KELLY PERKINS
I was in shock. I thought that our passionate night together meant that there was some hope for us. He had given into his urges to be with me, they were so strong that neither of us could resist. But I was wrong; it was all part of his devious plan. I guess he wasn't any different from his brother after all.
His words stung me, that he only took me in order to get it out of his system, and to get some revenge. It made me sick to my stomach. But I thought that there was more time to talk this out. I thought that he only needed more time for the rage inside of him to die. I thought that after he captured his brother, that we could start over again, because of what we shared in bed together. It was so passionate and raw, unlike any other experience that I had before. It felt like pure love and longing to me.
But yet I was sitting in bed with the sheets wrapped around me and calling out after him as he left. He had just told me that he was sending me back to Los Angeles; he was giving up on me. He was giving up on us. It hurt badly. I felt like I was suddenly dead inside. The night before when I was in the tub, I had settled on giving up on this marriage and ready to leave. But then when he showed up and showed me such passion, my hope was renewed, only to have him kill it again with his parting words. I would never see him again. He hated me, and I would have to live with that for the rest of my life. It caused me great pain. But he kept to his word. I was forcibly taken to the airport in New York and a guard stayed with me until I boarded a plane.
Hours later, I was back in Los Angeles, starting over again. I stayed with my friend Maria, since I had given up my apartment and everything had been sent to the cabin that I did not put into storage.
Now, I sat with her at the coffee shop, ready to tell her everything that I had kept inside for so long. I explained everything to her from the beginning. She listened to me with wide eyes and confusion until the end.
"That is quite a story, Kelly. I almost don't believe it,” my friend Maria said as she sat across from me.
"I know. I can't believe that it happened either, but my broken heart lets me know that it did," I said to her.
I had been back in Los Angeles for a couple of months and I had not heard from Kasian, or the registration office about closing my file. There always seemed to be some sort of problem with the paperwork. It was growing tiresome. But I could not stop thinking about what had happened, and what could've been.
"It has been three months now, Kelly; maybe it is time to let go some. Start dating again; even if you don't find someone that you love, it will be a good distraction. I think it would do you some good. Find a job; you love cooking. You have done nothing but sulk at home for months now. It is not good for you," she said to me.
"Well, you wanted to know why I had been such a hermit, but it was a very hard thing to deal with, especially because it is way more complicated now than it was when I was in New York,” I said looking at her.
"What do you mean?” she asked me.
"I'm pregnant, Maria,” I said to her. Her eyes grew wide and she said nothing. She just stared at me. She was so panicked that all I could do was start laughing.
"Are you being serious, Kelly, or are you joking?” she asked me.
"I am being very serious. I am pregnant with a Drackon baby and I have no idea which brother is the father. I have no idea what I can do. There is nothing that I can do. I am completely screwed,” I said to her.
"Kelly, you cannot keep this a secret. A secret pregnancy is really hard to go through on your own. You have to find Kasian and tell him,” she said to me.
"What if it's his brothers? It very well could be. I had sex with both of them only days apart; there is no way of knowing until the baby is born,” I said to her as tears began to fill my eyes. Saying it out loud made it so much more real. I had kept it to myself for so long and I didn't know what to do. I guess that's why I was telling a friend at this point: I needed some help and I needed to release the information.
"Do you want me to go with you to the registration office? That is the best way to do it. I am sure you are not the first human female to be sent to be a bride, participate in premarital sex, only to be rejected after. I am sure that you are not the first pregnancy in situations like these. It is the best way,” she said.
"You have a point. Forcing the registration office to find Kasian and tell him is better than having to track him down and tell him myself. It is just too much to deal with," I agreed.
"And in your condition, it is much safer. You shouldn't be traveling around and putting yourself under this type of stress.”
"Yes, you're right.”
"Should we go tomorrow then? I am free, and the sooner the better,” she said to me.
"Are you sure? You want to go with me?” I asked her.
"Of course, anything you need,” she said as she gave me a hug. It was the first moment of tenderness that I’d had since being with Kasian and it made me feel a little sad. In that moment, I missed those 48 hours that we were together and he hugged me and comforted me. That was the Drackon warrior that I missed and wanted in my life. That was the Drackon warrior that I wanted to be the father of my baby. But now it was just a fantasy; it had become only sweet distant memories to me. It was almost unbearable to think about, and yet my mind always went there. Even a simple tender hug from a friend could trigger my feelings for him.
The next day, Maria and I went down to the registration office and explained the pre-marital affairs. It was a mess of paperwork, but Maria was right.
"See, they even have a paperwork procedure for dealing with this type of thing," she whispered to me after we saw the counselor that took my case.
"Yes, I guess it is more common than I thought,” I said to her as we walked out of the registration building.
"I sure am glad I never registered. Now that I see that it is not all blissful sweeping you off your feet, as so many women have spoken of,” she said.
But as we walked, I knew that it was exactly that. I was swept off my feet and fell in love at first sight. I had the best sex of my life with the Drackon that was supposed to be my husband. But it was his brother that had messed it all up for us. If I had not indulged myself that night, I would be in wedded bliss at this very moment, awaiting our first child together, living in a beautiful cabin in the woods. I tried to hold back the tears, but I could not.
To distract myself, I started apartment hunting. I would need more room for the baby and I and it was time that I stopped sponging off of my friend Maria. I looked everywhere, but nothing was good enough for me. I longed for the cabin and the wilderness.
I never thought I would be living in Los Angeles again, and it seemed so boring to me. But I found a place and moved in.
Then the waiting game began. It was so much worse than before I went to the registration office. Before I went to the office, I was waiting on a miracle, that Kasian would miraculously appear at my door and confess his undying love for me. But I knew it was a fantasy. Now the registration office was going to contact him and tell him of my condition. It made the waiting unbearable, because now I knew that either he was avoiding me on purpose, or they could not find him. It was a lot to take in. I waited day after day and three weeks passed. I couldn't wait around any longer. I was taking matters into my own hands.
I packed a light bag and booked a flight to New York. My nerves were shot the entire time. I was practically shaking from being full of anxiety. It only made me feel more sick to my stomach then being pregnant already made me feel. But I had to do this. I had to know once and for all. Waiting around was going to kill me. If I knew, then at least I could get on with my life and take the proper steps toward raising this offspring on my own. I could finally cut the ties that I had emotionally to Kasian if I knew that even knowing that I carried his child he still did not want me. That he still hated me for what I had done.
I arrived at the cabin feeling very nervous. I did not get my bag out of the car and I asked the driver to wait for me. I didn't know if I would be welcomed, or if he was even at home. He could have been back on Mooreah for all I knew. Luckily one of the guards at the door recognized me.
"Ms. Perkins? What are you doing here?” he asked me.
"I have come to speak with Commander Kasian Jade. Is he around?” I asked him.
"Do you not know?” he asked me.
"Know what?" I asked him, feeling the anxiety build up in my stomach even more.
"Perhaps you should come inside,” he said to me. I didn't like the way that sounded. I just wish that he would blurt it out whatever it was.
He led me inside to the sitting area. As soon as I saw the surroundings, a flood of emotions came to me. I felt full of regret. I wanted to be here in happier times, with Kasian. I sat down and the guard looked at me with sorrow in his eyes.
"I am sorry to be the one to tell you this. We believe that Commander Kasian Jade is dead.”
I was stunned. I was shocked. I was silent.
"Ms. Perkins, are you all right? Can I get you a glass of water?” he asked.
I nodded my head yes. Not because I needed water, but because I needed a moment alone without someone asking me questions or staring at me. I needed to be alone to process what the guard had told me. It was impossible. It couldn't be. He could not to be dead. I wouldn't allow it.
"Here you are,” the guard said to me as he returned with a glass of water.
I took a small sip and then said, “How?” It was all that I could say as tears began to flow out of my eyes.
"Three weeks ago there was a major battle in a field up north. We have not been able to find him since and it has been assumed that he is no longer with us. That he has passed injured on the battlefield," he said to me. I looked at him startled.
"You mean he has not been found? He could still be alive?” I said, filled with hope.
"We have searched for him for over two weeks now. We have found nothing, no trace of him. The search was called off."
"No. He is still out there. You must keep searching for him. I know it. I can just feel it,” I said to him.
"I will contact the lead guard to let him know that you are here. He is in charge since Commander Kasian Jade has gone missing,” he said to me, sensing that I did not want to hear that Kasian was dead. He used the word gone missing instead, and it gave me hope.
"I will wait right here,” I said to him.