Charlie
“You boys were gone awhile.” My suspicions are ringing loudly. They went for a walk two hours ago. Two hours is a very long time to stare at the waves. It’s also a very long time to hear about a wedding.
Don’t get me wrong—I like Catherine. She’s really nice and was more than accommodating. But I know they weren’t just checking out the surfing. I’d have much rather gone with them and gotten some answers.
“There was a competition,” Mark explains with a smile. “Did you miss me?”
“I won’t next time.” And I don’t mean longing-wise. His ass is grass.
“Oh,” Catherine says. “That’s right, we were planning to watch it today and tomorrow, but I completely forgot.”
“That’s what happens when you become an old married couple,” Mark jokes.
“Whatever, ass.” Catherine throws her jab at Mark before turning her attention to Jackson. “Charlie and I were getting hungry and were going to order dinner, but I figured we could take them somewhere by the water.”
Jackson smiles, wraps his arms around her waist, and then places his lips on her forehead. It’s so intimate I have to look away. “Sounds great, baby,” he says as if she’s the only woman in the world.
I look back over at them as Catherine rests her head on his chest. “Mark, are you still surfing?”
Mark slowly nods his head. “Yeah, when I’m home. I went not too long ago.”
“I didn’t know you surf,” I say, drawing his attention.
Mark comes so close I have to tip my head back to meet his intense eyes. I draw in a deep breath, inhaling the salt air that clings to him. He always smells like fresh air. “I’ll take you out tomorrow.”
“Umm . . .” I step back. “No thanks.”
“It’s fun.”
“Have you seen the news? People get eaten. They lose limbs. I like my limbs.”
His grin grows and his eyes glimmer. “They only eat the tasty ones. So maybe you shouldn’t go.”
My jaw drops at his innuendo.
“Idiot. I don’t do the ocean. I like the beach but not the water.”
Mark smirks. “I’ll protect you.”
I laugh. “Not a chance in hell.”
Jackson and Catherine stand off to the side, watching us argue—as usual. Mark can take me from perfectly calm to ready to shoot someone in no time. Infuriatingly stubborn and maddening man. I want to hate him so much, but he makes that damn near impossible.
“Oh, come on. Sharks are just misunderstood. They want to be friends, cuddle a little, or maybe it just wants a hug.” Mark is enjoying this a little too much.
“And maybe it wants an appetizer.”
Mark chuckles. “There are far more meaty options for them. You’ll be with me.”
“I’m not going.” I stand my ground.
“This is like dinner and a show.” Jackson speaks up.
“Right!” Catherine laughs. “They’re worse than us.”
Jackson replies, “I know, but my money’s on Charlie.”
“Mine too,” Catherine says.
Mark and I both burst out laughing then he pulls me close. I try to shove my way from his grasp, but his strength doesn’t allow it. I need to work out more. Or go back to Jiu Jitsu so I can take his ass down. Jackson and Catherine head out the door and Mark leans in so only I can hear. “I would never let anything hurt you on land or at sea. Trust me.” He kisses the side of my head and releases me.
I stand there for a second, unable to move. What do I say to that? Because the truth is . . . I don’t think he’d hesitate. He’d protect me with his own life if that’s what I need. It’s who he is, and I need to realize how special he is before he decides I’m not worth the chance.
The evening goes off seamlessly. I enjoy spending time with Jackson and Catherine. The more time passes, the more I understand that Jackson could never be behind any of the issues at his company. His loyalty and dedication to his men comes first and foremost. You can see the emotional strain he’s under. However, I catch the look that passes between him and Mark. Their walk wasn’t just a stumble upon a surfing contest. I let Mark think he threw me off, but he didn’t.
“We’re heading back tonight,” Mark informs Jackson, which is news to me. I guess he doesn’t feel like sharing his plans.
That’s fine. I don’t feel I need to inform him of mine either.
“Why don’t you guys stay at least tonight?” Catherine asks. “As much as I love California, we never see our friends.”
“See, Kitty misses me.” Mark wraps his arm around her shoulder and she groans.
“Not you.”
“Admit it,” he taunts playfully.
“Nope.”
“Fine. I know the truth.”
“I feel bad for Charlie. Being stuck with you on a plane for an extended period of time would be enough to make me contemplate jumping.”
Mark’s eyes dart to mine as a grin spreads across his face. “I think Charlie likes having me as a travel partner.”
I hate that I have these moments of weakness when I warm to him. But then, he effectively takes care of that by reminding me how much I should hate him. “I’ve had better flights, buddy. You were . . . decent.”
His grin falls slightly as he studies me. “I’ll be sure to change that word for you this go.”
Jackson lets out a loud guffaw. “You’re totally fucked, dude.”
I decide to keep my mouth closed. If I provoke Mark, it’ll only backfire. There won’t be another round, though. This time, I’ll lock the damn door.
We say our good-byes and head back toward the airport. I will say that flying this way is a hundred times better than commercial. I can see why Jackson keeps a private plane for himself and his staff. Plus, there are times they need to get out quickly and can’t wait for a flight—especially with their luck lately.
Throughout the car ride, I try to figure out the tie between Mazir and Cole Security Forces. I spent an absurd amount of time studying him, his family, his links to terrorist organizations—which is vast. How does Jackson and his team fit? I can’t make the connection. Yet, I know there is one.
“What are you thinking about, beautiful?” Mark asks. It’s the first time he’s ever called me that.
“I’m contemplating who, other than me, wants to destroy you and your friends, and why.”
He takes my hand in his and places it into his lap. “Let me worry about that.”
“Isn’t this why you called me in the first place?”
“Nah.” He smiles. “I just wanted to see you again. It had been too long since I had someone to spar with.”
“I don’t doubt that, but you and I know that’s not the only reason.”
Mark mindlessly rubs the top of my hand. “I’ll figure it out. I have some ideas.” He glances over with an emotion in his eyes that I can’t place. It’s not suspicion, but he’s not as clear as he was before. It’s as if he’s erected a wall inside himself, closing me off to whatever he’s thinking. I’m not sure what to make of it.
Before I can dissect it too much, we arrive at our plane. We board easily, thanks to the ease of flying private, and take our seats. The silence between us feels heavy. It’s not like earlier when it was comfortable. This feels ominous.
My gut tells me there’s something brewing. But he takes my hand again, and it helps anchor me. His touch reminds me of what has transpired between us—also, how quickly it seems to have disappeared.
Could Jackson have said something? I know they’re keeping something from me, which pisses me off and raises my red flag. Jackson, on the other hand, doesn’t know me. He knows I’m an operative. I’m a professional liar. I can con, talk, and bullshit my way out of almost anything. There’s reason to distrust me, if I’m perfectly honest, but Mark has never exhibited a lack of trust. I hate what I’m about to do, but I can’t forget my end game.
Once we’re in the air, I decide it’s a good time to start talking.
“Mark,” I murmur. “What happened on your walk?”
He rolls his head my way. “Nothing happened.”
“You’re lying.”
He sighs and rests his head back against the seat. “No, I’m not.”
“Okay, then what was said?”
He opens his eyes but keeps his gaze at the ceiling. “We talked about some of Jackson’s concerns about getting hitched again. He was married before, lost his wife, it’s been a lot of shit for him the last few years.”
That makes sense, and Catherine confided that he’s been especially stressed. Still, there’s this nagging part of me that insists that’s not the whole story.
“So, nothing about the nature of the company?”
“I agreed to become partner.” He finally meets my gaze.
“Oh?”
“He’s been up my ass about it for awhile. I told him once we get everything under control, I’ll come on as part owner. Why are you asking?”
I lift the arm bar between us so I can get closer. I need all of his attention, and all of his mind focused—elsewhere.
He’s about to find out just how manipulative I am.
Mark watches me with narrowed eyes, but he doesn’t stop me. I slide closer and release his hand. He glides it around behind me and presses against my back. I’m forced to put my hands on his chest to keep myself from falling. He doesn’t let me stop there, though. He leans down and pulls my leg so I’m straddling him.
He’s making this too easy for me.
Our bodies press together as he keeps me secure. “Mark,” I purr.
“Shut up, Charlie,” he says before he grips my neck, pulls me to him, and kisses me.
I keep hold of my control because this kiss has to be mine. This one is a means to an end. All of this is. I need information, and I’ll screw it out of him if I have to. I glide my tongue across his lips, but he resists me. My head is being held tight—I’m at his mercy.
I know he feels me fighting him. My hands push against his chest, but he doesn’t budge. After a moment, his lips part and allow me in. That’s when his hands move. He cups my ass, lifts me, and before I know it, he’s standing, carrying me back to the bedroom. I want to cry. For the first time in my life as a spy, I wish I could abandon my mission. I realize, right now, that I would forsake it all for someone like him.
“What are we doing?” I ease the pressure of our kiss to speak against his lips, but return my mouth before he can answer.
Mark keeps me in his arms effortlessly. He kicks the door shut with his foot, walks toward the bed, and gently lays me down, causing my heart to kick into overdrive. I can do this. I have to do this. I will get the information I need at any cost. I’ve never done this, though. Sure, I’ve toyed with men, but never like this. Not with one I care about.
“You underestimate me, beautiful,” Mark says while undoing the buttons on his shirt.
“What?”
He stalks toward the bed. “You think I can’t see.”
“You sure like to tell me what I can see and can’t see.” I rise up on my elbows.
Mark climbs onto the bed and hovers above me. “Tell me, do you think I’m an idiot?”
I lie back and slip into my mind where nothing can touch me. He can’t even get close, because this act is for information, not pleasure. “No,” I reply. “I hate how you make me feel. I hate that you make me want you.”
His smirk falls as his head descends toward my lips. I think he’s going to kiss me, but he shifts his face to the side, his warm breath tickles my ear. “You’re going to hate a lot more than that, princess.”
Out of no where, he grips my wrists and pins them above my head. At first, I think nothing of it, until I realize it’s not sexual. I try to fight him, but he’s so much stronger than I am. Without breaking a sweat, he ties his belt around my wrists and rests his weight on my hips so I can’t move.
“I’m going to gut you like a fish.” I try bucking my hips to move him, but to no avail.
“I like dirty talk.” He chuckles.
“I hate you.”
“Another lie. See, you tell so many that it’s hard to keep up after awhile,” he muses. Mark’s one hand holds my arms up, while he rests his head leisurely against his other. “Here’s what I figure. You like me. I can see it. I know it, you know it. But you’re afraid. So you play these mind games with yourself to push me away.”
“If I did like you—which I don’t—I hate you now.”
“As I was saying, you really need to see things between us for what they are.”
“Over?”
“Not even close.” Mark moves so I can feel his erection against my core. God help me, it turns me on. “You want me so much right now. I can feel the heat coming off you, see the color in your face change. It’s all there. I clearly want to fuck the stupid out of you, but I won’t just yet.”
“That’s called rape.”
“You can’t rape the willing, baby.”
“Untie me!” I push against him.
“Why did you think trying to seduce me would work?” Mark asks. “Did you think you’d find out something you want to know? Did you think I would give it up so easily? We could’ve been back here while I suck on your tits, eat your pussy, fuck you until you see stars, but you wanted to play this game. Remember that . . .”
I loathe him. I wish him nothing but to burn in the fiery pits of Hell. Satan can use him for a damn pig roast for all I care. He’s ruining me. I’m better than this, better than him. “I swear, you better leave me tied up the duration of the flight, or I’m going to butcher you.”
He digs his hips deeper, rubs against my clit. I try to fight the moan. I try to bite it back, but it escapes. “You’ve tortured people, haven’t you, Charlie? You’ve pulled information out by using any means necessary, huh?”
Mark moves again, and shoots a current through every limb. “Fuck you. You’re dead.”
“I thought so, but see, so have I. I’ve had to use methods against people in order to fulfill my mission. And right now . . .” He leans against my ear as his voice drops to a menacing whisper. “You’re my mission.”
He’s out of his ever-loving mind if he thinks I’ll tell him anything. “For someone who thinks he’s so smart, you’re awfully dumb. I’ll die before I tell you a thing.”
“I won’t hurt you,” he explains as his hand travels to my breast. “I’ll pull every ounce of pleasure your body can handle. I’ll show you why I’m right for you. Why you want me so much that you hate yourself. Why you think about me, because we both need answers, and we’re going to get them now.”
His words, his heat, his touch makes me want to sob. I want him more than ever. I’m soaking wet, turned on, and pissed off. It’s not a good combination. “Mark,” I pull his attention to me.
“You lied to me—again. I can’t fucking handle it. Because here I am, thinking you’re going to start treating me the way I treat you. That you respect me even half an inch, but no, you leave shit out with your half-truths.”
I twist and turn to get him off me. “What did I lie about?”
“Tell me about the mission in Afghanistan.” He holds me so I can’t move.
“What makes you think I’ll tell you anything right now? You tied me up!”
“Because you’re a liar! You lie,” he says through gritted teeth. He leans in and traces his tongue down my throat. “You lie to me. And now to think this . . .” He shakes his head and lets his words trail off as he pulls my shirt to expose my breast. The warmth of his lips just barely touches me. I try to rub my legs together. It feels so good. “Do you like that? Do you like when I lick your skin? You enjoy my tongue tasting you, baby? Tell me,” he says before he swipes his lips against my nipple. “How loud do you think I can get you to scream?”
His blonde hair falls in his eyes and shields his gaze from me as he sucks my breast. One arm holds mine as he tortures me.
“Stop! Not like this,” I cry out. This isn’t how it was supposed to go.
I have no idea what he knows, but it’s bad. Right now, there’s a good chance this is the end of everything between us. My stomach drops at the idea of whatever Jackson may have told him.
His eyes latch back on mine. “This is your last chance. No lies. Is there anything I need to know?”
“I need you to untie me.” Tears form in my eyes and before one can drop, he releases his hand from my arms and undoes the belt.
“Fuck!” he yells, and pulls me against him. “Damn it! Don’t cry. I would never.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to do the same to you,” I admit. “We need to trust each other if we’re ever going to work together.”
“Charlie, look at me,” he implores. “I never want to hurt you. Clearly, I have feelings for you.” I move my hands to my chest. Now that he doesn’t have complete control, I can breathe.
He runs his hands through his hair. I see the regret in his eyes. “Why wouldn’t you just ask me what he told me?” Anger seeps through his words.
Is his short-term memory broken? I only went to the means I did because he wouldn’t talk. “I did ask you. I asked what you talked about. And this is what I do! I get information. I don’t ask questions because people are never honest. So I did what I know.”
Mark looks away with shame. “I needed some time to get my head in the right place. I planned to talk to you on the plane, but I can’t think straight when I look at you.”
I can understand that. He has the same effect on me.
“What did Jackson say?” I need to bring this conversation back to our issue.
His eyes bore into me. “He has photos of you.”
“Me?”
He nods. “Around the time of Aaron’s IED explosion. You were on the road. Then again when Jackson was shot. There’s surveillance photos of you in the village.” Mark leans back and pulls me upright. “Please tell me there’s some logical explanation for this. Tell me you didn’t have me and my friends injured. Tell me!”
“I was there, but I wasn’t a part of it.” The words taste like poison. I’ve done awful things. Things I would never wish on others, but I never hurt any of them.
“I need more than that, Charlie.”
Seeing Mark right now . . . breaks me. His smile is gone. The affection he had in even the simplest gaze isn’t present. And I realize how much they mean to me. How he makes me feel. He makes me want to be a better woman. Mark accepts me for the faults I have, he doesn’t try to fix me. He just lets me be. They all deserve the truth, but when he hears it, this might come the end, and I have to be okay with that.
“My mission was to infiltrate. I was ordered to get Mazir’s location, any pertinent information, and get home. We thought it would take six months, tops. It turned into two years. It was bad, Mark. I forgot who I was—until I saw what was happening to Aaron. As much as I might have been responsible for finding him, it was the other way around. I was lost. Sometimes I think I’m still lost.” I look away with tears in my eyes. Crying isn’t something I do around anyone. I don’t allow myself that weakness.
Mark tilts my face toward him as a drop falls down my cheek. “Don’t hide that you’re human from me.”
His words stun me, and then another tear falls. This time for the words I’m about to say and the man I never had but I’m about to lose. “I was there, Mark! I knew they were going to set that bomb. I knew they were going after a team of men to get their weapons. I knew! I knew and I couldn’t stop them. I knew and I couldn’t blow my cover, so it happened.” Tears fall like rain for the first time in years. I don’t care that he sees it. It’s not an act. It’s true emotion. “But all I wanted were my answers. I needed to know how to get to my father’s killer.”
“You knew?”
I wipe my eyes and draw in a deep breath. “I was basically their housewife. My job was to live in the shadows. So I heard them talk about the Americans coming. How they needed to be handled. At first, I thought they meant me.”
He waits, weighing my words for what feels like forever.
“Say something.” I beg.
He doesn’t say a word. He lets me go.
“Mark.” I wait until he looks back up. “I was a glorified maid. I cooked, cleaned, washed their damn clothes, and listened to every word they said. I didn’t have a voice in that house, because that’s how it was meant to be.”
There’s never been a time in my life I would take back, but looking at his face makes me wish. I would go back, shoot them all in the head, and walk away tossing a match behind me. The disappointment in his eyes hurts more than I can comprehend. He’s the first man I’ve let anywhere close to my heart since my father.
I scoot closer to him, take his hand in mine, and wait for him to say anything. “Do you know why they’re after us?”
“No.” I shake my head. “The men I was around were militants. They didn’t have any kind of power. They just carried out orders. My mission was to gain access to Mazir, because he calls the shots. Mazir wants you guys dead. Or just Jackson . . . I don’t know.”
He releases my hand, cups my face searching for something in my eyes. “And what’s in this for you?”
If I tell him this, I’ll be entrusting him. He’ll know more than any other human alive. No one but me knows what’s in that file. My father kept it from everyone, except me. There’s a reason, I just don’t know what he was trying to tell me. “My father was investigating him before he was killed,” is all I can get out. “I’m sorry, Mark. I’m sorry I didn’t stop them. I’m sorry I hurt you, but I couldn’t tell you.”
His bright green eyes shimmer. His features soften and give me hope. “You kept Aaron alive. You got him home, and Jackson’s a tough motherfucker. He lived. You know what I kept thinking when he showed me all of that?”
I shake my head.
“That this was it. That I would lose whatever this was. I can’t stop thinking about you. The minute I saw you, I knew I had to have you. I was so mad that I was going to lose you.”
“That’s crazy,” I say as I wipe my eyes.
“So are we. I’m crazy about you, Charlie. I can’t explain it. It’s ridiculous, because half the time I don’t even like you.”
I laugh and so does he.
Tenderly, Mark takes my head between his palms. His thumb wipes a lingering tear. “I understand doing a job that sometimes causes you to question your morals. I don’t like it. I don’t appreciate knowing my friends were hurt and you were a part of it, but I get it. I want us to try.”
I let go of my training. I let the wall crumble and become ash. My heart is what I’m listening to this time, and my heart wants Mark Dixon.
“I want that too, but this won’t be easy.”
“Nothing worth anything is ever easy.”
He leans in and places his lips to mine ever so gently. I melt into him. This time will be different. I’m giving myself to him. A part of me will be vulnerable to Mark, and as much as it scares me, it also gives me hope. This is something no other man will have ever had. I can only pray he understands how much I’m offering.