Charlie
It’s not as if we’ve never slept together. This is dumb, being nervous over spending a night with Mark. But between the wedding and the wine, the emotions are different. He’s different. The way he looked at me, just . . . everything. I’m being dumb, but we’re still not safe. We still don’t know who’s doing things, and Mark is still a target.
If I were to let him in my heart . . . who am I kidding? He’s already there. I told myself not to allow it, but here I am.
Screwed.
I feel like that virgin on prom night, questioning everything. Do I take my clothes off? Do I slip under the covers naked? Never mind the fact that I’ve joined the mile high club with him. Had shower sex, wall sex, sex in his bed . . . I mean, we’ve done it. Just tonight . . . isn’t about sex. God, I’m being such a girl.
Forget this.
“Mark!” I bang on the bathroom door. “Mark! Open up! Now!”
He flings it open, scanning the room. “What’s wrong?” His chest heaves as he searches for the danger I must’ve made him certain was here.
The only danger is my emerging feelings. That I need to stop. I’ll prove there’s nothing more than great sex. “This!” I grasp the back of his head and jerk him down.
Our lips collide. He’s clearly surprised by my sudden attack, but he kisses me back. I hold on tight, trying to get him to thaw a little. I need this. I have to be able to feel nothing but sexual chemistry.
“Charlie,” he mumbles against my lips, trying to pull back. “Stop, beautiful. Stop.” He pushes me back.
My lips throb from the force of our kiss. “Kiss me, damn it!” I rush toward him, but he puts his hands on my shoulders.
“What the hell has gotten into you?”
“Hopefully, you.”
“What’s the rush?” he asks as he lets his hands slide down my arms. His voice is smooth like silk. “We have all night.”
I can’t speak. One part of me wants to beg him to fuck me because I don’t want us to have this. The other part wants to love him. I want to be the one, and I want him to give me this. I know though, in the end, this is a mistake. It puts us both at risk. When you love someone, you’re vulnerable. I would prey on that weakness. Use someone’s loved ones against them. It gives an edge that I’ve never allowed anyone to have.
Mark’s hand glides back up. It leaves a stream of bumps in his wake. Slowly his fingers hook under the strap of my dress. I stand, statuesque as his fingers slide the fabric off. “All night, beautiful. I’m going to take every second to show you.” I shiver as his lips touch the sensitive spot where my neck meets my shoulder. “Every inch of you will be touched,” he promises. “Every part of you will be mine.”
My head rolls back as the other strap falls. The dress, being made of nothing, pools at my feet. As much as I may not have wanted this, I knew it would be different. I stand before him with no bra, and commando.
“You’re the most beautiful woman in the world. Everything pales compared to you.”
Why can’t he just be quiet? He’s hell bent on making me fall. “Stop talking.”
“You need to hear it.” His lips return to my skin.
Every touch between us right now is intentional. He wants me to feel him touching me. I want him to feel me giving myself to him, and yet, I want to hold myself back.
Mark’s lips touch mine, slowly, softly, purposefully. His fingers touch the side of my neck as he guides the kiss. Our tongues slide against each other, and I feel it all the way in my core. My heart pounds in my chest because there’s no way I can shut myself down. I can’t fight him; he’s too strong for me. I can taste the determination in the air. We’ll surrender every pretense, we’ll love, and we’ll no longer be able to pretend.
“This will change everything,” I whisper as his mouth moves to my neck.
“Good,” he says while he walks me backward. “It’s time all the games stop. I can’t play anymore. Just us, beautiful. No more bullshit.”
My fingers press against his face. “I’m gonna hate myself tomorrow.”
“Then let’s have tonight.”
His stubble pricks the pads of my fingers as I fight my answer.
“Say it, Charlie. Say you want me to love you tonight.”
Every part of my body is pulled taut. I want him. There’s always someone in our lives that ruin us for all others—it seems he’s mine. He’s the Achilles heel that will bring me to my knees. God, how I want it. I want it all, but I’m so scared. I don’t want to be hurt. I can’t live through losing someone else. Part of the fun has been that this wasn’t serious. This was just sex. That’s a lie. I’m in love with him, and I’m safe with him, well, as safe as I’ll ever be. The beauty in this night causes my emotions to overload. “Love me, Mark. Love me for tonight,” I say as a tear falls.
“I’ll love you for much longer than that.” His lips brush mine. Our breaths mingle as we stand wrapped around each other. My chest heaves, as does his. We are both fighting to gain our footing. Finally, Mark’s lips press against mine.
We lose ourselves, joining together into the unknown. The darkness surrounds us, but the light shines through the window and illuminates us. This is how falling feels. It’s weightless, easy, terrifying, and magical all at the same time. He hoists me in his arms and carries me to the bed.
He lays me down and spreads my dark hair across the white sheets. I reach up, tangling my fingers in his hair. “Don’t let me fall.”
“What if I promise to catch you?”
I smile. “I’ll be the one who will have to catch you.”
We both let out a chuckle. He rises up and removes his shirt. The moonlight causes the bright ink on his arms to shine. It shows all the stories he doesn’t speak, but rather shows through art. “I knew you liked being on the bottom.”
“Shut up and kiss me,” I demand.
“Yes, ma’am.” He smirks and all my fear dissipates. This is the Mark and Charlie I know. Quick witted, smart mouthed, and a little foul at times.
Mark makes his mouth busy by dragging his tongue down my neck to my breasts. His hands cup them and rub my nipples until they harden. The warmth of his breath against them and then the pinch from his thumb causes me to squirm. He repeats this until I grab at his head to get him to put it in his mouth. “Mark,” I practically whine. “Please.”
Instead of doing what I plead, his hand presses against my stomach, moving painfully slowly to my core. I need him to touch me, ground me before I float away. He doesn’t, though. He skirts the area I need him most.
“I’m gonna make you feel good. I just need you desperate.”
My eyes lock on his. “I need you.”
“You have me,” he says as his mouth wraps around my breast and his finger presses against my clit.
“Oh, my God,” I groan as his teeth pinch down.
He does it again, but this time he slips his fingers inside my pussy. The pleasure spikes like a drug through my veins. It’s heaven and hell, pleasure and pain, victory and loss all at the same time. He continues until my back bows off the bed. I’m so close.
Instead of going further, he stops, throws my legs over his shoulders and his tongue swipes against me. “I could die here. I want you to come in my mouth. I want to taste every drop of what I do to you. I’m going to love you with my tongue and you’re gonna show me how much you like it.”
I never thought talking during sex was hot until he just said that. “You have a dirty mouth, Mr. Dixon. And I like it.”
“Well, let’s see how dirty I can get.” He smiles before he pushes his tongue inside me.
“Fuck!” I grip his hair and pull him harder into me. I don’t care what the hell happens as long he doesn’t stop. He doesn’t disappoint. Mark drives inside me with his tongue and then makes circles around my clit.
The electricity currents through me. My orgasm is on the brink. “I’m so close,” I pant while sweat beads down my face. “So, so close.” Each breath is laborious as I try to hold off a little longer.
Mark’s hand finds my nipple, squeezes, and he sucks my clit. I fracture into a million pieces, all of them tied to him. I struggle to find my lungs. He just rocked my entire world and left me in the wake of his flood.
“Look at me,” he commands.
Eyes closed, I shake my head.
“Look in my eyes, baby.”
Slowly, I open them. His green eyes hover above me. “I want to feel all of you, nothing between us. I’m clean and I get checked. Are you okay with that?”
I don’t know if I am. This is so much more than I can process. My chest tightens as I look in his eyes. If I give him this, it will be the last barrier. But I know how I feel. I know I love him. I know I want him to share this with me.
I nod. “I’m clean and get the shot.”
The look in his eyes tells me that he understands the meaning behind this. Mark’s arms flex as he presses his lips against mine. His erection sits at my opening. “Just us, Charlie. Just us.” He rears up and aligns his dick with my core.
I watch as Mark glides into me. I try to keep my eyes open, but it’s too much. The connection, the words, the promises, the relinquishing of the fight is overwhelming. There’s nothing else here but us. Nothing that matters but him. I don’t tell him I’ve never allowed a man to not use a condom. I don’t admit that he’s the first. I don’t let him know that I’ve never even considered not stopping someone, no matter where we were—that he’s the only person I’ve trusted.
Unable to fool myself any longer, I open my eyes and watch him. We make love. No other words are spoken between us, because none are powerful enough for what’s being said with our eyes.
Mark and I lose ourselves throughout the night. I take him, as much as he takes me. I fall asleep in his arms and then he wakes me to do it again. Just for tonight, we live in a world where there are no monsters, nothing haunting us, and nothing that can tear us apart. Because when the sun comes up, that world will fade and reality will return.