BETH
Every now and then, fate smiles in my favor. Yes, I know, hard to believe, but today is one of those rare days. Last week, Lacy told me Ryan drove into Louisville for coaching lessons on Wednesdays, and yesterday she told me that the facility is located in the south side of Louisville, sweetly tucked away a half mile from my home.
Outside of a large metal warehouse, Ryan plucks a bag full of his baseball crap out of the back of his Jeep and I do my best to keep from fidgeting. My nerves make it difficult to stay still. I’m so close to my mom that I can almost taste the cigarette. Be cool, Beth. This is a hand you have to play carefully. “How long is practice?”
“An hour. Maybe a little longer.” Ryan slings his bag over his shoulder. I swear, this guy has the broadest shoulders of any high school kid I have ever met. He wears a tight T-shirt and my stomach performs tiny flips when his shirt rides up, exposing his abs.
I sigh and push the thoughts away. The characteristics of gorgeous and decent don’t mix with wanting me. And while Ryan can be a jerk, he is…decent. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that what I’m doing to him is wrong.
Wrong but necessary.
Besides, whatever is going on between us is a game of some sort. I just haven’t guessed his angle yet. Not that it matters. By the end of the night, Ryan will hate me and so will Scott. I won’t feel bad about Scott though. He’s the one that dragged me into this mess and he’ll be much happier without me. In an hour I will have reached Mom, contacted Isaiah, and we’ll be out of town. The schedule is tight, but doable.
“Where do you want to go to dinner? There’s an Applebee’s close by and a T.G.I. Friday’s. Hopefully our dinner conversation will be a lot better than the silence on the way in.” He pauses. “We can do fast food if you prefer. I know how you love tacos.”
The first cool breeze of fall blows across the parking lot and goose bumps rise on my arms. In an hour, I’ll be heading to the beach.
“I said tacos, Beth. Where’s the ‘eff you’ that typically follows?”
I stare up at him and blink. I’m doing this. I’m actually going to run away.
Ryan’s eyebrows furrow together and he comes closer to me, blocking the breeze, or maybe it’s the heat radiating from his body warming me. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” He’s taller than me. Gigantically. I’m not going to see him again so I let myself notice Ryan as he really is. He’s sexily hot with his broad shoulders, curved muscles, cute mess of sandy-blond hair kicking out behind his baseball cap and adorable warm brown eyes. I pretend for a second that the sincerity in them is real—and for me.
The wind blows again, harder this time, and several strands of my hair move across my face. Ryan focuses on them. His fingers whisper against my cheek, then down the sensitive skin on my neck as he brushes the strands over my shoulder. His touch tickles and burns at the same time.
Heat races to my face and my hands immediately cover my cheeks. What the hell? I’m blushing. Guys don’t make me blush. Guys don’t want to make me blush. Confused by my reaction, I step away and reach into my back pocket to pull out a cigarette I bummed from stoner boy at school. “Give me a few, okay?”
“If you get bored in the waiting area and you want to watch, I’ll ask Coach if you can…”
I shake my head. “No.”
Ryan presses his lips together and heads toward the entrance. I sneak a peek at his retreating form and my heart drops. Whatever messed-up moment we just experienced doesn’t change anything. Ryan goes for girls like Gwen and screws over girls like me. You can’t change destinies already written. That only happens in fairy tales.
I do feel sorry for him. Scott’s going to kill him by the end of the night. “Ryan?”
He glances over his shoulder. What do I say? You’ve been fun to mess with, but I have to save my mom. I’m sorry that when you return to Groveton tonight without me, my uncle will rip off your balls and my aunt will serve them for dinner with a side of seaweed?
“Thanks.” The word tastes weird in my mouth.
He removes his baseball cap, runs his hand through his hair, and smashes it back into place. I look away to keep the guilt from killing me.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
I blink, unsure what he’s apologizing for, but I don’t ask for an explanation. I said my piece. He said his. We’re even.
A teenage boy leaves the building and holds the door open for Ryan. He goes in while the other boy jingles his car keys. Thank you, fate, for lending me a hand. I tuck the cigarette into my back pocket and smile in a way that makes the boy assume he has a chance. “Can I bum a ride?”
* * *
Nerves vibrate in my stomach and I keep taking deep breaths. No matter how many times I inhale, I still have a hard time filling my lungs with air. Please, God, this one time, please let the asshole be gone. And please, please, please let Isaiah agree to my crazy plan once I show up with my mom in tow.
I thought about telling him about my plan beforehand, but, in the end, I knew he wouldn’t agree to Mom tagging along. He blames her for the problems in my life, but I know Isaiah. When I show up with her, begging to leave, he won’t let me down. He’ll take us—both.
The Last Stop is empty, but give it another hour or two and the bar will be filled. Even in daylight, the place is as dark as a dungeon. In his typical jeans and flannel shirt, Denny sits at his bar and hovers over a laptop, giving his face a bluish glow. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots me. “Heard your mom lost custody.”
“Yeah.”
He sips a longneck. “Sorry, kid.”
“How has she been?” My mouth dries out and it takes everything I have to act like his answer doesn’t matter to me.
“Do you really want to know?”
No. I don’t. “What do I owe you?”
He closes the laptop. “Nothing. Go back to where you came from. Anywhere has to be better than here.”
I go out the back. It’s the fastest way to Mom’s apartment. At night, the place is creepy in the shadows. During the day, the run-down apartment complex just looks sad and pathetic. Management spray-painted parts of the 1970s orange brick white to hide the graffiti. It’s a useless effort. The elementary kids paint their swear words back on the next night.
Since most of the windows are broken, the residents use cardboard and gray tape to cover the glass, except for the windows with the roaring air-conditioning units that leak water like faucets. Mom and I never had one of those. We were never that rich or lucky.
Asshole Trent lives in the complex across the parking lot from Mom. The only thing sitting in his parking spot is the large pool of black oil that seeps from his car when it’s parked. Good. I inhale again to still my internal shaking. Good.
After Dad left, Mom moved us to Louisville and we officially became gypsies, moving into a new apartment every six to eight months. Some were so bad we left voluntarily. Others kicked us out after Mom missed rent. The trailer in Groveton and my aunt Shirley’s basement are the only stable homes I’ve ever known. The apartment near Shirley’s is the longest Mom has ever stayed in one place and it sucks that Trent is the reason why. I knock softly.
The door rattles as Mom unlocks the multiple dead bolts and, like I taught her to, she leaves the chain on when she opens the door an inch. Mom squints as if her eyes have never seen the sun. She’s whiter than normal, and the blond hair on the back of her head stands upright as if she hasn’t brushed it in days.
“What is it?” she barks.
“It’s me, Mom.”
She rubs her eyes. “Elisabeth?”
“Let me in.” And let’s get you out.
Mom closes the door, the chain jiggles as she unlocks it, and the door flies open. In seconds, she wraps her arms around me. Her fingernails dig into my scalp. “Baby? Oh God, baby. I thought I’d never see you again.”
Her body shakes and I hear the familiar sniffling that accompanies her crying. I rest my head on her shoulder. She smells like a strange combination of vinegar, pot, and alcohol. Only the vinegar seems out of place. Part of me is thrilled to see her alive. The other part beyond annoyed. I hate that she’s high. “What did you take?”
Mom pulls back and runs her fingers through my hair in very fast successive motions. “Nothing.”
I note her red eyes and dilated pupils and tilt my head.
“Okay, just some pot.” She smiles while a tear runs down her face. “Do you want a bowl? We have new neighbors and they’re into sharing. Let’s go.”
Snatching Mom’s hand, I push past her and into the apartment. “You need to pack.”
“Elisabeth! Don’t!”
“What the hell?” The place is trashed. Not like normal trashed. This is beyond dirty dishes, mud-caked floors, and fast-food wrappers on the furniture. The cushions of the couch lie on the threadbare carpet, both ripped open. The coffee table could now be used as kindling. The insides of Mom’s small television lie exposed near the three-foot kitchen.
“Someone broke in.” Mom shuts the door behind her, locking one of the dead bolts.
“Bullshit.” I turn and face her. “People who break in steal shit and you don’t have shit to steal. And what the hell is that stench?”
I dyed Easter eggs with Scott once and our trailer smelled like vinegar for days.
“I’m cleaning,” Mom says. “The bathroom. I got sick in there earlier.”
Her words hit me hard. Puking can mean an OD. My worst nightmare for my mother. “What did you take?”
She shakes her head and nervously laughs. “I told you, pot. A little beer. I’m barely buzzing.”
Ah, hell. “Are you pregnant?”
I hate it when she has to think for an answer. “No. No. I’m taking those pills. It’s good you found a way to have them sent to me in the mail.”
Kneading my eyes with my palms, I gather my wits. None of this matters. “Get your stuff together. We’re leaving.”
“Why? I haven’t received an eviction notice.”
“We’re gypsies, remember?” I say, trying to lighten the mood. “We never stay still.”
“No, Elisabeth. You have the gypsy soul, not me.”
Her statement stops me short and I wait for her to explain. Mom sways from side to side. Whatever. She’s high and I don’t have time for this. I step over the shredded coffee table. “Isaiah offered to take me to the beach and you’re coming with us. We’ll lay low until I turn eighteen next summer and then we’ll be home free.”
“What about Trent?”
“He beats you. You don’t need that asshole!” I spot a couple of plastic shopping bags in the corner. Those will do. Mom owns few items worth packing.
“Elisabeth!” Mom kicks the remains of the coffee table as she bolts after me. She grabs my arm. “Stop!”
“Stop? Mom, we have to go. You know if Trent comes back and finds me here…”
She cuts me off and runs her fingers through my hair again. “He’ll kill you.” Her eyes pool with tears and she sniffles again. “He’ll kill you,” she repeats. “I can’t go.”
My entire body bottoms out like a fast sobering from a high. “You have to.”
“No, baby. I can’t go now. Give me a few weeks. I got some business to take care of and then we’ll leave together. I promise.”
Business? “We’re leaving. Now.”
Her fingers curl in my hair and tighten, yanking to the point of pain. She leans down and places her forehead to mine. The stench of beer rolls off her breath. “I promise. I promise I’ll go with you. Listen to me. I have to clean some stuff up. Give me a couple of weeks, then we’ll go.”
The doorknob wiggles and my heart kicks into high gear. He’s back.
Mom grips my hand painfully. “My bedroom.” She drags me through the apartment and loses her balance as she trips over the pieces of broken furniture. “Go out the window.”
Bile rises in my throat and I begin to shake. “No. Not without you.”
Leaving Mom here is like watching sand run out of an hourglass while I’m chained to the wall, unable to flip it back over. Someday, Trent will go too far and it won’t just be a bruise or a broken bone. He’ll take the life out of her body. Time with Trent is an enemy.
“Sky!” Trent shouts when he enters the apartment. “I told you to keep the door unlocked.”
Mom hugs me tightly. “Go, baby,” she whispers. “Come and get me in a few weeks.”
She rips the cardboard off the glass and I jump back when a hand shoots through the already-open window. “Give her to me.”
Isaiah pokes his head in and both of his hands latch onto my body. I stop breathing and realize one way or another, one of these guys is going to kill me.