“We aren’t really havin’ sex … ye’know that, right?”
I had forgotten about Damien when I originally fled Bronagh’s house. When I realised that he wasn’t with me, I swiftly turned back around and drove back to get him. I made sure to stay in my car with the doors locked until he jogged out of the house, laughing like a madman. Tears fell from his eyes when Alec chased my car on foot while I, on the other hand, screamed bloody murder until I lost sight of him in my rear-view mirror.
“You mean you were only saying what you thought I wanted to hear to enlist my help so I’d get you away from my psychotic older brother who intended to tickle you to death for breaking his favourite tea cup? I’m positively shocked at this turn of events.”
I stared at Damien, my lips pursed.
“Well—” I blinked “—this was your first smartarse moment in our relationship.”
“Should we mark it on your calendar to celebrate next year?”
“And that—” I rolled my eyes “—was your second. Third strike, and you’re out, buddy.”
Damien’s devilish grin did things to my insides. Naughty, naughty things.
“Have you ever watched a game of baseball in your life?”
“Jesus, no.” I felt myself pale. “Why would I ever do somethin’ like that?”
His laughter brought a smile to my face.
“I love your laugh.”
“Yeah?” he asked, his bright eyes gleaming. “I’m a little partial to yours, too.”
“Sweet talker.”
He helped me out of my coat, then hung it up and his own while I saw to Barbara. I opened the sitting room door carefully, and instantly, a putrid odour stung at my nostrils. I quickly glanced around and saw the used litter tray.
“Why on Earth did I leave the stupid tray in ’ere?”
I placed my hands on my hips and searched the room, coming to a stop when I found Barbara sitting on my curtain pole.
“Barbara!” I gasped. “How in Christ’s name did you get up there?”
“How did she get up whe—holy shit.”
I began to panic and rushed across the room until I was directly below Barbara with my hands up, ready to catch her in case she fell. She was looking down at me with a bored expression and made no move to even try and get down.
“She stinks.”
“Damien, focus on her right now, not the stupid smell.”
“Alannah, she’s a cat,” he said, calmly. “She won’t fall, and if she does, we’ll catch her.”
“We?” I demanded. “I’m the only one standin’ ’ere with me hands up.”
“I can see that,” he replied. “Your t-shirt has ridden up with the action … your ass looks so damn fine in those jeans.”
“Damien!”
“Right, sorry. I’ll get her.”
He moved to my side, and without having to really stretch, he reached up and plucked Barbara from her seated position. Her nails snagged on the curtains, so Damien gently tugged the fabric free. When he handed the cat to me, I cuddled her against my chest, then hissed when her nails dug into me.
“You little bitch, that hurt.”
“Nails like needles, huh?”
“Yeah.” I frowned. “I need to put water in a spray bottle to teach ’er not to climb on the curtains. Not only could she fall, but she’ll also ruin the curtains with ’er nails.”
Damien raised a brow. “Cats tend to scratch things like furniture a lot.”
“But I got ’er a scratchin’ post!”
His lips twitched. “She’s still getting used to the apartment and to us. She’ll learn in time.”
“I guess.”
I put Barbara down, and she instantly jumped onto the settee, snuggled under one of the cushions, and plopped down on her stomach as if she had just finished running a marathon. I shook my head at her, then proceeded to clean out her litter tray while Damien moved her food and water bowls into the kitchen. I put the litter tray in the corner of the room and made a mental note to clean it out a few times a day. If I kept it poop and pee free, no smell would linger. I hoped anyway.
Damien was headed to the bathroom when he glanced into the office, paused then turned and entered the room, flipping the light on as he went.
“What the hell happened in here?”
“Oh, me office.” I beamed as I practically bounced into the room. “What d’ye think?”
“I think it’s awesome, but baby, I would have done this for you.”
“It’s really okay. I did it with Morgan.”
“You did it with Morgan?”
“Yeah,” I answered. “His first day was today, and we converted the room in, like, an hour.”
It took me a moment to realise that Damien was very quiet and very still. I turned my attention from my office to him and found him staring at me. His body was tense, and it didn’t take a lot for me to sense that he was annoyed. I put two and two together and cringed. This was about Morgan.
“Did I not tell you that his first day was today?”
“No,” Damien answered coolly. “You didn’t.”
His tone told me he was mad and maybe a little jealous.
“I forgot with Branna havin’ the twins, findin’ out me ma is sick, and then gettin’ with you,” I said, knotting my fingers together. “It’s only been a few days since all of those things happened, and I’m still reelin’, and it just slipped me mind. I’m sorry.”
He nodded and looked away from me, so I stepped into his space and put my arms around his waist.
“You have no reason to be mad or jealous,” I said, speaking calmly. “None. Morgan works for me, and that’s it.”
Damien slowly relaxed.
“I know.” He sighed. “I trust you, I do …”
“But?”
“But we’re brand new, and another guy being around you just rubs me the wrong way. It’s petty, I know, but it’s just a nagging feeling.”
I tilted my head. “Would it make you feel better if you met Morgan?”
“Yes,” Damien answered instantly. “This guy is a stranger to me, to you, so meeting him would probably relax me.”
I doubted that, but I was willing to give it a shot.
“He works for me five days a week, but we’re flexible, so most the time, he might not even be ’ere. He works from ten to two when he is ’ere, and ten to three when he isn’t or less if he clocks his hours before then. Twenty-seven hours a week in total is what we agreed.”
Damien frowned. “I have my work scheduled set in stone for the next few weeks, and I start at nine. Mr Collins doesn’t tolerate showing up late, and I can’t have any days off while Ryder is on his paternity leave. Harley and JJ have four days off to check out a location for a bar they’re considering buying, or something like that.”
“Dame.” I chuckled. “You will meet Morgan eventually; it doesn’t have to be right this second.”
He only nodded in response, and I knew that meeting Morgan this second was exactly what he wanted, but I couldn’t change that, so I pushed it aside and turned back to my office.
“We have to paint or wallpaper in ’ere.”
“Are you allowed?” Damien asked, his tone lighter.
“The estate agent said the landlord allows people to decorate, but it has to be tasteful and match the furniture he or she provides.”
“You don’t know if your landlord is a man or a woman?”
I shrugged. “They did business through the estate agent; they probably don’t wanna be involved directly with their tenants. Lots of landlords do that.”
“I suppose,” Damien said, walking around the room. “You should create some canvas paintings and hang them up.”
“Morgan suggested the same thing.”
Damien didn’t answer; he only checked how sturdy the bookcase and my desk were. I shook my head at him as he searched for some fault and made a mental note not to talk about Morgan around him so his emotions could stay in check. I understood where he was coming from, and he admitted he would be jealous. I didn’t want to push something in his face that was really nothing to worry about.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, changing the subject. “I’ve had the meat for dinner cookin’ on low all day. I’m gonna get the mash, roasties, croquettes, and veg ready now if you wanna help?”
“I’ll help.” Damien nodded. “That’s a whole lot of potatoes, though.”
I leaned back and looked at him like he grew an extra head.
“There’s no such thing as too much. You’re in Ireland, bud.”
Damien smirked. “Say potato.”
I deadpanned. “No.”
“Say it,” he pressed.
“No.”
He pouted, the grown man really pouted, and it drew a sigh from me.
“Fine, potato.” I playfully rolled my eyes at Damien’s snort. “But I don’t even call them that.”
“Do you call them ba-day-tahs like the other girls?”
I laughed at how slowly he pronounced it.
“Yeah, that’s how I say it.”
“I like just stick to potatoes; that way is too much of a mouthful for me.”
Together, we entered the kitchen and got to work on our dinner. After we got everything prepared and ready to cook, I removed the meat and covered it with foil until it was time to slice it up. I always listened to music as I cooked the dinner, so I instinctively reached into my back pocket of my jeans, feeling for my phone. When I realised it wasn’t on my person, I checked each room of the apartment.
“What are you looking for?”
“Me phone,” I answered then groaned. “I think I left it in me car. I’m always doin’ that!”
“I’ll go and get it.”
“No.” I sighed. “I’ll do it; you just keep an eye on Barbara.”
I left my apartment and took the elevator down to the lobby. I jogged out of the building and to my car, where I scowled at my phone sitting in one of the cup holders.
“Stupid thing.”
After I got my phone, locked my car, and briskly walked back into my building, I entered the elevator but had to hold it open when someone hollered for me to. I nodded in greeting to Kane as he jogged into the elevator and said, “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
He flashed his personal fob over the scannered then he hit the button for his floor.
“Aideen called me.”
I glanced at him. “Yeah?”
“Hmm.”
“Is there a reason you’re tellin’ me this?”
“She mentioned what you did to Alec’s cup.”
I felt heat climb up my neck.
“It was an accident,” I stressed. “A complete and total accident.”
“I also heard he tried to murder you.”
“He did.” I bobbed my head. “You should have seen ’im; he was like a ravin’ lunatic.”
Kane looked down at me, and it was obvious he was fighting off a smile.
“It’s not funny!” I scowled as the elevators doors closed. “I nearly had a heart attack when he cornered me on that trampoline.”
“I wish I was there to see it.”
I shook my head, fighting off a grin as Kane’s shoulders lightly shook. Myself and Kane rarely spoke, so I felt bloody proud of myself whenever we did because I always seemed to make him grin, smile, or laugh, and anyone who knew him knew how difficult a task that was. I looked at him and noted he had no bags or anything that he could have picked up on the errands he was running.
“What?’ he asked when he noticed my eyes on him.
I shrugged. “Do anythin’ fun today?”
“Errands,” he answered flatly.
I narrowed my eyes a little before I looked forward.
“What was that look for?”
“Damien and Aideen looked away when they told me you were runnin’ errands, and I wanted to see if you’d do the same.”
“Why?”
“I wanted to see if you were going to lie to me like they did.”
I felt Kane’s eyes drill a hole into the side of my face.
“What do you think they lied to you about?”
“I’ve no clue, and I’m not gonna press the issue because what you do is none of me business.”
Silence.
“I’ll tell you if you want to know.”
“It’s okay,” I said with a shake of my head. “I’m not supposed to know; Damien and Aideen wouldn’t have lied to me otherwise.”
“You aren’t starting off your relationship with my brother with a stupid lie lingering in the back of your mind. My lie.”
“Me relationship with your brother is with him,” I said, feeling a little irritated. “As I said, what you do isn’t me business. Forget I said anythin’.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Suit yourself.”
More silence.
“None of the girls have ever been this closed off with me.”
I swallowed. “None of the other girls were interrogated by you when they were just shy of eighteen and had no backbone.”
I didn’t mention that I still didn’t have much of a backbone, but Kane didn’t need to know that I was sweating having this confrontation with him.
“No backbone, my ass,” he quipped. “You put me in my place and don’t think I’ve forgotten it, because I haven’t.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I remained mute.
“You’re good for my brother, and you’re as good an addition to our family as when you were eighteen,” Kane said after a long pause. “I’m not social, I know that, but please don’t think that because I’m reserved it means that I don’t care about you.”
I felt my lips part with shock.
“I’m not sure what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything,” Kane said. “This is the most we’ve talked since that first conversation, and I feel like I’ve overwhelmed you because this space is starting to close in on me for sure.”
I surprised us both when I chuckled.
“Your apartment will close in on you when you speak to Aideen.”
“And why is that?”
“Because when she laughed at me when Alec was chasin’ me, I told ’er I was never babysittin’ again.”
Kane appeared to almost choke on air as the elevator stopped on my floor. The doors opened, and I stepped out into the corridor and turned to face Kane.
“Now, Alannah. Wait just a second,” he began. “You don’t need to make any rash decisions when you’re—”
The doors of the elevator closed before Kane could finish, and I heard his ‘fuck’ being shouted as the elevator brought him up to his floor, and it made me laugh. With a little spring in my step, I turned and walked down the corridor and into my apartment.
“I’m back.”
The next hour and a half consisted of finishing dinner, then eating it. After we were full and content, Damien and I sat on the settee in my sitting room and turned on a film on Netflix. I leaned against him and sighed.
“I love this.”
“Love what?”
“Just bein’ ’ere with you.”
Damien kissed the crown of my head. “Me too, freckles.”
I leaned my head back on his shoulder and said, “I wanna learn you.”
“You want to learn me?” he repeated. “Is this a language barrier thing because of your accent, or did you purposely mean to word it that way?”
I chuckled. “I meant to word it that way.”
“You want to learn me?”
I nodded. “I wanna learn what makes you, you.”
“That’s cute, but I have no idea what you mean.”
I snuggled against his side.
“Does it not bother you that we have this whole history together, but we don’t really know each other?”
“We do know each other,” Damien lightly protested. “I know every curve of your face and body, your every laugh, and how much you love tea.”
I playfully rolled my eyes.
“That’s lovely, but I want to know the deep stuff.”
Damien stilled, and the slight tension that filled his body was enough to make me take notice.
“What do you want to know?”
“Everythin’,” I answered. “I don’t know anythin’ about your past or your family outside of your brothers. I don’t know about your homeland because you guys never talk about it.”
Damien was silent.
“I mean, seriously, none of you ever talk about your life before Ireland, and it’s all sort of been in the back of me head. Ireland is a part of who I am; you see and hear me country when you talk to me, but apart from an accent, I don’t get America from you, and I think that’s sad.”
Damien cleared his throat.
“There’s nothing to tell, really. The five of us grew up in upstate New York, nowhere near the city. We lived in a small community where everyone knew everyone else’s business. My parents died when I was fifteen in a car accident—”
My gasp cut Damien off.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, reaching for his hand. “Bronagh mentioned they died, but not how, and now I understand why. Her parents died in a car accident, so she probably didn’t want to think about it in case it brought up bad memories for ’er.”
Now it made sense why she brushed the lads’ parents under the carpet whenever I mentioned them. It was a sore subject not only for them, but for her, too, because of how they died.
“Yeah,” Damien said, as he began to play with my fingers. “We just sort of ... floated around for a few years, then we came here and put down roots.”
“Why Ireland, though?”
Damien cleared his throat. Again.
“It was only supposed to be a vacation, really, but within a few weeks, we knew we wanted to stay. Ryder got us enrolled in school for our final year; we had been homeschooled up until that point.”
“Well, shite,” I said, shocked. “No wonder neither you or your brother could just blend in at school and get on with it without makin’ a fuss. You didn’t have the experience.”
“Yup.”
I studied his face.
“Do you not want to tell me this stuff?” I asked. “You don’t seem all that interested.”
“I’m interested in you, not my boring childhood,” he said, his lips curving into a smile. “Things only got interesting when I met you.”
“Puh-lease,” I tittered. “Interestin’ is the last word to describe me.”
“Oh, it’s up there,” Damien said, “but I know a few words that fit you just as well.”
“Like?”
“Elegant, smart, hard-working, beautiful, funny ... sexy as sin.”
He had echoed those exact words to me many years before, and it brought a smile to my face knowing he still thought all those things equaled to me.
“You think I’m funny?”
Damien laughed. “Yeah, baby, I think you’re funny.”
I relaxed against him.
“What was your ma like?”
Damien was silent for a few moments, and just when I thought he wouldn’t respond, he said, “She wasn’t like your mom.”
“Meanin’?”
“She wasn’t maternal.” Damien swallowed. “She wasn’t very affectionate and was mostly cold towards my brothers and me.”
My lips parted in shock. “Why?”
He snorted. “I spent my entire childhood trying to find the answer to that question, and I never found it. My mom and dad ... they just weren’t very nice people, but I couldn’t see that when I was a kid. I thought they were awesome.”
That broke my heart.
“I’m sorry, sweetie.”
Damien looked at me and smiled. “You sounded like Branna just then.”
“’Cause I called you sweetie?”
He nodded. “I was pretty torn up when my parents died, more so than my brothers because I needed the affection I never got from them, so naturally, I tried to get their attention whenever possible. I didn’t have to do that with Branna; she loved me and my brothers after she fell in love with Ry. She’s more of a mom to me than my real mom. Ryder is more of a dad to me, too.”
I swallowed past the lump that formed in my throat.
“I’m sorry you didn’t have a lovin’ relationship with your parents. I can’t imagine me life bein’ like that,” I said, squeezing his hand in what I hoped was a gesture of comfort. “I’m at odds with me da right now, but I still love him. It’s why hatin’ ’im hurts so bad because … I still love ’im.”
“He is your dad, baby,” Damien said gently. “I know this will be hard to hear, but what he did to your mom was between them. He is still your dad.”
I looked down at my lap.
“But she is me ma,” I said softly. “He broke not only her trust, but mine, too. He is the man I once would measure up me future husband against in hopes I could find someone as great as ’im, and I can’t do that anymore because if the man I grew up lovin’ me whole life could do what he did to me ma, someone who would die for ’im, every other man was always gonna come up short for me.”
“Even me?”
“I want to say no, but yeah, even you,” I answered honestly. “You could say this situation added to me already lengthy list of trust issues.”
I closed my eyes when Damien leaned in and kissed my head, his lips lingering for a few moments. I sighed, opened my eyes, and stared up at him. I loved his eyes. They were grey with a circle of white around each iris.
“I don’t mind spending forever assuring you I’m not going anywhere, freckles.”
My heart thudded.
“You shouldn’t have to, though,” I said. “That’s not fair to you.”
“Building a solid trust takes time,” Damien assured me. “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
“Does that mean you have trust issues?”
“Not so much trust issues as straight-up fear.”
I sat upright and blinked.
“What are you scared of?”
“That things won’t work out between us,” Damien answered. “It makes me sick to think about it being a possibility, but I know it could be one, so I’m scared of it.”
My jaw dropped, and Damien’s lips twitched.
“Yeah, you aren’t the only one terrified if things go sideways.”
“You’ve made me feel so ... human with that admission.”
“Human?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Like I’m not bein’ overdramatic and fearin’ our relationship endin’ isn’t a legit worry when it is.”
“Of course, it is,” Damien said, his thumb stroking the back of my hand. “Any one of my brothers will tell you the same, and so would the girls I’m willing to bet.”
After my talk with Alec, I knew they would, too.
“Thanks for sharin’ that with me about your parents,” I said softly. “I know that couldn’t have been easy.”
Damien’s body relaxed. “I haven’t really thought about them in a while; it’s nice every now and again to reflect on things in the past, just so I can look at who I am as a person now.”
I smiled. “That’s a lovely way to look at it.”
Damien’s eyes locked on my mouth, but there was no heat in his stare.
“What is it?”
“I never meant what I said to you that night in Darkness,” he said, licking his lower lip. “I know I’ve told you that already, but I want you to know that I only said it because I knew it would hurt you and push you away. I was terrified of how you cared for me, and how I cared about you, and my reaction was to hurt you and force you away. In a fucked up way, I thought I was protecting you.”
I lifted my palm and cupped his cheek.
“I know you’ll never forget it, but I hope you’ll forgive me one day for saying it.”
“I do forgive you,” I said sincerely. “I hope you forgive me for how I let you believe everythin’ was your fault. I’m sorry.”
“Babe.” He smiled softly. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I do,” I pressed. “What I did was wrong and unjust. I was angry, and let that anger blow what happened out of proportion. Please don’t make what I did seem any less horrid because we’re together now.”
“Okay,” Damien whispered. “I forgive you now, and I forgave years ago, too.”
I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his. Feeling content, happy, and so secure it was almost frightening.
“I know it’s literally just been a few days, but bein’ with you makes me feel safe and sound.”
“Being with you makes me feel like I can let down my defences,” Damien said, nuzzling his face to mine. “You’re my steady place, Lana. My freckles.”
I opened my eyes and smiled.
“I used to hate me freckles.”
Damien sucked in a horrified breath. “Why?”
“’Cause everyone said they made me cute, and I hated that.”
“You are cute.” Damien grinned. “Sexy and sinful, too. And beautiful. Man, you’re so beautiful.”
I kissed him, and he smiled against my lips.
“Do you know when I first saw you, I knew you were a girl who could make me happy.”
I leaned back with raised brows. “When you first saw me, I walked head first into you and knocked you on your arse.”
“Yes—” Damien snickered “—but you gave me your hand to help me up.”
“And that gave you the impression that I could make you happy long term?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “I knew you’d be someone to always help me up when I’m down, no matter what. That’s why I pushed you away after we were together, you were someone who I knew could reach me at that point in my life where I forced everyone out, and that scared the shit out of me. You’re my ride or die, Alannah”
“That’s so romantic.”
“I can be more romantic.”
“Proceed.”
Damien chuckled. “We’re endgame.”
I stared up at him, bewildered.
“I have no clue what that means.”
“It means,” he murmured, brushing stray hairs back from my eyes. “No matter what has happened between us, or what comes next for us, at the end of the day, you’ll be with me, and I’ll be with you. I know it, you know it … everyone knows it.”
My heart fluttered, and my stomach came alive with butterflies.
“You sound pretty confident, snowflake.”
“I am, freckles.”
“Since when?”
“Since you kicked me in the balls when we were eighteen and told me to go to hell.”