Chapter 6

 

 

SEB WRAPPED his arms around Hudson, pulling Hudson up hard against him, their bodies crushed together so tight, as if trying to become one. Hudson melted against Seb, allowing Seb to hold him up. He didn’t trust his own legs at the moment, not when he was filled with the sensation of Seb kissing him. He couldn’t hold back his moan as Seb’s gentle, heated kiss led to Hudson’s mouth being ravished, the hunger and heat threatening to make him combust. Closer. Hudson needed to be closer. He tugged at Seb’s T-shirt like he used to, and Seb reached down, grabbed his arse, and lifted him with ease. He sat Hudson on the pool table’s edge and stepped between his legs so their erections pressed together. Hudson wrapped his legs around Seb’s thighs, in case he had any ideas about moving away.

Hudson gasped as he was forced to come up for air, and Seb took advantage, moving his lips to Hudson’s neck to suck and nibble. Had Hudson wanted to say something, anything, the power of speech had abandoned him. He tangled his fingers in Seb’s short hair, his breath panting, and his cock straining against his trousers. Seb slipped one hand under Hudson’s shirt, the other cupping Hudson’s left arse cheek. Hudson arched his back, a whimper escaping him as he writhed in Seb’s hold.

“My beautiful Lobito.” Seb’s voice was husky, and Hudson all but came in his pants.

“Darling,” Hudson pleaded, uncertain what he was asking—begging—for. Forget tomorrow. Only right now mattered, and he needed Seb so badly it was painful.

“We should—”

Hudson cut Seb off with his mouth. He shook his head, reaching between them to cup Seb through his jeans. Seb moaned into Hudson’s mouth, and Hudson pushed him hard. Startled, Seb stepped back, his lips swollen from kissing, his cheeks pink, and his hair sticking up. He’d opened his mouth to speak, when Hudson hopped down, took hold of Seb’s waistband, and undid the buttons of his fly.

“Lobito….”

Hudson tugged down Seb’s jeans and boxer briefs to midthigh, moaning as Seb’s beautiful, thick cock sprang free, jutting up toward his stomach. If Hudson didn’t taste Seb, he was going to lose his bloody mind. He wrapped his hand around the base of Seb’s already leaking cock, loving the tremor he felt go through Seb. Hudson licked up the length of Seb’s erection. He drew the rosy-hued knob into his mouth and sucked at the salty pearls before pressing his tongue to the slit.

“Oh, fuck.” Seb slipped his fingers into Hudson’s hair, kneading his scalp as Hudson took Seb deep down his throat, relishing the guttural moan Seb released. As much as Hudson wished he could swallow Seb down, he was far too big. Hudson’s mouth was only so wide, and his throat only so deep. Regardless, Hudson devoured Seb, sucking, licking, and nipping at Seb’s tender skin, every taste fueling Hudson’s hunger. Hudson moved a hand to Seb’s arse cheek and dug his fingers into the firm, rounded globe.

“Baby, I’m not gonna last,” Seb said through a gasp. “The last test came back negative, so you know.”

Hudson expected no less from Seb. He hummed an acknowledgment around Seb’s cock, doubling his efforts, his body all but trembling with the anticipation of having Seb come down his throat. He moved his hand from the base of Seb’s cock to his balls, slipping his other finger between Seb’s arse cheeks. Seb bucked in his mouth, releasing a litany of curses as Hudson sucked hard, fondling Seb’s balls and circling his puckered hole with his other finger, teasing, pressing, driving Seb mad with his touch.

Seb’s hold on Hudson’s hair tightened, and he sucked in a sharp breath. “Baby….”

With a moan, Hudson pushed a finger inside Seb, and salty come shot into his mouth. Seb’s body went rigid, and Hudson looked up at him, shivering at the molten heat in his near-black eyes, only a sliver of green remaining. Hudson sucked the last remaining drop from Seb before letting Seb’s cock slip from between his lips. Seb reached down and grabbed his arm, then jerked Hudson to his feet and against him, their mouths crashing together in a breathless fervor of sucking, biting, and kissing.

Seb pushed Hudson back against the pool table, took him and turned him roughly, then pressed up against Hudson’s back. He fumbled with Hudson’s trouser buttons before finally managing to get them undone, then slipped his hand inside Hudson’s pants to grab his hard cock.

“Oh God,” Hudson said through his gasp, his hands flat against the pool table’s surface as Seb squeezed his painfully hard erection. He released Hudson and brought his hand up.

“Spit,” Seb growled, and Hudson shivered again at the feral command. He did as Seb demanded, spitting into Seb’s hand. When Seb took hold of his cock again, now slick with Hudson’s spit and precome, Hudson feared he might lose it right then. Seb had other plans for him.

Seb tugged and twisted, moving his hand up and down Hudson’s cock, as his free hand yanked down Hudson’s trousers until they were under his arse. Hudson’s gasp at the feel of Seb’s hard cock pressed against his crease.

“Darling,” Hudson murmured, his head falling forward as he widened his stance. Seb pushed his cock between Hudson’s cheeks, and Hudson trembled at Seb rutting against him. He stroked Hudson mercilessly with one hand, his other hand going to Hudson’s shoulder to hold him in place as he intensified the friction, his chest pressing to Hudson’s back.

Seb nipped at Hudson’s jaw. “You’re so fucking beautiful, my heart can’t take it.”

The pressure inside Hudson increased, and he bucked his hips. Unable to stop, he drove himself in and out of Seb’s strong hand.

“That’s it, sweetheart. Pretend it’s my ass you’re fucking.”

Hudson whimpered. “I can’t.” Having Seb’s cock between his cheeks, rubbing, pressing against his hole, it was too much. “Sebastian, love, please….”

“Fuck me, Hudson.” Seb squeezed Hudson’s cock, and Hudson cried out Seb’s name before thrusting into his hand over and over, his movements growing erratic as he threw his head back and to the side, seeking Seb’s mouth. He was rewarded with Seb’s tongue slipping between his lips, plundering, demanding, reducing Hudson to a whimpering, keening mess.

“Oh God, Seb!” Hudson’s orgasm plowed through him, and Seb’s growl joined Hudson’s cry, hot come dripping between Hudson’s arse cheeks as Hudson coated Seb’s hands. His body shook, and Hudson doubled over as his release continued to course through him. Seb folded over him, and Hudson heard his heart pounding in his ears, his cock twitching in Seb’s grasp.

Hudson closed his eyes, smiling at Seb’s gentle kiss. They remained unmoving for the longest time before Seb pulled away, and Hudson groaned at the chill hitting his bare arse, but the feel of Seb’s come running down his thigh brought his smile back. A heartbeat later, Seb returned and cleaned up Hudson with a damp washcloth. Hudson would have fallen asleep on the pool table if Seb let him. Instead, Seb tenderly pulled Hudson’s trousers up, turned him, and kissed him. He fastened Hudson’s buttons, his own clothes set to rights. Hudson hummed, smiling stupidly as Seb pulled him into a warm embrace. Hudson snuggled close, his bones feeling like jelly. A contented sigh escaped him, and Seb chuckled. He ran a hand over Hudson’s hair and kissed the top of his head.

“I know it’s tomorrow, but happy birthday, Lobito.”

Hudson blinked up at him. “Good Lord. It is my birthday tomorrow, isn’t it?”

Seb laughed softly. “How is it you remember everyone else’s birthday but not your own?”

Hudson shrugged. “I suppose it doesn’t feel very important.”

“Oh, sweetheart, it is important. It’s important to me.” Seb nuzzled Hudson’s temple, his lips brushing against Hudson’s skin. He took Hudson’s hand and led him to the couch. “I have something for you. I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

Hudson wasn’t surprised, but he was no less touched. Seb always remembered his birthday, and he always had a gift for Hudson, despite Hudson telling him countless times it was unnecessary. Hudson had a terrible habit of forgetting his own birthday, but Seb was always there to remind him, and the bashful smile on Seb’s face when he gave Hudson his gift made Hudson’s heart flutter every time. He sat back, his heart happy. Had he really just thrown himself at Seb? His lips curled into a smile, and he couldn’t help the heat that rose in his face when he thought of Seb’s body against him, his rough, firm hands on Hudson’s bare skin.

Easy there, fella. If he didn’t stop thinking about it, Hudson was going to have a very different sort of surprise for Seb.

Seb returned and took a seat beside Hudson on the couch, their legs pressed against each other. He had a medium-sized box wrapped in silver and white with a frosty, blue ribbon around it. “I was going to give it to you tomorrow, but when I spoke to Nina and found out you were going to drop by to see Mom, I knew I had to bring it to you here. It’s kind of personal, so I didn’t really want to give it to you at work.”

“Thank you.” Hudson smiled warmly at Seb. “You really didn’t have to.”

“I know.” Seb kissed his cheek. “But I wanted to. It took me a while to figure out. I hope I did okay.”

“Whatever it is, Sebastian, I’m certain it’ll be wonderful.” Hudson pulled at the ends of the ribbon, slipped it off the box, and placed it to his left. He carefully removed the giftwrap, finding a slim square box beneath. What on earth could it possibly be? Opening the box, Hudson cocked his head. A photo album?

Curious, Hudson lifted it from the box, moved the box aside, and placed the album on his lap. He opened to the first page, and his heart leaped into his throat. Tears filled his eyes, and he snapped his head up to stare at Seb. When he spoke, his words were almost a whisper.

“Where…? How did you get this?”

Seb’s eyes became glassy, and he moved his gaze to his fingers, his smile shy. “I sort of broke a few rules and enlisted Dex’s help, got him to use his charms to contact THIRDS HQ in London to get Millie’s cell phone number. I called her up and begged her to sneak into your parents’ house and steal it for me.”

Hudson was speechless. When he finally found his voice, it was rough and laced with emotion. “You spoke to my sister?” Millie and Theo were the only ones who hadn’t blamed Hudson for Alfie’s death. They hadn’t wanted him to leave for America, but Hudson couldn’t stay, and they understood. Unfortunately, their father kept them under his thumb, holding their children’s educations over their heads, threatening to cut them off if they had any contact with Hudson. Hudson had promised them he wasn’t cross with them. How could he blame them for taking care of their children? He would never do anything to hurt his nieces and nephews.

Seb nodded. “She was so happy to hear you were okay. I told her to make sure she didn’t get into any trouble. I gave her my address, and a week later it arrived.”

Hudson still couldn’t believe it. He ran his fingers reverently over the old photo of him and Alfie as children hugging each other tight, big smiles on their cherub faces.

Seb handed Hudson a tissue, and Hudson laughed softly as he wiped his eyes. “Thank you, Sebastian. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

“I think I do,” Seb said quietly.

Hudson closed the book, overcome with emotion. He didn’t want to stain the pages with his tears. Seb had found a way to contact his sister and somehow got her to retrieve the album containing his and Alfie’s pictures. It had been so long since Hudson had seen it. He gently placed it to one side, turned, and threw his arms around Seb, hugging him tight.

“You’re an amazing man, Sebastian Hobbs.”

Seb ran a hand tenderly over Hudson’s hair. “You’re pretty amazing yourself, Dr. Colbourn.”

Hudson shook his head, unable to reply. He closed his eyes as Seb held him, stroking his hair and murmuring sweet words. When Hudson was certain he wouldn’t turn into a blubbering mess, he pulled back, blew his nose on a clean tissue, and returned the album to his lap. The leather was pristine and sturdy, looking as though it had been purchased yesterday and not decades ago. He inhaled deeply and released a steady breath through his mouth before opening the cover.

“If it wasn’t for your expressions, you’d look like twins,” Seb said with a smile. He pointed to the small boy on the left with the shy smile. “That’s definitely you.”

Hudson studied the photo, his heart squeezing. “We looked very much alike when we were children. Both with the same thick, pitch-black hair and eyebrows, same blue eyes. We even smiled the same. When we hit our teenage years, I was still gangly and awkward, while Alfie grew into his body, sleek and muscular. I looked very much the science nerd I was, and Alfie looked as if he’d stepped off the cover of a magazine. Left a trail of broken hearts wherever he went.” Hudson turned the page and laughed at the picture of them on a pony, Alfie with one hand tucked inside his waistcoat, the other pointing forward and his mouth open as if leading a charge. They’d been about ten years old at the time.

“Is your brother pretending to be Napoleon?” Seb asked.

Hudson nodded. “My father was livid. He’d brought in a ridiculously expensive photographer to take a picture of us for some society column, and every time the man tried to photograph us, Alfie would strike the most ridiculous pose. None of the photos were any use for the column. This was our nanny’s favorite, which is why it made it into the album. She was the one who started this album for us.”

Their parents couldn’t be bothered with such a menial task. Having pictures taken and put into albums was the job of the house staff. In a way, Hudson was glad, because it meant the albums were filled with fun, very real moments rather than staged portraits intent on displaying their family’s false perfection.

Hudson went through every picture with Seb, telling him stories of his and Alfie’s shenanigans just before that particular photo was taken. Alfie and Hudson pulled funny faces, dressed up as pirates, as Sherlock Holmes and John Watson, as bobbies, and knights, always acting out a scene for the camera. Hudson stilled at one picture he had completely forgotten about.

“Wow.” Seb’s voice was hoarse, and when Hudson looked up at him, he was surprised to see tears in Seb’s eyes.

“Seb?”

“Sorry.” Seb wiped at his eyes and laughed at himself. “It’s just, you can really see how much he loves you. The way he’s looking at you.”

Hudson smiled warmly. “It was at some posh banquet. I can’t even remember what for. One of my father’s associates was receiving another award or some such thing. I do remember Alfie had turned nineteen that day, so I was eighteen at the time. My father and I had a bloody great row the night before. He believed the banquet was far more important than his son’s birthday, and I disagreed. I decided we’d celebrate Alfie’s birthday at the banquet. We had so much fun ignoring everyone, dancing and being a couple of nuisances. We drank, ate nothing but cake. By the end of the evening, I was exhausted.”

The photo was one of Hudson’s favorites. He couldn’t even remember who’d taken it. The two of them sat together on a bench, Hudson slumped against Alfie, his tuxedo tie undone, hair rumpled, and glasses sitting crooked on his nose. Alfie had his arm around Hudson’s shoulders, holding him close as he smiled down at him. The adoration in his blue eyes was unmistakable.

“I miss him so much.” Hudson blinked away his tears.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this to bring you any pain.”

Hudson closed the album, then put it to one side before launching at Seb and knocking him onto his back, kissing him. Seb didn’t hesitate. He wrapped Hudson in his embrace and returned his kiss. Hudson slowed his kissing, taking his time in exploring Seb’s mouth, showing him how much this gift meant to him, how much he adored Seb for his thoughtfulness, for just being him. When they came up for breath, Seb searched Hudson’s gaze.

“Lobito—”

A smoke alarm went off somewhere upstairs, and they both started. Seb looked to the stairs before turning his attention back to Hudson, his expression torn.

“Go,” Hudson said, his voice breathy. “I’m right behind you.”

Seb gave him a quick, heated kiss before gently moving Hudson off him. He jumped off the couch, then ran for the stairs and took them two at a time.

With a shaky breath, Hudson straightened his clothes and raked his fingers through his hair. His glasses were somewhat fogged up, and he chuckled. Cleaning them on his shirt, he hurried upstairs. Smoke was coming from the kitchen, and Hudson ran in just as Seb placed a blackened roasting pan in the sink. It appeared to contain the charred remains of some kind of beef, possibly. He ran water on it before grabbing a dish towel and fanning the smoke alarm. Julia was on the verge of tears.

“I’m so sorry, honey. Your dad needed me, and it took longer than I thought, and now dinner is ruined.”

Hudson gathered up Julia in his arms and kissed the top of her head. “There, there, darling. Nothing to fret over. It’s still early. Seb and I will go to the market and pick something up. Then we can cook together. How does that sound?”

Julia wiped a tear from her eye. “I was going to surprise you with your favorite roast since it’s your birthday, but….”

“Oh, Julia.” Hudson squeezed her tight. “My being here with you means more to me than anything. Please don’t fret.”

“Mom, it’s okay,” Seb assured her, then gave the top of her head a kiss. “Promise.”

She pressed her lips together, putting one hand to Seb’s cheek and the other to Hudson’s. “Such good boys.”

“We’ll be back in no time,” Seb promised.

Hudson gave her cheek a kiss before following Seb to the front door, where Seb picked up his keys and wallet. He took Hudson’s jacket from the coatrack and held it out to him with a wink.

“Such a gentleman,” Hudson cooed, slipping his arms into the sleeves before turning to kiss Seb’s lips. The most wonderful sigh escaped Seb, and when Hudson made to move away, Seb took hold of his chin and kissed him again. Hudson chuckled against his lips. “Your mother is waiting for us, Sebastian.”

“Right,” Seb said with a breathy laugh. He put on his jacket and opened the door for Hudson, followed him out, and locked the door behind them. They took Seb’s red-and-black Dodge Ram Rebel. Hudson thanked Seb for opening the passenger-side door for him, and he took Seb’s hand when he offered to help Hudson up. It was a beast of a machine, but then Seb had always driven large trucks, Destructive Delta’s BearCat being one of them. Seb had loved the damn thing. The Hobbs brothers had a natural talent for maneuvering starship-sized vehicles, and they had a habit of driving said vehicles as if they were competing in the Daytona 500.

Seb’s favorite supermarket was on West 37th Street. It had the feel of an old-fashioned grocer but sold organic fresh foods along with gourmet options. It offered Therian-sized cuts of meat, with a deli that made Hudson’s mouth water. Plants hung from the awning, and fresh flowers in an array of colors and bouquets were on offer to the right of the entrance, while fresh fruits were displayed to the left. Hudson couldn’t help his smile. It had been so long since he’d been here, he forgot how much he enjoyed his trips with Seb.

They received a cheerful greeting from several of the employees when they walked in. The store was as bustling and filled with customers as Hudson remembered. As they headed for the deli, Seb bumped him playfully.

“Hey, you want me to grab some chips and that organic salsa you love? You’re going to be hungry like an hour after dinner.”

Hudson arched an eyebrow at him. “Are you insinuating that I eat a lot?”

“Not insinuating. Next to Dex and Cael, you have the biggest appetite I’ve ever seen in a guy your size. It’s all those smarts you got up there,” Seb said with a wink, tapping Hudson’s head. “Burns a lot of calories.”

Hudson wrinkled his nose. “You’re lucky you’re pretty to look at, Sebastian.”

Seb gasped in mock horror. “Are you saying you only love me for my body?”

“Well….” Hudson pretended to give it some thought, laughing when Seb poked Hudson’s side right where he was ticklish.

“Dr. Colbourn?”

Hudson’s heart stopped. He knew that voice. How could he forget it? It haunted his nightmares.

“Mrs. Palmer?” Instinctively Hudson straightened, and he felt Seb stiffen beside him. “How are you?” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Her jaw muscles clenched, and her gaze dropped to Hudson’s hand in Seb’s before moving on to Seb. Tears welled in her big blue eyes. Anger soon followed.

“As well as you can imagine. Kurt would have started high school this week.”

“I’m sorry,” Hudson said, his voice rough. “I’m so sorry.”

“Your apology means as much now as it did then. It won’t bring my son back, Dr. Colbourn.”

“Mrs. Palmer,” Seb began gently, only to have her put a finger up.

“Don’t you dare. There is nothing left for you to say to me. Had you done your job, my son would still be alive.” She shook her head, tears spilling over to roll down her cheeks, her bottom lip trembling. Hudson took a step forward only to have her recoil from him. “Stay away from me,” she snapped. The anguish and loathing in her eyes made Hudson wince. What could he do? What could he possibly say to ease her pain? Her son’s blood was on his hands, just as it had been the day he was killed.

 

 

HUDSON COULD recall the incident in detail, from what he had for breakfast to everything that happened after. He remembered the conversation he had with Nina that morning in his office over tea and coffee before they were called out. Nina had driven since it was the van and not the mobile command center. She hated driving the massive vehicle. He recalled the scene clearly. Recalled crouching beside Nina, inspecting the body of a man gunned down in a residential neighborhood not far from Central Park. The area was sealed off before their arrival, no traffic coming in or out, while THIRDS agents maintained the perimeter, keeping watch.

Hudson inspected the man’s wounds with his gloved hands while Nina checked the man’s pockets for identification. “Three gunshot wounds to the chest.” He had carefully rolled the deceased onto his side when a familiar scent hit his nose. Hudson smiled.

“Good morning, Sebastian.”

Seb crouched down beside him, his smile wide and his voice low. “Morning, sunshine. Tell me you’re as sore as I am.”

Hudson shushed him. “You’re going to give Nina the wrong impression of me.”

“Please, like I buy this whole prim-and-proper act of yours,” Nina teased. She elbowed Seb playfully. “I bet he’s all wild and freaky in bed.”

“Nina,” Hudson hissed. “Honestly.” He motioned down to the body on the ground.

“What?” Nina blinked innocently. “He’s not going to tell anyone.”

“You’re incorrigible,” Hudson said, shaking his head.

Nina laughed and stood. “I’m going to let Sloane know we’re ready to take the body.”

“You do that.” Hudson ignored her poking her tongue out at him, along with Seb’s rumble of a chuckle.

“I was thinking we might have dinner at that cute little Korean place over on East 31st Street, the one where we had our first date.”

Hudson beamed up at him. “Really?”

“Yeah, there’s something I want to talk to you about, and I know how much you love that place.” Seb’s cheeks flushed, and Hudson’s heart skipped a beat. He had opened his mouth to reply when a fellow agent called Seb over. “Hold that thought.”

Hudson watched Seb go, admiring the breadth of his shoulders, the way his body moved beneath the layers of his uniform. It took everything he had not to release a breathy sigh, and he reminded himself a crime scene was certainly not the place to leer at his hot boyfriend.

Movement from the corner of his eye caught Hudson’s attention. A man emerged from behind one of the BearCats.

It all happened in a blur. The man aimed a gun at Hudson’s chest just as Hudson hit the pavement, Seb shielding Hudson with his body. Shots rang out a heartbeat before a barrage of gunfire exploded through the air. The world seemed to slow to a crawl, and Hudson was engulfed in silence, hearing nothing but his ragged breath. The quiet was shattered by a bloodcurdling scream. Hudson lifted his head, his heart leaping in his throat.

“No,” he whispered, pushing at Seb. Seb rolled off him, and Hudson scrambled to his feet, tears blurring his vision as he sped over to the woman holding a small lifeless boy in her arms. Hudson dropped to his knees, bile rising in his throat and threatening to choke him at the sight of the gaping wound in the tiny body. No, oh God, no. Frantically, he felt for the boy’s pulse, refusing to listen to his brain as it told him the boy was gone. The woman screamed, each shriek like a knife to Hudson’s ears. She held her baby to her, rocking him, her hands and clothes covered in blood. Looking down, Hudson inhaled sharply at the blood on his trembling hands.

“I… I’m so sorry.” Hudson’s words were a broken whisper. Tears rolled down his cheeks as agents and EMTs darted around them, trying to assess the situation, get to the boy, and calm the mother. She had gone ashen, her body racking with shivers. What if he was wrong? He had to check again. Maybe the little boy was all right, maybe if he checked again…. Someone grabbed Hudson under his arms, and Hudson fought against them.

“No, I need to check again. I’m wrong. I have to be. He has to be—he can’t—please.” Hudson was dragged back and pulled to his feet away from the hysterical mother. His knees buckled, and he would have crumpled to the ground if Seb hadn’t held him up. Hudson gazed up into the tearful eyes of the man he loved, the heartache and guilt a reflection of Hudson’s own. It should have been Hudson. The bullet had been meant for him. Maybe it would have killed him, maybe he would have survived, but either way, the child would be alive. Because of their bond, their first instinct had been to protect each other when it should have been to protect the public.

“What have we done?” Hudson’s words were barely a whisper.

 

 

“YOU TORE my family apart, and here you are like nothing happened.” Mrs. Palmer’s voice snapped Hudson from his trance, and Hudson thought he might be sick.

“Is that what you think?” Seb asked in disbelief. “That we picked up where we left off? I know I can’t possibly fathom the extent of the loss you’ve suffered, but we didn’t just carry on with our lives. It ripped us apart. I might not have lost my mate to a bullet that day, Mrs. Palmer, but make no mistake, I lost him.”

“Your bond made you both unfit to serve, and you proved as much with your actions that day. My son lost his life due to your animal instincts. The courts may have ruled in your favor, but they were wrong. Marked mates have no place in law enforcement, much less in the same department. You’re no better than animals, unable to control your impulses.”

“Forgive me.” Hudson ran from the supermarket, ignoring Seb calling his name. He took off toward 10th Avenue, grateful for the head start. Seb wouldn’t just take off and leave a distraught Mrs. Palmer standing in the middle of the grocery store in tears. If Seb decided to go after him, Hudson would never make it to the 7 train station on 11th Street. For all his bulk, Seb was a tiger Therian. If he pushed enough, he could easily catch up to Hudson.

By the time Hudson reached the escalators down to the train, he was out of breath, but the lack of air and burn in his lungs was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. How could he have been so foolish, believing he and Seb could have a life together? Mrs. Palmer was right. Their bond made them unpredictable. They’d sworn an oath to protect the citizens of New York City, yet when they were together, their instincts fought against that promise. Hudson was often called out to Theta Destructive’s crime scenes. Seb was fiercely protective of him as it was. How much worse would it be if they were together again? Hudson couldn’t take the risk of history repeating itself.

He wiped at his eyes, refusing to fall apart in the middle of the damned train station in front of strangers, but as he crowded into the corner of the car, he couldn’t hold back the crushing grief that washed over him. There was no going back to Seb.

Ever.

 

 

“HEY.”

Seb was faintly aware of someone hovering over him, carefully removing the beer bottle from his hand. What time was it? How long had he been sitting here on the couch staring at nothing? The last half of the evening was a blur, a jumble of images and events. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to remember.

Mrs. Palmer.

Seb had apologized again and again. Not that it would do any good. He spewed word vomit at her, pleading for her to listen, to understand. He doubted she had, and he didn’t blame her. Why should she care? How the fuck was she supposed to move on from losing a child? The area should have been secured. They’d been informed it was secure. Why did she choose that exact moment to leave her home? Seb let out a snort of disgust. How many times was he going to ask himself the same questions?

When the gunman emerged, gun pointed at Hudson, Seb reacted to Hudson being in immediate danger, all the while believing the mother and child weren’t targets. In court, it was argued that he’d breached protocol by not preserving the life of the mother and child, but the defense argued that since the intended target had been Hudson and the gunman had aimed solely at Hudson, Seb had done his duty in preserving life. It never occurred to Seb that the mother and child would end up in the line of fire or that the gunman would get another shot off before being neutralized. The court had ruled in Seb and Hudson’s favor, and the agent who’d given the all clear took the fall, but the damage had been done. Seconds. That was all it took to shatter two families.

Once Mrs. Palmer left the grocery store, Seb did the same. He called his mom, and calm as could be, lied, telling her he was sorry, that work had called and they wouldn’t make dinner. He couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth. No doubt she saw right through him; she always did. But he just… couldn’t. He arranged for dinner to be delivered to his parents from a local restaurant. Then he picked up a lot of alcohol from… fuck, he couldn’t even remember where. Someplace.

The room was blurry, and his head felt fuzzy, thick. His limbs uncooperative. At some point he’d gotten rid of his shirt, too hot and uncomfortable in his own skin. Someone tilted his head back and waved a hand in front of his face. Seb swatted at the shadows with a grunt, or at least he thought he did.

“Shit. Look at you. How much did you drink?”

Curses followed the sound of clinking bottles.

“Not enough,” Seb muttered, scoffing at himself. He patted the cushion next to him. Where the fuck was that bottle? He frowned and squinted at the face in front of him. “Dom? What you doin’ ’ere?”

“You butt-dialed me.”

“I did?” Seb felt his jean pockets. Wouldn’t his phone need to be near his butt to butt-dial someone? Where the hell was his phone? With a frown, he scanned the living room. His phone lay on the coffee table across from him. How did it get over there? Then again he’d kind of tossed things wherever as soon as he got home, intent on drowning his sorrows.

“When you didn’t answer, I got worried.”

“I’m fine,” Seb grumbled, letting his head fall back against the couch cushion. He squinted up at the ceiling. Was it his eyes, or was a square patch of ceiling slightly discolored. Like it had a translucent sheen to it.

With a scoff, Dom took a seat beside Seb. “Yeah, nothing says ‘fine’ like alcohol poisoning Therian style.”

“Go ’way.” Seb tried to get up. He needed more booze. Maybe then his heart would stop fucking hurting so much. Maybe then it would… stop… just stop. He didn’t want to feel.

“Don’t say that.”

Seb stilled. Shit, had he said that out loud?

“Yeah, you’re fucking using your outside voice, genius.” Dom sounded mad. Why the fuck was Dom mad? Seb rubbed at his eyes and sucked in a sharp breath. They burned. When had he taken off his shoes?

“How long you been here?” Seb squinted at Dom, leaning toward him to point a menacing finger at him. “Stop moving my shit.”

Dom shook his head at him. “I just got here, and I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You took my shoes,” Seb accused. He lifted his socked feet. “See.”

“You took off your own shoes, asshat. They’re right there.”

“I did?” No, he didn’t. Did he? God, he was drunk. He must have. Seb lolled his head to where Dom was pointing and there were his boots, neatly tucked under the side table. With a shrug, he searched the couch. “Fucking fuck. Where is it?” He grabbed at Dom. “What did… what you did with it?”

“Okay. I see we’re going to have to do this the hard way.”

Seb flipped him off. Maybe. He moved his hand. It got quiet, and he forced himself to sit forward, elbows on his knees and fingers in his hair. Man, he felt like shit. Water ran somewhere behind him.

“Hey, I found your booze stash. It’s over here.”

“Yeah?” Seb waved a hand. “Bring it.”

“Nah, bro. It’s too heavy. You need to come get it.”

Seb let out a sound of disgust, peering at Dom when Dom wrapped an arm around his back, grunting as he tried to lift Seb.

“You wanna maybe help me out here? It’s like moving a fucking cement truck.”

“You need to bench-press more,” Seb grunted, his face pushed away from Dom’s.

“And you need to fucking talk downwind and not in my face. Your breath smells like something fucking died.”

“That’s just my heart.”

Dom paused. “What?”

“That died. My heart died.”

“Jesus. Okay, come on, big guy. One step at a time.”

Seb followed Dom into the kitchen, scowling at the lights. Everything was so damn bright, like it was trying to set him on fire. Maybe that was the alcohol. Why were they in the kitchen? Seb wasn’t hungry. Thinking about food made him want to puke.

A thought occurred to him. “You curse a lot,” he grumbled. “Don’t roll your eyes at me, Dom—Dominic.”

“Your observation skills are outstanding, and don’t call me that. Who are you, my mother?” Dom turned him to face the kitchen cabinet. He took hold of the back of Seb’s neck, his thumb stroking his skin. “Hey, look at me,” Dom said softly.

Seb did. Or tried to.

“This is for your own good, okay? Just remember, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Dom was a good guy. He was always looking out for Seb.

One minute Seb was smiling at Dom, the next he was drowning in icy water. He scrambled for purchase on the counter, but the water made his hands slip. The ice chilled his body, and his face was frozen, or so it felt. He slapped at the back of his head where Dom’s hand was as he held Seb’s head underwater. Seconds later, Seb gasped and sputtered, drawing in a lungful of air before he was plunged back down into the water. It took Seb three dunks before he was pushing Dom away. Seb reeled back, away from Dom and the sink, shivering from the cold.

“Fuck. Asshole! What the… what the fuck are you doing? Are you trying to kill me?”

“No,” Dom spat out, tossing him a towel. “You were doing a pretty good job of that yourself, dumbass.”

“What?”

Dom motioned to the island counter littered with empty beer bottles.

Shit. Okay. “That was stupid,” Seb admitted, drying himself, then his hair.

“No shit.” Dom’s expression softened as he studied Seb. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

Seb shook his head, his lips pressed together to keep it all in. He didn’t want to think about it, but all he could do was fucking think about it. For hours he’d tried calling Hudson, leaving voice mails, texting him, pleading, and then it all sank in. Numb was good, but he wasn’t numb anymore. Every scar he had was torn open, a gaping wound of putrid flesh spreading sickness through him. His body shook, and the back of his shoulder burned. It wasn’t just his pain he was feeling; it was Hudson’s. It was excruciating, like his insides were trying to tear him apart. His inner Felid woke with a roar, threatening to come to the surface. It paced furiously, hissing and clawing. Seb groaned and forced himself to walk. He ran for the door, Dom chasing after him.

“Where the hell are you going?”

Seb threw open the front door and listened. It was faint, barely there, and if it hadn’t been so late at night, he wouldn’t have heard it. The mournful howl shook him down to his soul, and there was nothing he could do about it. Inside him, his Felid half answered his mate’s call with a roar of its own, one so fierce and raw that it tore through Seb’s mouth, an unhuman cry echoing through the empty street. Throat raw, Seb slumped against the door, tears blurring his vision.

“Come on, buddy. Let’s get you inside.” Dom gently tugged at Seb’s arm, and Seb followed.

“Seven years,” Seb whispered, dropping down onto the couch beside Dom. “Seven. Fucking. Years. He kissed me. He kissed me. We…. He… he let me feel him, touch him…. It was so damn good, just like it used to be. He felt so good, and for a second, I believed….

“He kissed me, Dom. He let me hold him, let me…. Fuck. It was beautiful. He was beautiful, vulnerable, giving himself to me. He held my hand at the supermarket. He was happy, and he laughed and smiled, and the walls were crumbling.”

“What happened?”

“We ran into Mrs. Palmer at the supermarket. She was so…. It didn’t go well.”

“Fuck.” Dom raked a hand through his hair, his own eyes glassy when he met Seb’s gaze.

The heartache in Dom’s eyes was too much for Seb, and a sob racked his body. “It’s over. This time, it’s really over.”

Dom pulled him into his arms, and Seb buried his face against his best friend’s shoulder, soaking in all the comfort he could get. He didn’t think it was possible, but damn if it didn’t hurt even more than the first time. His inner Felid slinked off to lick its wounds and mourn the loss in peace. There would be no such peace for Seb.