Emptiness filled Lane as he watched the blue ocean appear then disappear as condos and other buildings slipped by. Mike made a left, heading away from the slice of heaven they’d all enjoyed for the last few days. Maybe it was just the trip ending, but he thought it was more.

He watched Mike, noticing the stubble on his jaw and how it covered his chin and went down his neck. They stopped for a light, and Mike glanced at him, his lips curved up in a smile that made Lane’s stomach twist. Why it made him feel funny, he had no clue.

“So what do you really think about Thomas and Clay?”

Mike’s question threw him. “What am I supposed to say?”

Mike shrugged then went back to looking at the road as the light changed to green. “I don’t know; tell me what you really think.”

He stared out the front windshield for a moment, wondering how to answer the question. “Well, I like Clay. I guess I just…”

Another light stopped them, and Mike turned to look at him with his brows raised. “Are you jealous?”

“What?” Lane couldn’t believe Mike had asked him if he was jealous. “Why would I be jealous?”

“Just, you know, you thought you would get with Thomas if he was going to get with anyone?”

Lane shook his head. “No. Not at all. I’m not jealous. It’s not like that.”

“Talk. We don’t have long before we get to the airport.”

The light changed again, and Mike took off. Lane turned to stare out the window, unsure how to voice what he felt. “I don’t like being alone.”

“Then get out there and date someone.”

He shook his head and turned to stare at Mike. The scene out the window wasn’t as interesting since they’d turned down a street away from the water. He missed the water, but what he missed more was the guys and being with them. “I can’t find anyone.”

Mike chuckled. “Tell me about it. I’m surrounded by sexy women while I’m at work, but I can’t connect with them.”

Depression made his head ache. Or maybe he was depressed, because in addition to having no clue what to do, his head hurt. What if he never figured life out? He would be one of those old men at the bars looking to pick up young women who had no interest in a rotten old fart. He shivered at the mental image.

Mike’s words interrupted his thoughts. “I’ll be in New York next week.”

“You should stop by.” The words were out before he even could think what that would mean. He worked nights and slept during the day.

Mike was silent for a while, and they were close to the airport before he spoke again. “If I came up on Tuesday, could I stay at your place?”

His earlier trepidation was gone. Screw sleeping, he’d have Mike with him. He nodded, excitement filling him. “I’d like that. I have to work on Tuesday night, but I’m off on Wednesday and Thursday nights.”

Mike shot him a sweet grin. He pushed the tingly feelings away and rolled his eyes when Mike looked away.

“Works for me. I’m working a little on Thursday and most of the afternoon and night on Friday. I’ll stay until Sunday.”

“Awesome. It’ll be good seeing you again.” He meant it too. He could sleep after Mike went home.

They pulled into the parking lot for the rental return, and his chest squeezed. If he thought he’d been melancholy before, this was way worse. He didn’t want to head home. He’d been alive when he was with the guys. The vacation had been great, but it reminded him of how much he missed his brothers—and they were his brothers. Seeing Mike next week would be good. Heck, he wished they lived closer. He wanted to see everyone more often, but for now, Skype would have to do.

They got their bags out of the trunk and headed into the terminal after they handed over the keys to the car. Heat was building, and he was happy to be heading back to cooler temperatures. At least he told himself he was happy to leave. Actually, he wanted them all to stay here and live together. Maybe not together, but dammit, they should be closer to each other.

Once inside, they headed upstairs to security. They both passed through without any issues. Mike’s flight was leaving soon, so he had to go. Mike pulled him into a hug and Lane held on, not wanting to let Mike leave. It had been an amazing vacation and he didn’t want it to end.

“Hey, I’ll see you on Tuesday. I’ll call when I’m close.” He squeezed Lane again then backed away.

“Sure, have a safe trip home.” He hated saying those words. Their home should be together.

“You bet.”

Mike gave a quick wave and was gone. Lane felt like his heart had been torn out. He missed Thomas and Clay, and Brent and Jake, but he missed Mike most of all.

He checked his phone and saw he had about twenty minutes before he needed to head to his gate. Standing around crying wouldn’t fix his problems; instead, he grabbed a coffee and a muffin, eating and drinking like he had found an oasis in a parched land.

Mike’s flight was probably boarding, and Jake and Brent were already gone. Sadness seemed to make the last of the muffin drier, or maybe his throat had closed with emotions that made it hard to swallow. He popped the last bite of muffin in his mouth and drank the last of his coffee before walking to his gate.

Staring out at the tarmac, he thought it looked as bleak as he felt. A plane rolled by on the runway, the nose lifting as it started its journey. Had Mike’s plane already taken off? He missed the guy. Hell, he missed everyone. Pain knifed his heart.

The flight home was uneventful. Stepping into his empty apartment was even more of a buzzkill. After eating a quick lunch, he dropped into bed so he’d be ready for his night shift. Going through the motions had never left him feeling so depressed.

He woke, ate, showered, and headed in to work. For now, he was living in Jersey and working as a nurse in the city at Mount Sinai West. It was crazy busy, but a good place to work. He’d learned so much in such a short period of time.

He doubted he could keep up the fast pace for long, but it did keep him busy. After work, he counted out the days until Mike showed up. He just had to get through a few more sleeps and then he would see his buddy.

The weekend was terrible because it rained. There was a huge wreck just before the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel and five of the nine injured had been brought to the ER where he worked. His lucky day. He worked like crazy, not even stopping to piss until almost four in the morning. By the time he made it home on Sunday, he was exhausted. He slept until midday. Mike was set to land on Tuesday close to one and would be at his place around two. Excitement buzzed through him, and he headed to the grocery store, making sure to pick up enough food for Mike and some beer for both of them. Being able to shop at all hours was one thing he loved about the area. Sure, in Manhattan it was a little more around the clock in terms of shopping and stuff, but where he lived in Jersey, stores stayed open late.

When he was in Florida, he’d been entranced with the silence. Here, he never got any peace and quiet. At one point while he’d been on vacation, he’d almost gone outside to honk the horn just so he felt normal.

He had to work on Monday night, so he was glad he’d gotten his shopping done on Sunday evening. When he got home on Tuesday morning, he set an alarm before dropping into bed. Exhaustion pulled him under fast, and he slept hard, waking to someone pounding on his door instead of his alarm which was still ringing.

He rolled out of bed and grabbed his phone, turning off the annoying beeping, but it must not have been annoying enough because he’d slept right through it. He stumbled to the door, unhappy he’d overslept. He’d wanted everything to be perfect for Mike and here he was sleep rumpled and looking like crap.

“Hey, buddy— Oh shit, you look like hell. You okay?” Mike asked.

“Yeah, I just—” Lane wiped a hand over his face before shaking his head. “Sorry, I just woke up. It was a long night. Give me coffee and I’ll be good.”

“Hey, if it’s too much for me to stay here…”

“No, stay. I have beer and some food in the fridge. I’m starving. Do you want some breakfast or lunch, or whatever time it is? I just need some food and coffee. God, I need coffee. Let me piss and brush my teeth.”

“Sure man, I’ll look for something. Go take a quick shower, and I’ll put together some stuff.”

Lane nodded and moved to his small bathroom, pushing his underwear to the floor before shutting the door. A hot shower helped, and he was out in no time, excited to have Mike at his place.

He wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the door to the wonderful scent of cooking food. “Dang, that smells great. What did you cook for me?”

Mike laughed and turned, his eyelids narrowing as his lips twisted. “I’m making a pizza.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You had all the ingredients so I whipped up the dough for a crust. I’m pulling it all together now.”

He moved to the kitchen and bumped Mikes shoulder. “You’re amazing.”

“It’s the least I could do. You know, you’re letting me stay with you for free.”

“Ha! You’re welcome here any time. You can have the bed tonight. I have to head to work at around six.”

“You going to be okay?” Mike asked.

“Yeah, I’m good. I’ll take some hits off the oxygen when I get there, and I’ll feel better. Best way to clear my head.”

“Better than drugs.”

“So true. So, I was wondering, after we eat, do you want to go into the city? I can drop my bag off at the hospital, and we can do some touristy stuff.”

Mike nodded. “Sounds good. I have an appointment tomorrow morning, so I’ll be out of your hair, then we can have some fun in the evening.”

He headed toward his bedroom and dropped his towel before grabbing his underwear. Again, he’d not closed the door. When he turned, he saw Mike spin around. Had Mike been watching him?

He closed the door before he tugged on his jeans and a shirt. He packed a bag for work, making sure he had an extra set of scrubs in case something happened during his shift. One shift, some dude threw up all over him. It happened, so now he was always prepared.

He heard the kitchen timer beep and opened the door. “Mmm, smells delicious.”

Mike glanced up and hit him with a wide grin. “Thanks. It’s almost ready. Four more minutes and it will be perfect.”

“Thank you. You’re a great friend. Cooking me food and all. It’s really nice. Thank you.”

“No problem. I was hungry, and you looked like hell.”

“Gosh, thanks.”

Mike burst out laughing. “I’m having a beer, want one?”

“Can’t. I have to work tonight. If anything happens, I’ll be questioned, and I never drink before work. Of course, that means I do drink at eight in the morning. Weird, I know.”

“Not weird. I can see drinking then.”

The timer rang and Mike turned, opened the oven, and pulled out the pizza. Lane’s stomach rumbled.

“It looks great.”

Mike glanced over his shoulder, and Lane swore he saw heat there.

“Let me cut it, then we can eat,” Mike said.

He pulled out plates and grabbed himself a bottled cold coffee from the fridge. Mike’s beer was almost finished so he grabbed another for his friend. Mike served him three slices and he took the plate to the table, ready to eat. Mike sat close and picked up the new beer, taking a sip.

“Thanks for the beer.”

“Sure.” Lane took a bite of the pizza and moaned. “This is perfect,” he said after swallowing. They ate mostly in silence interspersed with grunts of approval. He stood after he finished his three slices and grabbed another slice.

“Do you want more?” He asked Mike.

“Sure, another slice would be great.”

He liked having Mike around. It felt natural. There were a couple of women he’d dated who were so annoying he wanted to kick them to the curb before he even got to the good stuff. He didn’t have too many close friends from work. There were two guys he hung out with sometimes, but mostly, he didn’t have anyone to chill with. Having Mike around was great.

“You ready to head out?” Lane asked.

“Sure, let me use the restroom and then I’ll be good to go.”

“Okay. I’ll clean up the kitchen, then we can leave.”

Lane washed the dishes Mike had used and wrapped up the two left over slices. He grabbed a key from a drawer and slid it into his pocket. When Mike came out of the bathroom, he took the key and handed it to his buddy.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks.”

“I’ll be home close to eight. Want me to bring home some breakfast?”

“No, I’ll have something ready for you.”

“Okay. Sounds good.”

They left the apartment and stopped by his work, leaving his bag in a locker before they walked over to Central Park. There were a few people on bikes, the normal vendors, and a group doing yoga. They walked north, heading past Tavern On The Green before taking a seat in the Sheep Meadow.

He leaned back on his elbows and stared up at the sky. While he was yawning, Mike patted him on the shoulder.

“Sorry I woke you so early.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m resilient.”

“You’ve always been. I’m impressed with how cool under pressure you are.”

He chuckled and thought about how many times he’d lost it at work. “I’m not that cool.”

“Sure you are.”

“No, there was this one time at work I freaked out. Actually, there have been a couple of times involving body parts which have detached.”

“Damn. You’re allowed to freak out then.”

Lane chuckled. “Not if you’re a nurse. You learn to just deal with it.”

“Ha, I bet you are much more controlled on your job than you’re letting on. I’m sure all the other nurses and doctors love working with you.”

He chuckled and his face heated. The other doctors did request him, and he was a favorite with the nurses. “Perhaps. I just know my faults.”

Mike laughed. “I’ve got plenty.”

Mike laid down and he did too, resting his head on his hands. He chuckled, thinking back to when they were serving together. Mike was always ready to joke around, but he was more serious than some of the other guys. They all had their flaws, but Mike’s weren’t overly pronounced. He’d been a steady guy, someone who didn’t freak out. He seemed to always have a level head. There were a few times Mike had gotten angry. He wasn’t mean, he just had a flash of anger, which had shown up a couple of times, but overall, Mike was solid. Of course, after what had happened with Benjamin, it had been difficult for a while. Seeing their friend blown up had to have changed him. Benjamin’s death had rocked everyone in their unit, but it had devastated Mike.

He must have closed his eyes and drifted off because Mike grabbed his arm, squeezing it. “Hey, what time do you have to head over to the hospital?”

“Hmm…” He wiped his hand over his face and blinked up at the sky. “I have to be on the floor at seven. I should be at the hospital by six thirty though.”

“It’s probably later than you think. It’s five forty-five.”

“Jesus! How long did I sleep?”

“About an hour, maybe more.”

He sat up, wiping his face again. “Oh God, I’m sorry. You should have woken me up and we could have done something.”

Mike shook his head. “Naw, you were tired. I woke you earlier today, and besides, I figured you needed some sleep.”

They both stood, and Mike reached up, pulling a piece of grass from his hair. He brushed off his rear and then stretched his arms over his head. For a moment, he thought he'd caught Mike watching, but he wasn't sure. He needed to grab something to eat before his shift so he didn't really have time to think about it.

“I'm hungry. What are your plans for the evening? Do you have a hot date lined up?”

Mike shook his head and he chuckled. “No, no hot date. I was going to grab something to eat then head back to your place and work a little.”

He glanced at Mike, his gaze sliding from his eyes to his lips. For a second, he wondered how soft those lips were, then he pushed the thought away. “Oh, you aren't going to go out and party?”

Mike shook his head. “No, I need to catch up on some stuff. That way we can spend some time together tomorrow after you wake up.”

“Okay. Um, I was going to grab a pita from a place near the hospital.”

“I'll walk over there with you then head to a restaurant I wanted to try.”

“Which one?” He was curious. Though he did go out every once in a while, he certainly wasn't a foodie.

“A place called Forty-Four and X.”

“I haven't heard of it.”

“It's supposed to be good, and it's not far from the hospital.”

They headed out of the park, and he pointed out a few local landmarks. Too soon they were at the place where he wanted to grab some food. He didn't want to say goodbye to Mike, but there wasn’t any reason for his buddy to stick around. At least Mike would be staying for a few days. He really wanted time with him, just relaxing and hanging out.

“This is me.” He felt incredibly awkward. Did he hug Mike or just say bye? Mike didn't step away or wave. Instead, the man glanced to the ground before meeting Lane’s gaze.

“Thanks for letting me stay at your place. I'll see you in the morning.”

“Yeah, in the morning.”

Mike gave a little wave before he took off. Lane watched for a few seconds, his gaze traveling over Mike’s back and lower before he lost him in the crowds. He pushed away the weird thoughts and stepped into the restaurant. He picked up a premade pita from the refrigerator near the door, paid, then headed to the hospital to start his shift.

The night was uneventful and seemed to drag on. He wanted his shift to be over quickly, but time didn't seem to be his friend. Finally, the night was over, and he grabbed his things, catching a train south to Times Square then a bus across the river to his stop. It didn't take too long, but he was getting tired of the commute. Maybe in a year or two he would be able to move to the city. His apartment in Jersey was small. Living in a tiny place in Manhattan would surely be better than having to do this stupid commute every time he worked.

When he opened the door, he was expecting to find Mike, but the man wasn't in the den or kitchen. Lane wondered if Mike had stayed out late partying. Then he wondered if Mike had found someone. Anger twisted through him, coiling around his heart, increasing his blood pressure. He was breathing hard, his head pounding as thoughts of Mike with some woman flashed in his mind. He shook his head and rolled his eyes. Why was he getting so mad? He shouldn’t care if Mike hooked up. The man was free to do as he wished. Lane pulled a bowl from his cabinet, remembering Mike had promised to cook for him. The thought pissed him off. He poured cereal into his bowl as anger aimed at Mike grew. It was irrational, and he knew it, but knowing it was dumb didn’t stop him from being mad.

His front door opened, and he abandoned his cereal, wanting to see if Mike looked guilty. He hoped the guy was miserable and had a terrible hangover. It would serve him right for being such an asshole, staying out late, hooking up with God only knew what.

Mike stepped in, circles showing dark under his eyes. Their gazes locked, and Lane couldn't explain the anger rolling through him. Without thinking, he moved close to Mike and was about to say something when Mike grabbed his wrist and spun him around. Pushing him up against the door, holding him in place with one hand. Neither of them spoke as Mike stared into his eyes. His mouth dried out as thoughts he shouldn't be thinking about Mike surfaced. What did it mean that he was angry Mike might have been with someone?

Then Mike closed the distance. His lips brushed over Lane’s, and his lids drifted closed. Fireworks exploded and excitement buzzed through him. Mike trapped his arms against the door, holding him still as their tongues twined together.

Was this really happening? Had he gone crazy? Was Mike really kissing him like this? Mike didn’t let up. His tongue was sliding around Lane’s when he stepped even closer, their bodies brushing together.

Lane felt the hard length in Mike’s pants and groaned. He pumped his hips forward, and Mike let go of one arm before reaching between them, finding Lane’s nearly hard cock that was growing harder by the second. He whimpered as Mike tugged at the tie holding up his scrubs before shoving his hand into his pants.

Mike’s fingers grazed over his cock, and he shivered. It felt delicious. He wanted more and pumped his hips. Mike chuckled and tightened his grip. Both of them were breathing hard, and it wasn’t going to take much before he came. He moaned and Mike squeezed harder.

Lane’s hips were rocking, and he was fucking Mike’s hand, enjoying the sensation. He was going to come. There was no holding back. He shivered and Mike changed his angle.

Their kiss ended, and their gazes met and held. He was so close, his body vibrating with desire. Mike let go of his cock and then fumbled with the front of his jeans, pushing them low before pulling Lane’s cock out. Mike tugged their shirts high so their chests were pressed together. The skin-on-skin contact felt amazing as they ground together. Lane let his head fall to Mike’s shoulder. He grunted, his fingers twisting in the fabric of Mike’s shirt as he came.

Bliss flowed through him. He gasped and shivered, sucking in air as he recovered.

“Fuck, Mike, that was fucking amazing.”

Mike grunted as he came. He reached up and grabbed Lane around the throat, holding him against the door. His hold didn’t hurt, but it was rougher than Lane was used to. He expected Mike to say something, but only silence passed between them. Then Mike leaned in and pressed his lips against Lane’s in a near punishing kiss.

When the kiss ended, he gasped for breath. Mike was still holding him around the throat, and he was starting to feel a little uncomfortable when Mike spoke.

“Jesus, Lane, you taste better than I thought you would.”

He let go of Lane’s neck then leaned in and kissed Lane’s skin where his fingers had been, licking up the column of his neck, before nibbling on Lane’s ear.

Mike’s words filtered through him and he shook his head. “Wait, you were thinking of kissing me?”

“Mmm, yeah. I just always thought you would end up with Thomas so I didn’t try.”

His head buzzed, and he wasn’t sure if he was insulted or just shocked. “What?”

“I didn’t think you’d want me.”

“Why didn’t you say anything last week?”

Mike blew out a breath and stepped away. Lane caught his arm and didn’t let him go. Mike stopped walking but didn’t turn to face him.

“Talk to me.” Lane moved to stand in front of Mike, wishing he would look up.

Mike closed his eyes and shook his head. “I didn’t mean to kiss you. Can we forget about it?”

Another round of anger flashed through him, and he squeezed Mike’s arm harder. “No, you weren’t making a— I’m not a mistake.”

Mike’s eyes flashed open, hurt showing in their depths. “No, never.” Mike moved quickly, turning them as he shoved Lane against the door. Their gazes held. Mike was breathing heavy, his eyes searching. “You so aren’t a mistake. I’m the mistake.”

“Mike, what the hell do you mean?” Lane couldn’t make heads or tails of Mike’s reaction. The man was throwing off a strange vibe, and he couldn’t keep up.