CHAPTER THREE
Kamara came awake to birds chirping, sunlight pouring in through a dirty window, and a raw, burning ache in her throat.
The pillow under her head was soft, and the bed she’d been placed in even softer. A fuzzy, fleece blanket covered her from neck to toes, and she burrowed deeper into the warmth of the covers. Her pulse pounded in her temples, and even with her eyes closed, the golden beams of sunlight hurt her eyes.
Sweet Jesus, everything hurt. Her muscles ached. Her skin felt too hot and too tight. Her joints protested even the subtlest of movements, and even her damn teeth hurt.
A voice whispered outside the door of her room, a woman’s voice, but she had no trouble making out the words.
“Wait. What does that mean?”
A man answered her. “It means she’s in transition. It means she’s going to wake up confused, maybe disoriented, and hungry.”
“Okay, so what do we do?”
“She’ll need to feed, but otherwise, I think all you can do is just be there for her.”
“Will you tell her?”
There was a long pause before the male replied. “I think it should be you. She knows you, and she trusts you.”
Kamara didn’t know who the man was, but she thought she recognized the woman’s voice.
“Thea?” Groaning, she pushed into a sitting position on the mattress, biting down on her bottom lip as fire lanced up her throat again. “Is that you? Someone? Anyone?”
The bedroom door swung open, and Thea rushed into the room, stopping at the foot of the bed with her hands resting on her hips. “Hey, Mulan.” She winked. “It’s about time you woke up. How are you feeling?”
“Like I died.” Kamara winced when her voice croaked and wheezed. “My head is killing me, and my throat feels like I’ve been gargling glass.” She took stock of her other grievances and decided they were too minor to mention. “Where are we anyway?”
“A cabin near the Red River.” Watching Kamara’s every move, Thea rounded the bed slowly and eased down on the edge of the mattress. “Do you remember how you got here?”
Kamara tried to remember, but she couldn’t think past the pounding in her temples or the pressure building behind her eyes. “No, not really.” She shook her head tentatively and sighed. “I’m sure it was an epic rescue. I’m sorry I slept through it.” Something did occur to her, a question she was almost afraid to ask. “The others? Did they…are they…”
“Cade and Duncan are okay. They’re in one of the rooms down the hall.” Leaving one foot on the floor, Thea angled to the side and bent her other knee so that it rested on the bed. “Abby was sent to a shifter pack in Colorado, but we don’t know any details yet.”
She had only known Abby for a couple of months, but going through something like what they’d suffered in St. Louis had a way of bonding people. With a heavy heart, she closed her eyes for just a heartbeat, then looked up to meet Thea’s searching gaze.
“When do we leave?”
Thea nodded, an approving smile stretching her full lips. “The guys are discussing which of the packs might have her right now. As soon as you, Cade, and Duncan are healed up, we’ll go get her, I promise.”
Thea’s ebony hair was a little longer than Kamara remembered, her face a little fuller, and she could only guess that a significant amount of time had passed since they’d last seen each other. She had so much she wanted to ask she didn’t even know where to begin. Maybe it would be easier if she could think straight, but flames continued to lick at her throat, and a burning hunger twisted and coiled in her belly.
“Kamara, there’s something you need to know,” Thea began, her words slow and halting. “I don’t really know how to tell you, so I’m just going to come right out and say it.”
Kamara tilted her head, but Thea’s words made no sense. She inhaled deeply, hoping the oxygen would clear her mind, but it only intensified the burning in her throat. The most intoxicating scent tickled her nose, a delectable fragrance that reminded her of sweet licorice with just a hint of a metallic undertone. Her mouth flooded with saliva, and a shiver rippled down her spine as she sniffed again, trying to detect the source of the delicious scent.
Instinctively, her gaze drifted to Thea’s neck, to the vein that throbbed just below her smooth skin. As she watched, focusing on the thin blue line, she could actually hear the shifter’s pulse thundering in her ears, growing louder by the second, and drowning out everything else.
Ba-bum.
Ba-bum.
Ba-bum.
“Kamara? Hey.” Thea waved her hand. “Are you listening to me?”
Driven by an intense desire she couldn’t control, Kamara launched herself at the shifter, tackling her back onto the mattress as she bared her teeth. Kneeling beside her, Kamara struck, her only thought to bite and rip, to feel the female’s blood bathe her tongue.
“Fuck!” Thea screamed, throwing her arm up to block the attack. “Kamara, snap out of it!”
Though she’d been aiming for Thea’s neck, Kamara’s teeth sank into the fleshy part of the woman’s forearm, and she moaned greedily at the first drop of blood that spilled into her mouth. It wasn’t nearly enough, though. She needed more. She wanted to tear at the wound and gorge herself on the crimson liquid.
She didn’t hear the door open, nor did she see anyone enter the room, but big, strong hands gripped her shoulders and jerked her away from the shifter. Spitting and snarling, she tried to break free, but muscled arms surrounded her, gripping her tightly and holding her immobile.
“Kamara, breathe. Focus on my voice and breathe.”
That voice. She knew that voice.
“That’s it,” the male praised. “Again. Good. That’s good.”
The smooth cadence and rich timbre cut through her haze of bloodlust, and she did as he asked, focusing only on the sound of his voice and her own breath. Slowly, the fog lifted, her mind cleared, and after a few minutes, she began to feel like herself again.
Then came the panic.
“Oh, no. No, no, no. Thea, I’m so sorry.” The tears welled in her eyes and spilled over, running hot and fast down her cheeks. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I would never hurt—”
“It’s okay,” Thea interrupted. Breathing heavily, she slid off the mattress and took a measured step backward. “No big deal.” She held her bleeding appendage up, her smile noticeably forced. “See? Already healing.”
Blood dripped down her skin from wrist to elbow, but indeed, the mangled flesh had begun to knit itself back together. Regardless, Kamara couldn’t stop shaking. It hadn’t mattered to her that Thea was an ally, a friend even. She hadn’t stopped to consider that the female was a puma shifter with a supernatural ability to heal. All she could think about was the vein pulsing in her neck, and past that, she’d had no control over her mind or her body.
Even now, as the guilt consumed her, her gaze strayed to the crimson coating Thea’s arm. She watched the blood drip from her elbow and fall to the floor in tiny droplets. As each drop hit the carpet, the sound rang in her ears.
Plop.
Plop.
Plop.
The scent, that intoxicating fragrance of sweet licorice combined with the hint of copper permeated the room, thickening the air and overwhelming her senses. Her muscles flexed. Her jaw ached. A current of electricity coiled along her spine.
Kamara lunged, stretched her arms out and curling her fingers as she dove for Thea. Grunts and growls poured from her lips as she struggled against the arm around her midsection. The male—she still didn’t know his name—held her immobile, keeping her from the one thing she wanted most. Enraged by his restraint, she let out an ear-piercing screech and twisted her head to the side, intending to sink her teeth into his bicep.
She never made it that far. The male jerked her back hard, fitting her against his strong body, and his free hand pressed flat against her forehead, holding her head back against his broad, muscular chest.
“Thea,” he said, his voice tight as he struggled to hold Kamara in place, “maybe you should—” His words cut off abruptly, and he grunted when Kamara stomped down on his foot.
“Are you sure?” Though she’d already angled herself toward the doorway, Thea hesitated.
“She’s going to be fine, but you need to go,” the male responded with more force in his tone this time.
“Okay, but I’ll be right down the hall if you need me.” Then she slipped out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her.
“Let me go!” Kamara screeched, twisting and jerking to free herself from his grasp.
“Not until you calm down.” He shook her roughly. “Focus, Kamara. Listen to me and focus.”
“I’m going to rip your fucking head off,” she screamed.
The man just laughed at her. “I’d like to see you try.” The humor vanished, and his breath fanned against her ear as he bent closer. “Close your eyes, Kamara. All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.”
The statement made no sense, but in her confusion, she finally forgot about her bloodlust. “What?”
“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.”
He repeated it once, twice, a third time, and with each iteration, her pulse slowed and her breaths evened to a slow, deep rhythm.
“That’s good,” he encouraged. “You try.”
“All that we see or seem,” she whispered, “is but a dream within a dream.”
“Good, Kamara. Again.”
He had her repeat the mantra at least a dozen times before he finally released her head and relaxed his hold around her middle. “Better?”
She nodded. “Thank you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” A draft blew in through the thin crack of the window, brushing against her bare skin and causing her to tremble. “Um, why am I naked?”
“That was how we found you, and it seemed a little too invasive to try to dress you while you were unconscious.” As he spoke, the stranger released her, then removed the fleece, plaid blanket from the bed so that he could wrap it around her shoulders. “Roux brought up some clothes for you, but she said they’ll probably be too big.”
“I’ll make it work.” Holding the edges of the blanket, Kamara kept her back to him as she secured the fabric around her and took a deep breath to steady her nerves. “It was you, wasn’t it? You’re the one who saved me.”
Steeling herself, she finally turned to look at the man who had invaded her dreams for years, and gasped. After seeing him night after night while she slept, she thought she had memorized every detail of his features, but those illusions hadn’t prepared her for the reality.
High, prominent cheek bones complemented his angular jaw, and his straight, aristocratic nose turned up slightly at the tip. Thick eyebrows a shade darker than his golden hair framed eyes the color of smooth milk chocolate speckled with amber that shined in the sunlight.
He smiled as he watched her study him, his upper lip just a little fuller than the bottom. His fair, flawless skin beamed with radiance, and she couldn’t detect a single blemish, scar, or pore to mar its perfection.
Standing tall, his shoulders back, spine straight, he remained motionless while she continued to examine him. He wasn’t doing anything more than breathing, but there was something about the way he carried himself, with an air of refinement that she hadn’t seen since the Purge.
“I’m the one who found you, yes.” With one hand over his stomach, he bowed slightly at the waist. “I am Nikolai Diavolos.”
“Kamara Yamashito, but I guess you already know that.”
His smile brightened a degree. “I do, but it’s a pleasure to finally be properly introduced.”
She could say the same, but for significantly different reasons.
“I dreamed of you,” she whispered. Unwinding one arm from the blanket, she reached out hesitantly, skimming her fingertips along the curve of his jaw when he didn’t pull away. “How is that possible?”
Nikolai didn’t have an answer for her, but he doubted she was really looking for one. Her mind was a whirl of thoughts and questions, many with him at the center. It pleased him more than it should have, but he checked his emotions and minded his tongue. She didn’t yet know what she meant to him, who she was to him, and they had much more pressing things to discuss first.
Taking her hand, he pulled it away from his face and brushed a kiss over her knuckles. “Come, Kamara.” He motioned toward the bed. “Sit with me. Tell me what you can remember.”
He’d expected her to hesitate, but she simply adjusted the blanket around her and crawled onto the mattress, sitting in the middle of the bed with her legs crisscrossed. Confused by her easy compliance, Nikolai watched her for several heartbeats before joining her, easing down on the edge of the mattress to give her space.
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
“Not much, I’m afraid. I remember a room with red chairs.”
The showing theaters in the cinema.
Nikolai had never made it inside one, but the scene Thea had described sickened him. Rows and rows of heavily sedated humans, all connected intravenously to blood bags and saline drips while old, black-and-white monster movies played on the big screen.
He’d never thought to question where the Coalition acquired the blood bags they distributed to the vampire regions. Naively, he’d assumed they’d come from donors, as had been the arrangement in Trinity Grove. Humans donated blood in exchanged for protection and resources. What the Abraxas coven had built made his skin crawl.
“What else?” he asked, relieved when his voice remained calm and even. “Do you know why you were in that white room?”
Her eyebrows drew together to form a shallow V over the bridge of her nose. “I was…I…” Trailing off, her brow smoothed and her eyes widened. Both hands flew to her neck. “I was attacked.” Her bottom lip trembled. “He bit me.”
Nikolai had guessed it would be something of that nature, but hearing it firsthand triggered something inside of him he’d never felt. Growing up, he’d willing accepted the brunt of their father’s abuse, placing himself between his younger siblings and the king as often as possible. When his brothers and sister had fled Trinity Grove to escape their father’s tyranny, he’d been relieved to see their suffering end.
That had been nearly a decade ago, and while he kept tabs on them, he hadn’t seen or spoken to them in all that time, afraid any contact would lead Elias to them.
His sister had begged him to come with them, but his place had been in Trinity Grove. Not only had he provided a distraction in his siblings’ absence, but he’d been the only person standing between Elias and those under his sovereignty.
While Nikolai had little influence over his father—given the opportunity, the king would just as soon see him dead—he could accurately say he knew Elias Diavolos better than anyone. The king was prideful and vain, desperate for power, and paranoid that someone would take that authority from him. It hadn’t been overly difficult for Nikolai to use that paranoia to maintain a semblance of balance and redirect his father’s ire.
Of course, it had been much easier before the Purge, when the need for secrecy about their kind had been paramount. After the spread of the virus, there had been nothing to temper Elias’ brutality, but still, Nikolai had stayed. He’d stayed because Trinity Grove was his home, because it was where his mother had lived and died. He’d stayed because, despite everything, he’d clung to the hope that things could get better.
Since the Purge, he’d seen all manner of atrocities that had both saddened and angered him, but he’d never felt the kind of blinding rage he did in that moment. Someone had hurt his mate, and when he found out who, they’d pay for their transgression in blood.
“Do you remember who attacked you?” His blood boiled, his heart pounded, and he couldn’t hold back the low growl that punctuated his words.
Kamara’s head snapped up, and she stared at him for several seconds, the strangest little smile playing over her thin lips. His conscience told him not to do it, that it was an invasion of privacy, especially since she didn’t yet know or understand that connection between them.
He had to know what she was thinking.
“His eyes are so dark when he’s pissed. I’m not scared, though. Why am I not scared?” She tilted her head one way, then the other, still studying him. “I feel safe with him. Which, of course, is batshit crazy. I don’t even know this guy. Still…”
Nikolai couldn’t resist. Gently, he reached toward her, watching her for any adverse reaction, and pressed his palm to her cheek. His fingertips brushed against her hairline, while the heel of his hand cradled her jaw, and it scared him a little how utterly tiny she was compared to him.
“I’m sorry if I frightened you,” he said, more in control of his emotions now. “I would never hurt you, cara mia.”
“I know.” She leaned into his hand and sighed. “It doesn’t make any sense, but I feel it.” With another heavy sigh, she sat up straight, forcing him to drop his hand. “To answer your question, I don’t know who attacked me. I know it was a male, but I couldn’t tell you what he looked like.” She ducked her head, peeking up at him through impossibly long lashes. “I’m sorry.”
“None of that.” Selfishly, he didn’t like that she hid her face from him. Slipping a knuckle under her chin, he tilted her head up and smiled. “None of this is your fault. Don’t ever be sorry.”
“I remember something else.”
Nikolai pulled his hand back again and fisted it at his side. He had no right to touch her, and he needed to stop being so careless. “What do you remember?”
“He was there. The guy that attacked me. He was in the white room, and I could hear him talking to me. I knew it was him, because his voice scared me.”
Breathing deeply through his nose, Nikolai waited until he was sure he could speak calmly before replying. “What did he say, Kamara?”
“I can’t remember exactly, but it was something about me being too fragile. He said…” She stared at some point over his shoulder, her eyes glazed, her focus on something only she could see. “He said I’d heal. He said when I woke up I’d be more durable.” Her gaze flew to Nikolai, and her lower lip began to quiver again. “What does that mean? Does that mean—”
Throwing the blanket off, she scrambled off the bed and ran toward the attached bathroom.
“No, no, no. This can’t be happening.”
His heart broke at the anguished tone of her thoughts. Gathering the blanket, he carried it into the bathroom, stopping just inside the doorway. He didn’t want to intrude, but he needed to be close to her, to be there if she needed him.
Standing naked in front of the mirror, Kamara gripped the edges of the pedestal sink as she tilted her head back and opened her mouth to examine her long, pointed canines.
“He did this to me. Why would he do this? Why didn’t he just kill me? I can’t be a…a…”
“Vampire,” Nikolai supplied aloud. Moving to stand behind her, he draped the blanket over her thin shoulders. “Your senses are heightened. Your emotions are erratic. Up one minute, down the next. It feels like someone poured gasoline down your throat and lit a match.”
Meeting his gaze in the mirror, she nodded slowly. “Look at me.”
“I am.” He couldn’t stop looking at her. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”
“I’m bald.”
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Nikolai snorted. “It’ll grow back, cara mia. Besides, you wear it well.”
“That’s Italian, right? ‘Cara mia?’” She arched an eyebrow at him in the mirror, and a knowing smirk lifted one side her mouth. “Are you going to tell me what it means?”
He hadn’t intended to say it, hadn’t even realized he’d used the endearment until she’d called it to his attention. It was just so easy to be around her that he forgot to be guarded. It was too late to take it back, even if he wanted to, and he wouldn’t lie to her.
“My darling.”
She continued to stare at him with that cute little smile, but she let the subject drop. “How fast will my hair grow back?”
Nikolai laughed. “You were held prisoner for months. You were attacked and almost died, which led to you becoming a vampire, and you’re worried about your hair?”
Kamara shrugged. “It’s the only thing I have control over.” Some of her bravado faded, and she sagged back against his chest. “I can’t remember most of my time with the coven, which I think is probably a blessing. Being this volatile rage monster sucks, but it’s better than being dead, right?”
“You won’t be a rage monster forever.” He placed his hands over the blanket on her upper arms and rubbed gently. “You can do this, Kamara, and I’ll help you.”
She crossed her right arm over her breast and patted the top of his hand. “Thank you. Just…please don’t let me hurt anyone else.”
He nodded. “You have my word.” By the goddess, she was amazing. Strong, resilient, brave. “I have to say, you’re handling this all much better than I had anticipated.”
“I’m really not, but falling apart won’t change anything. This is what I am now, and I’ve seen enough to know that not all monsters are monstrous.” She stared into the mirror, her jaw set at a stubborn, determined angle. “I can do this. I can be one of the good ones. Like Thea and Rhys and Zerrik.” Her gaze flickered up to his face. “Like you.”
The mention of Lieutenant Zerrik Thorne caused his pulse to speed and his expression to tighten, neither of which went unnoticed by his mate.
Kamara tilted her head to the side and frowned. “Your heart is beating so fast. What did I say?”
“Zerrik.”
Kamara sighed, and a single tear trickled down her cheek. “He’s dead, isn’t he?”
“I’m sorry, but yes.”
“Damn, I really liked him.” She wiped roughly at her cheek and released a shuddering breath before pulling her shoulders back. “Anything else I should know?”
“Quite a bit, I’m sure, but right now, you need to feed.”
“I can’t.” Spinning around, she stared up at him with big, terrified eyes the color of rich mocha. “You saw what happened with Thea.”
“Shh, easy. Deep breath. What happened with Thea is because you’re still in transition. Not to be crude, but you’re like a starving animal, single-minded, and frankly, dangerous.” He cradled the sides of her neck and caressed her jaw line with his thumbs. “Once you’re sated, the transition will complete, and you’ll find it a lot easier to stay in control.”
“They’re scared of me,” she whispered. “I can’t ask that of them. Are there any blood bags?”
There were, but that wasn’t exactly what he’d had in mind. “I’m not afraid of you.”
She blinked. “But you’re a vampire, too.”
“The idea that vampires can only feed on humans is just folklore and superstition. Blood is blood.”
She cocked her head, and her nose crinkled. “Animal blood?”
“Still blood. Tastes like shit, though.”
His response had the desired effect, and Kamara slapped a hand over her mouth as she giggled. “Okay,” she said finally, “but you won’t let me go too far? Take too much?”
“I swear you won’t hurt me.” Taking her hands, he took a step back, pulling her with him, and lowered himself onto the side of the bathtub. “Come on, I’ll talk you through it.”
Holding the blanket in one hand, Kamara rested the other on Nikolai’s shoulder and shuffled forward to stand between his parted thighs. She couldn’t believe she was about to bite him, to drink his blood like she might drink a glass of wine with her dinner. It should have disgusted her, but as she watched the vein in the side of his neck pulse, her mouth flooded with saliva, and the burning in her throat intensified once again.
“Calm,” Nikolai reminded as he rested his hands on her hips. “I know it’s tempting, but don’t bite directly into the vein. It’s messy, and—”
“And I could kill you. I got it.”
Her own blood roared in her ears as she bent at the waist to press her mouth to the side of his throat. Fuck, he smelled amazing, and the heat radiating from his smooth skin made her lips tingle.
“You’ll tell me?” she whispered, skimming her nose up his neck to the hollow behind his ear. “You’ll stop me if I take too much?”
“I promise. Stop worrying so much. Your body knows what to do. Just follow your instincts.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “Got it.” Opening her mouth, she groaned as her canines lengthened. “Crap, all right, let’s do this.”
It surprised her how easily her fangs slid through his skin, like a warm knife through softened butter. The first rush of blood over her tongue drew another ragged moan from deep within her chest, and with each subsequent draw, the fire in her throat lessened a degree.
“That’s good,” he praised, giving her hips a gentle squeeze. “You’re doing fine. Listen to the signals. It just like anything else, your body will tell you when you’ve had enough.”
Then, everything went to hell when a familiar and chilling voice whispered into her mind, “Kill him.”