Derek

TWO MONTHS LATER

Time heals all wounds. Whoever made up that quote was a fucking idiot. I couldn’t begin to count how many times I’d heard the same bullshit, just said in different ways. The pain will hurt less over time, or It’s time for you to move on. Time didn’t heal all wounds. The pain was still there, simmering under the surface. That was why I had to get away. Escaping to the other side of the country was my only choice.

“You okay, D?” Blake asked.

He clapped me on the shoulder and leaned over the fence, mirroring my stance. Blake Evans, one of my friends from back home in North Carolina, had opened his Wyoming ranch up to me a couple of months ago. If not for him, I’d be on my way to rehab. I hadn’t popped a single pill or drunk a drop of alcohol in a whole month. The tabloids had a field day with my distress, claiming that I’d hit rock bottom and there was no returning. For the longest time, I didn’t think I could come back from it, but I did. I still had the urge to binge, but it wasn’t as bad.

I averted my gaze from the snowcapped mountains and faced him. “I’ll be fine. The thought of driving back home tomorrow scares the fuck out of me, though.” I sighed. “At least it’ll take me a couple of days to get there.”

He nodded. “I know, but it’s something you have to do. Sooner or later you have to face the fact that things have changed. As much as I’ve enjoyed having you here, you can’t stay forever. Besides,” he said, glancing down at my phone, “everyone back home knows where you are now.”

The only people I had talked to in the past two months were my parents and my agent, Brent Baker. Brent had been optimistic that I’d find my way back, so he’d been keeping in touch with my coach and the management of the Carolina Cougars in hopes that I’d return.

Neither he nor my parents knew where I was, exactly, but my parents didn’t deserve the silent treatment, not when they wanted to help. Only there wasn’t anything they could do. If Brianna were still alive, she’d have had our baby by now. That was the one thought that ripped me to pieces. The fucker who had run us off the road better be glad he’s dead or I would’ve killed him. What was so messed up about the situation was that she wasn’t even the target—Evan was. She was just collateral damage in a scheme put together by Summer’s doctor, Philip Parker, to get Evan out of the way. He’d hired someone to run us off the road so he could have Summer all to himself. I wanted revenge for Brianna’s death, but I’d never gotten it; Philip was dead, a victim of his own wrongdoing.

I looked down at the fifteen unopened text messages on my phone and groaned. “Tell me about it. If not for Avery, I’d still be MIA.”

“Hey, you can’t blame all of that on him. You knew you couldn’t stay gone forever. Are you going to tell anyone you’re headed home?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m going to wait and see how I feel when the time comes. I want to see the guys, but I don’t want their pity.”

After throwing my phone out the window of the car two months ago, I’d headed west without a single change of clothes. I’d kept driving until I’d ended up on Blake’s doorstep and asked him for help. I didn’t want to go back to my empty house, where my thoughts constantly strayed to Brianna. I should’ve known Evan and the guys would get Jason Avery to track me down. Jason was one of the best undercover agents in the country, as good as Blake, but Jason was the one who’d tracked down the guy responsible for Brianna’s death.

Blake slapped me on the back. “They’re just worried about you. Now, why don’t I fire up the grill and cook us some steaks? It’ll be the last good meal you have for a while.”

“Ain’t that the truth. At least I have the Carolina Tavern back home.” I had a strange feeling I’d be eating there a lot.

The drive back home took two full days. I stopped in Kansas City for a night and then surprised my parents in Oneida, Tennessee. They were happy to see me, and it actually felt good to be around them again. My mother made all of my favorite dishes and packed them in a cooler for my ride home. I wasn’t going to complain. I didn’t see them as much now that I was five hours away and traveling a lot with the team.

It wasn’t long before I arrived in Belmont, North Carolina, where I’d lived ever since I joined the Carolina Cougars. Most of the other guys lived in Charlotte except my closest friends and teammates, Evan Townsend and Cooper Davis. I preferred a smaller scene, especially since I was a country boy. When I pulled into my driveway, I expected to see mile-high grass and my mailbox overflowing with mail; however, my grass was cut, and nothing looked like I’d abandoned it for two months.

I didn’t have any close neighbors I could ask, but I had a feeling who was responsible. Inside, the house smelled like Pine-Sol. The floors were clean, and there wasn’t a speck of dust anywhere. It wasn’t the way I’d left it, that was for damn sure. The mail was piled high on my kitchen table, including a box wrapped in blue and black paper: the colors of the Carolina Cougars. There wasn’t a note saying who it was from, but it didn’t take a genius to figure it out.

Inside was a football with a sticky note: Welcome back. I picked it up and held it in my hands, loving the way it felt in my grasp. Football was my life, and I’d missed it more than anything. Ever since I could walk, my father had primed me to be the best player I could be; it was in my blood.

Taking a deep breath, I sat down at the table and stared at the ball. I can do this. I’d spent months feeling sorry for myself and running away. I couldn’t do that anymore. My team needed me…and I knew I needed them. Pulling out my phone, I scrolled through my contacts until I found the one person who never gave up on me. He picked up on the first ring. “Holy shit, is it really you?” he said.

“It is,” I replied. “I wanted to let you know I’m back.” He asked me about the night I’d left, and I told him. I wasn’t surprised when I heard a car pull into my driveway ten minutes later. “Is that you in my driveway?” I said with a chuckle.

“You’re damn right. At least this time I can stop you from running away.” I heard his footsteps just outside the door.

“Good luck with that, Townsend. I’m a lot bigger than you.” The door slammed open and I turned to face him.

Smiling wide, he slid the phone into his back pocket and waved a hand at my body. “I beg to differ. You’ve lost a little bit of weight, brother. You need to bulk back up.”

He was right, I had lost weight. I’d tried building myself back up when I was in Wyoming, but I hadn’t felt the motivation the guys always gave me. “I’ll work on it,” I promised.

Stretching his arms wide, he wrapped them around me and slapped my back. “That you will. It’s good to have you back. We’ve all missed you.”

I hugged him in return. “Thanks. I appreciate you taking care of my place while I was gone.”

Evan let me go and stepped back. “You’re welcome. The others helped as well. We were really worried about you.”

I snorted. “I know. Imagine my surprise when I start getting phone calls from everyone on my new unlisted phone number.”

He shrugged. “I didn’t know what else to do. Your parents said you were okay, but I had to find out for myself. It’s not like it mattered, since you never returned my calls.”

Sighing, I averted my gaze. “Sorry, brother. I needed the time away. It felt good being in Wyoming. I was able to distance myself and deal with everything on my own.”

“You didn’t have to do it on your own.”

“Yeah, I did,” I replied truthfully. “It took a while, but I was able to clean myself up.” I glanced around the kitchen and then walked into the living room with Evan close behind. “I don’t know how it’ll feel to be back. Brent says I’m still on the team, but I’ve missed so much.” I sat down on one side of my leather couch while Evan took the other side.

“You’ll be fine,” he promised. “Your timing couldn’t be more perfect. Pre-season starts in another couple of weeks. If you work hard, that’ll be plenty of time to get where you need to be.”

I shook my head. “Coach Joel isn’t going to let me come back just like that.”

“Probably not, but if you’re willing to put forth the effort, I think you’ll be surprised.” He smiled, and it made me realize how much I’d missed being around the team. “So what all did you do in Wyoming?” he asked.

Grinning from ear to ear, I closed my eyes, picturing it in my mind. “Well, in order for me to stay, Blake gave me some ultimatums. I had to shovel shit and help with maintenance around the ranch.”

Evan burst out laughing. “He does know you grew up on a farm, right?”

I returned the laugh. “Not at first. I probably shouldn’t have told him, because when I did, he gave me more work.” Leaning my head against the couch, I couldn’t help but miss it all. Being in Wyoming had reminded me so much of being in my hometown, minus the Grand Tetons. The mountains we had around North Carolina were nothing compared to the ones out west. “Blake also introduced me to a friend of his who’s a ranger. I was able to ride along with him and check out the hiking trails. Once my football career ends, that’s what I want to do.”

He nodded. “You did go to college to be one. Let’s just hope we have several more years before retirement. I want to play as long as I can.”

I did, too. “So what’s the team been up to?” I asked. “Did anything new happen while I was gone?”

He pulled out his phone with a small grin. “I wanted to tell you, but you never returned my calls.” He passed me the phone. “Then again, I didn’t know if it was the right time.”

When I looked down at the screen, I saw a little baby girl wrapped in a pink blanket and wearing a Carolina Cougars bonnet bearing Evan’s number. “She’s beautiful,” I murmured, passing him back the phone. “She takes after her mother.”

Evan chortled. “That’s for damn sure. Her name’s Emma Grace.” He smiled down at the picture of his daughter, and I couldn’t help but feel envious. He had it all, the perfect soon-to-be-wife and the baby.

“So when’s the big day again?” I asked. He had told me months before, but I’d been too overcome with grief to pay attention. All I knew was that Summer had wanted to wait until after the baby was born.

Evan cleared his throat. “In another month, at Stowe Manor. There’s a spot available for a groomsman if you’re interested. I’d love to have you by my side.”

Getting to my feet, I stood before him, extending my hand. “Where else would I be? I’d be happy to.”

Evan grabbed my hand and shook. “You have no idea how good it feels to have you back.” He stood and pulled me in for another hug before heading toward the door. “I guess I should let you get settled, since you just got home.”

“There’s not much to settle.” I laughed. All I had in my car was one duffel bag with the few clothes I had bought in Wyoming.

He shrugged. “Either way, I’ll give you your space.” We walked through the kitchen to the door, but he stopped and faced me. “Why don’t you meet me at the tavern for dinner tonight? I’ve been helping with the bookkeeping while Summer’s out on maternity leave. I could use you as an excuse for a break.”

I shook my head and laughed. “I’ll be there.”

Opening the door, he stepped out and waved. “Seven o’clock.”

Once he was gone, I took a deep breath and leaned against the door. I hadn’t planned on going out this soon, but I couldn’t disappoint him, not when I’d spent the last few months letting everyone down. After Brianna’s death, when I was able to play again, it had been right around play-off time. I’d pushed her to the back of my mind and played as hard as humanly possible until we got to the Super Bowl. We’d won the championship, but it was the worst game I’d ever played. Every ounce of anger in my body had been unleashed, and my team had paid the price for my conduct when I was thrown out of the game. That was one of the main reasons why Coach Joel probably wouldn’t let me return. I’d been stupid and selfish.

The stack of mail looked like it would take a year to go through, so I sat down at the table and got started. Most of it was junk, but when I got to the bottom, I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the newspaper clipping that stared straight up at me. It was Brianna’s obituary, with a picture of her smiling face. She’d been so beautiful, young, and full of life. I’d often wondered why she wasted her time on someone like me. Clutching the article, I jumped up and stormed over to the special cabinet above the refrigerator where I kept all my liquor. I grabbed the vodka and unscrewed the cap, bringing it to my lips. I was more than prepared to take the first chug, but when I looked down at Brianna’s smiling face, something inside me clicked.

My heart started to race and my eyes burned. I can’t lose myself now. Setting the bottle on the counter, I leaned over the sink and splashed water on my face. This wasn’t what Brianna would want for me. I took the bottle and turned it upside down, watching as the clear liquid poured out and disappeared down the drain. I didn’t need it anymore. It was time I stopped running away.