From: [email protected]mail.mil

Date: October 1, 2008 4:17 a.m.

To: [email protected]mail.com

Subject: Tick Licks?

Ruby,

Half mast… sausage and eggs…. I scared half the room from how hard I laughed. I can’t remember the last time that happened. All serious, “Smith” can get into a lot of trouble for sending you things like that. What’s his name? I don’t know what to say to you regarding your no-no parts. Just going to let that one go. :]

I’m game to guess what happened to Mardi Gras. Did someone throw up on you at the parade?

I did a search on your movie before I replied just now. It says the film almost went bankrupt. Now I’m guessing you liked the costumes in the other movies you’ve watched a thousand times too?

You took WoW to a whole new level. You led your own guild? No wonder you almost failed. Did you go days without showering? One of the guys I went to AIT with… advanced individual training after boot camp… used to be really into it. When we talked about it, his eyes glazed over. I stopped bringing it up. I know who Smeagol is. I’ve seen LoTR. You can give me some credit. I don’t only watch 80s movies.

Your sister is trying to qualify for the Olympics? Wow. I’ll be honest, I’ve never watched any figure skating in my life, but everybody knows you can’t get to the Olympics unless you’re the best at something.

Is Veronica Mars the reason your e-mail is RubyMars?

My sister is 25 now and my brother is 31. They both still live in Shreveport. Your parents are divorced?

I told you most of the people who sign up for HaS have families. I assumed you’d be closer to 30, I guess. I’m 28.

You don’t hear that very often any more (women wanting to have kids). Whatever makes you happy. I’m not married either. Do you live with your boyfriend?

I don’t want to come off as an asshole, but that’s your job? Sewing?

I’ve been in the army for almost eleven years. Time has gone so fast... You said your brother was a marine in one of your e-mails. How long was he in for? Where had he been deployed or on tour?

Hope to hear from you soon.

-A

From: [email protected]mail.com

Date: October 3, 2008 5:05 a.m.

To: [email protected]mail.mil

Subject: Tick Licks for Sure

Aaron,

I appreciate the concern, but don’t worry about it. I’m sure my “Eww. What’s that?” comment did enough to traumatize him for a while. :) Plus, the HaS people kicked him out of the program, or at least that’s what they told me. I thought about looking him up on Myspace a few months ago but decided against it. I’ve seen enough of him for a couple of lifetimes.

Yes, someone did throw up on me at the parade, but that was just my best friend and it was only my shoes that got yacked on. Continue with your guesses.

Is the shower question a trick question? Since we’re [pen] pals, I’ll tell you the truth: yes. The longest I went was five days without a shower when I was really into WoW. My sister paid me fifty dollars to put the whole family out of their misery and bathe.

The costumes are exactly why I like all those movies. The wardrobe, visual effects, makeup… it’s pretty amazing when you think about it. If you can’t tell, I do. :)

Did you read the LoTR books or only watch the movies? I’m not judging, just asking. You will get bonus points if you read the books.

I doubt you have time to browse the web, but you can look up my sister’s videos. Her name is Jasmine. Same last name.

Ding, ding, ding on the Veronica Mars connection. I have a grown-up e-mail too for work-related purposes. This is my fun/spam e-mail.

That’s nice your siblings live in the same city. Does your dad still live there? All of us still live in Houston, too. Yes, my parents are divorced. They have been since I was 8, but they were separated for a year before that.

My older brother gives me so much flack every time I say I want to have kids, like he can’t believe why I’d want them, and not be single and ready to mingle for the rest of my life. He has one daughter (and she was an accident if I’m going to be honest). I figure, it’s my life and my body, I can do whatever I want with it. I don’t judge other people who want different things out of their lives, why should he have a say with what I do with mine, you know what I mean?

I went pretty deep with that. It’s obviously not a soft spot. :)

You aren’t married but do you have someone special in your life? I don’t live with my boyfriend.

You have no idea how many times people ask me that. “That’s what you do?” “You live off that?” It’s normal. If you want to know, I started sewing when I was 6. I wanted a Sleeping Beauty costume for Halloween that didn’t exist, so my mom shoved a bunch of random clothes at me she didn’t wear anymore and told me to figure it out. (That’s how she’s taught all of us almost everything. I’ll tell you how she taught me to ride my bike another day.) Another one of my aunts had been a seamstress and she helped me when I told her about the costume I wanted to make, and she kept teaching me as I grew up. I loved it. When I got old enough to work, I needed a part-time job on the weekends and my other aunt (the one who manages the dry cleaner), hired me. After that, I just kept making my own costumes on the sides… Then other people would ask me to help them with theirs... the rest is history. My bridal shop aunt hired me, etc, etc. I also make ice-skating dresses like the ones my sister wears for competitions. My mom couldn’t afford to keep buying her dresses, so I started making them for her. (For the record, the first few things I made her were crap.)

That might be more information than you wanted to know. :)

Do you want to be career army? My brother was in for 5 years. On his last deployment, he had an accident with an IED and was seriously injured by shrapnel. I’m pretty sure he almost died, but he and my mom were so secretive about it, they never said for sure. He has a limp and he’s too much of a prude to show anyone his scars. I think he would have stayed if that hadn’t happened, but who knows? I’m just happy he’s alive and fine. He had stories about plenty of other guys he knew who didn’t have anyone there for them. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be here writing to you. I figured, how many other people are out there alone, needing some kind of interaction even with a stranger?

Hope I didn’t bore you to death. This is a lot longer than I had anticipated.

Best,

Ruby

From: [email protected]mail.mil

Date: October 5, 2008 1:17 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.com

Subject: Eww

Ruby,

I think half the men in here thought I lost my mind from how hard I laughed at your “Eww” comment. I’m still laughing. You’re going to make me start expecting to crack up first thing with every e-mail you send. If you change your mind about me reaching out to “Smith,” let me know. The offer stands.

Continue? More happened at Mardi Gras?

Less than a week without a shower? That’s rookie level. I’ve gone over a month while on deployment in the past. I was in Iraq at one point in 2003, and we didn’t have showers for a long time. Imagine a whole company who hadn’t used soap on their armpits in almost 6 weeks. We didn’t change our uniforms or socks all the time either. Think about that.

What other movie has the best costumes?

No bonus points for me. I’ve only seen the Rings movies. I’m going to take it that you’ve read the series? I’ve only read a few fantasy books, all of them while on tour.

I’ll look your sister up on my next day off when I get more time.

You’re the first person I’ve heard of with multiple e-mails, but most of my friends wouldn’t need to have more than one. Nobody wants to e-mail them anyway.

My brother works for my dad and lives on his own, but my little sister still lives with him. She’s on the Autism spectrum. I think one day she’d be fine getting her own place if she really wanted to. For now she’s good with him.

I’ve never thought about having kids or not having kids like that. Why’s it anyone’s business what you want or don’t want? It’s your choice. I like kids. Maybe one day I can have one or two… I don’t know about four.

I don’t have anybody special in my life anymore. To be honest… that’s why I didn’t write you back for a while. My girl broke up with me right after I got here. It came out of nowhere.

How long have you been with your boyfriend?

Ice-skating dresses? In Houston? That’s the last place I could see a figure skater

coming from. I figured they’d all come from up north. Are there classes you take to get better at sewing or something? Not trying to come off like a dick again, but I had no clue “ice-skating outfits” was even a thing. I can sew a hem all right, but that’s it.

I’m sorry about your brother. That kind of thing happens a lot more than you’d think. Between us… I don’t know what I want to do. Some days, especially when things aren’t great here, I’m ready to do something else. Other times I think I could handle more years of it. I don’t know. This is all I’ve ever done besides working at a pizza place when I was in HS and helping my dad out. What else could I do?

Like you said, that was a lot deeper than I thought it’d be. Not a sore spot or anything. :]

You didn’t bore me at all. I like my letters from my other “adopters” like you call them, but yours make me laugh. You can tell me anything and I’m sure it would be funny.

You can send more pictures like the Aurora Borealis one anytime you want… if you have any.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Aaron

From: [email protected]mail.com

Date: October 6, 2008 2:05 a.m.

To: [email protected]mail.mil

Subject: Showers, Costumes, and Things

Aaron,

You should know one of my favorite things is making people laugh. And by “people,” I really mean myself. Game on.

Yes, more things happened. I can’t even say getting puked on was the worst. Keep guessing.

A month and a half without a shower? Eww. :) If I don’t shower every day, a one-mile perimeter needs to be cleared. Did someone higher up than you finally order a shower to be built when the smell got too bad? I faintly remember my brother mentioning shower trailers. How many men are in a company? I hope I don’t regret it, but how long exactly did (or do) you wear the same uniform?

Best costumes in movies… Memoirs of Geisha, Moulin Rouge, Gone with the Wind, LoTR. There are so many. Those are just a few of my personal favorites for wardrobe. Have you seen any of those?

I did read the Lord of the Rings book, but I haven’t read them over and over again like a lot of people I know. Only once. Do you read at all while you’re overseas?

The videos aren’t going anywhere. She has a big competition in two weeks in Moscow. I’ll tell you how it goes.

Please don’t feel obligated to answer any of my intrusive questions about your family. I’ve met a couple people with high-functioning autism before. One of them is married and has a good job.

Your ex breaking up with you while you’re gone is really lame. I remember my brother telling me that kind of thing is really common when you’re deployed or on a tour. What do they call them? Dear John letters? It wasn’t like she didn’t know what she was getting herself into when you left. Were you together long? I want to ask if she had a good reason for breaking up with you, but if it was unexpected, I can put two and two together. There I go asking questions that aren’t any of my business again. Don’t answer that if you don’t want to.

Designing and alterations is all I do. If something needs a needle and thread or a sewing machine, I can tackle it, and no, not everything ice-skating related I sell is for people in Houston. I’m about to blow your mind: I have a website. People order my work on there. They send me measurements and I get it done. It’s a small percentage of work I get though. I have to turn down work because I either can’t take the time off to get outfits done within a certain time frame, or can’t go take measurements in person. I’ve sold ice-dancing dresses and outfits to Russia, France, once to Japan. Mostly, I make things for a discount to younger figure skaters who can’t afford the bigger name designers in the industry. It’s an expensive sport, and it used to be that most skaters come from wealthy families, but now a lot more don’t. I help some ice-skaters resell their costumes when they can’t use them anymore, too.

You asked about getting better at sewing/designing. I started taking classes at my community college by my house as soon as I could for needlecraft, pattern making and fashion design, and have gone to a couple workshops. I even did an internship once with this Ukranian lady who yelled at me half the time, but she sure did teach me a lot.

I was so surprised at seeing just how many wounded vets there are. My brother goes to these meetings twice a month, and I’ve gone with him once. It breaks my heart. Not every injury is physical. People don’t realize that. I’m sure you’ll figure out what you want to do whenever the time comes.

What made you go into the military?

I have a few other prints I’ve collected over the years I could send you, if you wanted. I overheard my brother once tell my other brother about how many topless photos of women the guys he was in the marines with put up on their walls. This is a judgment-free zone. You can put your photos next to whoever or whatever you want.

This is already really long, but you wanted me to tell you something funny so let me do that. I was talking on the phone to my friend this morning (early afternoon, same difference) and was so distracted I poured orange juice into my cereal bowl.

Best wishes,

Ruby

From: [email protected]mail.mil

Date: October 8, 2008 2:17 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.com

Subject: Re: Showers, Costumes, and Things

Ruby,

…did somebody pee on you? You should know I couldn’t type that sentence with a straight face.

No one ordered a shower to be built. The shower trailer had burned down. A few of the guys got desperate and found an industrial coffee maker that they rigged up to warm water, and built a shower out of that. It didn’t work great, and you had to stand in mud the whole time, but it was better than nothing. Last deployment I brought one of those bags you fill up with water and let sit in the sun so you can shower outside just in case the same thing happened… it worked. Two hundred sweaty men were in my company. I was swapping out T-shirts and socks every other week…. It was just as bad as you’re thinking.

I haven’t seen any of those movies. I’ll have to take your word that the costumes are cool. Maybe when I get home, I’ll look them up.

Are you going with your little sister to Moscow for her competition?

I read some… didn’t really get into it until I started going overseas and had nothing to do. A lot of us read while we’re here to pass the time. When I’m home, I’d rather watch a movie.

You aren’t being nosey. I would have asked too. Paige has HFA. My dad worries about her a lot… and I guess I do too… but I know she could be on her own if she wanted to someday. Social cues give her trouble, but anyone who can’t appreciate how honest and kind she is doesn’t need to be in her life anyway.

Are you some famous designer and you’re playing it cool? Where was your internship with the Ukranian lady? Could you get another internship or do you know… everything there is to know? Send pictures of these… costumes… you’ve made.

You’re right. The worst injuries a person can take aren’t always on the outside.

I joined the army because I had nothing else going on… still don’t, if you want to get technical. I didn’t want to sit in a class all day in college and didn’t have a trade school I was interested in back then. I didn’t want to work for my dad either. The military seemed like a good idea. Looking back on it now, I know I did the right thing joining. If I would’ve stayed home, who knows what I would’ve ended up doing or how I would’ve turned out. Maybe good, maybe not. Who knows.

The military is what keeps a lot of magazines operating. No joke. For the record, I haven’t had a “topless” woman on a wall in at least eight years.

I had a bad day today, but your message made me feel better. Maybe everything will work out. I still have almost two years left on this enlistment. I’ll figure it out.

The orange juice story made me laugh. You’re on top of your game. What else do you have?

-Aaron

From: [email protected]mail.com

Date: October 10, 2008 3:05 a.m.

To: [email protected]mail.mil

Subject: Jimmy Rigging

Aaron,

Bingo. Someone did pee on my shoes at Mardi Gras. I think that was worse because it was a complete stranger. Continue with your guesses. The crap show retelling isn’t over.

A shower out of a coffeemaker? Something is better than nothing. Do you have a shower trailer where you’re at now? I’m also not going to make a comment about changing your clothes every other week.

No, I’m not going with her to Moscow. It’s too expensive. She only travels with her coach to international qualifying events. If she moves on to a final, I’ll charge the trip onto my credit card. That’s what I usually do.

Now you have me curious. What do you guys read? I know you said some fantasy, but what else?

I hope I don’t regret asking, but are you close to your dad? Does he or your siblings write you while you’re gone?

Famous. Now you’re trying to make me laugh. I’ll send you a picture of the dress I made my sister for her short program (that’s one of her routines. It’s the shortest one if you can’t tell from the title.) I could do another internship. There’s always something more to learn, but I don’t know. Everyone cried last time I left, and that had only been to Philadelphia where my cousin lives. I’d been 19 back then. I have more responsibilities now. I’d be scared to quit my jobs.

Joining the military for that reason makes a lot of sense. Who knows what they want to do with their lives when they’re 18? Maybe a few people do, but most don’t. With my brother, he learned discipline and grew as a person. It gave him more stability and accountability than my mom gave him. She let him get away with everything when we were younger. She’d never admit it, but he’s her favorite.

I don’t blame anyone for putting up topless pictures of women on their walls. You might as well have something nice to look at while you’re over there. :)

Sorry to hear about your bad day. Like I’ve told you before, if you ever want to vent, I’m here. Just tell me you don’t want a response, and I won’t even say a word. I know sometimes you just have to talk and don’t necessarily want an opinion back.

I’m glad my ruined breakfast made at least one of us happy. :P This isn’t that funny, but last night I was trying to put pepper on my dinner and the entire cap came off. There was literally what looked like three tablespoons of pepper on my plate. My little sister and I play pranks on each other, so I know it was her doing. I purposely didn’t call to blame her. I don’t need her to know she got me. I’ll plan my revenge so she doesn’t expect it.

Hope you’re okay,

Ruby

From: [email protected]mail.mil

Date: October 13, 2008 1:22 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.com

Subject: Re: Jimmy Rigging

Ruby,

Crap show… are you trying to tell me something? Did you go with anyone else other than your friend? I want to ask if you got rained on, but that’s too obvious. Did you step in crap? Human crap if you want to be specific.

We do have showers. The water isn’t the best; they tell us not to open our eyes or get any in our mouths, but you deal. At one point on another deployment, they paid a water truck to spray us down because we were in the same situation with no shower facilities. You really grow to appreciate hot water over here.

If she makes it through the qualifying rounds, do you already know where the final is?

What do we read… there’s a lot of fantasy, thriller, mystery, court drama stuff… some romance books too. Halo is the most action a lot of us like to deal with. The rest gets our mind off things going on around us. We share books around here all the time. Do you read? I can’t remember if you told me you do or not.

Me and my dad get along all right. He isn’t a fan of me being in the army, but we talk and message at least once a week. I can’t complain much. My sister and brother both write, but not as often…. Maybe once a month.

That picture you sent me of your sister’s ice-skating costume looks like something that belongs in a museum. You made that? For real?

I’ll tell you why I was upset. You might have seen it on the news already, but two soldiers were killed while on patrol. I’ve known one of them for a few years. We’d been stationed in Germany together. Our Internet gets blacked out every time an incident like that happens, to give the military time to identify the bodies and contact families. This time, they blacked it out for two days. One of the guys’ sisters messaged me after she found out because he’d told her we were here together and he had given her my e-mail “just in case.” “Just in case” are the worst three words in the world, don’t let anybody tell you different. You can’t not expect the worst… that would be stupid, but… I don’t know…. What’s messed up is that a part of me wishes he hadn’t done that. How do you tell someone’s sister… somebody who doesn’t want to believe her little brother is gone… that it’s true? Not going to front, writing her back gave me stomach cramps.

Pranks are a big thing here, even though half of them go wrong with all the high emotions and the stress everyone is under all the time. A few days ago, someone got a care package and offered to share things he got and it almost caused a fight. He mixed bags of M&Ms and Skittles in a container. Separate, great. Together? Not so much.

Hope to hear from you soon.

-A

From: [email protected]mail.com

Date: October 15, 2008 1:05 a.m.

To: [email protected]mail.mil

Subject: Poop water?

Aaron,

…how did you know I stepped in a pile of poop? Has it happened to you?

I’m scared to ask and sorry to bring up the “P” word again, but is there poop in the water? Is that why they don’t want you putting it in your mouth? What do you do about brushing your teeth? Bottled water?

If my little sister makes it through (and I think she will), the final will be in France in December. My mom and her husband told me they’re going to Russia with her. They had applied for a visa, but it hadn’t come through until now, so they’re scrambling for plane tickets. She’s the baby and everyone spoils her.

Sharing books makes a lot of sense. That’s nice to hear you all aren’t greedy. You could start a book swap for money. Not saying that you need it, but you could make it work. I think I’ve heard of people doing that in jail, setting up a bartering system type thing. Romance and fantasy novels floating around base doesn’t sound crazy at all. Everyone needs a happily ever after. Now tell me the truth. I’m not judging. How many of them have you read?

I like reading anything and everything. :)

You’re flattering me to death. Yes, I made that dress. It took me almost a hundred hours to make it.

You have a heart and a conscience, losing someone you know is going to be hard. I doubt it’s ever supposed to be easy. I’m really sorry about your friend and the other soldiers. I don’t really know what to say besides I’m sorry, and even that sounds lame, but I hope you understand where I’m coming from.

Mixing M&Ms and Skittles? That’s mean. I would never do something like that. I’m lying. My sister and I rigged up an airbag once for my brother who isn’t a marine. That was the best $100 I’ve ever spent.

Hope you’re doing all right.

-Ruby

From: [email protected]mail.mil

Date: October 19, 2008 1:44 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.com

Subject: RE: Poop Water

Ruby,

The server has been down for the last few days. Sorry for not writing back sooner.

I’ve never admitted to anyone except to my friends who were with me, but yeah, I’ve stepped in a warm pile of crap once. Appreciate you joining the club.

There’s all kinds of things in the water, not limited to the brown stuff. You’re supposed to rinse out your mouth with bottled water. They purify it so fast to meet demand it isn’t really filtered at all, but it’s gotten better than it was years ago. Some of us have gotten kidney stones from how many minerals there were in it at one point. Add that up with getting constipation from the MREs and it’s a party on your intestines.

Why do I have a feeling you’re a hustler? Trying to get me to start a bartering system… It made me smile. This stays between us, right? I’ve read four romances. Two of them were pretty cheesy, but the others weren’t bad. I get why the shelves at the grocery store back home are stocked. Sometimes it’s nice to deal with things that aren’t all about life and death.

What do you like reading?

A hundred hours to make one dress? Is that normal?

What did your brother do to deserve getting the airbag trick?

Sorry this is short. Everyone wants to check their e-mails.

Hope you had a good week.

-Aaron

From: [email protected]mail.com

Date: October 22, 2008 3:05 a.m.

To: [email protected]mail.mil

Subject: The Poop Club

Aaron,

Don’t even worry about. I’m glad you’re fine.

Thank you for inviting me to this exclusive club I regret admitting being a member of. :) When and why did you step in it? It = poop.

Kidney stones from the water. Whoa. You guys drink a ton of it too to stay hydrated, don’t you? I had a friend who passed stones once. She said it was almost as bad as giving birth, and she doesn’t have your… parts… genitals… you know what I mean.

Me? A hustler? Busted. After my parents split up, money was tight (remember I mentioned making my own Halloween costumes?). I made lemonade and babysat every weekend. When I was old enough to get a job, I didn’t have a car so I couldn’t get a normal job, and we lived too far away to walk anywhere (don’t get me started on my mom thinking if I took the bus I would end up on a milk carton—keep in mind people haven’t been putting kids’ faces on milk cartons since the 80s). What I made during the weekends helping my aunt do patch-ups jobs and making random ice-skating outfits for my sister and other girls in her classes was enough to make up for not working after school.

If you want, you can tell me which two romances you read that you enjoyed. I’m curious, and by curious, what I’m trying to tell you is that I want to read them.

No judging, right? I’ve read Twilight more times than I can count, The Alchemist, Pride and Prejudice, and The Chronicles of Narnia over and over and over again.

The fabric I used for her dress is really hard to work with, but the adorning (the beads and crystals) were a giant pain in the butt. If anyone else had asked for it, I would’ve charged them an arm and a leg or said no, but I couldn’t say no to my sister. I didn’t want her to skate in front of hundreds of people looking raggedy.

My brother switched the salt with the sugar the day before Thanksgiving. Every dessert was ruined and the turkey… no. No. He deserved what he got. We ended up having to go to KFC to buy food. I have the video on my phone of him and the airbag if you want to see it. It’s just about my favorite thing in the world.

My dumb story of the week: I walked into a glass patio door yesterday. There’s still a red mark on my forehead. Enjoy that.

Take care,

Ruby

From: [email protected]mail.mil

Date: October 26, 2008 1:41 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.com

Subject: RE: The Poop Club

Ruby,

Did you pee in a dark corner at Mardi Gras too? I stepped in crap at a music festival once. Pissed me off for days, and I had to throw away my shoes.

It’s tough staying hydrated in the desert. I drink gallons a day and pee all the time. You sweat nonstop for hours, but on some days, even if you think you’re drinking enough water, you might only go twice. Those are the days you have to worry.

I can’t remember the titles of those books I read. Not lying, I’m being for real. The names were familiar though. I’m sure they carry them at the grocery store.

The only one of those you mentioned that I’ve read has been Chronicles of Narnia, but the rest I haven’t. Sparkly vampires aren’t my thing. :] The only book I’ve reread in my life was Ender’s Game. Have you read that one?

The thing about your mom thinking you were going to get kidnapped made me laugh. If she didn’t love you, she wouldn’t worry. Did you use your lemonade money to buy a sewing machine? My sister used to have one of those things that puts beads on clothes. Did you have one of those? I just realized you’ve mentioned being close to your brothers and sisters but not your parents. Do they live close by? Did they remarry?

You stitched each bead on your sister’s dress? It looks like there’s a thousand on there.

All right, the thing with your brother makes sense. You don’t ruin Thanksgiving dinner. Did he learn his lesson? My family was never into pranks. If I would’ve done that, they all would’ve lost it, and not in the same way.

Send a picture of your forehead.

-A

From: [email protected]mail.mil

Date: October 30, 2008 12:17 p.m.

To: [email protected]mail.com

Subject: Thank you

Ruby,

I got your package in the mail today. Thank you for my pizza kit. Freeze dried cheese? I read your instructions step by step twice. How’d you figure out melting it would work? I’ve already had people trying to buy it off me… the movies, pictures and snacks too. The salt and vinegar chips will be gone in two days max. Thanks a lot.

Hope you’re okay.

-Aaron