I’ve never spent so much time in the company of police officers as I have in the past twenty-four hours. Ironic, since up until this point I’ve avoided anyone with a badge. I stare at the incident form’s blank spaces and fill them in to recount what’s transpired, but this time Sean’s with me and it makes it better.

He doesn’t shed any tears. He’s all business and take-charge, speaking with the professionals as Iz’s body is taken away, then makes the necessary phone calls to let everyone know. The cops find an empty syringe in Iz’s pocket. It’s used, and given his history, they suspect death by overdose. It’s a sad, anticlimactic end to his life, and I can’t help but feel sorry for the man even though we only met once.

Hours later, long after the sun sets, we finally hit the road. Heaviness settles into the space of his car. I sneak glances at Sean, worried not only about his state of mind, but also his alertness. It’s been a day, for both of us.

“Hey?” he says, catching me staring.

“Sean, are you okay?”

“I don’t know.” His cheeks puff with a drawn exhalation and he scrubs his palm over his jaw. “I guess I always held out hope that he would come back to the band. But now . . . now I guess I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact he’s really gone.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

His hand rests on the console and I reach out to lay mine over his. He follows the movement and lifts his chin to meet my eyes briefly before centering back on the road. “Thank you for coming with. I’m sorry if . . . No one should have to see that.”

“I didn’t . . .” I catch myself because he’s right. No one should witness a body being taken away in a bag. It’s not the worst thing I’ve seen, but that’s not grounds for normal measurement. “You dealt with most of it. I’m just glad I could be there for you. That you didn’t have to do this alone.”

“Me too, Jess.” He turns his hand over so it’s palm up and threads our fingers together to give a gentle squeeze. “Hey, you want to stop and get some food? I’m starving.”

My stomach grumbles at the mere mention and we both laugh. “That would be a yes for me.”

“Good. Now, you haven’t played a single boy band since we got in the car. I have to assume you’re distracted. That, or you’ve lost your disc jockey skills.”

“That’s a travesty I can remedy.” I regret the disconnection the minute I move my hand from his hold. I try not to think about why as I take his phone from where it sets on the console and pull up one of my favorites, the tune more fitting than I intend. NSYNC blares through the speakers, singing a ballad about promises and truths. Though it’s silly, I wish this were written for me and Sean. That there could be an us.

The fact he never makes fun, joining in to sing the chorus with me, gives me hope that maybe he does. I don’t know how we’d even get there—my life a total mess and him on the road—but if there’s a chance, I think what we’d have would be every bit worth the fight.

We hit a drive-thru for burgers and fries, and I keep the jams rocking the rest of the ride. It’s just past two in the morning when we finally exit the freeway. The closer we get to the house, the more uncertain my future becomes. I need to find a place to live. I can’t expect to stay here with Coy out of the band. I need to figure out how I’ll survive. My thoughts grow heavy, but as Sean slides his car into the empty spot in the garage I decide I’ll tackle my worries tomorrow.

He leads the way inside and I follow him up the stairs. The house is dark but for the moonlight that pours through the high windows. We come to the crossroads, his door and Coy’s, and he stops to meet my stare.

“This is me.” I poke my thumb over my shoulder.

“You don’t have to.” He shoves his hands into his back pockets and rocks back onto his heels. “I mean, if you don’t want to be alone tonight . . .”

I don’t. Not really, but I can’t use Sean to escape my past, as nice as it sounds. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

His brow rises and he shakes his head. “Oh, I didn’t mean . . .” He rubs a hand over his face. “I mean, it’s not that I don’t think about it. Fuck.” He stops and clears his throat. “What I’m trying to say is, we could just sleep.”

I worry my lower lip between my teeth as I battle the temptation. After today, I really don’t want to be alone. “You make it hard to say no.”

“Jess?” He waits until I meet his gaze. “You can always say no to me. It won’t chase me away.” He respects me. That seals the deal.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?” He quirks his head and a grin grows, stretching his lips.

I nod and glance over my shoulder. “Yes, I’ll just get ready for bed first.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you in my bed. Er, that came out wrong.” The low timbre of his chuckle scatters goosebumps on my skin.

I shrug and force out a laugh. “Hey, as long as your offer’s G rated.”

“I promise.” He crosses his heart and places his hand on the door knob. “We can even do the over under if you’re worried.”

“Over under?” I take a few steps backward because I can’t seem to pull my gaze away.

He grins. “You can sleep under the bed sheet and I’ll sleep over it.”

“A thin sheet of fabric. That’s some crazy protection,” I tease but the truth is it wouldn’t matter if there were a wall between us. Even though it’s a bad idea, my body craves his touch. His closeness.

He turns away and I take my time washing my face, brushing my teeth, and picking out a modest pair of pajamas. Probably as useless as the over under. My stomach twists with the stress of the past twenty-four hours. After everything that’s transpired, I should be exhausted, but I can’t slow my thoughts. Worries fire so fast it’s hard to concentrate, and for that alone I’m thankful for Sean’s offer. In his presence there’s a chance I might turn off my brain long enough to sleep.

“Hey.” I step into his room, my arms wrapped around my middle.

He lifts his attention from his cell. “Hey.” It’s impossible to ignore the lustful stare that fills his eyes. I don’t know how he does that. He knows enough of my past to sour those thoughts. And while I don’t feel as if I deserve his attention, it’s that gleam in his eye that gives me the confidence to hop into his bed. It’s the gentle brush of his hand against my face that gives me hope I can trust him with everything and he won’t turn me away.

“I’ve done so many bad things, Sean.”

“I don’t care about any of that.”

“I know. But I want you to know. I don’t want to carry those secrets.”

He nods as if he might get it, and holds my hand to his chest. “I’ll share the weight if you’ll let me.”

His offer brings tears to my eyes, not because I can’t handle my past, but because no one has ever voluntarily offered to carry the burden of them. Through ragged breaths and a heavy heart, I start from the beginning. I tell him of growing up in foster care. Of never knowing my parents, or who they were. I tell him about the last house. The sexual abuse. The fire, too. How even after all these years, I wake up in a sweat because of how much it haunts me. How I wonder if anyone survived and how selfish I was for never going back to check.

I glaze over the years I spent trading sex for money. He already knows enough, and most of those memories are locked away in the darkest part of my life. I do share how much I wanted to end my life then, and how even now those thoughts creep into my conscience.

“Jess, that’s some heavy shit.” He hasn’t stopped holding my hand.

“I know.”

He shakes his head. “And you carry all of that around by yourself.”

“I couldn’t trust anyone but Coy,” I whisper aloud, but even that’s a stretch. I found an escape in Coy that ultimately was another prison. He hurt me, too. Everyone I’ve ever cared about has.

“You’re so fucking strong. You know that?” The conviction in his tone pulls my gaze to his.

“But I’m not.”

“You are, Jess. You don’t have to do this alone anymore. You belong with us. You’re family.” His words hit me hard and hold so much temptation. I’ve always wanted to belong. A family. But as much as I like Sean, and as safe as he seems, I can’t continue to live a life in which I blend in to what someone else needs.

Pulling my hand out of his hold, I tuck it under my head and meet his stare across the pillow. “I can’t follow you around on tour.”

“And I wouldn’t want you to.”

“What?” His answer takes me aback.

His lips curve with the trace of a smile. “I want to be with you. So, so much. But you have a lot to work through in that gorgeous head of yours. So I already decided, I’ll wait.”

A chuckle void of humor escapes my mouth. “You could be waiting awhile.”

His gaze narrows. “I’d wait the rest of my life for you.” He pushes up onto his elbow, dips his chin, and the unshaven scruff of his cheek scraps against mine. My heart hammers in my chest as he invades my personal space, not only physically but with his words. I anticipate his kiss, allowing my eyelids to flutter shut, but he surprises me by dropping his lips to my forehead. He holds them there a long moment, and as he pulls away I catch a wicked grin on his lips. “Now, we need sleep. No funny business. I mean it, Jess.”

“Hands to myself. Promise,” I tease when really, it’ll be harder than I let on. My fingers itch to run along his chest, for him to pull me close, even though I know this isn’t the right time or place.

His brow furrows and he shoves a pillow under his cheek. “Hey, Jess. If you want, I can sleep downstairs.”

“No.” I roll my eyes and blow out a breath. “I’m not kicking you out of your own bed.”

“I want you to be comfortable. Safe.” The sincerity in his tone causes me to catch my breath.

“I am.” I lay my head back down so we’re facing each other. An invisible barrier between us keeps me from crossing the line. The risk and unknown of being with him is stronger than the lust that pulses at the sight of him. It’s not because he scares me, though. It’s because with him I feel completely safe.

“Good night, Jess.”

“Good night, Sean.”

It doesn’t take long before his breaths even out, his chest rising and falling with a rhythm that begs me to join him in sleep. The exhaustion of the day finally claims all the worries and fears on my heart. I give over to it all and trust I’ll figure it out tomorrow. For now, I surrender to what is, instead of fighting what might be.

* * *

I’m cocooned in the most comfortable bed and sleepiness fogs all coherent thoughts from my mind, but the scent of bacon awakens me regardless. I must be dreaming. Cracking my eyelids open, I find daylight streaming through the open curtains in Sean’s room and the bacon is very much real. In fact, it’s being brought to me by a magnificent tattooed rock star.

“Morning.” Sean’s lips twist with a grin and he sets the tray of food next to me on the bed.

It’s not only bacon, but waffles and eggs too. I push up and scoot back against the headboard. “Did you do all this?”

He shakes his head and sits on the edge of the bed. “No. Deb. She goes all Suzie Homemaker when she’s upset.” At the downturn of his lips, all of yesterday’s memories come pouring back.

“Was she close with Iz?” I take the glass of juice from the tray and bring it to my lips.

“No, it’s not that.” He pauses a moment before lifting his gaze to mine. “I think she’s more worried about you.”

“Me?” My brows rise and I set down the glass. Apprehension churns in my gut.

“Yeah.” Sean’s lips turn up at the edges with a hint of a smile. “So, hear me out because this is really important. I spoke with Deb and the guys. We all agreed we want you to stay here at the house—for as long as you’d like. Rent free, of course.”

I shake my head. “That’s too generous.”

“It’s nothing. We’ll be on tour anyway. Deb appreciates your company. Besides, it’ll give you the time you need to create the life you’ve always wanted.” He holds my stare and I can’t help but fall for him more than I already have.

“I don’t even know what that looks like, or where to start.”

“That’s why there’s no expiration date on the offer.”

There’s a part of me that feels I don’t deserve this. But an opportunity to set things right in my life is more than I’ve ever hoped for. As humbling as it is, I have to accept. “Thank you, Sean.”

“I wish I could do more. I wish I could fix this. Heal all the scars on your heart. Show you just how beautiful and talented you are. But you have to do those things. You have to live for you, Jess.”

As much as I wish it wouldn’t, my heart falls a little with his admission. He’s got everything in his life together, and I’m a mess. It’s only a matter of time before he figures it out. My gaze drops to the sheet that covers my legs and I pick at the stitching in the fabric. “While you’re waiting . . . can we still be friends?”

His laugh comes as quickly as his smile. “Like you even have to ask.” His gaze turns sober and he rubs his lips together. “And when you’re ready for more? If you’re ready for more. We’ll take it slow. As slowly as you need. Remember what I promised? I’m waiting.”

I nod as his words set in. A part of my brain doesn’t believe him. He must expect something from me in return. Nothing in life is free. But this is Sean and he’s never been anything other than honest. “What if I’m never ready?”

“You will be. If not with me, with someone else.” He blows out a breath and runs his hand through his hair. “I won’t lie and say I’m not keeping my fingers crossed it’s me, because what we share . . . it’s special. But if you meet someone else and he treats you right and makes you happy in a way I can’t, then I’ll learn to deal with that.”

“Really?” My brows rise, not at his selflessness, but at his commitment. If he’s really willing to wait, then maybe there is hope for an us.

“Isn’t that what real friends do?”

My lips spread wide with my smile. “I think you’re my first real friend.”

“See. Special.” He winks and grabs the tray of food. “Now, you gonna eat this bacon or not, because it’s taunting me from the plate.”

I pick up a piece and break it in two, holding out one for him. “Wanna share?”

He takes it with a smile that holds more than the promise of a good meal. “I’d love to.”