Instead of feeling excited to spend some quality “me time” with herself, Jess woke on Christmas Day with a stomachache that had nothing to do with the cookies she’d eaten the night before—leftover from the decorating party at Dimitri’s house—and everything to do with the fact that Nik had been right. She was alone on Christmas because she had chosen to be. She was alone period because she’d chosen to be. And for the first time, she was questioning why that was.

For that, she needed caffeine.

She rolled out of bed, made herself a cup of coffee in the kitchen, and sat down in the front of the TV to drink.

This had been her plan, after all. Spend the holidays relaxing and catching up on the shows she’d missed while filming The Dance Off. Her poor, neglected DVR was calling her name.

But something stopped her from turning on the TV. Christmas, something she’d told herself multiple times was just another day in the year, seemed to have some sway over her. And she couldn’t just sit here watching a historical time travel drama like it was any old day. Even if it didn’t mean much to her, personally, Christmas meant something to other people.

She finished her coffee, took a shower, then looked for something comfortable to wear. She still didn’t own anything Christmas themed, but—no wait, she did! She still had Lorena’s poinsettia earrings and Naomi’s “Lit As a Christmas Tree” t-shirt, which she’d washed but hadn’t yet returned. She paired the borrowed items with dark wash jeans and ankle boots. The weather had finally gotten the memo that it was winter, and the high was only fifty-three degrees. In Southern California, that was wool coat and Uggs weather. She spritzed her hair with water, then sealed it with a coconut hair oil. And since she was adhering to a theme, she applied Holly Jolly Berry to her lips. It had become her new favorite lipstick.

As she drove, she wondered what Nik was doing with his family. Eating? Opening presents? Singing carols or watching classic Christmas movies? Her own family Christmas traditions involved opening presents during breakfast before a trip to church. Did his family go to church? She hadn’t even asked. It had been years since she’d stepped foot inside one.

Since it was on her mind, she had the car call her parents’ house phone.

Her mother’s sweet, resonant voice rang out from the speakers, bright with surprise. “Well, hi, baby!”

“Hi, Mommy. Merry Christmas.”

“Thanks, baby. I’m so glad you called.” Then, in a muffled tone, she called out, “Roy, Jess is on the phone. Pick up in the other room.”

She’d shown them how to use the speakerphone, but it hadn’t stuck. It hit her then that her parents, for the most part, always called her first. Always said “happy birthday” or “merry Christmas” first. Her childhood hadn’t been easy, certainly, but it hadn’t been all bad, and she knew they loved her.

New Year’s Resolution #1: Call her parents more often.

Her dad’s voice jumped in. “Are you doing anything fun today, Jessie?”

“Hey, Daddy. I’m going to Starlight House to help out.”

“Oh, that’s a lovely thing to do,” her mom said. “And what about that boy from the dancing video?”

Jess tried to keep her tone light. “Um, I don’t know what he’s up to. We’re just friends.”

Were they even that now? And it was a lie—she did know what he was up to. She might not know what he was doing that very moment, but she knew he was celebrating Christmas, surrounded by his family.

As her mom detailed what she was making for dinner and her dad shared all his thoughts on the latest blockbuster action movie, Jess wondered if maybe she’d been holding onto old anger for a bit too long.

Her parents were people. People had flaws. They had their own bullshit that got in the way sometimes. But they weren’t evil. Had their flaws affected her childhood? Yes. But how long was she going to make them guilty for that? She was an adult now. It was time she stopped blaming her parents for her own unhappiness.

And her own poor relationship choices.

It was too late now, but maybe next year she’d visit them for the holidays.

For now, she was going to do the next best thing.

She said goodbye to her parents and parked in the small lot outside Starlight House. From here, she could appreciate the effort they’d made to decorate. Pine boughs and holly outlined the front doors, woven with twinkling white lights. The sky above was overcast, but was due to clear up as the day went on. She swung out of the car and headed for the front doors.

Inside, the lobby contained an explosion of decorations. A tree stood in front of each window, trimmed with a combo of handmade and store-bought ornaments. Icicle lights hung from the ceiling, and the desk was draped with tinsel. They’d been busy since her last visit.

Nik would have liked it.

The thought gave her a pang. She brushed it aside and went up to the older woman sitting behind the front desk. “Hey, Mrs. Fernandez,” she said with a wave.

Mrs. Fernandez looked up from the novel she was reading, blinking at Jess over the tops of her glasses. “Oh, good morning, Jess! Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Jess replied. “I heard you all were on a skeleton staff this week, so I thought I’d come by to help.”

Mrs. Fernandez’s expression softened. “That’s very kind of you. I’m sure the girls will be happy to see you. They’re in the dining hall having breakfast. Naomi’s in there, too.”

“Really?” She hadn’t thought Naomi would be in today, since her family lived just a few hours’ drive south in San Diego. “Thanks, Mrs. F.”

She heard the sounds of celebration from the hallway. Laughing, talking, footsteps squeaking on linoleum, and, of course, Christmas carols.

Jess entered the room as the speakers sang out, “In the meadow we can build a snowman,” and her thoughts turned to Nik once again.

Was it snowing in New York? Had their own snowchild melted up on Big Bear?

“Well, well, well, fancy seeing you here.” Naomi appeared at her side and gave Jess a hip bump. “Got bored with all that relaxing?”

Jess shot her a look, but it must have been more mopey than menacing, because Naomi’s face converted into a mask of concern.

“Oh, babe.” She put an arm around Jess’s shoulders and didn’t even comment on the t-shirt. “What’s going on? Is it Nik?”

Jess nodded, then shook her head. “Yeah. I’m all mixed up. I don’t think I can talk about it right now.” Or think about it.

Naomi gave her a squeeze. “You know I’m here for you, whenever you’re ready.”

As a counselor, Naomi was probably the best person to talk with, but Jess was always careful not to overstep the bonds of friendship in that way. She never wanted Naomi to feel like she was using her.

But she was so confused, maybe it would be good to talk it out. Friend to friend.

Later, though. Today, it was Christmas. And here, unlike in her apartment, that meant something.

For the rest of the day, Jess buried herself in work in an effort not to think about Nik. But it didn’t help. For one thing, being with the girls at Starlight House didn’t feel like work. She genuinely enjoyed spending time with them, teaching them dance moves, organizing arts and crafts activities, and managing cleanup. An anonymous benefactor had made a massive last-minute donation of beautifully wrapped gifts, and she derived great joy from passing them out and watching the girls marvel over their presents. Most of these kids were victims of trauma, and it warmed Jess’s heart to see them happy.

Still, in the back of her mind, a little voice pointed out that it would’ve been even better if Nik were there. He’d be kind to these girls, showing them the model of a man who was good and upstanding. And any man willing to eat a phallus-shaped cookie just to make her laugh would go all out bringing holiday cheer to Starlight.

And, if she were being one hundred percent honest with herself, she just plain missed him. She missed his voice. His touch. The way he asked her questions like he genuinely wondered about what made her tick, then listened carefully to the answers, filing them away and surprising her when he referenced them later. He was a man who cared, and who took care with everyone and everything he encountered.

Despite her worries that he was just messing around with her, he’d been nothing but reliable and respectful.

Even now, he was respecting her wishes not to be contacted.

She sighed, and wished that in this one instance, he’d go against her decree and reach out.

More than that, she wished he were here. But he wasn’t. And that was her own doing.

At Alex’s house, Nik did his best to be his usual, upbeat self, but it wasn’t working. His mother had stopped asking about Jess, Natasha and Marina eyed him with open concern, and Alex and Dimitri hadn’t teased him once. His dad had even patted his back and given him the Russian equivalent of, “Good job, son.”

When he’d asked, “What was that for?” his dad just nodded and left the room.

Even his other cousins tiptoed around him with none of their usual good-natured teasing. Mitya had probably texted them all something like, Nik’s going through his first heartbreak, so don’t be assholes to him, okay?

After breakfast, Nik sat in the family room, watching his cousin Fedya’s children tear into their new toys. They were sweet kids, and they reminded him of the way he’d played with his brother and cousins when they were that age.

Little Inessa struggled to open a Barbie box while her brothers ignored her, so Nik waved her over. “Idi syuda, Nessa. I’ll help you.”

Lower lip quivering, the little girl tottered over and climbed into his lap before handing him the box. In a soothing voice, he described each step as he opened it and detached the Barbie from her cardboard backing.

“See?” he said in English. “And then we just untwist this last tie here, and…ta-da!”

“Barbie!” Inessa trilled. She took the doll, leaving him covered in more packaging than could possibly be necessary for an eleven-inch computer programmer doll, and went back to sit on the floor by the tree.

“Well done.” Dimitri clapped from the doorway, then plopped onto the sofa next to Nik. “So, how’s Jess?”

“I don’t know.” Nik tried to shift away, but his brother didn’t let up.

“You ready to talk about it?”

Letting out an exasperated breath, Nik crossed his arms over his chest. “She wanted to spend Christmas alone.” Even to his own ears, he sounded petulant. “She told me from the beginning she likes to be alone. I should’ve listened.”

Mitya waved that away. “People always say stuff they don’t really mean when it comes to love.”

“I don’t think she’s lying about it.”

“She might not be. Maybe she does like being alone. The real question is why she likes to be alone. And if you can figure out the why, and solve the real problem, maybe she’ll be okay with letting you in. Besides, it’s only been a few weeks. People need time to discover what’s in their hearts. Look how long it took me and Tasha.”

Nik considered Mitya’s words. It was true that Mitya and Tash had danced around each other—literally and figuratively—for a few years before finally becoming an item, and now it was like Natasha had always been part of the family. For Nik, he’d been thinking about Jess all year, and had known since this summer that he’d wanted to give a relationship with her a shot once his tour ended. But for Jess, it had only been a couple weeks, and he’d been rushing her along since day one. Of course she’d balked at flying across the country to visit his parents.

Jess wasn’t forthcoming with information about her past, but she’d dropped enough hints that if he fit all the puzzle pieces together, they created a full picture. She liked to be alone because she was afraid of getting hurt. Why? Because she’d been hurt before. How many times had she said it, plain as day? “People are always playing games.” She thought he was going to toy with her heart then drop her, like the other guys she’d dated had. Or worse, that he’d up and leave, like her dad.

He had to let her know, in no uncertain terms, that she meant something to him. That he cared about her. Loved her. And he was willing to give it a shot for the long haul, however far she wanted it to go.

But how? He’d agreed to no contact, and he didn’t want to step on her boundaries.

The need to reach out to her, just to let her know he was thinking about her, that she wasn’t truly alone on this day, or at least, she was only as alone as she wanted to be, drove him off the sofa and into the hallway.

“Hey, where’re you going?” Mitya called, but Nik ignored him. His mind raced through all the possible things he could text her, from cute to heartfelt to funny. In the end, he settled on the one obvious choice.

Leaning against the wall in the darkened hallway, he typed out, “Merry Christmas, milochka.”

For him, it was the equivalent of “I love you.” She’d either get that or she wouldn’t. But soon enough, he’d be back in LA.

They still had a plan for New Year’s Eve. He had to make it count.

After lunch, Jess helped set out trays of cookies in the rec room for the girls to munch on while they played with their new gifts or watched the Christmas movie playing on the big TV. She’d helped raise the money to renovate this room the previous year, and every time she was there, she admired the changes. Before, it had looked like the common room at a college dorm—thin carpeting, ugly furniture that was sturdy but uncomfortable, an old TV that wasn’t even a flatscreen, and a DVD player that was always on the fritz. Now, it looked inviting and homey, with new electronics, comfy furniture, and a magenta and teal color scheme with ornate faux-gold accents. The girls loved it.

Since there was nothing else to be done at the moment, Jess selected a chocolate chip cookie and took a bite. In her pocket, her phone buzzed. Probably another “Merry Christmas” text from someone she hadn’t heard from since last Christmas.

She pulled out the phone and checked the text message on the screen. Yes, it was a holiday greeting, but this one made her breath catch.

Merry Christmas, milochka.

Heart pounding, she set the cookie on a napkin and opened the search app on her phone. She’d heard Nik call her this before, but she hadn’t known how to spell it.

She typed in “milochka means” and hit Go.

When the answer appeared, she got a warm feeling all over.

Dearie.

It was sweet, and kind of old fashioned, which fit the two of them so perfectly. Nik with his gallant manners, and her with her love of classic jazz and old movies.

Maybe it wasn’t over yet. If he was still thinking about her, that meant she still had a chance to fix things. After all, it wasn’t over until the final curtain call—in this case, Dimitri’s New Year’s Eve party.

“Miss Jessica?”

Jess shut off her phone and looked up. It was Tamara, one of the younger girls in the house.

“What’s up, Tam-Tam?” she asked, using the girl’s nickname.

Tamara gestured at a group of three girls fiddling with the sound system. “Can you help us choreograph a dance?”

“Of course I can!”

As Jess helped them put together a sequence of dance moves to a Christmas pop song, a few more girls joined them. And sometime between choreographing the steps and running through the routine all together, Jess was hit with an epiphany.

While the girls took a cookie break, Jess pulled out her phone and shot back a text to Nik.

It was time to take a chance.