Shadows surround me, and I can’t help the fear racing through my heart. Where am I? I look for an escape through the shadows but I know I can’t let them touch me. If they do, bad things will happen.

Shivering from the drop in temperature, I hesitantly make my way through, gingerly squeezing past them, one coming close enough that it almost makes contact with me. I suck in my stomach, willing myself to hold perfectly still as it moves away.

I make it through, my shoulders slumping in relief when out of nowhere they swarm me and I’m taken down to the ground, my body lighting up in agony.

“Please, stop,” I plead, my voice rasping in pain. Still the pain intensifies until a ball of white light explodes through the shadows, disintegrating them.

He came. He always comes for me.

 

I bolt upright in my bed, my breaths coming out in short pants as I try to get my bearings. After three years you would think I would be used to this by now. But no, it feels too real. Hurts too much.  It’s driving me fucking insane! Why do I get stuck with these stupid dreams? Even my therapist doesn't have a clue.

I sigh as I get out of bed, rushing to have a shower and get changed as quickly as I can. I’m running so late today.

Nat will be here any minute.

“Val! Where the hell are you? We’re going to be late!”

Dressing in a navy-blue halter dress and matching heels, I apply one last twist to my ponytail, letting my natural curls bounce back and look as if I spent hours styling them rather than mere seconds.

I open my bedroom door, shaking off the remnants of my dream and vow not to let it ruin my day. Today is my twenty-first birthday and my best friend is taking me out for coffee with Jessica and Sally before dragging me to a surprise party she thinks I’m oblivious to. Little does she know Sally already told me. I had to beg for the info, but she caved.

Nat means well, but you would think by now she’d give up on surprising me. I always find out. She’s not very original when it comes to planning them. I mean, why plan them for the day of my birthday? She could have them the day before, the week before, hell, even the month before and I’d probably be surprised, but nope, she plans them on my birthday.

I guess it’s better than nothing though.  I frown at how quickly my mood was brought down and mentally slap myself. Nothing will bring me down today. No moping! Nat put a lot of effort into today and she deserves some happiness. After all, she stayed behind for me. If I have to put up with a couple of hours at a party, then I shall. Sally and Jess will be there so I can at least catch up on all the gossip. We’ve barely had any time together lately. Work has been hectic, leaving me no time to socialize.

Natalie, bless her heart, begged my boss at the diner and my boss at the coffee shop, for a day off. She told me it was so we could go out to dinner then come back to the house for a movie night, and even though we’ll be going out instead, I appreciate the effort.

She’s the only one besides Jess and Sally who remembered my birthday. My mother used to celebrate it with me every year up until my sixteenth birthday. We were in a car accident where I was badly wounded, severely scarred across my stomach and chest, but my mother suffered a stroke. It had some minor effects which left her with memory loss, behavioural changes and slight speech difficulty. Ever since we came home from the hospital Nat has been my rock.

When it came time for us to go off to college, I could no longer afford it. My mother had used all of my trust for her own exorbitant wants. Nat, being the amazing friend she is, stayed behind for me. Sure, if you asked her why she stayed in this crappy little town she would say, ‘Oh, I wasn’t quite ready for college life,’ but I know she did it for me.

Natalie keeps trying to get me to ask my dad for help, but if I did that then he’d know my mother had used my college fund. That would lead to her being verbally abusive yet again, something I just don’t want to deal with. Her temper tantrums have begun to make it hard to live here.

Hurrying down the stairs, I’m surprised when I don’t see Natalie waiting for me. “Nat, where are you?” I call as I hit the ground floor. Unbelievable. She barges in shouting throughout the house but disappears when I’m ready to go? What the hell?

The sound of voices lures me to the back of the house. Nat must have decided to visit my mom.

Since she came home from the hospital she has resigned herself to a rocking chair in the sitting room unless she goes out with one of her so called ‘friends.' Not that any of her 'friends' visited her after her stroke; no, Nat, Sally and Jessica were the only ones around during the six months it took for me to heal. Mom ended up moving herself to that room and stayed there until I was finally able to get back to my normal routine. That was when she snapped out of it and we noticed a change in her.

She had the sitting room decorated particularly to her tastes, and it’s the one room in the house that has remained the same since my father left. It’s so gaudy that I rarely ever go in unless I have to. She has bright-red furnishings and gold fittings on the lights as well as many little gold trinkets. Every time I walk past I’m reminded of a bird that collects shiny trinkets to store in their nest.

The voices are still talking in hushed tones as I tiptoe closer to hear what they are saying. Nat hates my mom because of the way she treats me, so I don’t understand why they’re talking.

As I silently move forward I can start to make out what is being said. I hesitate, unsure if I should be listening, but curiosity takes over. I see the edge of my mother’s chair and duck around the corner to avoid being seen.

“You need to tell her, Melissa. She deserves to know.” Nat’s voice comes out harsh, louder than the whispers I heard. The tone she uses clearly tells me she’s pissed. I’ve heard that tone enough to know what mood she’s in. I’d bet anything her blue eyes are burning into my mother.

What I don’t understand is who she’s talking about? Does she mean me? If it’s not me my mother has to talk to, then who do they mean? My heart races with the need to know what they are talking about. I slide forward a little more to hear them better.

“You don’t tell me what to do, Natalie! Remember your place! That thing doesn’t need to know any more than it already does. The power in it is unimaginable, and I will have it for myself!”

I shuffle my feet anxiously and the floor boards beneath me creak. It goes quiet in the sitting room, so I back away as silently as I came in. My mind whirls with the conversation. Who were they talking about? And why did Nat talk about a ‘her’ when my mother plainly referred to this person as an ‘it’?

Before I can think on it too much, Nat appears looking as light and carefree as usual. “Hey, babe, ready to go?”

I look her up and down, her blond hair the complete opposite to my pitch-black locks. Her natural rosy cheeks and slightly tan complexion make her look like a supermodel. Her bright-blue eyes shine with an ethereal radiance that draws men in from miles around. I doubt I’ve ever seen eyes the same shade of blue before. She’s one of a kind. She’s also my best friend.

“Yep, all good to go." 

We walk out of my two-story Victorian home and straight into Nat’s bright-pink car. She was super proud to find a car in her favourite color. She also lets me borrow it while she’s working, which has been a lifesaver while trying to balance both of my jobs.

I guess it may be time to reconsider moving in with Nat. When I had to stay home from college she offered to let me move into her parent's house with her since they had moved to another state and left her the house. Back then I was worried about my mother and how she would cope as she still had minor memory lapses. Now, however, she seems to be doing much better. She still has mood swings, but I think she would be okay without me.

Nat starts the car, speeding out of the driveway faster than she normally does. Maybe something more happened with my mother after I walked away? Who knows? I’ve learned that Nat won’t tell me what’s wrong unless she wants to, so there’s no point in asking. Instead I try to distract her from her thoughts with the mention of tonight. "So, you going to tell me where we’re going yet?” I ask, holding back a smile.

She makes a few turns until we’re on the main road before responding. “I’m taking you to a club. And before you object,” she adds, fixing me with a glare, “it took me a long time to organize this, so no complaining.” I close my mouth with a smirk. While a night out in a packed club with overpriced drinks isn’t an ideal way to spend my birthday, I am just so thankful that she remembered. Dad called this morning while I was finishing up my shift at the diner and Mom hadn’t been awake when I got home.  

I slump in the passenger seat, putting on a sour expression. “Ugh, fine.” I pretend to mope, waiting for her face to drop. She glares at me from the driver’s seat, taking her eyes off the road. “Don’t make me pull this car over, Val, because I will. And you know just what happens when I get grumpy.”

I smile at her, erasing any evidence of a frown. “Okay, happy Val it is. But seriously, I know how much work you put into this. I know you wanted to surprise me. I'm sorry if me knowing has ruined the fun for you."

“Sally told me straight after she spilled the beans so we had time to change stuff. Trust me, I still plan to surprise you.” She winks at me as we pull into town. 

“Thank you. I know I may not seem too grateful, but it means a lot to me that you put the effort in for me. I doubt my mother even remembered what today is.”

“Trust me, she knows,” I hear, muttered under her breath. My head whips around, unsure why she’d say it like that. It sounded . . . odd.

“What was that?”

She shakes her head, focusing on the road as we near my favourite coffee shop. “Nothing. I just want you to know I love you, babe. No matter what comes our way, I won’t ever leave you.”

“Good, because without you, I doubt I’d survive in this stinky ass town.”

She laughs as we park at the back of the coffee shop. It’s one of the best places in town and our usual catch up place. We can sit for hours and talk with a good cup of coffee.

“Come on, Val, hurry up!”

Natalie is already out of the car and by the back door, looking at me impatiently. I shake my head with a smile as I climb out of the car and follow after her.

She knows I get stuck in my thoughts from time to time so I doubt it even bothers her anymore.

I walk in behind her, stopping just after she does, running straight into her back. “Oi! How about you give a girl some warning before just stopping? This hallway isn’t exactly wide you know,” I grumble, when Nat turns around with a smirk.

“I love you, Val.” The mischievous little sparkle in her eyes has me taking a step back but she grips my wrist, stopping me from leaving, and pulling me the last few steps forward.

“SURPRISE!”

Jessica and Sally are standing there in the middle of the empty coffee shop holding up a banner that reads ‘Happy Birthday’. There are red, orange and yellow streamers hanging around the place.

“What is this?” I ask, shocked.

Nat pulls me over to the table in the middle of the café set up with cakes, sandwiches and empty mugs.

“This, my dear friend, is a surprise party. I know you aren’t a big fan of the club scene and when I found out Sally let loose the deets on tonight”—she shoots a mocking glare at Sally who responds by poking her tongue out in a playful manner—“we figured we’d all have a coffee catch up before the club.”

“Wow…” I murmur, not quite sure what to say. I’ve been so busy lately that I’ve neglected my friends and seeing the effort they put into making me happy today makes me feel like a horrible friend. “Thank you, guys. So much,” I say, giving Sally and Jessica a hug before turning to Nat, a big grin growing on my face.

She takes a frightened step away. “Val… don’t even think about—”

She doesn’t get a chance to finish her sentence before I pounce on her and tackle her to the floor, ignoring the fact we’re both wearing dresses for the club tonight. I kiss her on both cheeks multiple times before she finally starts laughing. “Ok, Val, get off me,” she begs, laughter in her voice.

I lean back on the floor, a massive grin on my face. “You know I love you, right?”

Natalie climbs to her feet elegantly. “I love you too, Val, but I swear sometimes you can be such a child,” she grumbles with a smile on her face.

“Oh, I’m the child? I’m pretty sure it was you who started the habit of peppering people with kisses when they did something you liked. If anything, you are the bad influence because most of my habits I learned from you.”

“She’s right, you know,” Jessica agrees, hiding a grin. “If I remember correctly, you were the instigator even before we started school. I don’t know how many times I was warned to stay away from you. I thought, ‘Meh, there’s only two months left of school, what could happen?’ Then we all streaked through the middle of town. While it was snowing! Do you remember how cold that was?”

I laugh at the memory, thinking back to how fast we all ran just to get back inside, the number of times we stumbled and got back up. Even though the snow was only an inch thick it was still fricking cold.

“Come on, Val, these two are just going to start arguing so we may as well sit down and order,” Sally says with a smile. The moment Sally and I sit down Jessica and Natalie playfully shove each other before sitting down too.

“How did you guys manage this?” I ask, looking at Nat, knowing she would have been responsible for this in some way.

She grins at me. “Well, you know that guy I was dating a while back - Small Willy?” I snort at the mention of her last boyfriend. She loves naming boyfriends based on their least attractive features. Two guesses why she named him Small Willy.

“You mean William?” Sally asks, refusing to call him by his nickname.

“Yeah, well he still owed me a favor and his dad owns the place. So here we are. He even managed to get us a private barista for the day. Apparently his dad didn’t trust us not to break anything.”

At the mention of the barista, she comes over and takes our orders before setting to the task of making us coffee.

“So, Val? Feel any different today?”

I grin over Jessica, “Yeah I feel old.”

She waves her hand flippantly. “Ha! Twenty-one is not old. Just wait until we’re fifty and you’re trying to sneeze without pissing yourself. Then we’ll be old.”

Once our coffee comes we spend two hours just catching up on life. Jessica has a new boyfriend and her parents are pushing her harder than ever to go back to college. She went for one year and dropped out when the course load became too much.

Sally’s store is doing better than ever. She had saved all through high school knowing she wanted to buy her very own bookstore, and when she moved here in senior year, she almost gave up on her dream, but we encouraged her to follow through. Now her bookstore is the only one in town and is about to undergo an expansion.

Natalie, however, has been just as unproductive as I have. She usually occupies her time with guys, unless of course I am free. Then we hang out at my place watching movies. There were times when we were both single and we both had a free night to go out and be each other’s wingman; or would that be wingwoman?

“What about you, Val? Have you had any more blackouts lately?”

Nat watches me from across the table and I offer her a grim smile. “Not since the last one a year ago. It’s starting to worry me. Either they have finally stopped, or another one is just around the corner.”

Jessica and Sally both frown, staying silent. They are fully aware of my blackouts and how severe they used to be. It’s actually one of the things that brought us all together. Jessica and Sally were walking together when I stood in front of an oncoming car, completely zoned out by one of my hazes. They pulled me out of the way and called Nat, whose number is on a metal bracelet I wear all the time.

Nat shakes her head and gets to her feet. “Alright girls, no more sad topics. We have a party to get to.”

Sally and I groan at the same time, causing us to laugh. Jessica glares at us. “You two are so horrible. Just have fun, it won’t kill you.”

Ha! Sure. Those are famous last words if I ever heard them. As we leave the coffee shop, Jessica and Sally driving off together as Nat and I climb into her car, I can’t help the jitters that start to build in my belly, a mix of nerves and excitement. Ok, so maybe I am excited to celebrate my birthday. Maybe I might even meet a guy? Here’s hoping. Work hasn’t exactly given me too many dating opportunities.