us Irish twins. Anna had always been jealous of me and hated it when I received an accolade for anything. It was as if she wanted me to fail.

It was almost three by the time I finished clearing my calendar for the next two weeks. I hoped everything would be taken care of by then so I could resume my life in New York City. My day was done. The bonus of working for myself was the freedom to set my own hours. It made it much easier for me to work around Jasper’s schedule. Being a single mom was tough business, and finding daycare wasn’t easy. This year had been great. He had started school, which meant free daycare!

I pulled into the pick-up lane and waited my turn to collect my son.

“Hey, buddy!” I said when he climbed in the back seat.

“Hi, Mom,” he said, pushing his glasses up on his nose.

“How was school?”

He shrugged. “It was okay. Randy picked his nose—again.”

I bit back a laugh. The tragedies of kindergarten were rough. Jasper was a smart boy and often had trouble coping with other kids his age. He preferred playing in the dirt or searching for rocks over coloring. He wasn’t the kid that wanted to race around the playground playing tag or just being silly. He would rather watch documentaries than cartoons. He was a serious child. I often wondered if that was a product of his genes or the way I was raising him. I hoped it was the first. I didn’t want to think I was responsible for turning my child into a loner. He was an old soul. It made me a little sad he was so grown up before his time but very proud as well.

I pulled out of the school parking lot and headed for my loft in Brooklyn. I couldn’t quite afford to live in the city, but I hoped to continue to grow my business and one day have an apartment there or maybe a house outside the city. A house was what my boy needed, but I loved the idea of living close to work. I loved the hustle and bustle of the city, too. It always made me feel so alive. In other ways, I knew it was probably not the best place to raise a little boy.

“Guess what?” I said, infusing excitement I didn’t feel into my voice.

“What?”

“We’re going to go see my dad, your grandpa.”

“We are!?” He sounded very excited. He clapped his hands, the movement sending his glasses down his nose again. “I can’t wait! Are we going to see his farm?”

“Yep. I need to get some things taken care of and then we’re going to take a plane ride. Won’t that be fun?”

“What about school?”

Crap.

He only had two days left before they were out for the summer. Leslie could wait a couple days. Plus, that would give me time to squeeze in a couple more jobs. Photography was far more than snapping a picture. Nowadays it was all in the editing and giving the client a final product they absolutely loved with the help of a little digital magic.

“We’ll go after school’s out,” I told him, a little embarrassed that my five-year-old had to remind me of my basic responsibilities. I’d been in a bit of a panic when my sister dropped her bombshell on me and was ready to drop everything and run home to help my daddy. I was still reeling from the shock of hearing my father was seriously ill.

I was not looking forward to the task of packing up. I was really not looking forward to showing my face in my hometown. It held nothing but bad memories. Well, not all bad, I thought, looking in the rearview mirror and seeing my son. He was my life, my light, my reason for getting out of bed and trying so hard to become a successful photographer.

Once we were settled at home, I instructed Jasper to pick up his dirty clothes so I could get them washed. I had to get the laundry done so we would have clean clothes to take. I didn’t want to show up at my dad’s front door with bags of dirty laundry. Then it was figuring out what to pack and what to leave. I was hoping our trip would be wrapped up within two weeks, but if it went longer than that, I wanted to be prepared.

I sat down and started to make a list of everything I needed to do before we left, like stop the mail and pay bills.

Janna. I needed to call Janna and let her know I was going out of town and wouldn’t be working. My business partner was also my best friend, which made these kinds of situations much easier.

“Hey,” I said when she answered the phone on the second ring.

“What’s up? I got a call you canceled a shoot. Is everything okay?”

I sighed. “Actually, no, which is why I’m calling. It-it’s my dad. I have to go out of town for a couple weeks. I’m going to get as much done before I leave this weekend, but I had to cancel some gigs and shake up the entire schedule for the month. I have a few jobs that need editing, but I will make sure everything’s done. I’ll have my computer and can work on some of the other edits while I’m there.”

“I’m sorry, Ashley,” she said in a somber tone. “Are you okay?”

Fighting back tears, I tried to control my voice. “Yes. No. My sister said he started another round of chemo last week. He’s handling it well, but if this round doesn’t work—”

I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t say what I feared the most. My mouth went dry and my tongue felt thick.

“Take the time you need. Your dad needs you. I hate cancer,” she mumbled.

I scoffed. “Me too. He’s so young. I remember back when I thought thirty was old. He’s only fifty-eight. That feels so young to me. He isn’t even old enough to retire,” I said, shaking my head at the unfairness of life.

“He is young, which is a good thing in this case,” she pointed out.

“Yes, and he is fairly healthy otherwise and active, or was anyway.” I sighed. “I don’t think it’s right,” I whined. “The universe can’t take both my parents. Not yet. It’s so not fair.”

“Oh, sweetie. Think positive. Prostate cancer has a very good survival rate. Your dad caught it early. Go. Go spend some time with him. You’ll feel better once you see him; I know it. We all need to go home at some point. It strengthens us, reminds us of who we are and where we came from.”

“Thank you. I’ll be in touch. Please, if any of the clients call you, pass along my apologies. I called everyone and sent emails, but just in case someone misses the message. I am counting on you and your charming ways to save any clients that want to drop us.”

“Take care of yourself and that handsome little man,” she said with a smile in her voice. “I’ll take care of things here. No one can say no to me.”

“I hope so,” I said before hanging up.

Janna was very fond of Jasper and I knew he loved her, too. He considered her his aunt. In many ways she was more of an aunt than Leslie or Anna. She was an important person in my life, and I felt very fortunate to be able to call her my friend.

I walked into Jasper’s bedroom and smiled. He hadn’t gotten far on picking up his clothes. He was seated on the floor, his box of rocks open in front of him. I made a mental not to put the box in my carry on. Jasper would freak out if the airline managed to lose our luggage with his precious rocks in it.

As I watched him, my heart lurched. He looked so much like his daddy. His dark brown hair was due for another haircut. It was thick, just like his father’s. My own blond hair was wispy and thin. He looked up at me, those bright blue eyes shining behind his glasses. Yep, he was his daddy through and through. There was no denying who had fathered my son.

Going back home meant my secret would be out. I was dreading how it would all go down. Deep down, I was happy to be getting everything out in the open. It had been a long time coming. Carrying around a secret of this magnitude for so long had been taxing. My family had always been pissed about me refusing to bring Jasper home, but I think they knew why. They probably thought I was a coward, but I didn’t care. Maybe I was. I didn’t want to deal with my past. But that was all about to change.

I watched Jasper a little longer and wondered how his father would react when he saw his son for the first time. I didn’t really have to wonder though. I knew. He would be furious. The next two weeks were going to be difficult for more than one reason. I prayed I had the strength to deal with it all.