CHAPTER SIX

 

Richard’s heart thumped in his chest and he started sweating more than the heat of the room warranted.

“Whoa, um, hi, Brian. What are you doing here? How did you get this number?”

“I applied to Columbia University, remember? Well, I got in. Since I knew you’d moved here I asked your mom for your number.”

Richard rolled his eyes. So, his mom had given away his number to a random kid from school. Wonderful. She probably thought he’d be overjoyed to see someone from Chillicothe. On the phone, she always nattered on about how homesick he must be. Yeah, right.

Brian had been one of the smart guys in school. Straight As. It didn’t surprise Richard that Brian had gotten into Columbia, although Richard didn’t know he had applied. He didn’t know Brian very well even though his class was so small. The guy had hung out with the rich kids. He was popular, unlike Richard, with a hot girlfriend even though he wasn’t on the football team. The only reason Brian was calling him was because he had come to a strange city and wanted to see a familiar face. Probably wanted advice about the nightlife too. Brian had been a big partier despite his grades. Richard could show him a few places.

Not that he would. If Brian found out about the kind of life he was living here, all of Chillicothe would know about it within twenty-four hours. Hell, all of Livingston County would know.

What should he do? Brian was still talking and Richard tried to focus on what he was saying.

“Anyway, I decided to move here early so I could have a few weeks to get settled before classes start. I’d love to hook up. Maybe you can show me some good bars. Well hey, I guess it’s a little early for that. It’s only 10 in the morning. Don’t you have to go to work?”

“I have irregular hours.”

“Oh. So, what are you doing anyway?”

“I’m… in publishing.”

“Oh hey, that’s cool! You always were a big reader. In the cafeteria, I always saw you off in a corner with a book.”

That’s because nobody would sit with me.

“So, you got time to meet for lunch? Maybe somewhere air-conditioned? I picked a hell of a time to show up.”

“You sure did.”

“So, let’s meet up, say at noon? You name the place.”

Reluctantly, Richard named a restaurant he knew was air-conditioned and that probably wouldn’t have anyone he knew there. It was a bit pricey for what he could afford, but hopefully Brian would offer to pay. Brian thanked him and hung up. Richard flopped back onto his bed with a groan.

The place Richard had suggested was a little Italian restaurant well away from Richard’s usual hangouts. It was nearly full thanks to the prominent sign on the front window advertising its air conditioning. Richard got there first and ended up tucked away near the back, next to the door to the bathroom. When Brian came in, he strode over to the table and gave Richard a hearty handshake, showing him more attention than he had in a whole year of school.

“So how you doing, buddy? Settled down in the big city!” Brian said.

Brian had blond hair and blue eyes, and a healthy body even though he wasn’t much of a jock. Richard didn’t actually hate Brian like he had hated so many people from his old school. Brian hadn’t picked on him like some of the other kids. He had simply ignored him. Richard suspected that even without the rumors of his sexuality ruining his social life, non-descript, middle class Richard wouldn’t have earned much attention from handsome, intelligent, upper class Brian. Chillicothe was a small enough town that it had only one high school, so everyone went there. But that didn’t mean the social classes mingled much.

Richard noted that Brian had gotten rid of his country clothes and wore something more suited to a night out at the disco. He had on platform shoes, even though he already stood at six feet, white bell-bottom polyester slacks, and a half-open white shirt with a gold medallion. Unlike the gold chains Tyrone often wore, Richard guessed this one was actually real gold.

They sat down and ordered lasagna. Brian ordered a glass of wine. Richard’s stomach turned at the thought of alcohol and he ordered a tomato juice.

“Not drinking?” Brian asked. “We could get a carafe.”

“I partied a little too hard last night,” Richard admitted.

Brian raised his fist in the air. “Right on!”

His former classmate then proceeded to tell him all the news from back home, none of it particularly interesting. He learned that the bullies and jocks from the school were now all working boring jobs in Chillicothe or nearby towns. One of the worst of the bullies had even taken over Richard’s old job at Cooper’s Filling Station. Richard couldn’t suppress a smug smile at that.

Otherwise, the news wasn’t even news. Who was dating who. Who got into what branch of the state university. Brian seemed to be the only guy making something of himself.

Well, I’ll make something of myself too, if I can just get some decent gigs.

“So enough about home,” Brian concluded. “Tell me about yourself.”

Richard’s mind raced. “I’ve been working in publishing. Doing layouts and artwork for various magazines. Also, got a gig with a book publisher. Got a groovy apartment in an old brownstone for cheap. So yeah, things are going pretty well.”

Brian was nodding as if he wasn’t really hearing the words. Richard suspected the question had only been asked out of courtesy.

They ate lunch as the conversation faltered. Soon Brian picked it up again by talking about himself, something Richard remembered he had done a lot of in high school. He described how he was going to major in business at Columbia and how he dreamed of getting a high-flying job in New York City’s financial district.

“You’ll get there,” Richard said, and meant it. Brian was one of those people for whom everything came easy.

Brian smiled at him appreciatively. “It’s good to see you, man. You know, I never believed all that shit people said about you.”

“Thanks.”

You never said anything against it though, did you?

Brian laughed and spread his arms wide. “I mean, hey, you had a girlfriend, right? You still in touch with Cheryl?”

“No, not really.”

“Right on!” Brian said, punching him in the arm. “Sowing your wild oats, eh?”

“Big time,” Richard admitted.

“The chicks here dig the country look?” Brian asked. “You’re dressing the same as you did back home.”

Richard grinned. “Actually, it makes me something of a novelty. I get a lot of attention for looking this way. At first I was a bit self-conscious, but then I realized it’s hard to stand out in the crowd here. Keeping the Missouri threads helps with that.”

A man passed their table and paused at the entrance to the bathroom. Richard looked up and saw a handsome face, eyes boring into his. Richard quickly looked back at Brian.

“I mean, it was stupid,” Brian said. “That whole rumor started because you popped a boner at the swimming hole.”

“Yeah, I remember.”

Richard could still see the guy hovering close to the bathroom door, watching him while one hand strayed close to the front of his pants.

“We couldn’t keep it down at that age! Sure, it was fair play for the guys to rib you a little, but to call you a faggot and hold it against you all through high school, that wasn’t cool.”

“I appreciate you saying that. I’m a man’s man. It’s only pussy for me.”

Richard cringed to hear his own words. It felt like a betrayal of himself and all his new friends. The guy at the bathroom door shrugged and entered.

“So you got a steady girlfriend here?”

“No, I’ve been sorta sleeping around a lot. Lots of free sex in New York.”

“Hell yeah, that’s what I’ve been looking forward to. That and making the real money once I graduate. I couldn’t live in that small town the rest of my life. There’s no future there except for doing all the same shit over and over until you grow old and die.”

“That’s for sure.”

Once they finished their meal, Brian offered to pay. Richard made a polite objection, but gave in as quickly as his self-respect allowed. He really couldn’t afford to eat in a place like this right now.

Brian pointed a finger at Richard. “But this ain’t free, man. I’m hiring you as a tour guide.”

“A tour guide?”

“Hell, yeah. You’ve been in this town two months and I know you’ve been tearing it up.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“Oh come on. You’ve finally found your freedom. That’s why you came here, just like me.”

“Well, that’s true enough.”

“So you’re going to show me the real New York. I’m not interested in the Statue of Liberty. I’m not interested in the Metropolitan Museum of Art…”

“Everyone calls it the Met.”

“Whatever. I want to see the grit and grime. I want to see some real living. I’ve driven a thousand miles to get the hell out of Missouri and I can’t wait another minute for my real life to start.”

“So where do you want to go?” Richard asked, with a rising sense of dread.

“Times Square, man. Where else?”

Richard had known that was coming. Why did every new guy in the city make a beeline for Times Square? Well, to be fair, that’s exactly what he’d done on his first day here. It’d been where he got his first male on male sexual experience, which was why he’d gone there in the first place, and was the place he’d met Tyrone.

He had a terrible thought. Shit, Tyrone. What if we bump into him?

Richard tried to make his excuses but he couldn’t wriggle his way out of it.

“Come on, man,” Brian objected. “We’re going. I’ll pay for everything. We’ll get some beers afterwards.”

Half an hour later, Richard was looking around nervously as they entered Times Square. Brian stared at all the movie marquees with wide-eyed wonder.

“Aw, man, this is far out,” Brian said, punching Richard in the shoulder; in what was becoming an annoying habit. “It’s just like in the movies.”

Richard rolled his eyes.

“Oh hey, I’ve never been in one of these,” Brian said, pointing to an adult bookshop.

Richard tensed. “You don’t want to waste your time in those places. They’re really grotty.”

But Brian was already going inside. “Whoa,” Brian gasped.

He was staring around like a country bumpkin at the aisles of skin mags and dirty paperbacks. The attendant at the front counter, a fat slob who looked like a total perv, eyed Brian and Richard as they came through the door.

“Welcome to New York,” the guy said. “How long are you in town?”

“I live here,” Richard told him.

“We both live here,” Brian said.

The guy looked from one to the other. “Right.”

Brian wandered up one of the aisles, thumbing the girlie magazines. Richard reluctantly followed. They turned a corner and Richard’s heart turned to ice. The next aisle was for gay mags, and there he was, prominently displayed on the cover of Hot Young Virgins.

“Ew,” Brian said, turning back around and returning to the straight section. Richard breathed a sigh of relief. His old classmate hadn’t seen the picture.

“You guys looking for something special?” the attendant asked, leaning his flabby arms on the counter.

Brian smiled at him. “Sure. Magazines are nice, but I prefer my girls to be real life.”

The attendant gave him a knowing look and pulled out two glossy slips of paper from beneath the counter.

“I thought so. Half a block down on this side of the street is Aphrodite’s Nude Revue. It’s five bucks to get in, one drink minimum, but with these coupons it’s only two bucks to get in and the first drink is free. And check this out.”

The flabby man turned the coupon over to show that the other side was covered with little pictures of naked pole dancers, each with a name under it. Brian leered. Richard pretended to look at it with interest.

“Hey, some of these girls are hot!” Brian said.

“Now, boys, I gotta tell you. I don’t know what strip bars are like where you come from but in the Big Apple the more you put out the more the girls do. Throw down a dollar and they’ll shake it in your face. Put down two dollars and they’ll give you a lap dance. Throw down twenty and they’ll take you into the back.”

Brian’s grin widened. “And what happens in the back?”

“What do you think, country boy?”

“Right on!” Brian said. “That’s what I’m talking about.”

This had gone far enough.

“Come on, Brian,” Richard said. “You’ll hook up with a regular girl quick enough. Plenty of sex in this city without having to pay for it.”

“But it’s my first day!”

The attendant grinned. One of his front teeth was missing and the rest were black and pitted. “Yeah, it’s his first day. He’s got to get a proper welcome.”

“It’s not my kind of place,” Richard said.

“What’s the matter, you queer?” the attendant asked.

“Fuck you, asshole.”

As soon as he said it, Richard realized how ironic it sounded. The guy didn’t. He just glared back at him.

Brian grabbed the coupons. “Calm down, Richard. Thanks for the tip, buddy.”

“No problem,” the man said. “And if you see Cherry Blossom, tell her I sent you. She’ll treat you special.”

“She a friend of yours?” Brian asked.

“No, she’s my daughter.”

Richard and Brian left.

“It’s not far,” Brian said, clutching the coupons. I think I see the sign up ahead.”

“Look, man, I don’t really—”

“Come on, Richard. Look, I’ll pay, and I’ll tell everyone back home that you took me to a strip club. We’ll put those stupid rumors to rest for once and for all.”

Going to the strip club wasn’t what worried Richard. What worried him was the fact that they’d have to pass right by Tyrone’s corner.

And there he was, standing at his usual spot next to the gay porn theater wearing a brimmed hat with a long feather, an open red vest to show off his fine, lean stomach, and matching bell-bottomed slacks. He’d kept his patriotic theme, though, by wearing a big belt buckle emblazoned with an American flag. It looked like something they’d wear back in Missouri.

In fact, it was, Richard realized a moment later. It was one of Richard’s very own belt buckles. Tyrone must have borrowed it from his apartment.

Richard couldn’t suppress a smile despite his nerves.

His boyfriend turned and spotted him. His face broke out into a wide grin. “ Hey, my man, how’s it—”

Richard walked right on by him as if he hadn’t heard. After a few steps Brian asked, “Did you know that darkie?”

“No. He’s just some drug dealer. Best not to make eye contact.”

Richard felt like punching himself in the face.

Brian turned back. Richard grabbed his arm.

“What are you doing?” Richard asked.

“I’m going to score, what do you think, man? I didn’t bring anything from home. I was afraid of taking it across state lines. That’s a federal offense.”

“You don’t want to buy from the street hustlers. All their stuff is crap.”

“Aw, come on,” Brian said, pulling away. “I know the difference between the good stuff and shit.”

“I already have some coke on me,” Richard said.

Brian’s eyes lit up. “Is it any good?”

“Mind blowing. Much better than the crap back home.”

Not that I’d know the difference. Brian would, though.

Brian punched him in the shoulder. “Well hey, man, why didn’t you say so before?”

They continued walking. Richard breathed a sigh of relief, but it was followed quickly by self-loathing. How could he have given Tyrone the cold shoulder like that? It was a terrible thing to do. He couldn’t see what else he could have done, though.

“Want some before we go in?” Richard asked. He figured it might help him endure the place. He sure as hell didn’t want to go into a titty bar sober.

Brian looked around at the busy street. “Where?”

“In that alley.”

“You kidding me?”

“This is New York, man. No one gives a shit.”

Brian looked around again, unsure of himself. Feeling superior to the rich, popular kid from school for the first time, Richard led him confidently into the alley.

“What about the cops?” Brian asked.

“It’s the muggers we need to worry about.”

They walked down the alley a few yards to get out of sight. The alley stank of stale piss and garbage. There was plenty of both in plain view. A slumped form sat with its back against the wall further down the alley, so covered in filth that they couldn’t tell what race the person was, or even if it was a woman or a man. Brian stared. Richard barely noticed.

“What about him?” Brian said, indicating the junkie or wino or whatever he or she was.

“What about him?” Richard asked, pulling out the plastic bag and scooping out a little spoonful.

He took a snort, then another, and handed the bag to his old schoolmate.

Brian shook his head in amazement. “Damn, Richard. You’ve changed.”

“New York City does that to people.”

Brian took a couple of hits and they left the alley.

“Whoa, damn!” he said a minute later. “You were right about the quality.”

“I got a good source for this,” Richard said, feeling his skin flush from the rush of drugs. “Plenty more where this comes from.”

“The publishing industry must be treating you good if you can afford this.”

“It treats me like crap. It treats everyone like crap. But it pays good if you get the right employer.”

They came to Aphrodite’s Nude Revue. The front was a blank wall like a cruise bar, but instead of bare industrial brick or concrete like with so many of the places Richard hung out in, this was painted bright red. A garish neon sign in the shape of a nude, busty woman blinked on and off, her legs spreading and closing. The lights that made up her shape were pink, while her nipples and cleft were cherry red.

“This place looks real classy,” Richard said and laughed. The cocaine was coursing through his veins now, and he felt a euphoric rush that even the prospect of seeing naked women couldn’t dampen.

They entered, and found themselves in a short hall blocked by another door. A hulking Samoan took up much of the space.

“It’s a five-dollar cover, gentlemen, and a one drink minimum,” the bouncer said in a voice that sounded like boulders rolling down a mountain.

“No problem, my man,” Brian said. “We got coupons from Cherry Blossom’s dad.”

Brian handed over the coupons and four bucks. Richard was relieved to see that Brian was still paying for everything. The hundred bucks he’d earned the night before had nearly all but disappeared into groceries and bills, and he hoped to stretch out what little he had left so that he could find some more modeling work and avoid the whole Leather Library scene.

You’re fooling yourself. Nothing’s going to drop in your lap before next Tuesday. You’re going back to Mitch.

He felt his pants tighten at the thought. Mitch may have been an asshole, but he paid well and offered sexual adventure. Richard had a hard time resisting that.

The bouncer gave them a couple of drink tokens and opened the door.

The heavy beat of a Deep Purple song throbbed through the sound system. Red spotlights focused on four different platforms, each with a half-naked woman gyrating around a pole. Seated below them in the relative darkness sat scores of staring men. They were of all ages, but most were middle aged or older. They all looked hypnotized. Richard shook his head in disgust. In a gay porn theater, people didn’t look like this. They were too busy checking out the rest of the audience. They were actually still in the real world.

Richard nervously checked the dark corners for a hooded figure, but he didn’t see the demon. Perhaps he couldn’t manifest here in this straight boy’s fantasy world.

Brian punched him in the shoulder.

“Pretty hot, yeah?”

“I love it! Wooo!” Richard said, pumping his fist in the air.

Yeah, Deep Purple is one of my favorite bands, Richard added silently. At least the music is good in this shithole.

Brian pointed at one of the stages. “Hey look! I think that’s Cherry Blossom!”

The woman spinning around the pole did have a bit of family resemblance to the sleazy guy who had given them the coupons. That was not a good thing.

“Let’s sit over there,” Brian said.

“Why? She’s fugly.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Oh hey! Let’s sit by that one.”

Brian picked out a big-chested redhead and they sat down at the edge of her platform. A topless waitress with bleached blonde hair came over and took their drink tokens, giving them each a small glass of beer. Richard would have felt ripped off by the size of the “free drink” if his head hadn’t been flying off his shoulders from the cocaine.

Brian didn’t seem to care either. He was jumping up and down in time to the beat and staring goggle-eyed at the dancer.

“Wow! I’ve finally made it. Goodbye, Missouri!” Brian said, and broke into a cackle.

“Yup, we’re living the dream,” Richard said. Brian was too coked up to hear the sarcasm in his voice.

Then disaster struck. Brian laid a twenty-dollar bill down on the platform in front of him and another twenty in front of Richard.

“Oh no, Brian, I don’t really—”

“Too late, buddy!”

The redhead climbed off the platform and started to give Brian a lap dance. He grinned from ear to ear as her backside rubbed against his crotch. He ran his hands along her sides. She pushed them gently away.

“You can’t touch me in the front room,” she told him.

“That’s all right. We don’t have to stay here,” he replied. “But what about my friend?”

That question was answered a moment later when the topless waitress returned, minus her tray, and sat on Richard’s lap.

“I’m Candy,” she announced.

“That’s original,” Richard said.

Candy raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips. “Oh, and what’s your name?” she asked, trying and failing to hide the irritation in her tone.

“Richard.”

“Gee, I’ve never heard that name before. I suppose they all call you Dick?”

Richard burst out laughing. Brian punched him in the shoulder. Richard rubbed it and frowned at him. That spot was beginning to hurt, and cocaine was supposed to be a painkiller.

“You got a spicy one!” Brian shouted over the music.

Candy wriggled her bottom on Richard’s lap. “Well, I hope we haven’t gotten off on the wrong foot, Dick.”

Richard noticed their twenties had already disappeared. “Not at all,” he replied. “I’m glad you’re standing up to me instead of saying all the right things.”

That got a satisfied smile from Candy. Richard sensed it was even genuine, unlike pretty much everything else in this place.

Before he knew it, Candy had taken his hand and was leading him to a door at the back of the strip bar. The redhead and Brian came in just behind them.

“A twenty buys you twenty,” Candy told him.

“Twenty what?”

Candy laughed. “Twenty minutes, silly.”

Richard’s stomach churned. What was he supposed to do?

They passed through the door, down a dingy hallway, took a right, and entered one of a series of doors. Brian and his woman disappeared through another of them.

Candy closed the door behind them and Richard was alone with her in a tiny, dimly lit room with no other furnishing than a padded mattress with an easy to clean smooth vinyl covering. The room looked just like the rooms he was accustomed to in the gay saunas.

In a businesslike manner, Candy pulled off her high heels and tights. She wasn’t wearing any underwear. Now completely nude except for a watch, she lay down on the bed. Richard stood by the door, unsure of what to do.

She smiled and patted the mattress beside her.

“Um, I’m kinda seeing someone right now,” Richard said, hearing how stupid his words sounded.

“That’s OK,” Candy said. “Most of the guys who come here are married.”

Richard shook his head. “Well I’m not married, but I’m not really interested.”

Candy looked confused.“Don’t you like me?”

“It’s not that, it’s just that this isn’t really my scene. This was my friend’s idea. He’s new in town, you see.”

“Oh. Well you have me for twenty minutes. What are we going to do?”

Richard shrugged and sat down on the mattress.

Candy studied him. “What’s the matter, don’t you like girls?”

He supposed that was meant to tease him, but the question came out so bluntly that he suspected Candy had guessed the truth.

Richard chuckled. “No. As a matter of fact, I’m gay.”

He couldn’t believe he’d just said that. He’d never said it to anyone other than gay men before, but the words just slipped out. For some reason, he felt he owed her some sort of explanation.

“I’ve been gay as long as I could remember, but I’ve always hidden it. That’s why I left Missouri. I wanted to live my life the way I chose. I couldn’t stay in that hick town and marry some girl and pretend. And now an old classmate shows up and here I am in the back room of a strip club.”

Candy sat up, looking interested. “You know, I’ve never talked to a gay guy before. Why do you guys hate women?”

“We don’t hate women, that’s just what the newspapers say. I mean, it’s not gay guys raping women or pimping them out, is it?”

“Yeah, I never really thought about it that way. I guess you’re kind of like women yourselves. How do you decide who’s on top and who’s on the bottom?”

Richard shrugged. “Just whichever you prefer. I’m mostly on the bottom.”

Candy looked surprised. “Really? But you’re not effeminate at all.”

“It’s more about the sensation than being masculine or effeminate. Plus, I like the attention. I was kind of ignored in school, so maybe that’s why.”

“So, you have a boyfriend. That’s who you were talking about earlier?”

“Yeah, he’s great.”

“You love him?”

Richard grinned. “Yeah, I think I do.” Then his mood darkened. “But there’s this other guy. I don’t love him, but I can’t keep my mind off him. He’s stalking me.”

Candy rolled her eyes. “I know all about that! Some of the guys here are creeps. They think that just because you’ll go in the back with them that they own you or something.”

Richard smiled. “Well, you should bring more gay guys back here.”

Candy laughed.

Richard started massaging her shoulders. “Lie on your front,” he said. “I’ll give you a back rub.”

“Aw, you’re sweet. Oh hey, you’re good at this!”

“That’s what my boyfriend says. You know, I’ve never told anybody I’m gay who wasn’t gay himself.”

“Oh, I’m not surprised you talked to me. Plenty of guys pour their hearts out to me when they’re back here. It’s a private little place away from their regular lives. All some guys do is talk. They don’t even come for the sex. Everyone says I’m a good listener. That’s fine by me. I get a break.”

“You are a good listener,” Richard said, kneading the muscles on her shoulder blades and working his way down. “You know, that’s a real problem in the gay community. There’s a lot of shallow people. People hide their feelings. I guess that’s because we had to for so long before we came out. Everyone’s guarded. It’s all just sex and drugs instead of real human relationships.”

Candy sighed. “Yeah.”

“So how did you end up here, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Candy rolled her eyes. “Why do guys always ask that?”

“Sorry.”

“It’s all right. I come from a small town in Wisconsin. I was bored and I wanted to come to the big city to start a modeling career. Well, I got a few gigs but they didn’t pay enough. Then I started doing nude shots. That led to some hardcore shots, then a couple of porn films, and now I’m here. I never got my big break in the modeling business. I wanted to be on the cover of Glamour. Kinda sad, but I’m doing OK. Really. So what do you do for a living?”

Richard didn’t answer. He couldn’t trust himself to keep his voice from breaking as he tried to stop the tears from running down his cheeks.