Epilogue
MOISTURE QUIVERED IN the hot afternoon air, like breathing in steam. From outside the window I heard the shouts of vendors selling fruit and baskets and other things along the street. There was the occasional laugh of a child playing soccer in the square.
I had also been able to study the criminal justice systems of the places we stayed in. I planned to use that research to drive my thesis when I returned home and started graduate school. Their criminal justice systems were sometimes terrifying, other times more merciful than ours. I spoke to government officials and landed one heartbreaking tour through Klong Prem Central Prison. I took notes, while Philip possibly made international criminal contacts—that man couldn’t hide his nature any more than I could.
We had taken a circuitous tour of Asia, hoping to find some affinity to my heritage, the essence of my missing family tree from second grade. We’d landed in Beijing, then traveled to Tokyo, then Seoul. Now we were in a historic hotel in Bangkok, a place that Ronald Reagan and Charlie Chaplin had stayed on their travels. I had found beautiful art and amazing food—for someone interested in culture, in society, these weeks had been a gold mine.
This is where you come from. This is who you are.
Mrs. Fitzpatrick had been wrong about that. I hadn’t found anyone who resembled me, even the half of me that came from here. But she had been right as well—the search had brought me closer to who I was. I had found a family in Philip, had found a home in his arms—a heritage in every new place traveled together.
All the while my cat Misty stayed with Colin and his family, waiting for us to return home. Because I couldn’t deny that Chicago was home. It was where Philip had put down roots, where his family lived. And my country, my city… was Philip.
He shifted beneath me, coming awake in slow, satisfied increments.
I stroked his chest, tracing the black ink along his tattoo. And then I kissed him—right there on the hard-packed muscle and inked skin. I had used my mouth on Philip before, of course, licked and sucked him until he roared with the loss of control. But I had never kissed him here, in this almost innocent place, a few inches above his flat nipple.
He stiffened and shifted to give me better access, so I took the invitation and kissed him again, this time directly on his nipple, letting my tongue flick across him. Did women do that to men? He groaned and put his hand behind my head, keeping me close. He liked it.
I kissed again, this time lower—closer to the ridge of his abs. I was rewarded with the ripple of taut flesh, the clench of hard muscle.
“Why did you come back for me?” I asked softly.
He had left to protect me, the way he hadn’t been able to protect his mother or his lover. I knew that, but I needed to know what had changed.
“That’s how selfish I am,” he said roughly. “I’m taking you anyway.”
Except that wasn’t it, not really. Philip was selfish and arrogant—but he loved me. And that love would keep me safe, whatever that meant to him. “No,” I said.
“No?”
“Tell me the real reason.”
His eyes narrowed. “Because I realized no matter where I went, no matter what I did, no one would ever see me like you did. No one would ever see that deep inside of me—and still want to stay.”
My breath caught. “Is that what you thought? That I would see the heart and soul of you and then—”
“And be terrified? Yes, kitten. Of course. Barnes was right about that much. My soul is black. I travelled the whole fucking globe and saw my likeness everywhere. I saw that pain was everywhere. Violence, suffering. I wasn’t causing it, not really. And the only way I could protect you was to stand by your side, shielding you, guarding you.”
“God, Philip.” He did so much more than protect me. He loved me, and that was what I needed more than anything. I placed my hand over his chest. “What you have on the outside—it’s hard and cold and sharp. But what’s underneath, you’re burning hot. You’re real and passionate and…loving, Philip. So loving, to your family.”
His hand went to my belly, still flat. Soon it would be rounded.
Already a small life was growing inside.
Then he lifted my chin with his forefinger. “You’re my family,” he whispered.
He kissed me on the mouth, the chin, the hollow between my breasts. He kissed the curve of my belly with reverence. “Family,” he whispered again, his dark eyes meeting mine.
Then he quested lower, to where my flesh pulsed and slickened.
A single kiss at the core of my body, and then he was gone.
No longer between my legs.
No longer caressing my body.
I moaned in protest.
“Shh,” he murmured, pulling something up from the side of the bed. A small box, unmarked, a deep red. He held it out to me.
I opened it to reveal a necklace, a delicate chain of gold, the pendant some kind of shimmery stone. I touched the uneven surface, feeling a million tiny facets that reflected the afternoon light. There was a spare elegance, an effortless strength.
“It’s beautiful,” I breathed.
“A diamond,” he said gruffly.
My eyes widened. “Wow. Philip. I can’t…”
I looked back at the rough, opaque surface of the heavy rock. It wasn’t anything like the straight-edged, translucent stones I had seen in jewelry store commercials. This was hard and fierce and a little bit wild, carved out of nature and left in its natural state—a dirty little secret. No one would know what was inside here, unless they knew to look. Unless they dug deep.
It honored me, this gift—the curiosity that had brought us together.
And it reflected him as well, this man with so many facets, encased in a dark, glittering exterior. No one would know what was inside him. That would never change.
I knew what was inside him, and that was enough.
*
Thank you for reading Deep. I hope you loved Philip and Ella’s story!
If you’re new to the Chicago Underground series, meet Colin and Allie for free in the first book or read their long, complete story in the boxed set .
Shelly and Luke’s forbidden, star-crossed love story is next, and you can read that full story in . This is where Shelly saves Ella and goes to Philip for help.
Rose and Drew find love and desire in , which is where Philip goes off the rails.
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If you love the Chicago Underground series, you’ll love the dark and dangerous Stripped series. New York Times bestselling author Pepper Winters calls it “captivating.”