Strange. The line drops and our conversation is cut short for no apparent reason. I check to make sure I still have reception. Four bars. Tossing my bag in first, I slide into the waiting cab and rattle off the address before calling Jess back.

It rings and rings before going to voicemail. I don’t know why she won’t pick up, but unease creeps through my mind. I set the phone on the seat next to me and exhale a frustrated breath before trying once more. This time it goes straight to voicemail. A sliver of fear pricks at my thoughts for the rest of the cab ride. Something isn’t right.

The flashing blue and red lights at the end of our street only escalates those fears. As the cabbie slows, my pulse kicks up. I reach for the door handle, my bag already strapped across my shoulder as we roll closer to the chaos.

“Fuck,” I whisper, taking in the blockade of media, paparazzi, and police cars. It’s the ambulance though, inching its way out of our drive and through the frenzy, that moves me into action. “Stop! Stop here!” I take out cash and slap it between the seats. “Keep the change.” My feet are on the pavement and pound with each stride as I run toward the emergency vehicle. It zooms past, lights flashing and sirens blaring, and I miss my opportunity.

My chest heaves and I stop a second, watching the ambulance head down the street. I consider chasing after it on foot, but I’m no match for a vehicle. I need to know what happened. Who’s inside. Dread fills my gut, but I reason that it could be anyone. Maybe Iz came back? Maybe it’s nothing more than a simple accident? It can’t be Jess. It just can’t be.

I jog toward the house in a half-run, half-walk. As soon as the paps spot me coming, the shouts start. Questions hurtle and cameras flash but I block it all out, picking up my pace until I’m at the police line.

“Excuse me, sir.” An officer holds his hand up and blocks my way. “Sir, you need to stay behind this line.”

“I live here! I’m Sean Willis. This is my home,” I sputter, and wish he’d move a lot quicker as he reaches for his radio to verify my right to be here. I should be thankful he’s not letting just anyone inside the property, but the protocol feels like an eternity. He finally checks my ID and I’m off, racing toward the front door because it’s wide open. I stop short, my feet frozen at the sight of a cell phone shattered into pieces. Jess! No, no, no. She has to be okay. I should never have left. It was selfish to leave when I know the danger Coy possesses.

“Excuse me,” a police officer says and it snaps me into motion. He passes as I move to the right and the sound of hushed voices from the kitchen draws me there. Inside, Trent, Austin, and Deb huddle around the counter, talking with cups of coffee in hand. No Jess.

“Where is she?” I push the words from my lips, but the quiver of fear reverberates and betrays my worst fears.

“Sean.” Deb’s gaze furrows and her spine straightens.

“Is she okay? Tell me she’s okay!” Panic creeps through my limbs and it’s all I can do to take the few steps forward to meet them at the counter.

“Bro, chill.” Austin stands straight, pointing over his shoulder. “She’s giving her report to the cops.”

She’s talking to the cops. I never imagined that would ease my fears, but it does. “And Coy?”

Austin’s lips pull wide and he waggles his brows. “Met the end of my fist, so he’s taking a quick trip to the ER before jail.” He holds up the back of his hand for my inspection and puffs his chest. “Dude, you should have been there. I clocked him good.”

While I appreciate Austin’s excitement at beating up Coy, my concern remains with Jess. “I need to see her.”

“Give her a minute.” Deb fills a cup with coffee and places it in my hands. “It’s been a long day. This isn’t easy for her.”

Which only increases my need to be at her side. To encourage. To protect. I want to be whatever she needs.

“We’ve all given our statements, and Bedo’s on his way. Don’t freak, but we’ve got another problem.” Trent pulls his phone from his back pocket and taps on the screen.

“I already know. That’s why I’m here.” I take a sip of coffee. “Do we have any news on Iz? Anyone heard from him?”

Austin’s brows lift. “Iz is missing? I thought he was still in rehab.”

“Here.” Trent shoves his phone in my hand. “This is what you need to see.”

My jaw drops; not at the headlines, but from the photographs. Jess and me in the backyard the night we were together. The first time I went down on her. She’s beautiful, a fucking temptress with her head tilted back in pleasure and my face between her legs. The image conjures the sound of her breath falling short, my name on her lips, and even the taste of her arousal. Those were all meant for me, not some stranger. “This is a security issue.”

Trent nods. “Which I’m sure Bedo will be all over, you know, after he has an aneurysm.”

“Yeah, he’s gonna love hunting down another drummer. We really are cursed.” Austin swears, his next words a whisper. “Speak of the devil.”

“Fist fights. Exhibitionist features. This is how you lie low?” Bedo storms past us all, slaps his briefcase on the end of the kitchen island and pulls out his laptop. “Maybe next time I’ll send you all to a monastery.”

“Would there be virgins?” Austin smirks and raises his brow.

By Bedo’s narrow glare, he doesn’t find Austin funny. “Please tell me he hasn’t gone outside to talk to the press.”

“None of us have.” Trent tips his head toward me. “Sean just got back.”

Bedo lifts his gaze and meets my stare. “How good of you to join us. Have a nice little vacation?”

“Peachy.” I pop the word with a forced smile.

Bedo’s attention drops to his phone and his fingers race across the keyboard. “So, we’ve got what? Iz gone AWOL. Coy’s in jail? We pressing charges?” We all nod and he rolls his eyes, “Thought that might be the case, so add in finding a new drummer. Oh, and we’ve got the spread of Jess and Sean all over magazine stands. Anything else I’m missing? Please. Tell me. Because as it is, I’m not sleeping tonight.”

“Hey.” Jess enters the kitchen, her chin down as she walks to Deb’s side. “I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for him.” Trent’s stern reply mirrors my thoughts exactly.

“Yeah. Besides, I’ve always wanted to knock someone out.” Austin winks and her lips turn up at one corner as if she might laugh. The smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes when her gaze lifts to meet mine.

I want to rush to her. I want to wrap her in my arms. Kiss her gently; kiss her hard. I want everything when it comes to Jess, but instead, my feet cement to the ground with indecision because what I want most is for her to return my affection. I don’t want any of it if she doesn’t feel the same.

“Excuse me.” An officer comes to the doorway. “We’re about ready to wrap up. We have everything we need for now. Expect a few follow up calls in the coming weeks. You all have my card.” Deb slides a business card into Bedo’s hand before he can even ask. My friends all nod and the officer settles his hands at his waist. “You all have a good night.”

Bedo shakes his head and snaps his laptop shut. He stands from the barstool and levels us each with a stare before settling on me. “You know, sometimes a little heads up would be nice.”

“Like you telling us about Iz?” I challenge right back. I don’t know what he’s trying to pull, but I won’t allow him to lay a guilt trip when he’s done the same.

Austin lets loose a long whistle. “He’s got you there, Bedo.”

“I didn’t tell you about Iz because I was hoping we’d have him back in rehab before anyone noticed otherwise.”

I don’t buy it, but I also have no proof otherwise. “So, tell us.”

Bedo’s jaw works back and forth before he slides back into his chair. “Here’s what we know. Iz checked himself out of rehab yesterday. He doesn’t have much money, maybe a few hundred bucks to his name. The facility advised him to stay, but they had no legal right to hold him without his consent.”

“We need to find him.” Trent runs a hand through his hair and tucks it behind his ear. “I called Lexi, but she hasn’t heard from him. He called me yesterday and left a message. I should have picked up.” Remorse etches into the lines of his brow.

“Priority is finding him before someone else does.” Bedo picks up his phone and taps across the screen. “If he shows up strung out and some reporter gets a hold of that, the deal I’ve been working on is toast. As it is, Sean’s romp in the garden didn’t help.”

“Yeah, Bedo. Your big deal. That’s the most important thing here.” I roll my eyes as anger pulses through my veins. “Fucking unbelievable.”

Bedo meets my hard stare. “You don’t pay me to be your best buddy, so let’s cut the noble shit here. I do a damn fine job for you guys. Think you can do better, have at it.”

“Hey.” Trent holds up his hands. “Calm down. No one is getting fired. Well, except for Coy. Let’s all check our egos and focus on finding Iz.”

Deb sets her mug on the counter. “Sean, you’ve been to see him. Where do you think he went?”

“Honestly? To score and get high.”

Bedo’s lips settle into a hard line. He shows no empathy, but I guess from his perspective Iz only causes more headaches. He’s part of this band, though. We can’t stand by and do nothing.

“And in a city like Los Angeles . . .” Trent shakes his head.

Deb smiles sadly. “That could be anywhere.”

“Maybe we should wait here. It’s pointless to drive around. It’d be like looking for a Mercedes in Beverly Hills.” Austin taps his fingers on the counter.

Deb raises an eyebrow. “You mean needle in a haystack?”

His expression puzzles. “I’ve never seen a farm in Los Angeles.”

“So, what’s the plan?” I draw their attention. “I can’t just sit around here. We need to find him.”

“We need to stay focused on the tour. Which just so happens to need a new drummer in less than a week, thanks to more problems.” Bedo’s gaze lands on Jess, and I’d like to wipe that look right off his face. This isn’t on her. If anything, it’s on me.

“Bedo.” Trent’s brow furrows and he nods at our manager. “You can leave now.” When Bedo doesn’t make a move, Trent’s tone turns serious. “We’re taking a short hiatus and no longer need your presence here. I’ll call you when we’re ready to get back to work.”

“You’re kicking me out?” His mouth falls open.

“No.” Trent shakes his head and a bark of laughter escapes his lips as he returns Bedo’s stare. “I’m asking you to leave. I’m telling you we won’t be working for a couple of days.”

“But-but . . .” I’ve never seen Bedo stammer, not once. But that’s how shocked he is by Trent’s declaration. His eyes widen to unnatural proportions, and for a second I’m concerned he’s having a heart attack. “There are five goddamn days until the tour!”

“Yes, that’s what we want, right guys? You enjoy the break before you’re up our asses all summer.” Trent’s lips turn up with his smile. He holds Bedo’s stare, not backing down until our manager shoves to his feet.

“I don’t get paid enough for this shit.” He grumbles, grabs his leather briefcase, and stomps out the door. “I’ll leave my cell on for when you change your mind!”

Austin flips the bird at his retreat and Trent struggles to hold in his laughter. If things were different I’d be laughing too, but worry for Iz occupies my mind.

“Thank you.” I tip my chin at Trent.

“We’re brothers. This is more important. Now, where do you think he’d go? Family? Friends?”

“No. He has no one.”

“He has you,” Jess says and the admiration she holds in her eyes fills me with determination to find him. She chews along her bottom lip. “How about someplace special? Some place that holds good memories.”

“Shit. That’s it! You’re fucking brilliant, Jess.” I push away from the counter and snag my keys from the drawer. “I’ll call if I find him. It’s not close.”

“I’ll stay in case he decides to come here,” Austin offers.

“My mom and I will drive around Hollywood. I know it’s a long shot, but it’s an easy place to score and Iz knows that.”

“Good idea. Everyone keep in touch. Cell phones charged. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“I’ll go with you,” Jess says softly. Her wide brown eyes hold so much question and insecurity. “That is, if you need a DJ?”

“The position is yours. Always was,” I say and turn away before I get carried away and start spilling my feelings. This isn’t the time or the place, but we will have an honest talk when all of this is behind us. I have so much to say to her.

“Everyone be safe. Be smart,” Austin calls as we head toward the garage.

Buckled up, Jess turns to me as I inch out of our security gate, careful not to hit the few photographers who’ve stayed late into the night. “Where do you think he is?”

“I’m not sure. But I have a guess, so that’s as good as any place to start.” I turn toward the freeway. “Remember how he told us about Torrey Pines?”

“The beach with the girl? Yes! That’s got to be it.” She claps, her hands folding into her lap.

“Let’s hope so.” I offer up a prayer that he really is there, or someone picks him up soon. My gut tells me the longer he’s out wandering the city, the harder it’ll be to get him back to rehab. The way he convulsed on stage and how close he came to death only weeks ago is a vivid memory in my mind. God, I hope we’re not too late.

On the freeway, I hand her my phone. “Hit me with something good?”

She shields herself from my view, her hair falling forward in her face, and I wish I knew what she was thinking. She takes my phone, careful not to brush my fingers with the exchange. I’d be hurt if I weren’t so damn glad to have her here with me. The fact Coy’s out of the band and she’s riding passenger has to be a good sign.

Soft indie rock plays through the speakers as the miles pass. My eyelids drift and I have to fight to keep my attention on the road. I’m more tired than I realized and the glare from the sun along with a full day of travel makes me wish for my bed. Thank God it’s summer and we still have another good hour of light as we take the exit and turn into the park.

“Keep your eyes peeled.” I blink mine and rub them. I follow the signs for the road that leads toward the different lookouts. “I think this goes through the entire park. I’ll drive slow.”

Jess nods and leans forward in her seat, and I ease off the gas. “You’re tired.”

“Yeah, sorry.” I clear my throat. “I’m sorry for not being there today. I’m sorry you had to deal with everything alone. I should have been there.”

“I wasn’t alone. Deb and the guys . . .” She exhales a long sigh. “I don’t expect you to follow me around and fight my battles.”

She doesn’t realize I can’t help it. I want her safe, even if I don’t get to be the knight in shining armor. I need her to be happy, but what if that equation doesn’t include me? It’s the question I’ve wrestled with in the days away from her. Does Jess even want me in her life? I thought what we shared was special. More than a fun night. Being with Jess felt like fate to my wanderlust heart. But if I’m the only one of us who feels so, then I need to find a way to make peace and move on. In the privacy of my car where neither of us can leave, this feels like a safe space to ask. “Can I ask you a question?”

“You can. I might not answer.” Her grin lightens the gravity of our situation.

“Why did you tell him we weren’t together? The morning he came to my room.” A guitar riff dances between us for so long I wonder if she won’t answer.

“Because I knew he would hurt you. That he wouldn’t stop hurting you if he knew.”

My stomach drops with her answer. I should have never left her with Coy. If she feared that for me, she surely expected he’d hurt her, too. Chancing a glance to my right, I find her nervously chewing her bottom lip. “It stings a little that you have no confidence in my ability to protect myself,” I tease and rub at my chest as if I’m concerned about my ego.

The grin that spreads across her face is exactly what I aimed for. “I hate to break this to you, Sean, but you’re a terrible fighter.”

A chuckle bursts from my lips. “I really am, aren’t I?”

Her hand comes out to rest on my forearm. “Sean, he wouldn’t have stopped until you were dead.” Her eyes are wide and scared.

“So you sacrificed yourself?” It kills me that she would.

“I couldn’t stand there and watch him beat you.” She brings her hand back into her lap and I try not to read too far into what might be rejection.

“Now you know how I felt.” I mash my lips together and exhale deeply. “Why I left.”

“I’m sorry.” Her voice is so soft I barely hear her over the music.

I shake my head, not wanting an apology I’m not owed to begin with. “Don’t be sorry, be better. You deserve the world, Jess, but you won’t have any of it until you believe that yourself.”

Suddenly, she gasps and taps on the windshield. “There! Up ahead, on that bench.” She points to an outlook. The sunset illuminates so brightly I can barely see.

“What?” I flip down the visor and turn the wheel in the direction of her finger. The closer we approach, the more I agree she’s right. The thin frame of a man looking out toward the horizon doesn’t move, and the pit of my gut churns with alarm.

“Sean,” she whispers as if she feels it too.

I throw the gear shift in park and yank open the door. “Stay in the car.” Gravel crunches under the soles of my boots. Each footstep forward piles more dread as the man on the bench doesn’t move. “Iz?” Still nothing as I close the space between us. “Hey, hey!” I shout and a breeze lifts the hairs on my skin.

The clothes. The shoes. They’re Iz, and my gait increases to a run because he’s not moving. My legs lose strength the moment I find his gaze. Eyes glassy and open, he’s stuck staring at the ocean. Ignoring the blue of his lips, my hand reaches for his, my fingers sliding up to his wrist in search of a pulse I know isn’t there.

“Iz. Oh, Iz, no.” I shake my head, and my heart squeezes with the pain. Slamming my eyes closed against his lifeless form, I wish I could shut out the hurt. I wish I could bring him back. If only I hadn’t left town. If I weren’t clear across the country, I could have found him sooner. I might I have found him first.

“Sean, is it him?” Jess calls from the car. I let go of his hand and straighten my spine to meet her gaze. She doesn’t approach, but stares waiting for my reply.

I nod and turn away from his body. “It’s Iz.”

“Do we need an ambulance?” By the way she asks I think she already knows.

“Call the cops. No ambulance.” I shake my head and fall to my knees, letting the ground crush and dig into the skin of my knees. The pain pulls me to the present. It reminds me how I’m very much alive and my friend . . . My friend is no longer with us.